Mike and the Craig’s List Adventure (558 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by realpolitik (View user info) at 2007-03-21 01:56:49 EDT
Mike and the Craig's List Adventure
I am not funny. At one time, I thought I was, but soon it became abundantly clear I was not. However, I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by incredibly funny individuals. Over time, we all just got used to each other's eccentricities. I was no longer surprised when Nick stole our Latin teacher's car while the teacher was getting photocopies in the nearby office. I wasn't shocked when John licked the top of a massive pile of manure because he lost a game of rock, paper, scissors. I didn't even bat an eyelash when I saw Matt "bukkake-ing" Mike with peach juice, or when the discussion shifted from the difference between a bukkake and a circle- jerk. Hell I didn't even see anything out of the ordinary when someone proposed setting up a "scat-bukkake site" called "buskatty" or "scatkake". By fourth semester of senior year I thought it was business - as - usual to discuss the differences between and the merits of "diddeling an asshole" and "diddeling a pooder." I also though it was perfectly normal to speculate what a commercial for a Hasbro game entitled "Diddle the asshole" would look like. Nope, by my senior year I had learned two things: I was boring and I could not be surprised. One of these assumptions was about the change.
I had also learned a few things about my friends. John the Savage looked (and sometimes acted) like a caveman; I was forever "the Jew" (despite the fact that I am only half-Jewish); Nick was irrationally angry but simultaneously funny; The-viper was a Vegan; Colon was withdrawn and gangly; Farto was a pseudo-intellectual mooch; Sporearm was the "nice guy;" Tony was the "dirty Italian;" The-hammer was a goofy motherfucker with a heart of gold; the debate kids were assholes (but more stories on them later); and Mike was, well, Mike (or as he affectionately liked to call himself "Mi-kool"). But honestly, who cares - not you! This story is about the first time in a long time I was genuinely shocked by something that my peers did.
I hated Mondays. Not just because they were the start of a week, but because I had the shittiest classes imaginable. I had a math teacher who woke up each morning thinking of new ways to screw us. He was a crotchety old bastard. English was fun; however, a Government class taught by a teacher who I liked, but treated the class like a bunch of seventh graders followed it. Finally, I had Philosophy, which covered material I already knew and was taught by the teacher I described in the previous post. The one part of my day that I actually did enjoy was the mornings, when I would sit with my peers and talk to them about the weekends. This morning; however, I got to play a little game called "count the felonies."
************************************************************************
"Mike, what is wrong with you?!"
"What?"
"Your jacket, you look like a fucking moron."
"Naw, this is straight billionaire boyz club shit. Snoop-dog wore it."
"No, you mean snoop dog wore one like it."
"No, he wore this one."
"no, you are just a moron"
***********************************************************************
"So, I got a story, you guys will like this"
"Mike, I sincerely doubt that."
"No, it is really good, I promise."
"Fine, go ahead"
"Right so I am at this party at this fucking foreign bitch's house at 168th Ave and Bumblefuck nowhere"
"Mike, normally those people prefer the term 'exchange student' over 'fucking foreign bitch.'"
"Right, so, as I was saying, I am at this fucking exchange cunt's house in the middle of nowhere, when I have this great idea."
"Mike, I sincerely doubt that what you had in mind was a 'good' idea."
"Anyways, I realize that nobody there know me because we are in the middle of fucking nowhere, and the cunt who was throwing the party doesn't even fucking speak English, so who is to know if I take something?"
"Aw, Mike, you are that guy?!"
"But I have the bad idea to tell Abortionfeet (we called a runner who didn't sit with us 'abortionfeet' because in the summer of his junior year he got little running feet tattooed on his back - they looked like the footprints of a fetus) and Dickballs about it.
"Those douche's were at the party"
"Yea, anyways, before I know it I am helping them load this bitch's computer into my car."
"Holy Shit Mike, what else did you take?"
