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UGR: Shlongy Yells CANASTA! w/camwhore

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 21:29:21 EDT
Rating: 1.08 on 267 ratings (272 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Alright...Like I have a fucking chance in this one.

My opponent hires the Mormon Tabernacle Choir as background singers and calls in Mutt Lange to produce, so that he, even with his high pitched squeal of a voice sounds like Lou Christie and Ronnie Spector nailing down a duet and he goes so far as to NAME DROP in his entry, guaranteeing victory, while I just ate at "Carrabba's" for the first time ever - it wasn't awful - because I don't eat at chain restaurants, as a rule, and I forgot what I was going to say so let me start all over.


You know what Uber always seems to like?

LISTS.

Lists, lists, and more lists, and if you can do a little name dropping, that's even better for your stats.

So, what I decided to do is put together a list of Uberers that I think I like - not enough to ever want to meet, or even speak with on the phone - but they're probably not as big of a loser(s) as they come across on Ubersite.

OK, without further ado, here's my list of Uber people I might probably like, but no guarantees on that:

Shlongy
The Uniter (Buahauahauahahahah yeah...right)
Stok - just kidding - he's a fucking toolbox
ameelius
MANICMOTHER
cexshun
ghola
Tiger Lilly
ForensicGirl3 (but NOT 1 or 2)
Merlina
shitfuck
Hilarity Ensues (As long as she never speaks)
experima
Electro
little Monsters' tits
Lisa
The Drake (Used to hate The Drake)
Kristy Swan
Badlands
Jeanneee
Jimthefiends' mom
Sacrilicious
Raine Lark
DudeThat'sBosh
Ruthless
Fey
GetNakeddd
Crystle
SilvrWolf
inion_de_tuna
lungfish
Loren (Where's this broad been hiding that ass of hers?)
Yozz
Firefly
Pentameter
anansie
All of Australia
badass julie
Siren
BigMike
TTOM
and Oathmeal


JUST KIDDING on that last one. He's a fucking turd.


OK, here's a list of people I'm on the fence about. Not sure...need to do more research.

nitty
caul
Mrs. Shlongy
Your mom
Jack McCallum (Not Jack himself- him, I hate - I meant his cats)



And here's a list of people I'm sure I wouldn't like:

bart
Captain Thorns
loki
loksi
Oathmeal
Apollo
PrfessorFuckface
SwampDonkey
scourge (watch this!)
habeeb
Carol Richards
8track
rob_berg
Jgreening
Chris Evans
Foolproof
iddqd
Perkman
ETS
Mrs. ETS
Any little ETS's or ETS Family pets
WillZone
All poets
Beano
forthewin
Despina
Whoever that kid was that used to talk about "beating Shlongy in a rip battle"
moneyshotforyou




If you didn't make a list - and many of you didn't - you don't matter. That's pretty sad, too.


Anyway, I HAD a great picture that, if I could have thought of something to write to go along with it, it would have wisked me to victory but alas, I didn't get permission to post it, so I had to go with a photo snagged in a late photo session, taken on the sandy beaches of the Atlantic Ocean, here on Hilton Head Island.

Enjoy.

PS. JUST WAIT UNTIL NEXT YEAR....when I learn how to photoshop.

oh yeah....CANASTA!, MOTHERFUCKERS!






CANASTA!.JPG
CANASTA!.JPG


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Reviews


Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2012-07-18 11:44:50 EDT (#)

Ah, good old memories.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-07-18 11:19:45 EDT (#)

Nope: And there's not too many things I enjoy more than looking at bad photoshop.

OK, I lied. There's a shitload of things I like more than that.

But I do laugh at bad photoshop.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2012-07-18 10:59:31 EDT (#)

Did you ever learn photoshop Shlongy?

Submitted by Average_Dan at 2012-07-18 10:56:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

*sigh*

ANother list I didn't make

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2012-07-18 10:18:55 EDT (#)

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2007-09-19 07:34:45 BST (#)
Rating: 2

Ah indifference. The cruellest jest of all.

Submitted by Professional_Peon at 2012-07-18 01:39:42 EDT (#)

Thanks for the reminder of how I'm never included

NO BOOBS FOR YOU!

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-07-17 17:59:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Shlongy is "Published".

Submitted by Shlongy at 2008-10-29 11:33:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

HOPPER SHOTS!

Submitted by RestrictionsApply at 2008-10-21 22:12:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

that is a wonderful shade of green. must be like shitting in a rain forest.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2008-07-24 13:42:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Tell me something that I don't already know, shitforbrains.

Submitted by BJ-theGreat at 2008-07-24 13:29:31 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Worthless and useless.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2008-07-23 19:59:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

CaaaaaaaaaaaaaaNASTA!

Submitted by Shlongy at 2008-06-27 16:23:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Man...I just POSTED not three weeks ago.

You mean you've already forgotten about the instant Uber classic http://www.ubersite.com/m/117032 ???







So have I.

Submitted by no1hasdis at 2008-06-27 12:41:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Uber's been boring as hell. It's time for you to write another masterpiece old man.

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2008-06-27 12:18:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You haven't shouted CANASTA! in a long time, Shlongy.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2008-06-27 11:48:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I've been an admirer of woolfe's Uber work for years now.

I bet they reach far enough to stomp your face in, though...who cares if they touch the ground when I'm on the hopper?

Submitted by woolfe at 2008-06-27 11:28:48 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I bet your feet aren't touching the ground there, midget.

Submitted by GangsterSquid at 2008-06-27 11:15:00 EDT (#)
Rating: -2


Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2008-06-25 05:39:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

im the Switzerland of uber

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2008-06-24 21:26:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

CAAAANAAAAAASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Submitted by Shlongy at 2008-06-24 21:13:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This post was funny, too.

Submitted by sadie73 at 2007-12-30 13:30:23 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-12-30 13:28:40 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I lost your phone number and couldn't give you a buzz.

Submitted by Siren at 2007-12-30 12:36:52 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I made a list? Why was I not informed?

Submitted by BeforeEmily at 2007-12-27 18:20:08 EST (#)
Rating: -2

oh yes, too sexy

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-10-24 19:13:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

You know what ELSE would make you feel better?

Fellating me.


As an added bonus, I'll feel better, too.

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2007-10-24 18:36:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

CANASTA!

Yelling that always makes me feel better.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-10-24 18:25:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I'll have to check my records...and you are WHO again?

Submitted by nitty34 at 2007-10-24 14:46:10 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I'm on the wrong list there, Stretch.


Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-10-08 19:03:54 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-10-08 16:20:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Fuck off and get fisted shlongface


What did Shlongy do to deserve THIS on a month old post?

let me know so I can make sure that whetever it was that I did, I do more often.

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2007-10-08 16:20:11 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Fuck off and get fisted shlongface

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-26 13:14:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

The original draft had 100% females.

