My buddy Enis, who's girlfriend was so hot that an Angel lusted after her, and so she begat a giant, and the giant was evil, and the giant killed us. (651 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <romiustexis.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2007-03-23 13:12:35 EDT
My buddy Enis, who's girlfriend was so hot that an Angel lusted after her, and so she begat a giant, and the giant was evil, and the giant killed us.
Not to mention that the Giant ate a lot before it decided to kill us.
No matter where we were. McDonald's, the local farmer's market, that baby could eat its own weight in food and still want more. A ceaseless hunger that giant headed baby had.
I always thought that the mother of that baby was cute, even though she was my best friend's girlfriend. She was skinny and usually that's enough for me. But she also had freckles and a spiral perm. In 1987 spiral perms were totally hot. They might be still today. I never really pay attention to those sorts of things. But I know that freckles have never been considered hot. Maybe that's why she flirted with me all the time.
I remember the first time I saw her baby. She brought the baby to her work which was also my favorite bar. I remember not thinking too much about the kid as the Suns were on TV and Charles Barkley was dunking and shooting his way to a victory over the Spurs.
With less than a minute to go I was staring up at the big screen TV when I noticed out of the corner of my eye Enis' girlfriend urging her man to leave, "I wanna go, you can watch the game at home."
I saw Enis get up rather sheepishly and I felt sorry for him.
"Why don't you let him stay 'till the end? The game is almost over."
For some reason Enis' girl relents and allows him to watch the rest of the game. The Suns win on a 16 footer from the "round mound of rebound."
I guess there must have been an angel in that bar that night, watching the Suns game with me. It was an unremarkable year in Phoenix except for basketball and 130 degree temperatures.
That angel must have looked over at Mandi and Enis' big headed baby and thought to himself, "I wonder what it would be like to have a big headed baby from a spiral haired, cutely freckled human girl.
Because that's exactly what he did. He even got me to introduce him to her.
Later if asked, I wouldn't be able to recall why a certain tall and skinny blond haired guy in a trench coat was frequenting the bar that Mandi worked at and I drank so often at.
At the time I probably just figured that the guy was there for the same reason I was. His wife had left him and now he was trying to pick up on girls half his age. And if when that didn't work he could get drunk and hope the bartender would flirt with him.
Which she did. At first it seemed innocent enough. She gave him free beers and he delighted her with stories from his high school debate team.
I remember the first time I introduced myself to him. He was not what you'd call an attractive man. He had blonde facial hair that wouldn't quite grow in, like a pubescent boy does. His eyes betrayed him. They were sulky and he tried masking that fact by extravagantly vocalizing and flailing his arms whenever he spoke.
He wore a trench coat. Even in the summer. Despite this I never saw him sweat. And the summer in Phoenix is hellish. Even the devil vacations away from Valley in the summer, preferring the moist heat of Hell to the stifling blast furnace faced when one decides to brave the air un-conditioned.
He said his name was Noah. "Like the sailor?" I asked. He laughed a little at my joke. And seemed intrested in hearing how I had been waiting my whole life to meet a guy named Noah, just so I could use that joke.
"Do you plan a lot of those kinds of things?"
"I do." I told him.
He thought I was bit odd. And that was OK. As he was used to weirdness. He had been in, "Drama club in high school." He didn't even get offended when I called him a "Drama Fag."
That's how I came to introduce my new best friend, Noah, to my best friend's girl, Mandi. Noah had confided to me that he thought she was hot. "Maybe like a stripper."
I agreed she was hot, but thought it unlikely that she was an ex-stripper.
Part II coming soon.
Be kind as this is my first real attempt at writing a short story and I have never read a book on how to show vs. tell etc. I aint no Jezebel either, so I aint got talent.
User Reviews
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-03-25 01:21:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You live in Phoenix? Not that I want to meet you. I don't. Just curious.
Submitted by wrinklebeast (user info) at 2007-03-23 20:44:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Gee, I wonder what this pile of shit could be about.
Submitted by ticklish_squirrel (user info) at 2007-03-23 19:22:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the name of this post... it made me chuckle...
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2007-03-23 16:40:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
twas ok
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-23 16:19:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
basketball sux
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-23 15:34:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-23 15:34:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2007-03-23 13:41:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
title had loads of potential but the writting didnt follow through
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-03-23 13:33:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lashmeet.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-03-23 13:30:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
who names their kid something that rhymes with penis?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-03-23 13:26:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The name "Enis" is funny. It's like a word puzzle for circumcision.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-23 13:20:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-03-23 13:20:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hesistated to click on this post at first due to the unwieldly title (far too long), but the contents were well worth reading. Not bad at all.
Upon initial inspection, comma usage was the most obvious error in this story. There were several spots that needed them, and several spots containing commas that don't need them. Although this doesn't detract from the plot, it does make a quick casual reading somewhat jagged and confusing.
Aside from that...um...can't really find much else to criticize. Nice work.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-03-23 13:17:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This is kinda hard to follow.
...but the title is awesome.