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The BOSH Man! MAKES A NEW FRIEND WHO IS POWER KNOWLEDGEABLE! AND BONES A BOSH BANK BABE!!

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-01-11 12:32:32 EST
Rating: 1.63 on 55 ratings (55 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

So there I was sitting in on an Iced Earth rehearsal harmonizing with their lead singer when all of a sudden I realized I hate Metal. I took a guitar out of my dpocket and started thrashin' some heavy licks. The music I was playing was so powerful, the band started headbanging real hard. After about 73 minutes of power-headbanging, I stopped playing. 4 of the 5 members of the band were dead due to excessive headbanging, and the 5th member couldnt stop headbanging even though I wasn't playing guitar anymore. I set him on fire to put him out of his misery, but the headbanging was so powerful it extinguished the flames. I decided to let him tag along with me for the rest of the day.

Our first stop was the package store to get some cigarettes and some beer and probably some whiskey, too. As soon as we set foot in the place the smoke alarms went off, probably because of the smoldering headbanging metal half-corpse standing next to me. I punched the clerk in the neck and stole a pack of cigarettes and some beer. My headbanging companion just lit up a cigarette and headbanged.

Next we stopped at the bank so I could withdraw money form Scruggs' savings account.

"Can I help you?"

"Yea, probably."

"...How can I assist you today?"

"First you can ease up on all the questions you fuckin' narc."

" ..ok.. but what is your friend doing?"

I looked over at Fire Corpse McHeadbang.

"Headbanging. Listen, gimme all Scruggs' money."

"Ok, That guy is a piece of shit anyways."

This caught me by suprise, I decided that this bank teller chick was pretty bosh afterall.

"Fuckin a, Bank Babe.. Wanna come party?"

The bosh bank babe just lit up a cigarette and nodded in agremeent.

We greeted customers to the bank at the door with complimentary neck-punches for the next 45 minutes. After everyone ran away crying, we turned the bank into a mondo recording studio for no reason at all. Me and bosh bank babe porked for the next 3 days while Fire Corpse McHeadbang just stood around headbanging.

Scruggs came by to make a cash withdrawl so i told Fire Corpse McHeadbang to headbutt Scruggs as often as he could for the rest of his life. Scruggs tried running away but broke his leg in the process because his legs are actually made of spaghetti.

The Kid who knows Everything came out of left field on his hover board and took a piss on Scruggs jacket.

Years later, I added this to Scruggs memoirs without him knowing it. I can't wait for it to be published.


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Submitted by zwerg at 2008-01-15 13:44:56 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Sinistral at 2008-01-12 12:11:30 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-01-11 14:21:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

you spelled bosh wrong though.. in fact the letters P, E, R, and K aren't in the word BOSH anywhere.

Still, well done.
----

+2 for that. And the story, of course.

Submitted by DeMoNiC at 2008-01-12 12:00:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Kick ass story as fucking always & Iced Earth are also kick ass, been a fan since 1996 I think. Here's to wishing they tour Australia one day...

Submitted by sadie73 at 2008-01-12 11:18:38 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by locksly at 2008-01-12 05:34:13 EST (#)
Rating: 0

I liked you better when you were LSD

Submitted by Axolotl at 2008-01-11 22:26:34 EST (#)
Rating: 2

LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING HURRICANE

Submitted by Axolotl at 2008-01-11 22:26:24 EST (#)
Rating: 2

excellent work

ROCK ON

Submitted by ASO at 2008-01-11 21:29:00 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Elmo pimps hoes Elmo pimps hoes Elmo pimps hos. And he'll pimp you too.

rock over london, rock on chicago.

Submitted by icarus1987 at 2008-01-11 21:22:08 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Screw movies, Boshman. Movies are 1982. We need to turn your life into a video game. It will be like a combination of Guitar Hero, Donkey Kong, The Sims, and Pong. With Wesely Willis.

Submitted by ASO at 2008-01-11 20:57:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

sweet tale, bosh man!!!

Submitted by DeathJester at 2008-01-11 20:35:28 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-01-11 15:45:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

YOU CANNOT DESTROY THE METAL.