I realized two things:

1) While that would have been worth a chuckle
b) I still need to bond with some testosterone on occasions. You know, talk about broads and football and stuff.

Submitted by scourge at 2007-09-26 13:04:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

OF COURSE YOU'D LIKE ME YOU WRINKLY OLD FUCKER.

I'M A GODDAMN BLAST.



ps, nobody likes bart, that one was a no brainer.
pps, there are an awful lot of dudes on your definite likes list. just saying.

Submitted by The_Drake at 2007-09-25 23:49:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

The namedropping worked for me.

You are the Mulva to my Dolores.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-25 16:02:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Only because you haven't been around and I forgot about you, toots.

You would have made the "A" list, as one of Shlongy's earliest supporters.

Submitted by munkeypants at 2007-09-25 15:37:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

hahaha love the pic.

so glad i didn't make the list!

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-21 16:19:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-09-21 15:39:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

dream about...........what? a trip to bloomingdales with experima?



No...a trip into your bloomers, though.

Submitted by Yozz at 2007-09-21 15:44:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-07-31 01:21:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-30 19:43:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by UTOCKIN2ME (user info) at 2007-07-30 19:23:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

I failed the test. I jus betcha rob_berg and ilikesteak would pass. "we justh couldant keep ar eyeth off that pweety pink bird".

---
Did you actually just try typing with a lisp?
That is even gayer than me passing this test, homo.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rob, give the guy a break. It's got to be awful trying to type with a limp wrist, and I'm sure what comes across as tardism is just easier to type. I'll bet there was a zinger on his side, but he just can't type that long and still retain this kind of timing. I'll bet it was seething too. Probably had at least twelve exclamation points.


Submitted by experima at 2007-09-21 15:39:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

dream about...........what? a trip to bloomingdales with experima?

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-21 15:38:52 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I dream about that.

Usually when I'm drunk...but STILL!

Submitted by experima at 2007-09-21 15:34:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

uh.........when i spend a lot of money on you. yeah.

Submitted by experima at 2007-09-21 15:31:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I won't take the bait and try to disprove you...


maybe you'll find out yourself someday.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-21 15:27:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Hey, you don't have to tell ME...I "knew" that.

Submitted by experima at 2007-09-21 15:16:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

well, of course it would.


it's because i'm so uptight.


and frugal.


and





shy.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-21 15:12:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

The truth hurts sometimes.

Also, please bear in mind that it's just speculation by this neutral observer.

Also, I KNEW it would get a reaction from you. Woooooooeeeeeeeee!

Submitted by experima at 2007-09-21 15:04:09 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

sexually uptight and frugal?

NO 2s FOR YOU!

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-21 09:54:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

King Missile

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2007-09-21 09:44:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again
This happens all the time
It's detachable

This comes in handy a lot of the time
I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble
Or I can rent it out, when I don't need it
But now and then I go to a party, get drunk
And the next morning I can't for the life of me
Remember what I did with it
First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it
So I called up the place where the party was
They hadn't seen it either
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet
'Cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes
But not this time
So I told them if it pops up to let me know
I called a few people who were at the party
But they were no help either
I was starting to get desperate
I really don't like being without my penis for too long
It makes me feel like less of a man
And I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak
After a few hours of searching the house
And calling everyone I could think of
I was starting to get very depressed
So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast
Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place
Where all those people sell used books
And other junk on the street
I saw my penis lying on a blanket
Next to a broken toaster oven
Some guy was selling it
I had to buy it off him
He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen
I took it home, washed it off,
And put it back on. I was happy again! Complete!
People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached
But I don't know
Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass
I like having a detachable penis

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-21 09:33:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Goddammit...Shlongy hates confrontations.

Submitted by Fey at 2007-09-21 09:24:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fey, concede? Pff.



You watch your ass old man. You're mine.

Submitted by Zampano at 2007-09-21 08:44:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

While reading the comments is half the fun, the original was one of those rare posts that gets me to audibly laugh.

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2007-09-21 08:43:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

And I might let loose with a rippin' loud wet fart, just for fun.

Oh wait. Just did.

CRAP

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-21 08:31:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

What we ALSO learned is that pictures of Shlongy on the hopper garner tons of hits and heat.

Your entry was much better than mine but whining gets you nowhere.

Now, I MIGHT FORFEIT, just for fun.

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2007-09-21 08:28:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

If there IS a prize, that is. Maybe for being the biggest dick on the Internet? I dunno.

Anyways, I shall look forward to seeing what you spew forth in round 4, and whether Fey concedes to you or hands you your ass on a platter.

Just remember, if you've learned anything from this, boys and girls, it's that Cap'n Thorns NEVER FORFEITS, and NEVER goes down without a fight. Or at least a silly dramatic argument. :)

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2007-09-21 08:26:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Well well well...

Congratulations, old man! You win the prize!

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys at 2007-09-21 07:53:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-20 17:57:47 BST (#)
Ranking: 0


A dink?

Is that anywhere near the appendix?

My prediction stands. Deny it if you will, ubersite will one day be no more, and Shlongy will be an accelerating cause.

Shlongy's brand of idiocy is actually very sophisticated, and in the wrong hands it can be dangerous.

When a noob comes onto the site and sees how he is worshipped by the masses, they are not mature enough to understand his power and may attempt to emulate his behavior. Would you give a child an AK-47? I think not.

Shlongy is smart, mostly because he is old. But a young, immature mind will not be able to fully assimilate and thus utilize his repertoire without serious damage.

It is the dumbing down of ubersite, what I shall call: the Dangerous Ubersite Down-Syndrome, or DUDS.

It's really not so different from the internet in general. When you open the floodgates to humanity, don't be surprised at the jetsam and flotsam you must muck your way through.

YOU HAVE THE DUDS PAL! GO HOME AND GET YOUR AFFAIRS IN ORDER, OR AT LEAST HAVE SOME, YOU WHINING VIRGIN, BEFORE IT'S TOO FUCKING LATE, OR TOO LATE FOR FUCKING!

SAVE YOURSELF TTOM! YOU'RE ONE OF THE SEMI-SMART ONES!

This message brought to you by the uber-appendix, a useless organ that can still kill a motherfucker sometimes.
--------------
And now you've gone from being just another annoying alter to Sico/Oathmeal level, well done. Are you going to crumple me when you invade my parents basement while I sleep in my virginal bed?

You fucking idiot.

Submitted by Fey at 2007-09-21 01:32:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Heh. Right back atcha.

Submitted by Stagger_Lee at 2007-09-21 00:41:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2



Submitted by Stagger_Lee at 2007-09-21 00:41:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 1



Submitted by Stagger_Lee at 2007-09-21 00:41:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 1


Submitted by Wildman at 2007-09-21 00:40:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

it really hurt to squeeze this deuce out

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-21 00:18:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

You read the post AND all the reviews and THAT'S what you take from this post?

