The BOSH Man! WANDERS AIMLESSLY IN OUTER SPACE!!Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-01-25 09:49:59 EST
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So there I was teaching the Kickapoo Indians how to set Earl Scruggs on fire when all of a sudden The Kid Who Knows Everything impregnated the princess of the tribe.
The Kickapoops, as he calls them, were pretty pissed off about it and it took 3 barrels of beer and a couple spliffs to calm them down.
We started getting pretty hungry so I made everyone hotdogs. Everyone seemed pretty agreeable to that, except the Kid Who Knows Everything. He looked at the Chieftain of the Kickapoops with disgust.
"How can you eat that?"
"You're tellin’ me you've never had a hot dog?"
"No! I'm not putting anything shaped like that in my mouth"
"What about a banana?"
"What about a sausage that’s been cut up into tiny pieces?"
"No! Then its just like.. you know.. its just like a chopped up cock."
"What about a sandwich?
"You mean like a regular flat sandwich?"
"Well yea, I'd eat that."
"Ok! Now how about a sandwich shaped like a dick?!"
"NO!!!!!!!! THAT DEFEATS THE WHOLE PURPOSE!! ALL YOU REALLY GOT THEN IS A HOT DOG!!"
The Kid Who Knows Everything was so angry hell fell down. The Kickapoops started laughing real hard, so I set them all on fire and lit up a cigarette. The Kid Who Knows Everything looked somewhat relieved.
“Don’t worry Kid, Those hotdogs were made of poison anyways”
“Righteous! But I already knew that..”
“Totally!” I gave him a mondo high five.
We took some pretty bosh horses and went on a quest to find Curley’s gold. Daniel Stern came by and asked us to suck rattlesnake poison out of his butt, so my horse, who I named Colonel Beefhawk, kicked him in the neck. The Kid who Knows Everything told him Kevin Arnold was a bitch and that he should stop narrating his voice on ‘The Wonder Years’. Even Larry Bird hates Daniel Stern. I just lit up a cigarette and nodded in agreement.
Years later, we found Curley’s gold and became millionaires. We stopped by Scruggs place to break his banjo but the Kickapoops had already beat us to it. Even The Kid Who Knows Everything didn’t know what was going on.
The Chieftain of the tribe walked up to us with a look of gratitude on his face.
“Boshdude and Omniscient One, the hotdogs you gave us were made of poison, but in your infinite wisdom, you were able to see that setting us on fire was the antidote.
“Totally dude, rock n’ roll!”
“Rock n’ roll indeed, Boshman. We have learned a lot from you. We keep feeding Scruggs poison hot dogs and then setting him on fire. I don’t think he is enjoying it, but as you taught us: ‘Scruggs is a cock loving stegosaurus fucker’ ..so we just ignore him.
“Gnarly! Later on I will teach you about waterproof tacos!”
“Tubular!” is what the Chieftain said.
I looked at The Kid, he had just lit up a cigarette and was nodding in agreement.
“That’ll do, Chieftain Kickapoop. Rock into the Future!”
“We will indeed rock!”
The Kid had eaten his horse by now, so he just levitated/hovered around while Colonel Beefhawk and I wandered aimlessly into outer space.