Submitted by DeathJester at 2008-01-11 20:33:14 EST (#)
Rating: 2

HAHAHA Iced Earth... +2 for that alone.

Submitted by rorrim at 2008-01-11 18:08:46 EST (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by hidden101 at 2008-01-11 17:55:16 EST (#)
Rating: 2

a very similar scenario happened to me about a month ago so i can relate to this.

Submitted by ConorJS at 2008-01-11 17:09:59 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"Our first stop was the package store"

You fucking Bostonian.

Submitted by lostnphound at 2008-01-11 16:52:10 EST (#)
Rating: 2

BWHAHAHAHA

Submitted by mattnotharry at 2008-01-11 15:54:32 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Terrific

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-01-11 15:48:45 EST (#)
Rating: 0

..BUT THEY FAILED

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2008-01-11 15:45:10 EST (#)
Rating: 2

YOU CANNOT DESTROY THE METAL.

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-01-11 15:11:53 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"...How can I assist you today?"

"First you can ease up on all the questions you fuckin' narc."
---------------------------------------

With dialogue like this, you're going to get me fired for laughing.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-01-11 15:03:20 EST (#)
Rating: 0

well slap my ass


scourge, you're not the only one!

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2008-01-11 14:56:23 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Bosh my sweet-

I was right. It is in the book.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/5684/Hunter-S-Thompson-Fear-and-Loathing-In-Las-Vegas

SFW--pdf of the book.

Page 25, "Look over there," I said. "Two women fucking a polar bear."

"Please," he said, "Don't tell me those things. Not now."

Submitted by Jack_McCallum at 2008-01-11 14:51:18 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-01-11 14:43:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-11 10:22:23 PST (#)
Ranking: 2

I never have cool stuff like this happen to Shlongy.

---
How can you refer to yourself in first and third person in the same sentence? Sweet holy Jesus, you're a tool.

--

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-01-11 14:46:03 EST (#)
Rating: 0

i'm not sure.

Submitted by shandythedog at 2008-01-11 14:45:29 EST (#)
Rating: 0

headbanging

is that term still in popular use?

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-01-11 14:44:33 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Alitteration is bodaciously bosh.

Forensibosh, I tried googling Fear and Bear Fucking in Las Vegas.. I did not want to follow any of the links, though.

Submitted by BeforeEmily at 2008-01-11 14:43:03 EST (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-11 10:22:23 PST (#)
Ranking: 2

I never have cool stuff like this happen to Shlongy.

---
How can you refer to yourself in first and third person in the same sentence? Sweet holy Jesus, you're a tool.

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2008-01-11 14:41:22 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Bosh-

I'll need to go look it up again once I get home, but I'm pretty sure there is a reference to someone fucking a bear in Fear and Loathing.

If not, it might be something they added just for the movie.

Fairly certain though that it was in the book.

Submitted by Leonore at 2008-01-11 14:38:42 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Alliteration is BOSH.

Submitted by TheUniter at 2008-01-11 14:22:34 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Thanks, buddy.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-01-11 14:21:30 EST (#)
Rating: 0

you spelled bosh wrong though.. in fact the letters P, E, R, and K aren't in the word BOSH anywhere.

Still, well done.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-01-11 14:20:06 EST (#)
Rating: 0

best review ever

Submitted by TheUniter at 2008-01-11 14:17:44 EST (#)
Rating: 0

.

Submitted by TheUniter at 2008-01-11 14:16:18 EST (#)
Rating: -1

The PERK Man! PHILOSOPHIZES KNOWLEDGEABLE!

So their I was sitting their listening to Iced Earth on my iPod shufle because my cheep ass parents were too cheep ass to by me a clasic for chistmas when all of a suden I realized I hate my life because my friends who were just like me in the in "crowd" but are the ones who were going to amount to anything.

The kids who were in all the good pictures in the year book, but had no grades to go anywear but a JC but didnt had the drive or the balls to sustain the stares of dissapointment and also the thoughts of wanting to live their lives that they got over it.