Submitted by Serge N. Peckersnot at 2007-09-20 21:50:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I read the post and all the comments. and all i can come up with is :Yozz is a biggest fag on Uber.
(scroll down and check out his comment and tell me different)

Submitted by Wizz20 at 2007-09-20 20:16:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

whoohoo my 6th (i think) reply i hop i end up on SOME ONES good list now...
what ever at least there were names and list therefore i am happy

PS yes i am 15 (16 in January) and instead of killing time at what would be work im sitting in the back of class trying to think of ways to stop the boredom short of braining my self

Submitted by ShapeShifter at 2007-09-20 15:59:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

SALAMI HIDER!

Submitted by ShapeShifter at 2007-09-20 15:59:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

APRON COCK!

Submitted by ShapeShifter at 2007-09-20 15:58:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by ShapeShifter at 2007-09-20 15:58:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

DICK SKINNER!

Submitted by ShapeShifter at 2007-09-20 15:58:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

CANTANKEROUS CUNT!

Submitted by Crystle at 2007-09-20 15:51:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

oh, you know you want to

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2007-09-20 15:43:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Whatever. I'm still not going to make out with you.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-20 15:39:20 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

At the time, you were probably flabbergasted that a dumbass on Uber even KNEW that word.

Well I AM THAT DUMBASS.

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2007-09-20 15:30:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

That was the first review you ever left on a post of mine.

Looking back, I'm touched that you fumbled through a dictionary and decided on the word "banality." It didn't really impress me, but it's nice that you wanted to try.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-20 15:14:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

A little "camping" to get the ball rolling never hurts.

Also, calling every third person who stops by a "dirty name" isn't a bad strategy, either.

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2007-09-20 15:08:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Very few people on Uber can post something and be guaranteed it'll be on MH within a half an hour.

An even smaller percentage of those could post their grocery list and be guaranteed it'll be on MH within a half an hour.

Shlongy is one of that very small percentage.


You have to respect that.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-20 15:03:30 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

JUST REMEMBER THIS FOR YOUR FUTURE POSTS...

A camwhore with you on the bowl will rise to #1 Most Heated 94.8% of the time.


100% of the time if you're a broad.


Write that down...

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-20 15:00:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-09-20 14:57:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-25 20:42:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

I don't see what's so "+2ish" about this banality.



Where'd THIS come from?

I haven't used "banality" in forever.

What a great word.


I wonder what it means?

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-20 14:59:50 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

It IS kind of sad when my happy horseshit that disguises itself as posts are infinitely more entertaining than those who take the contest seriously.

I won't mention Captain Thorns' name because that would be indiscreet.

All I can say is wait until you see the next picture...I just have to make some quick airline flight arrangements to the northeast for this weekend and this picture will RULE.

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2007-09-20 14:57:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-25 20:42:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

I don't see what's so "+2ish" about this banality.

Submitted by jamowilly40 at 2007-09-20 14:51:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I have resigned to this +2 for the sole purpose of seeing Shlongy further embarrass himself in the next round with yet another inane post.

Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues at 2007-09-20 14:50:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

http://www.ubersite.com/m/40583


I think that's one of your finest reviews.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-20 14:37:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Wow...where'd THAT one come from?

Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues at 2007-09-20 14:26:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-22 13:05:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Lots of people like me.

Even more don't give a fuck one way or another. I'm on that list.

Only a small percentage really "hate" Shlongy.

Those are the people with the hourly minimum wage jobs, that usually live alone or in dorms, that have never eaten pussy, and have single digit IQs.


Fuck them.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-20 13:45:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

The Uniter CAN be good...he's been VERY good in THIS post.

Mostly though, he's shit.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-09-20 13:42:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

hahaha

TheUniter is good.

Submitted by c1ndy at 2007-09-20 13:24:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I dunno which list I would want to be on!


Submitted by SunnyG at 2007-09-20 13:08:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

i love how nearly everyone knows who he is and where he lives, and he posts pictures of his ass and himself on the can. even though there are so many degenerates here who would love to just spam his office with links to his posts.

stupidity/bravery? bah, i don't care. school has started. +2

that's it for me, i'm outta here till next summer!

Submitted by TheUniter at 2007-09-20 12:57:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-09-20 10:52:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-19 17:01:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I like Shlongy.

Yes, his insults are tired and his jokes are old, but it's entertaining to watch his influence here. (the big turd in a little bowl effect) No matter how ancient the material, there's always someone new who hasn't heard it, yet.

But his schtick will spread to the younger and less experienced, and attack uber's innards. This will weaken the system to the point it will wither and die.

You of all people should understand this, TTOM.

I give uber six months and recommend hospice.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
----------
He's had three years to topple the place and yet, here it is, still up and running.

Shlongy is at least amusing, you however are a dink.

==========

A dink?

Is that anywhere near the appendix?

My prediction stands. Deny it if you will, ubersite will one day be no more, and Shlongy will be an accelerating cause.

Shlongy's brand of idiocy is actually very sophisticated, and in the wrong hands it can be dangerous.

When a noob comes onto the site and sees how he is worshipped by the masses, they are not mature enough to understand his power and may attempt to emulate his behavior. Would you give a child an AK-47? I think not.

Shlongy is smart, mostly because he is old. But a young, immature mind will not be able to fully assimilate and thus utilize his repertoire without serious damage.

It is the dumbing down of ubersite, what I shall call: the Dangerous Ubersite Down-Syndrome, or DUDS.

It's really not so different from the internet in general. When you open the floodgates to humanity, don't be surprised at the jetsam and flotsam you must muck your way through.

YOU HAVE THE DUDS PAL! GO HOME AND GET YOUR AFFAIRS IN ORDER, OR AT LEAST HAVE SOME, YOU WHINING VIRGIN, BEFORE IT'S TOO FUCKING LATE, OR TOO LATE FOR FUCKING!

SAVE YOURSELF TTOM! YOU'RE ONE OF THE SEMI-SMART ONES!

This message brought to you by the uber-appendix, a useless organ that can still kill a motherfucker sometimes.

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2007-09-20 12:38:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Seriously though....I really WOULD love to see you up against Fey in the final round.

I don't know what else you could possibly pull out of your ass to beat her, unless you post a picture of Mrs. Shlongy servicing your shlong or the equivalent. It should prove to be an interesting matchup.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-20 12:36:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

OH NO! I GOT ANOTHER -2! MUST BE A CAPTAIN THORNS ALTER!

Sac- THORNS IS CHEATING AND SENDING HIS ALTERS IN TO RUIN MY RATINGS...I'M CALLING BART IMMEDIATELY.

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2007-09-20 12:36:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You sho' are fun to get riled up. :)

Submitted by nicballs at 2007-09-20 12:26:39 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-20 12:21:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

OH NOES! ONE OF MY ALTERS JUST GAVE MYSELF A +2!

