Was there anything so real as words? (334 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.81 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ampersand (View user info) at 2007-03-20 23:22:17 EDT
"Words! Mere words! How terrible they were! How clear, and vivid, and cruel! One could not escape from them. And yet what a subtle magic there was in them! They seemed to be able to give a plastic form to formless things, and to have a music of their own as sweet as that of viol or of lute. Mere words! Was there anything so real as words?"
-Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
Its an exaggeration to say that I have only two friends in the whole world, but not as much an exaggeration as you might guess. This is partly because my definition of 'friend' is much more narrow then most people's. For example, meeting someone at a frat house, chatting for five minutes, and adding him/her to facebook the next day does not constitute friendship for me. To me a friend is a person whom I would be comfortable borrowing from or lending to >=$20. This is an odd and somewhat arbitrary way to look at things but it actually fits very well for me personally.
Running with this definition of friendship, in high school I had quite a few friends. But I'm in college now and, even though I like them all just as much as I did on the day we graduated, most of them have drifted away. We get together over the summers sometimes for poker/basketball/alcohol/etc., but that's about it. Other then over summer and winter break, I could count on one hand all my high school friends whom I've seen more then once since graduation. I see only two with any frequency.
Most of you have experienced the phenomenon of post high school drift already and already know the solution as well: make new friends at college. Well that's where shit sort of broke down for me. Ignoring conversations with my coworkers at the library, it would not be at all a stretch to say that I spent entire weeks of freshmen year in uninterrupted silence. It took the guys I play basketball with at the gym almost a year to learn my name. I play basketball at the gym a bare minimum of ten hours a week. I could go on and on with examples of my complete social ineptitude, but I think if you do the calculations for that bit there, you should get the picture pretty nicely.
One of the few occasions for which I do get out, and further for which I actually get excited about, is when my friend, one of the two whom I consider my best friends, throws a party at his townhouse at UMBC. I usually find parties horribly uncomfortable affairs because they force me to deal with large numbers of people I don't know all at the same time, but his parties just somehow sort of work out for me. I arrive at his house midday and hang out and smoke with him and his roommates so I'm always the first one there. Once the party actually gets going I play beer pong or flip cup or asshole or some other stupid drinking game with the first arrivals which is nice because it provides an easy introduction to a few people at least and helps me build my confidence. It also means I'm one of the first ones to get drunk which I don't mind either.
As more and more people arrive I start to step outside for a cigarette more and more frequently. Eventually the anxiety of all the alien faces just gets to be too much so I go upstairs to my friend's room, turn the lights off, turn the Pink Floyd on, and smoke a hell of a lot of pot. For me, sitting in his chair at his computer trying to make the perfect playlist, puffing and passing, and pissing around with the other stoners is probably the single most comfortable social circumstance possible. Once I'm up there I only ever go back downstairs to refresh my drink. My nights at his house have yet to end with my dick inside a girls body, but my nights hardly ever end like that elsewhere either so, when I pass out on the beanbag chair in the corner, I do so with a smile on my face.
After the party dies down, my friend and whoever else is still around usually come up to the room and hit some bowls to unwind. If I'm still conscious I light up with them, if I'm not, I keep sleeping (without ever having to worry that I'll wake up the victim of a Sharpie related prank). The last time I was there, a couple weekends ago, my eyes were shut when they came up and I was very near to unconscious, but my ears and brain were still functioning perfectly. Well, my brain wasn't functioning perfectly, but it was functioning well enough to translate the vibrations of my eardrums into words inside my head. My friend spoke, and he spoke about me. What he said was not kind, but it hurt more for the fact that it was true. He thinks I didn't hear him. Now when I see him our conversations have all those strange stumbles and awkward pauses and long silences that conversations between close friends should never have. I don't know what to do. It feels like I'm dying.
I photoshopped the attached image. Its harder then it looks, other then this face, http://www.doctormacro.com/Images/Brando,%20Marlon/Annex/Annex%20-%20Brando,%20Marlon%20(Julius%20Caesar)_01.jpg, I did everything from scratch. I've started using photoshop again cause my friend mentioned above and I were planning to make a website this summer so I wanted to brush up my skills. Now I think I'll just make a bunch of emo pictures and then one day delete photoshop in a blind rage when I cant get the pen tool to do what I want it to. Fuckin pen tool.
I'm starting to feel like a broken record.
As a side note I've decided to quit drugs and alcohol for a year.
User Reviews
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2007-05-18 13:40:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by LisaD (user info) at 2007-05-18 13:38:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-21 14:02:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2007-03-21 11:10:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
three cheers for the moldy peaches. i was listening to sebadoh but now i'm gonna listen to them.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-03-21 10:59:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm as amazed as Ghola at some people's facebook friends lists. I would imagine that they actually talk to a very small percentage of their list on a regular basis.
Amp - I'm with you on the narrow definition of "friend". I have many acquaintances, but very few friends. I can count on one hand the people that I trust, and still have fingers left over. And even then, I don't trust them completely.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2007-03-21 10:13:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can hurt like hell.."
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-03-21 08:32:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's ok.
What's ok?
All of it.
Why is it ok?
Because we need it to be.
What makes it ok? Fuck knows.
Am I ok? Yes.
How do you know I'm ok? I don't. But hopefully you do.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-03-21 07:55:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-21 03:30:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like you.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2007-03-21 01:21:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you in my top 10 favorite uber posters ever.
"When the world's got you down
Rainy Sundays, sunny town
Tropicana, canned foods
Botulism, damaged goods
See the hipsters in the park
Hair so styled, clothes so dark
Prefab molded hamburgers
I don't want a bite of yours
These burgers are crazy"
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-20 23:56:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked this.
Don't make too much about what your friend said. People say things all the time about people they care about that they wouldn't necessarily say to their face.
Haven't you ever had a negative thought about someone close to you?
Plus if it was true like you say and this is a good friend, he should know it.
That's kinda the definition of a friend. Someone who accepts you despite your faults.
Write it down and throw it away.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-03-20 23:24:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yay for quitting drugs i guess.
on a sidenote there are ppl with thousands of facebook friends. i'm not sure how that happens.