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Youth & Young Manhood

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2007-04-03 15:33:34 EDT
Rating: 1.67 on 51 ratings (51 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Take me back to treetops and monsterclosets
Sunset alarm clocks and sugarmilk mornings
The anguish of summer falling on its spear
And waiting out the moonlight until
Someone would appear
To wood and dreams suspended by a nail
To torches under covers and a nose inside a book
To salt upon a snail take me back.

A kiss upon the cheek, a bloody hand
To pinpricked palm addressed forever more
Ringed finger promises, braided hair
And traded cards remembered, surrendered
Soldiers dying plastic deaths, game deaths
With no lessons from the war.

Sing to me the song of old matchboxes
Of happiness in a chocolate cup
A grasshopper in an empty jar contained
Muddy footprints, angry gods in thunderstorms
And stains
Of a hungry hippopotamus and trapped mouse
Of whispered prayers above crossed thumbs
Of doctor and house, sing.

The dog licks the skinned shin clean
As open gates and doors invite the world
Cross-cut sandwiches on a porch step shared
With a neighbor-sister and future wife
Painted nails, a blush, a thrown curve
And all the happiness of a life untouched
By reason or despair.



life is just a tire swing.jpg
life is just a tire swing.jpg


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Reviews


Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2007-04-04 14:55:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

TAKE ME DOWN TO THE PARADISE CITY
WHERE THE GRASS IS GREEN AND O GETS TITTY

Submitted by orph at 2007-04-04 03:53:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm being staliked on the internet by a -2 bombing faggot paul_anthony (alias lukecart)

Submitted by consuelo212 at 2007-04-04 01:08:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

normally i dont like poetry, but i actually read this one.

Submitted by Sphagnum at 2007-04-03 23:34:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-03 16:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-04-03 15:56:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I'd like to see you do something with this subject matter after you have put some serious time and thought into it. I think you could make something very powerful.

This was good, it just seemed you didn't really put a lot of time into it.

---

I'd like to see myself do something like that too. Unfortunately I hate revisions and I've been writing in this 'let it come out and then post it' mode for so long I'm afraid I'd have to retrain my mind how to approach a task like that.

Somewhere along the line I lost my patience. A quarter to anyone who can find it for me.

-----

Back when I was training to become a brain surgeon, I lost my patients as well.

I, however, was offering a lot more than a quarter if someone would just fucking find them for me.

Truth be told, it all ended up ok. That career path wasn't for me anyway.

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2007-04-03 23:33:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Pedo below

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2007-04-03 23:31:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm a big fan of young men.

Submitted by inion_de_trua at 2007-04-03 22:56:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

holy fuck you were born in the 40s????

i think that's about the time my gramma was considered "hot shit".

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2007-04-03 22:55:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-04-03 22:22:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

"anguish"

---

Fun word, no?




Old below.

Submitted by Bubba2341 at 2007-04-03 22:45:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Shlongy, you're up against me. You will lose.

No more need be said, youngster....

1960. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

I was 11.....

Submitted by inion_de_trua at 2007-04-03 22:22:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"anguish"

Submitted by Stagger_Lee at 2007-04-03 21:09:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-04 11:03:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-04-03 20:49:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Pfft saw that coming a mile off.

---

You bastard.

You were in my head when I wrote it. Of course you were tipped off.




Why am I talking to myself?

=======

Because we are insane.

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2007-04-03 21:03:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-04-03 20:49:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Pfft saw that coming a mile off.

---

You bastard.

You were in my head when I wrote it. Of course you were tipped off.




Why am I talking to myself?

Submitted by Bohme at 2007-04-03 20:56:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Blame the age gap, really.

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys at 2007-04-03 20:54:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I remember youth
actually no I don't
Must be all the booze

Little haiku for you there

Submitted by Stagger_Lee at 2007-04-03 20:49:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-04 10:47:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

On one side stands the tiger
On one side sits the lamb
But then the solar beetles came
To roller boogie with Guiseppe Garabaldi
And his raw meat hookers

Brown shirt mafia
Cordless anal probe
Disco in excelsis

Do you smell that, Noreen?