I hope that no one sees through my ruse!

Submitted by Jacque at 2007-09-20 12:18:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Even though I think you are an asshole, this was much better than CaptainTorez or whatever his name is.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-20 12:11:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Attention: To all of the Uber minions who are under some kind of Shlongy "mind control"- and according to Thorns, there's hundreds of you - you have my permission to dive bomb his entry with -2's.

He "expects it" and believes it has "already occurred" and that "Shlongy is responsible somehow for him trailing in Round 4".

So, make him a prophet.

Submitted by inion_de_trua at 2007-09-20 11:15:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-09-20 10:52:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-19 17:01:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I like Shlongy.

Yes, his insults are tired and his jokes are old, but it's entertaining to watch his influence here. (the big turd in a little bowl effect) No matter how ancient the material, there's always someone new who hasn't heard it, yet.

But his schtick will spread to the younger and less experienced, and attack uber's innards. This will weaken the system to the point it will wither and die.

You of all people should understand this, TTOM.

I give uber six months and recommend hospice.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
----------
He's had three years to topple the place and yet, here it is, still up and running.

Shlongy is at least amusing, you however are a dink.
-----

"dink"

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-20 11:01:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Someone must have alerted Firefly to the fact that she made the good list.

Submitted by firefly at 2007-09-20 10:54:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys at 2007-09-20 10:52:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-19 17:01:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I like Shlongy.

Yes, his insults are tired and his jokes are old, but it's entertaining to watch his influence here. (the big turd in a little bowl effect) No matter how ancient the material, there's always someone new who hasn't heard it, yet.

But his schtick will spread to the younger and less experienced, and attack uber's innards. This will weaken the system to the point it will wither and die.

You of all people should understand this, TTOM.

I give uber six months and recommend hospice.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
----------
He's had three years to topple the place and yet, here it is, still up and running.

Shlongy is at least amusing, you however are a dink.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-20 09:53:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I think my asterix "disclaimer" stands up in a court of law.

It's OFFICIAL!

I AM STILL IN!

On to the finals!

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2007-09-20 09:44:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-09-20 09:22:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

ATTN: SHLONGY-

Am I to understand from comments below that this is not actually a forfeit, as per the fine print on your sign as clarified below?

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT, I'M A BUSY GIRL AND I HAVE A CONTEST TO RUN
--------------------------------

I was wondering the same thing...

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2007-09-20 09:22:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

ATTN: SHLONGY-

Am I to understand from comments below that this is not actually a forfeit, as per the fine print on your sign as clarified below?

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT, I'M A BUSY GIRL AND I HAVE A CONTEST TO RUN.

Submitted by Merlina at 2007-09-20 09:22:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

and I should think so too!

:)

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2007-09-20 08:41:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

You know, I forgot to mention it, but with those shade on, you strike an odd resemblance to Agent Smith from the Matrix films. Are you sure you're weren't a stand-in for his scenes on the shitter?


Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-20 08:31:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-20 08:24:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-19 17:09:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

I hope I am singlehandedly responsible for destroying Uber, if, for no other reason, to save the REST of Uber the indignity of being subjected to The Uniters' arrogant attitude.

HOW'S THAT?
-----------------------

Well, you've certainly managed to destroy this contest, at least.


REALLY? I AM SO PROUD I'M ALMOST SPEECHLESS.

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2007-09-20 08:26:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-19 17:01:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I like Shlongy.

Yes, his insults are tired and his jokes are old, but it's entertaining to watch his influence here. (the big turd in a little bowl effect) No matter how ancient the material, there's always someone new who hasn't heard it, yet.

But his schtick will spread to the younger and less experienced, and attack uber's innards. This will weaken the system to the point it will wither and die.

You of all people should understand this, TTOM.

I give uber six months and recommend hospice.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
---------------------------------

Six months, old egg? I say three and a half, maybe four at most, if it survives the new year.

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2007-09-20 08:24:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-19 17:09:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

I hope I am singlehandedly responsible for destroying Uber, if, for no other reason, to save the REST of Uber the indignity of being subjected to The Uniters' arrogant attitude.

HOW'S THAT?
-----------------------

Well, you've certainly managed to destroy this contest, at least.

Submitted by ChaosJester at 2007-09-20 03:45:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Dammit, I didn't get to camp here 'cause I got paid to play paintball all day yesterday.
Still, Shlongy on the can makes me happy in the pants (even if I didn't rate a mention on his list)

Submitted by rob_berg at 2007-09-19 23:45:36 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2007-09-19 22:18:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-09-20 12:00:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -1


You can't possibly be the same annnoying, pseudo-intellectual tosser that you are on here in real life...

---

I'm pretty much the same. I smell WAY better online, however.


Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2007-09-19 23:33:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-18 23:53:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

I forgot the rules:

Is it RATING or "Total number of reviews combined with "Heat" that constitutes victory?
===
It's rating for the win.

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2007-09-19 22:47:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

GABBA GABBA HEY, motherfucker.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 22:25:38 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Oh, I'm sure that he is.

Which is fine as long as he DOESN'T DO IT WHILE LEAVING -2's IN MY CONTEST ENTRY POST.

Submitted by apollo88 at 2007-09-19 22:24:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

i know old egg, i know.


Submitted by Sphagnum at 2007-09-19 22:18:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-09-20 12:00:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -1


I've met a couple folks.

Excellent people, really - of course I'm fat and lonely so I pretty much take what I can get.

-----

You can't possibly be the same annnoying, pseudo-intellectual tosser that you are on here in real life...

Surely.

Submitted by rob_berg at 2007-09-19 22:00:25 EDT (#)
Rating: -1


I've met a couple folks.

Excellent people, really - of course I'm fat and lonely so I pretty much take what I can get.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2007-09-19 21:55:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Meeting people from Uber is a crapshoot. Just ask anyone who's met me.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 21:53:02 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

You can't tell when I'm kidding around, matey?

I thought you were smarter than that.

Submitted by apollo88 at 2007-09-19 21:39:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-09-19 18:04:49 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I've met one person from uber, doubt I'll make that mistake again.


who did you meet?

i've met a few but had both sides, freeloading nut jobs and good eggs.


Submitted by apollo88 at 2007-09-19 21:23:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Really?

That hurt my internet feelings.

:(



Submitted by Sphagnum at 2007-09-19 20:36:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 19:52:24 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Most are...with very few exceptions

(i.e. Shlongy)

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2007-09-19 19:37:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm 100% as big of a loser in real life as I am on Ubersite.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 19:15:48 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

It's too late for me to withdraw my "meetings"...

GOOD EYESIGHT, JEANEEEE...THAT IS CORRECT.

