Coming to my senses: SightSubmitted by Spam at 2007-08-09 04:43:29 EDT
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The light above my desk flickers softly and I stare blankly at the reflection cast from the laminated faux-wood fascia of my desk. I don’t know how long it’s been going on for, this listless ambivalence towards what has depressingly become the mainstay of my life but part of me realises that it may have always been like this, that I just haven’t noticed, failed to see how little I care anymore. About anything.
There’s something hypnotic about that flicker though and soon, as I continue my unseeing examination of my desk, all I can see is that flicker, everything else fading into the insignificance it deserves as my whole being becomes enraptured by the digital fight of light and dark as the argon tube slowly gives in it’s fight to illuminate.
And then it stops.
And so do I.
And I look up from my trance for the first time in what seems like hours, years even, and finally I can see exactly what’s going on, right to heart of it all. I gaze out from my now gloomy seat across the almost dazzlingly lit sales floor, a single patch of darkness in a world of cold florescence and I watch as people who I share nothing in common with all fritter and waste the hours of their day in pursuit of things I don’t care about so that can all feel that sense of achievement that for some reason eludes me.
Even the way they move seems jerky, forced, no flow. I’m nothing like you, I say silently to myself as I watch, fascinated that I’d never really seen this before.
And there’s a hazy glow around everything as I stand up for no reason, and suddenly I see the beauty of life, even in a place like this, but the real fucker is I’m sitting watching all this pass me by and part of me preferred it when the light was flickering and my attentions were elsewhere.
But that’s bollocks and we both know it, better to see what you’re missing and at least revel in the pain than to sit here blind and not realise that there’s anything else out there.
Of course, it’s not like this is something that has to be missed.
So I smile.
I smile because I’m fucked if I’m gonna let this bastard pass me by. Not now. Not now I’ve seen it. I’ve never been one to revel in the pain, better to kill yourself striving for something better. Even if you’re not sure what that is.
And my legs are moving of their own accord now, towards the door, there’s no way I’m wasting this moment on this place, I need to get and see the world with my new found eyes whilst I’ve still got this vision, this edge.
And as I step across the threshold and bathe in the warm sunlight of the outside world, everything I am doing makes sense to me for the first time in a long time and if it doesn’t to you right now, my friend, I implore you stick with me until it does.
Because in time, it will.
And you’ll see it all the same way I do
And it’s fucking beautiful.