So i said fuck it i'll jst party and I went to the package store to get some and some beer and probably some whiskey, too. As soon as i set foot in the place the counter dude looked at me just like it used to for my brothers, who all went to college and did the entire ASB, Jock, college thing. I didn't. I liked to play ball but I also liked to party and live on the streets. I did not have grades. I mean I was smart and all but I hated my school, so I played a game of ignorance or else the whole " I won't try so I can never truly fail".

Then the clerk reminded me of my fat crybaby best friemd so I punched him in the face and stole some shit off the counter and ran like hell out of they're.

Next i went to the bank so I could get money to by beer since i didn't get any from the faghgot counter dude.
I wasn't one of the "in" kids. I never was. I mean I wasn't seen as one of them. But I was known well enough that I couldn't just do nothing and people wouldn't remember me. I was one of those people that are remembered in high school. Shit, I was a crazy party drunk.

But my account didn't have shit so i said fuck it and looked at all the shit I stole, and I almost cried. I mean that shit almost made me cry.

It was beef jerky and some altoads in those tins anda package of vitamoins. And it hit me write theier that was my life. My family wasn't rich but they care about me.

I was seeing at my life in sum shit i stole and their it all was rite in front of the nose on my face!

Has that shit ever happened to you Uber? Wht did you do?

One day i'll put it all down in my memwars.

Read this while you listen to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsVIPcqZzpk&feature=related
Or if you already finished reading then readit again whil;e you listen

Submitted by Yozz at 2008-01-11 14:06:55 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Talibandrew (user info) at 2008-01-11 12:37:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Excelent story
-----------------------
It was also excellent.

Submitted by Zampano at 2008-01-11 14:00:27 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-01-11 13:47:18 EST (#)
Rating: 0

PS forensibosh

good book but i don't see what you're getting at?

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-01-11 13:46:52 EST (#)
Rating: 0

so by the transitive property, you fucked scruggs!

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-01-11 13:46:37 EST (#)
Rating: 0

actually it was the bear that fucked scruggs.

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2008-01-11 13:39:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Fear and Loathing.



Submitted by scourge at 2008-01-11 13:38:01 EST (#)
Rating: 2

probably the metal guys

Submitted by scourge at 2008-01-11 13:37:45 EST (#)
Rating: 2

which one of you fucked a bear?

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2008-01-11 13:32:30 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Fuckin' narcs.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-01-11 13:30:39 EST (#)
Rating: 0

for example:

I didn't punch the package store dude and steal beer and cigarettes.. but i DO have a tab going there, so the other day when i walked in without my wallet, he added it to my tab. Not exactly stealing, but I like the way it sounds better in my post.

I didn't turn the bank into a recording studio.. but i DID (finally) hook up with the cute bank teller.

I heard Iced Earth on Sirius Radio the other day so i went home and downloaded one of their albums.. my buddy came over and started headbanging to it.

and voila! the story you see above is born.

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2008-01-11 13:28:26 EST (#)
Rating: 2

This reminds me of the time Fatty O'Funbags rode the Dump Train all over Wisconsin.

Submitted by lungfish at 2008-01-11 13:24:32 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"Fuckin a,

Submitted by Shlongy at 2008-01-11 13:22:23 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I never have cool stuff like this happen to Shlongy.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-01-11 13:18:19 EST (#)
Rating: 0

it is loosely based on a true story

Submitted by Shlongy at 2008-01-11 13:14:22 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Wait a second...Is this TRUE?

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2008-01-11 12:39:35 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"Years later, I added this to Scruggs memoirs without him knowing it. I can't wait for it to be published."




That was the best part.

Submitted by Talibandrew at 2008-01-11 12:37:12 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Excelent story

Submitted by SkullBiter at 2008-01-11 12:36:50 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Awesome.

Submitted by Hadley at 2008-01-11 12:35:11 EST (#)
Rating: 0

More vocally retarded than Habeeb.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-01-11 12:34:56 EST (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-01-11 12:33:10 EST (#)
Rating: 0

oh by the way. I dislike metal, but this band is fucking awesome.

http://www.icedearth.com/


Ohh, my son doesn't stand a chance! The whole world has gone gay!

-- Homer Simpson
Homer's Phobia