Submitted by darko at 2007-09-19 19:04:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I've met one person from uber, doubt I'll make that mistake again.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2007-09-19 18:27:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

*unless I win

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 18:15:43 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-19 17:13:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

AMEN SISTER


Buahauahauahahahaha..you should have added..."You're preachin' to the choir".

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 18:14:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I had to.

Radioactive stool.

Submitted by haikumikoo at 2007-09-19 18:14:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Then again, you didn't make me look at your naked body, or any poo poo...so, here's an upgrade.

Submitted by haikumikoo at 2007-09-19 18:12:37 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Wearing sunglasses inside -2


For shame, sir...for shame.

Submitted by EatMeCompletely at 2007-09-19 18:01:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-05-09 19:15:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

You're consistently pretty funny...would I like you in "real life" or are you just one of those computer geek-nerd comic genius' with no real social skills and bad B.O.?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Submitted by JonnyX at 2007-09-19 17:25:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Whoever that kid was that used to talk about "beating Shlongy in a rip battle"
-------
haha, that Italian kid - that was actually amusing

Submitted by TheUniter at 2007-09-19 17:13:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

AMEN SISTER

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 17:09:08 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I hope I am singlehandedly responsible for destroying Uber, if, for no other reason, to save the REST of Uber the indignity of being subjected to The Uniters' arrogant attitude.

HOW'S THAT?

Submitted by TheUniter at 2007-09-19 17:01:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I like Shlongy.

Yes, his insults are tired and his jokes are old, but it's entertaining to watch his influence here. (the big turd in a little bowl effect) No matter how ancient the material, there's always someone new who hasn't heard it, yet.

But his schtick will spread to the younger and less experienced, and attack uber's innards. This will weaken the system to the point it will wither and die.

You of all people should understand this, TTOM.

I give uber six months and recommend hospice.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Submitted by rob_berg at 2007-09-19 16:54:02 EDT (#)
Rating: -1


ooop... nothing personal, old chap.

I just like the Captain's entry more than yours.


I still love you though - you name droppin' son of a bitch.


Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-09-19 16:48:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

everybody poops

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys at 2007-09-19 16:40:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-19 20:49:41 BST (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-19 15:31:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Wow- The Uniter is either a fan of:

1) Irony
B) Toilets


===

The irony will be when you destroy that which you hold so dear.

But where will you shit when uber falls?
------------
Of course, the point that TheUniter misses entirely here is that Shlongy has his niche, a cruel bitter and twisted as fuck niche but a nice nontheless. He contributes with his shenangians, his replies and his horrible, bare ass.
TheUniter however is like an appendix. He sits there in the UberBody, contributing nothing, adding nothing. Thinks he is useful, thinks he's as good as or better than the other UberOrgans when in fact, if he was cut out, we would not even notice.

Submitted by HotWillie at 2007-09-19 16:40:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 16:08:17 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Great! Then, maybe I could get my work done quicker and more efficiently.

Submitted by TheUniter at 2007-09-19 16:01:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I implied, you inferred.

But, yes.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 15:56:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Are you inferring that Shlongy will be the reason why Uber, eventually, will cease to exist???



AWESOME! I CANNOT WAIT.

Submitted by TheUniter at 2007-09-19 15:49:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-19 15:31:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Wow- The Uniter is either a fan of:

1) Irony
B) Toilets


===

The irony will be when you destroy that which you hold so dear.

But where will you shit when uber falls?

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 15:31:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Wow- The Uniter is either a fan of:

1) Irony
B) Toilets


WHATEVER, I GOT THE +2 AND I'M NOT GIVING IT BACK.

Submitted by TheUniter at 2007-09-19 15:26:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 15:07:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I guess my next question is HOW THE HELL FORENSIC GOT MY EMAIL ADDRESS....

AND WHY ISN'T THERE MORE FORENSIC UNDERWEAR PICS BEING SENT TO IT?

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 15:06:15 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Everything worked fine except she left out the naked pictures attachment.

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2007-09-19 14:15:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Shlongy & Tiger--did it work?

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2007-09-19 14:02:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Thanks Forensic.


Shlong dong - you've been e-mailed.

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2007-09-19 13:40:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-09-19 13:12:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Tiger, e-mail me. I think I've got Shlongy's e-mail. forensicgirl3.at.yahoo.com

------------------------------------------

DONE!

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 13:27:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Of course it's OK...just attach some nice snapshots of your bods in limited clothing and everything is hunky dory.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 13:26:35 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-09-19 12:41:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Just post your phone numbers here, what's the problem?


Fuck the phone numbers...I've had not one, but TWO email addresses blown up since I first visited this shitbox web site.


I'm still considering suing bart over it- my lawyer tells me the statute of limitations is a few years on my particular case.

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2007-09-19 13:12:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Tiger, e-mail me. I think I've got Shlongy's e-mail. forensicgirl3.at.yahoo.com


Providing this of course is ok with Shlongy. I'm assuming it is.

Submitted by MANICMOTHER at 2007-09-19 13:08:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Great pic.

Submitted by Method at 2007-09-19 13:06:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Oh dear God <shoots self in face>

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2007-09-19 12:45:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Don't have his phone number anymore. I e-mailed him.

Submitted by Method at 2007-09-19 12:41:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Just post your phone numbers here, what's the problem?

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 12:31:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Or...you can call him and get all of my email addresses from him...that's a good idea, too.

He's more apt to pick up if the call's from you...didn't you see what list I put him on?

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2007-09-19 12:29:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

It seems we are.

Let me think about this for a sec. Do you have nittys phone? Call him. He knows it. Nothing has changed but my last name.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 12:22:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Nope...do you remember my HOME email?

We're at a crossroads, here.


Submitted by TigerLilly at 2007-09-19 12:20:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

But do you remember my work e-mail?? Something is wrong with my home comp. and I can't read my mail.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 12:01:56 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

TL- I emailed the other day to that patscheerleader email...I know I had it spelled right because I used a "reply" from one of your old emails to me.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 12:00:30 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

inion de tuna- you will be happy to note that I was a mere touch-stroke on the keyboard away from attaching a picture that showed my nutsac hanging between my legs, my balls trying their damnedest to take a dip in the toilet water.

Mrs. Shlongy actually WANTED me to use that picture, once we discovered it.

Ummmmmm, neeeeeeoooooo.

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2007-09-19 11:58:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Yo..do you have my old e-mail at work???

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2007-09-19 11:57:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You crack me up.


Submitted by Crystle at 2007-09-19 11:55:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 "essence of uber" post


isn't that what UGR is all about?
the reviews killed as well.

Submitted by DirtyHarry at 2007-09-19 11:53:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

For the voyeur pic

Submitted by inion_de_trua at 2007-09-19 11:53:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

i skipped straight to the end just to see if you'd teabagged the camera lens somehow.