===========

Pfft saw that coming a mile off.

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2007-04-03 20:47:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

On one side stands the tiger
On one side sits the lamb
But then the solar beetles came
To roller boogie with Guiseppe Garabaldi
And his raw meat hookers

Brown shirt mafia
Cordless anal probe
Disco in excelsis

Do you smell that, Noreen?



Better? Less predictable?

Submitted by Bohme at 2007-04-03 20:01:42 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Predictable.

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2007-04-03 18:52:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I'm pretty sure that when he has to pee, Shlongy sits down.

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2007-04-03 18:11:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-04-03 18:08:07 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

I'm pretty sure that when he sits down to write poetry, Orgasmo wears some kind of Uber uniform or costume...

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2007-04-03 18:06:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-03 17:44:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I really feel like we should have specially made t-shirts for this venture.

---

Don't forget worn, leather pants and saucy feathered caps.

Submitted by Dexter-Brown at 2007-04-03 17:52:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Agreed. That exchange was the funniest thing I've read in weeks.

Submitted by JoeyG at 2007-04-03 17:44:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for the post. Enjoyable as usual.

+4 to the power of awesome for the witty banter witnessed in the reviews.

I also thought I had missed the SUPA boat, but glad to hear it's still on the cards.

I look forward to bashing the site with quasi-humorous limericks that resemble Lady Godiva with a cucumber in her hand.

"There was a young girl from Hunt............"

I really feel like we should have specially made t-shirts for this venture.

Maybe because I dont have enough cash to buy a new wardrobe, but that's neither here nor there.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-04-03 17:31:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

e

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-04-03 17:26:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Fuck...Here's how much I pay attention.

I thought the contest alrady was through Round 1.

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2007-04-03 17:15:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Or your creamed corn bath and your sponge lunch.
Like I know your ways, you hapless pocket he-crone.

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2007-04-03 17:14:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I'm sure it's not the first time you've had to be told that you're in.

Yes, it's the predictable thing to say but you know what? It's still true.


You'll be up against whoever you're up against. Look for details on Thursday. I'll try to schedule my posting so it hits somewhere between your sponge bath and creamed corn lunch.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-04-03 17:14:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I figured by now, that you, of anyone (based on the fact that you're logged on to Uber a minimum of 19 hours a day- I've seen the time stamps), could gather that I don't read any posts that I review.

That would ruin everything.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-04-03 17:12:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Wait a second...I'm IN?

Well, that's different!

"Never mind".


PS. I don't really read ANY posts...who am I up against...please tell me it's nitty.


Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2007-04-03 17:09:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Do recall, Humperdink, that you, like everyone else, signed up for the deal. No invitations were necessary.

And if you were paying attention you'd have noticed that you were included on the first list of participants: http://www.ubersite.com/m/100095#2360887

Note to anyone who isn't Shlongy and can read at a grade school level: the link above is not comprehensive, as it has not been updated since last week. If you've signed up since then, your name is not going to appear.


But I'll be happy to provide a trampoline or a Red Bull or something if you really want to consider that teeth-punching thing.

Say, how are you going to deal this year without nitty by your side?

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-04-03 17:03:00 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I'm pissed I wasn't invited to play in your reindeer games when, quite frankly, my "appearance" would be pretty much the only thing of major viewing interest in the early rounds, to people not participating.

So in addition to a lifetime of bitterness directed at you, and the endless series of -2's that accompany that, I'll be happy to punch your teeth down your throat should we ever happen to be in the same room...or county.


Nothing personal.

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2007-04-03 16:55:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Zebra -

I didn't plan to center the speaker, and I didn't plan not to speaker. I'm glad that it didn't work itself out such that there was a particular person at a particular place in time, because I've already approached age progression here - http://www.ubersite.com/m/92404 - and I've already done something with a definitively older speaker here - http://www.ubersite.com/m/93008.