"Not much, not much, just her computer, stereo, ipod, printer, you know, the usual."
" . . ."
"So now I am driving the fucking getaway car down the freeway at 3 in the morning, absolutely hammered, my trunk filled with the stuff we just stole; so I gotta lay low."
"Please don't tell me you . . ."
"yea, dat's right, I went Sara Roger's house to lay low"
"well, no one ever disputed that you liked the fatties"
"Anyways so while I am there, abortionfeet and Dickballs start stealing all her camera equiptment that her mom had just bought her for here eighteenth birthday."
"you're a fucking idiot"
"So in the morning she calls me up, in tears, and I have to fucking drive over there and give all her shit back while saying 'I am sorry Sara that those douchebags took you camera stuff' man, it was not good. Luckily all the shit was still in my trunk from last night."
". . ."
"Yea"
"So?"
"So, I sold the rest on Craig's List and made a cool 500 bucks."
". . . "
". . . "
"Mike, that's illegal."
"no it's not"
"Yea, like super illegal. Grand Larceny, drunk driving, breaking curfew, criminal speeding (you were doing 20 over weren't you?), Asportation, to name a few."
"oh"
ABORTION FEET.bmp (106 kB) [image/x-bmp]
User Reviews
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-22 11:56:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
it was okay...
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-03-21 14:10:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This is an order of magnitude improvement over your last post. A solid +1.
Few thoughts though:
1. Title kind of sucks and has very little to do with the story. Craig's list is only briefly mentioned at the end. I'd have gone with Mike's felonious weekend or something since the story seemed to be more about the theiving than the fencing of the stolen goods on Craig's List.
2. You seem to make a point of mentioning that Mike's jacket used to belong to Snoop Dogg, but you never come back to it. Did he use the money from the stolen objects to buy it? It's a bit confusing and doesn't really add anything.
3. The dialog could have been funnier, but it wasn't terrible. The dialog attributed to your character toward the beginning has you referring to Mike by his first name too much. For example:
"Mike, I sincerely doubt that."
"Mike, normally those people prefer the term 'exchange student' over 'fucking foreign bitch.'"
"Mike, I sincerely doubt that what you had in mind was a 'good' idea."
"Aw, Mike, you are that guy?!"
I mean, who talks like that? Mike, mike, mike. If you clearly establish who says what at the beginning of your dialog, you don't need to keep reminding the reader who is saying what. Or, if you're uncomfortable with that, you can always take the screenplay approach.
Mike: What's up fucknuggets?
Me: Hey, it's almost 10:30, shouldn't you be balls deep in Old Man Johnson's donkey by now?
Mike: Yeah, I should, but I'm still tired from fucking your mom in the ass. I think I might have aids now though.
And so on. Anyway, decent post. Keep up the improvement.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-21 13:53:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2007-03-21 12:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-21 12:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Naw, this is straight billionaire boyz club shit. Snoop-dog wore it."
-----
I hate wiggers
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-03-21 11:37:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-03-21 11:24:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-03-21 09:58:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
First part good, second part not so much.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-21 11:03:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Sara Rogers" does sound like a fat girl's name.
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2007-03-21 10:56:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-03-21 09:58:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
First part good, second part not so much.
~~~~~~
Two new vocabulary words for the day: buskatte, scatkake
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2007-03-21 10:02:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mine was better. http://www.ubersite.com/m/78425
But +2 linkwhore.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-03-21 09:58:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
First part good, second part not so much.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-03-21 09:27:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1.5
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-03-21 08:04:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You should have just left the first part. The dialog part sucked because it was so devoid of anything funny or active. That's just my opinion.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2007-03-21 05:54:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahaha. Loved it. Good work!
I used to theive from work and sell the stock on ebay! Made shit loads of dollar till the company went bust! Ha, fuck em!
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-03-21 04:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me laugh a lot; and I don't really know why. More the first part I guess. Hell it's wednesday and I'm feeling good.