Submitted by Yozz at 2007-09-19 11:18:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-19 10:22:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

WHERE ARE ALL OF THE PATRIOTS FANS THAT CAN HELP CARRY THIS POST TO VICTORY????
---------------------------------
TOM BRADY TAKES IT IN THE ASS

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys at 2007-09-19 11:16:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

BWA HAHAHAHHA!

This is why Shlongy is better than 98.2% of all Ubernauts

Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake at 2007-09-19 11:06:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Can you at least mention me in something, you know...

People you'd anally fist catagory?

At least put me in people you are sure you wouldn't like, sheesh.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 10:27:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Apparently, wompom does not want Shlongy to advance to the finals.


Now that THAT'S been established, we can move on and wonder...


Who the fuck is wompom?

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 10:22:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

WHERE ARE ALL OF THE PATRIOTS FANS THAT CAN HELP CARRY THIS POST TO VICTORY????

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2007-09-19 10:22:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Shlongy is the male Gnarls

Submitted by Wompom at 2007-09-19 10:21:49 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Screw you twice.

Submitted by Wompom at 2007-09-19 10:21:21 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Retarded name dropping morons.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 10:21:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I wish I knew enough to shamelessly NAME DROP during my first 42 posts, from August, 2004, until about April, '05.

Maybe then I wouldn't be in the 'worst poster in Uber history' column.

YOU'RE ALL TOO EASY.

It's funny...Hidden is right. Shlongy IS a fucking camwhore asshole now.

IT'S MY ONLY CHANCE.



Next post?

A list of Shlongy's recipes and the names of the posters who should try them! And a camwhore!

FILM AT 11.

Submitted by Fungah at 2007-09-19 10:04:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Shlongy.

Buy many cows.

Ride them, trained together with rope, into the sunset. vroooom.

Submitted by GetNakeddd at 2007-09-19 09:52:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Finally, I made a list!

And it's one that I actually CARE about :)

Submitted by Badlands at 2007-09-19 09:52:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm not really sure I get what this PBR contest is all about. I mean, I know someone runs some shitty poetry contest...and then there are always crappy contest around every federal holiday that seem to stretch out to the NEXT holiday...but what's the deal with this one?

In any event, it's featured both a bare ass AND and a "pooping-in-action" glamour shot, which tells me it's the best contest ever.

Submitted by Yozz at 2007-09-19 09:49:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Sweet!

*Dances The Twist to Chuck Berry's "C'est la vie" like John Travolta in Pulp Fiction*

Submitted by HadToBeDone at 2007-09-19 09:45:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Bump.

Submitted by Anansie at 2007-09-19 09:40:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I made a list! Woo!

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2007-09-19 09:20:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

That bitchin' Ramones t-shirt landed the +2.

I make an appearance for the first time in a year and manage to make a list. It's like coming home again, only the family's gotten fat, there's no food or beer in the fridge and Uncle Donnie and Cousin Chubb are having a fight to the death with nerf bats in the yard.

...okay, the moment's over.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 09:14:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Like I had a chance against THAT post...

Like I said, I've had one post do over a +1.3 in my life- too many "fans" - and pretty much every contest post does at least a +1.7 so I knew I was out.

I only wish I knew how to photoshop so I could have included a picture of the bowl filled with mud.


And, if I had managed to emerge victorious, we probably wouldn't have ever had another contest again on Uber, so that would have been a major plus.

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2007-09-19 09:05:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"Mormon Tabernacle Choir" and "Mutt Lange"....ahahahahahahahahaha. You're a funny man, Herbert J. Funny thing is, that raucous cacaphony took all of two hours to record and mix down. Guess I must be getting better at it, eh?

And you KNOW you love me. You can't fool me with your list-foolery. You love me even more than your collection of girl-on-girl-on-girl-on-guy-on-sheep porn videos.

Have a +2 for making me smile this morning, and because I really don't give a rip whether I win or not. It was fun to match up against ya for once.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2007-09-19 08:47:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

yelling CANASTA while taking a shit is a great usage of the word.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2007-09-19 08:39:09 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I'll be over here, not making another list if anyone calls for me.

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2007-09-19 08:36:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Hey I made no list, its no surprise really, it would totally depend on your mood.

Fuck it, Dude, let's go bowling.

Submitted by pen_name at 2007-09-19 08:28:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

another list i didn't...fuck it.

Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues at 2007-09-19 08:08:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-09-18 21:33:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

WELL SINEAD O'REBELLION, SHOCK ME SHOCK ME SHOCK ME WITH THAT DEVIANT BEHAVIOR
------------
Empire Records FTW.


Awww Shlongy, thanks for the nod :) I promise, I'm EXCELLENT at just sitting and being pretty.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-19 08:05:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Ironically, I was actually ON that bowl - like 4 times - between 2am and 3am last night.

The mussels at Carrabba's must have been tainted and right now, I am absolutely exhausted.

I slept the rest of the night with a garbage can next to me. Ugh.

On to victory!

Submitted by MyNameIsTim at 2007-09-19 08:00:03 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

Submitted by Surgeon at 2007-09-19 07:45:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

ganglionectomy..

Submitted by Nellypaal at 2007-09-19 07:41:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I am delighted not to appear on Shlongy's radar. To 'matter' on Uber is not something to which I aspire.

Submitted by ShapeShifter at 2007-09-19 07:07:17 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

-2 No Sicosemen.


Sinistral....quickly topping the biggest faggot, loser bitch for not being able to contain himself and not use my first name. It's like the little shit brick got a boner from sheer mentioning of a legend's name.

Submitted by MudWhistle at 2007-09-19 07:07:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

good god man, who has brass hardware in their house anymore?


fuck your list

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2007-09-19 06:13:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

It's the elbow stain on the wall over the toilet paper roll that gets you this +2. Proof that you do, on occasion at least, lean into it.

Didn't make this list. I'm fine with that.

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2007-09-19 04:21:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Cyber Uber sex is so gonna happen......

Submitted by ameelius at 2007-09-19 04:20:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I like you too baby.

Submitted by rob_berg at 2007-09-19 03:54:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2007-09-19 00:54:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-09-19 13:03:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

took me ages. for a while i was actually asking someone to hate me, but then all i had to do was act like a tool, and not only did i get hate posts, but also honest reviews on any posts i actually put some effort into.

i tell you, being a cunt has its benefits

-----

Tell me about it

---


Yup.


In their own special way - both these gentlemen rock the fuck out of being a truly cuntish. God bless 'em both.



Cunts.



Submitted by rob_berg at 2007-09-19 03:49:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by rob_berg at 2007-09-19 03:48:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by rob_berg at 2007-09-19 03:47:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Sweet.

You actually used my name in a post.

I'm totally growing on you.




Next you'll want to fuck my mouth... Asshole.







