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UGR - Gather up the Guns :: SPECIAL BOSH MAN EDITION!!

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-08-22 21:35:55 EDT
Rating: 1.29 on 32 ratings (32 reviews) (Review this item) (V)


“What’re you thinkin’ about grampa?”

Bernie stopped rocking in his chair and suddenly realized how quiet it was. He leaned back and wondered how long his grandson, Will, had been watching him. The inquisitive youth amused Bernie. He looked over at Will and smiled.

“Oh just about an old friend of mine..”

“Is it Stills?”

“Now how do you know about Stills? I don’t believe I’ve told you that story yet.”

“Grammie said I was about old enough to hear the story. She said you love telling it and thought it would be a good idea, today being the 50th anniversary and all..”

“Well, my boy, today is your lucky day then!”

Bernie reached for his pipe and took a couple long thoughtful draws as he collected his thoughts. It had been years since he openly spoke about the loss of his friend Stills, and he certainly wanted to take his time and share the experience with his grandson. Bernie would have to choose his words carefully so as not to upset the boy, but at the same time, be stern in his message so Will could reflect back on the story in his times of hardship.

Will came back from getting his blanket and Bernie began:

“It was a hot but otherwise unremarkable July afternoon when Stills and I, not much older than you are now, hitched a ride down to the beach. Once we got there we were surprised to find that the beach was completely empty, except for one man.

“By the looks of him he had been in the sun for 6 days in a row without any sunscreen. I’m telling you he was as red as a stop sign. He was just lying there, seemingly lifeless.”

Bernie stopped and took another pull from his pipe, beads of sweat were gathering on his brow.

“We got within 10 feet of him when all of a sudden he sprung up into the air. You should’ve seen Stills’ face!

As it turns out, the man we saw frying himself up on the beach was Satan. He took out a couple hot dogs from his picnic basket and told us to enter them in the local food competition as ‘Satan’s Daggits’”

Will seemed confused, but allowed his grandfather to continue.

“We entered the Satan’s Daggit in the competition and won a million dollars. With the money we hired 15 hookers and set them on fire and made them into Satan’s Daggits. We entered the ‘Satan’s Hooker Daggit’ into cooking competitions all across the nation and made millions upon millions of dollars.

“I decided to call it quits at age 20. I took what money I had left over and started an accounting firm. Only instead of doing peoples taxes, we had oriental women give out free handjobs. Needless to say, the project was a failure.

“I took a trip to Micronesia to visit Stills, but when I got there his guard dog hold me to hit the road. But I knew the secret password, FUMBLE NUGGETS, and magically his dog died.”

Will was crying out of control at this point. Bernie sympathized with the boy, but decided to continue with his story.

“After I muttered the secret password, I farted on the dogs face and lit up a cigarette. Stills was mondo pissed by now so I told him to fuck off. I think he died later that day.”

Will’s grandmother was standing in the corner nodding in agreement. Will passed out from crying too much. Bernie seized the opportunity and yelled:


Will evaporated into a fine mist, Bernie took a crap in his wife’s mouth as she gathered up her guns.

Stills came out of left field and gave Satan a high five.

I jacked off twice while writing this.


Review This Item




Submitted by scourge at 2007-08-30 14:24:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fuck the RedSox!

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-08-24 08:33:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

i DO remember that!!!

Submitted by kaos-king at 2007-08-24 08:12:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This was almost as BOSH as that time you hired that nasty hooker to dress up like Scruggs' Grandma and had her giving you a blowjob as he skipped back in through the door from the Medical Testing Facility. Remember how we all laughed when we discovered that, in fact, the nasty hooker really WAS Scruggs' Granny???

Well, we all laughed except for Scruggs.

He cried like a lil' bitch. And Granny just slobbered away...

Submitted by Snare at 2007-08-24 05:28:08 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I gagged twice while reading this.