Now these three may very well be parallax views of the same subject, yes, but I hope that the variety proves engaging or, at the very least, satisfying to the reader.






Shlongy -

You didn't ask a question. Surely you don't want to start parroting ME of all people.
What's on your mind? You miss being a kid in the bread lines during the Great Depression?

Submitted by Hookhand at 2007-04-03 16:45:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This is ghey and Hallmarky, but it was also damned good. I look forward to Supa.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-04-03 16:38:56 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I think we can both agree that you lean towards the modern and I lean towards the traditional. This probably explains the divide that exists between us when approaching art and writing.

I asked you about your statement because an exercise like this, to me, seems much more concerned with challenging established notions or definitions of style and pushing the literary envelope than it is with using words to their fullest potential. And me...I'd rather get to the reading than wonder about what defines the poetic.

Submitted by ghola at 2007-04-03 16:32:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

i like this. reads well.

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2007-04-03 16:30:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Interesting, zebra.

I think I enjoy it more because it *doesn't* indicate age in anyway- it's just innocent nostalgia- the sort of things about childhood both a young man and an old man would remember and appreciate. I like that it's untainted in any way by adding unnecessary details about perspective.

Submitted by Zebra at 2007-04-03 16:26:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Nice, but it was a bit of a laundry list.

I would like to know specifically whence the author speaks today. A coda, perhaps.
The last line is a hint, but not enough for me.

The wistful remembrance of an old man carries more resonance than simply a thirty year old, for example.

If you had added something to indicate an older point of view, or even a younger, but more specific point of view I think I may have liked it better, Origami-san.

Lovely, regardless.

Submitted by Merlina at 2007-04-03 16:22:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2007-04-03 16:13:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This was great! Well done.

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2007-04-03 16:04:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-04-03 15:56:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I'd like to see you do something with this subject matter after you have put some serious time and thought into it. I think you could make something very powerful.

This was good, it just seemed you didn't really put a lot of time into it.

---

I'd like to see myself do something like that too. Unfortunately I hate revisions and I've been writing in this 'let it come out and then post it' mode for so long I'm afraid I'd have to retrain my mind how to approach a task like that.

Somewhere along the line I lost my patience. A quarter to anyone who can find it for me.

Submitted by Dexter-Brown at 2007-04-03 16:00:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2007-04-03 15:56:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I love this. I really do.

"sugarmilk mornings" makes me SO happy.

(We weren't allowed them..we had to go to Grandmom's for that)

Submitted by scourge at 2007-04-03 15:56:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'd like to see you do something with this subject matter after you have put some serious time and thought into it. I think you could make something very powerful.

This was good, it just seemed you didn't really put a lot of time into it.

Submitted by ih8u2man at 2007-04-03 15:56:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Great.

Submitted by The_Drake at 2007-04-03 15:47:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Do you give us a subject or any peticulars...or is this an open forum

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2007-04-03 15:45:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

They won't be due until Tuesday of the following week, working on weekly schedule where each round begins on Thursday and ends on Tuesday, with Wednesdays completely free for voting.

Submitted by ahumblefool at 2007-04-03 15:40:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

When are they due, as I will not be back in town until Saturday night. Can we make them due Monday?

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2007-04-03 15:38:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Round 1 hub will be up and available on Thurs., AHF.

Submitted by ahumblefool at 2007-04-03 15:37:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Hey...ah...where's my supa bitch!

Submitted by JonnyX at 2007-04-03 15:36:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

ehh, this is all sweet and innocent youthful hijinx, when I was expect tan, athletic penises janxing with youthful vigor

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2007-04-03 15:34:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 0



Two-hundred-thirty-nine pounds?! I'm a blimp! Why are all the good
things so tasty?

-- Homer Simpson
Brush With Greatness