Submitted by ASO at 2007-09-19 03:46:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You probably don't believe me, but my name isn't on that first list. You probably wrote it a bunch of times but, as a person with a penis, my name was too near the top. You probably rewrote my name many times. You probably just didn't make your list and check it twice to make sure my ass was on it. I wouldn't have either. I understand.

Submitted by hour_man at 2007-09-19 03:36:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Another list not made...

1 question, who the fuck do you get to take all these pictures???

Shlongy: "Hey Mrs S, come take a photo of me holding this sign whilst taking a dump and reading sports illustrated!"

Mrs S: "I married you because... no I forget, how's your ass, need any more photos of that too?"

Seriously.

Submitted by BranDo at 2007-09-19 03:35:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I like Liszt

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2007-09-19 03:09:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Oh my flea fucking god

Submitted by Bob_Dole at 2007-09-19 03:07:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-09-18 23:26:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Alright. +2 forever b/c of The Ramones shirt.

20
20
20
4
Hours a day
I wanna be sedated


I don't wanna be buried
in a pet cemetary
I don't wanna live my life again.

--------------------------------

Happy someone else noticed that.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2007-09-19 02:34:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Ah indifference. The cruellest jest of all.

Submitted by Brdn_Nkd at 2007-09-19 01:53:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

i'm pretty sure we'd enjoy partying together. not like you think but in the same location. I would pull women you could only dream about, cause that's how i roll, and you'd continue dreaming about them after i went home with them, yes plural. just saying.

Submitted by HateMudkips at 2007-09-19 01:37:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Shlongy, I worship you.

Now if only I knew where to email these pictures of my hole.

..sigh.

Oh wait!

I'll post them on Übersite!


.....someday.

Submitted by ColchesterDr at 2007-09-19 01:20:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by experima at 2007-09-19 00:59:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

feeling is mutual, shlongy.

i'd write more but i can't type when my hands are shaking like this.

you don't wanna know..........yeah, yeah you probably would actually.

holy FUCK


!

Submitted by Sphagnum at 2007-09-19 00:54:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-09-19 13:03:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

took me ages. for a while i was actually asking someone to hate me, but then all i had to do was act like a tool, and not only did i get hate posts, but also honest reviews on any posts i actually put some effort into.

i tell you, being a cunt has its benefits

-----

Tell me about it

Submitted by hidden101 at 2007-09-19 00:48:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-09-18 23:28:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Loren does need to come back.

I loved that woman.

In a totally non-lesbo way.

=============================================

i think i drove Loren away. i was a big dick to her after she used to call me and confide in me. she was acting like a bitch and i let her know it. just trying to be honest. oh well. here's us in Austin. she tried to bang me one hour after these pictures were taken, but i had other plans. i did make out with her, though. she was my first cougar! ah, nostalgia.... http://www.ubersite.com/m/5623



man, Shlongy... after all the times you called me a homo, i'm not even on your radar anymore?


i'm glad to see you've filled the slot of doing awesome camwhores since i've been slacking.

(haha, "filled the slot")

Submitted by Sphagnum at 2007-09-19 00:35:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"All of Australia"

Yay! I got a mention.

Fuck you, cunt! I should have been named personally at the top of all three lists.


Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 23:49:16 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Shit...I left the fag below off of my shit list.

He should have been first.

Submitted by Kaelic at 2007-09-18 23:45:51 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by iddqd at 2007-09-18 23:43:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

you know, i havent either. turned it down once at a party, i still dont know why. it might have had to do with the fact i was too busy trying to get laid, but even that isnt a good excuse

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 23:41:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-09-18 23:31:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

The Man has been feeding me tequila for the last 2 hours trying to get me drunk.

It hasn't worked.




I told him to try cocaine next time.

I've never done cocaine. Is it nice?




The nicest.

Submitted by iddqd at 2007-09-18 23:32:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

just act like you truly believe youre better than everyone. course it helps, like in my case, when you actually are better than at least the vast majority.


Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2007-09-18 23:31:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

The Man has been feeding me tequila for the last 2 hours trying to get me drunk.

It hasn't worked.




I told him to try cocaine next time.

I've never done cocaine. Is it nice?

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2007-09-18 23:28:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Loren does need to come back.

I loved that woman.

In a totally non-lesbo way.

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2007-09-18 23:26:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Alright. +2 forever b/c of The Ramones shirt.

20
20
20
4
Hours a day
I wanna be sedated


I don't wanna be buried
in a pet cemetary
I don't wanna live my life again.





Submitted by ilikesteak at 2007-09-18 23:18:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I did try the asking thing, and I'm trying the toolishness now.

I've got two posts about me so far. One is a tribute to my greatness, and the other was when I was "beebed."

Any suggestions for specific posting methods, or is it more about mean spirited cruelty, bitterness, and general unkindness? I have to wonder if my record for being awesome and helpful is ruining my odds.

Submitted by Adaman at 2007-09-18 23:16:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

but i tried...

Submitted by bob at 2007-09-18 23:11:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

man im never on these lists.

: (

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 23:07:51 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Tom- You can be on my next list: TOP TEN homos of Ubersite.

Coming soon.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 23:06:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Tell me about it.

I think I might be up to around 550 "tributes" in just 3 years.

Submitted by iddqd at 2007-09-18 23:03:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

took me ages. for a while i was actually asking someone to hate me, but then all i had to do was act like a tool, and not only did i get hate posts, but also honest reviews on any posts i actually put some effort into.

i tell you, being a cunt has its benefits.

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2007-09-18 22:50:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-09-18 22:47:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-18 22:17:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-09-18 22:13:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-18 21:32:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

hilarious.

---

way to rip me off, loser.



---


Don't flatter yourself, dumbfuck.

---

why would i bother when i have retards like you writing posts about me?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How DO you get them to write posts about you? I want more posts about me.

Submitted by iddqd at 2007-09-18 22:47:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-18 22:17:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-09-18 22:13:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-18 21:32:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

hilarious.

---

way to rip me off, loser.



---


Don't flatter yourself, dumbfuck.

---

why would i bother when i have retards like you writing posts about me?

Submitted by MouRNIngLoRY at 2007-09-18 22:41:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Awesome.

Submitted by Tom at 2007-09-18 22:40:53 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Oh, so I don't get put anywhere on your list? You're such a piss infected cum bubble. Feel free to kill yourself. Tell me if there's anything I can do to help.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 22:39:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I'll be back after "Baseball Tonight".

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2007-09-18 22:33:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Since you're going to check if somebody's reviewed this post for the next hour or so, I decided to talk to you.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 22:29:00 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

The first list I typed out of "people I might like" had like 22 broads and Badlands on it.


AND SOME PEOPLE HAVE THE NERVE TO CALL SHLONGY A MO.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 22:27:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I'm STILL laughing about it.

Then again, I'm obviously easily amused.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 22:26:27 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

It's one of the best parts of the entire post...which, based on the rest of the post, isn't that much of an honor...but it was all planned out by me. Laughing my ass off with each letter I type.