Submitted by TheUniter at 2007-08-23 19:36:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by TheUniter at 2007-08-23 19:36:40 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2007-08-23 16:37:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-08-23 15:34:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

# Reviews written: 2999
# Times these posts have been reviewed: 3333

just evening things out here.

kottke should jam with scruggs so i can punch the both in the neck.

Submitted by JonnyX at 2007-08-23 14:40:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-08-23 13:59:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-08-23 13:24:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

and by stupid i mean bosh

so basically what i am saying is, bosh is synonymous with itself.


Submitted by lover101 at 2007-08-23 13:46:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-08-23 13:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

i think stupid is synonymous with bosh

that would explain a lot!!

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-08-23 13:24:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

and by stupid i mean bosh

PS i took that picture on my vacation to aruba the other week.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-08-23 13:19:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

i think stupid is synonymous with bosh

Submitted by lover101 at 2007-08-23 12:55:30 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

this was really stupid

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-08-23 11:21:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

forensibosh - that was excellent.

and yes the lack of scruggs gettin his ass whooped like a true asshole is a bit disappointing. There's always round 2!

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2007-08-23 10:00:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-08-23 03:41:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Needs more scruggs

Submitted by zwerg at 2007-08-23 09:03:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by Brdn_Nkd at 2007-08-23 08:58:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

ok, i laughed.

Submitted by azurefroz at 2007-08-23 07:51:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by orph at 2007-08-23 03:41:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Needs more scruggs

Submitted by Merlina at 2007-08-23 02:51:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Ballare at 2007-08-23 01:54:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

On a scale of one to ten, you are BOSH!

Submitted by whiskey_jack at 2007-08-23 01:29:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by Zeglamancer at 2007-08-23 00:31:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Holy shit this owned so hard.

Boshman you big beautiful bastard, I love you. Hard.

Submitted by Axolotl at 2007-08-23 00:17:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Wow, seriously I never knew a post could be this bosh. If you took every single word ever written in the English language and rearranged them in any way possible, nothing could be any more bosh than this. Not even the sentence "I lit up six cigarettes and blew smoke into that faggot Scrugg's face, and then threw my chair out a 12-story window and killed George Bush's body double, bosh."

This is so bosh it makes me want to hunt an entire species of birds to extinction.

Submitted by nicballs at 2007-08-22 23:47:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by UTOCKIN2ME (user info) at 2007-08-22 21:58:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Real fuckin' good - if yer a 13 year old zit farmer.


Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2007-08-22 23:08:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Bosh is so Bosh that Chuck Norris is taking Bosh lessons from him.

And THAT is mighty Bosh.

One time when the Earth was about to be invaded by aliens, Bosh used a giant slingshot and shot Scruggs into space. Having terrific Bosh aim, Bosh knocked the alien's spaceship out of orbit using the Scruggs missle and sent it crashing into Montana.

As massive columns of black smoke and flames towered to the sky, Bosh approached the wreckage and lit a cigarette while the rest of us nodded in agreement.

Scruggs climbed out of the wreckage and ran home crying.

Then Ted Nugent showed up with beer and guns.

True story.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2007-08-22 22:25:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Serge N. Peckersnot at 2007-08-22 21:58:37 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Real fuckin' good - if yer a 13 year old zit farmer.
-1 for a stupid story
-1 'cause tubesteak +2'd you.

Submitted by YELLOW-MAN at 2007-08-22 21:53:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Who couldn't fall in love with all that is Bosh? Those boyish good looks, that luscious Vidal Sassoon hair, and most importantly, a Bosh personality.

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2007-08-22 21:45:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-08-22 21:36:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

PS http://www.ubersite.com/m/111124

so technically if i avoid a -2 streak i advance.

kick ass

I know you're mad at me right now, and I'm kinda mad too ... I mean, we
could sit here and try to figure out who forgot to pick up who till the
cows come home. But let's just say we're both wrong and that'll be that.

-- Homer Simpson
Brother from the Same Planet