That Shlongy is one cunning and clever one.

Submitted by Method at 2007-09-18 22:23:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I glanced through the list for my name, and was like "waaaait a minute, I'm not in there??" and then I hit CTRL-F and searched for my name in your list, and instead came across that scathing review.

Thats just mean, man....

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 22:21:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

If I can just get 42 consecutive +2's, I have a shot at beating Thorns.

Since there's no way in hell THAT'S going to happen, my only hope is for Oathmeal to round up all of his friends and dive bomb -2's on Thorns' post.

OK...I probably didn't think THAT through, either.

How's this for a plan: Oathmeal and Jgreenings combined 47 alters could lead me to victory.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 22:18:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-09-18 22:15:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-18 21:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

It could have been worse- you could have been left out completely.

Like Method, for example.

----------

AWWWWW WHAT THE FUCK



Buahauahauahahaha...You have to know, it was absolutely KILLING me to not include you on at least ONE list.

Then, I realized that it would also kill YOU!


And tossing that review in there like I did just made the whole "plan" come together...like Ocean's Eleven.


It's a buahauhauhahau-fest.

Submitted by jamowilly40 at 2007-09-18 22:17:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-09-18 22:13:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-18 21:32:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

hilarious.

---

way to rip me off, loser.



---


Don't flatter yourself, dumbfuck.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 22:16:05 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

But how do you keep track of them all?

I don't pay enough attention to know who the fuck is who these days.



iddqd- You're lucky. You crashed through a loophole. I guess you're OK...FOR NOW!

Submitted by Method at 2007-09-18 22:15:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-18 21:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

It could have been worse- you could have been left out completely.

Like Method, for example.

----------

AWWWWW WHAT THE FUCK

Submitted by Sinistral at 2007-09-18 22:14:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 Ramones

It seems that 1/3 of the list of people you don't like are either oathmeal or sicosimon alters.

Submitted by iddqd at 2007-09-18 22:13:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-18 21:32:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

hilarious.

---

way to rip me off, loser.

Submitted by iddqd at 2007-09-18 22:12:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

theres a conflict in your lists there, reptile. you hate me, yet you love 'all of australia'.

but, its ok - im sure you can make a special case for me. im worth it.



id be interested in hearing (or reading, i guess) you actually tell a story, like most old men, you seem like you have a knack for it.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 22:11:48 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

You may need to get to "LensCrafters", pronto.

Submitted by lungfish at 2007-09-18 22:10:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

best camwhore I've ever seen

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 22:09:32 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-09-18 22:02:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I hope you win.


YOU'RE NOT ALONE IN THAT REGARD!



But damn close to it.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 22:07:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

The last one was enough ass for the remainder of 2007, I'm thinking.


But you all ALMOST got to see my sac...and this may sound like bragging but, it looked really large tonight, in the first picture we took.

YOU WOULD HAVE LOVED IT!

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe at 2007-09-18 22:04:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

what, no ass picture? gaaaayyyyyyy!

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 22:02:51 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-09-18 21:47:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2


Girly bathroom.

You gotta put some bookshelves in your shitter, man. Come on, face reality.


Mrs. Shlongy handles 75% of the "decor" around the house.

If it helps my case any, that entire magazine rack to the side of the bowl contains nothing but:

1) About 7 Maxim magazines
b) Approx. 5 Playboy magazines
3) 2 Reader's Digests
4) A couple of Sports Illustrateds
5) One golf book


I realize that it in no way makes up for the picture of the Giraffe on the wall behind me but it's a start.

Submitted by ghola at 2007-09-18 22:02:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I hope you win.

Submitted by forthewin at 2007-09-18 22:00:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

It's okay, Shlongy... I don't like myself either...

INITIATE SELF MUTILATION

INITIATE SELF MUTILATION

INITIATE SELF MUTILATION

SYSTEM OVERLOAD

SYSTEM FAILURE

END PROCESS

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 22:00:09 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-18 21:50:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

There's somethign at the bottom of the paper. What's it say?


Oh, THAT?

Nothing really...just the disclaimer for the asterix.


(i.e. Unless I win)

Submitted by STIXS at 2007-09-18 21:55:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Thank god you didn't also try to write a song...

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2007-09-18 21:50:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

There's somethign at the bottom of the paper. What's it say?

Submitted by Jack_McCallum at 2007-09-18 21:47:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Girly bathroom.

You gotta put some bookshelves in your shitter, man. Come on, face reality.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2007-09-18 21:43:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

No... but I'm into college football, if that helps.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 21:41:24 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Only if you're into incest.

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2007-09-18 21:41:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-18 21:35:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

IF I GET THROUGH TO THE NEXT ROUND, I PROMISE A PICTURE OF SHLONGY HAVING ACTUAL INTERCOURSE WITH AN ACTUAL BROAD!
+
Me
=
+2 CANASTA

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2007-09-18 21:40:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Now that I've seen your bare ass, and I've seen you sitting on the can, I know you more intimately than I know my own parents.

Of course, my parents are WASPy, emotionally withholding, middle-aged Republicans. So they're difficult people to know intimately.

I guess what I'm trying to say is... Will you be my new dad?

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 21:39:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

As an aside, the first picture we took, I took out the memory card...loaded it on the computer...the lighting was OK...you could read everything you were supposed to be able to read....and right before I started puting this together, I noticed that my BALLSAC was hanging down about 5 inches between my legs into the bowl.


I yelled at Mrs. Shlongy who INSISTED that I use that picture.


Needless to say, it's been erased.

JUST AN FYI FOR Y'ALL.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 21:36:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

It could have been worse- you could have been left out completely.

Like Method, for example.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 21:35:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

IF I GET THROUGH TO THE NEXT ROUND, I PROMISE A PICTURE OF SHLONGY HAVING ACTUAL INTERCOURSE WITH AN ACTUAL BROAD!

Submitted by jamowilly40 at 2007-09-18 21:35:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I didn't even read it you fucking twat.

Since I did get honorable mention (*TWICE*), have a 0.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 21:34:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

So, are you two, like IM-ing or something?

OATHMEAL- BUT YOU MADE A LIST! AND YET YOU STILL -2ED THIS?

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2007-09-18 21:33:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

WELL SINEAD O'REBELLION, SHOCK ME SHOCK ME SHOCK ME WITH THAT DEVIANT BEHAVIOR

Submitted by jamowilly40 at 2007-09-18 21:32:52 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

hilarious.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2007-09-18 21:30:00 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

You should have been there..I screamed "CANASTA! right when I dropped a bomb into the bowl.


Aw, being a clown sucks. You get kicked by kids, bit by dogs, and
admired by the elderly. Who am I clowning? I have no business being
a clown! I'm leaving the clowning business to all the other clowns in
the clowning business.

-- Homer Simpson
Homie the Clown