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Road Rage

Submitted by AllyJeans at 2008-03-27 12:27:40 EDT
Rating: 1.75 on 50 ratings (50 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

A girl with a bedazzled cell phone cut me off in traffic today. I gave her the finger, called her a whore, questioned the tenets of her religion, and shook my fist at her. All this in under 1.4 seconds. I also called her a cunt but that was after the 1.4 seconds.

For her part, she didn’t give me a second thought but continued to talk into her sparkly cell phone—probably about how much she hates the taste of cum after chewing “Ice Breakers.” Wishing to have the final word, I pulled along side and mimed to her, with one hand punching through the other, that I hoped she would one day suffer a prolapsed uterus. Leaving it at that, I sped by her in the fast lane.

Five minutes later she was back, tailgating me until a spot opened up for her on the right. Now alongside, she was yelling something. I couldn't really tell what it was, but she was also aping the hand gesture I had made and throwing up her hands as if to say, “What was that?”

I hit the power window button and waited for her to do the same. Then I shouted out the window.

“HEY, THERE!”

“WHAT WERE YOU SAYING, BITCH?”

“I HOPE YOU GET A PROLAPSED UTERUS!”

“WHAT?”

“I SAID I HOPE YOUR UTERUS FALLS OUT AND DOES A FUCKING DANCE!

“FUCK YOU!”

"AND A GOOD DAY TO YOU TOO!"

I rolled the window back up and waved goodbye. Then I slowed down, pulled behind her, and took the next exit so as to avoid any unnecessary violence.








matches her applicator.jpg
matches her applicator.jpg


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Submitted by Off_The_Wagon at 2008-06-04 11:27:44 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

Submitted by JonnyX at 2008-04-04 23:57:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Unabonger at 2008-03-31 00:26:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

That was my girlfriend and she is SO going to kick your ass now...

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2008-03-29 17:48:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

<blinks>


okay what's a uterus.

Submitted by AJ at 2008-03-29 16:47:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You're the best.

Submitted by beer-turtle at 2008-03-28 08:31:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

this is the reason I keep all my pennies in my car.

The closer they are on my bumper the bigger the handful of pennies about to crack the shit out of their windshield. (I usually drive around 80-90mph on the highway so if i am getting tailgated there is something wrong)

Submitted by netimportant at 2008-03-28 02:01:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You're a funny chick.

Submitted by Godless_dave at 2008-03-28 00:24:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Definately worth at least a 1!

Submitted by thecaes at 2008-03-27 23:00:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Caulfield at 2008-03-27 21:36:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Anansie at 2008-03-27 19:14:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:47:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Pfft, if you were a real woman you'd have followed her home and passive aggresivly tidied her living room whilst she watched television.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I love this guy.

Submitted by Yozz at 2008-03-27 18:14:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2



Submitted by Siren at 2008-03-27 17:35:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Nice!

Submitted by haikumikoo at 2008-03-27 17:07:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I rolled the window back up and waved goodbye. Then I slowed down, pulled behind her, and took the next exit so as to avoid any unnecessary violence.
-----

I considered docking a point for the lack of unnecessary violence, but you're clearly a woman, and cannot help being at least a little bit incompetent.

Submitted by shadow at 2008-03-27 16:53:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Made me smile.

Submitted by Caulaincourt at 2008-03-27 15:33:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by FATMANTPK at 2008-03-27 15:30:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by pen_name at 2008-03-27 14:58:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

long time no see.

can a uterus prolapse? the very idea frightens me beyond measure.

Submitted by SkullBiter at 2008-03-27 14:49:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

4 91RL \/\/17|-| 4 b3D4ZZL3D (3LL p|-|0|\|3 (U7 /\/\3 0PhPh 1|\| 7R4PhPh1( 70D4'/. 1 94\/3 |-|3R 7|-|3 Ph1|\|93R, (4LL3D |-|3R 4 \/\/|-|0R3, QU35710|\|3D 7|-|3 73|\|375 0Ph |-|3R r3L1910|\|, 4|\|D 5|-|00|< /\/\'/ Ph157 @ |-|3R. 4LL 7|-|15 1|\| U|\|D3R 1.4 53(0|\|D5. 1 4L50 (4LL3D |-|3R 4 (U|\|7 bU7 7|-|@ \/\/45 4Ph73R 7|-|3 1.4 53(0|\|D5. pH0R |-|3R p4R7, 5|-|3 d1D|\|'7 91\/3 /\/\3 4 53(0|\|D 7|-|0U9|-|7 bU7 (0|\|71|\|U3D 70 74L|< 1|\|70 |-|3R 5P4R|<L'/ (3LL p|-|0|\|3—PR0B4BL'/ 4B0U7 |-|0\/\/ /\/\U(|-| 5|-|3 |-|4735 7|-|3 74573 0Ph (U/\/\ 4Ph73R (|-|3\/\/1|\|9 "1(3 bR34|<3R5." \/\/15|-|1|\|9 70 |-|4\/3 7|-|3 Ph1|\|4L \/\/0RD, 1 pULL3D 4L0|\|9 51D3 4|\|D /\/\1/\/\3D 70 |-|3R, \/\/17|-| 0|\|3 |-|4|\|D pU|\|(|-|1|\|9 7|-|R0U9|-| 7|-|3 07|-|3R, 7|-|@ 1 |-|0P3D 5|-|3 \/\/0ULD 0|\|3 d4'/ 5UPhPh3R 4 pR0L4P53D U73RU5. L34\/1|\|9 17 @ 7|-|47, 1 5P3D b'/ |-|3R 1|\| 7|-|3 Ph457 L4|\|3. pH1\/3 /\/\1|\|U735 L473R 5|-|3 \/\/45 b4(|<, 741L9471|\|9 /\/\3 U|\|71L 4 5P07 0P3|\|3D UP Ph0R |-|3R 0|\| 7|-|3 r19|-|7. |\|0\/\/ 4L0|\|951D3, 5|-|3 \/\/45 '/3LL1|\|9 50/\/\37|-|1|\|9. 1 (0ULD|\|'7 r34LL'/ 73LL \/\/|-|@ 17 \/\/45, bU7 5|-|3 \/\/45 4L50 4P1|\|9 7|-|3 |-|4|\|D 9357UR3 1 |-|4D /\/\4D3 4|\|D 7|-|R0\/\/1|\|9 UP |-|3R |-|4|\|D5 45 1Ph 70 54'/, "\/\/|-|@ \/\/45 7|-|47?" 1 |-|17 7|-|3 p0\/\/3R \/\/1|\|D0\/\/ bU770|\| 4|\|D \/\/4173D Ph0R |-|3R 70 d0 7|-|3 54/\/\3. 7|-|3|\| 1 5|-|0U73D 0U7 7|-|3 \/\/1|\|D0\/\/. "|-|3'/, 7|-|3R3!" "\/\/|-|47 \/\/3R3 '/0U $4'/1|\|9, b17(|-|?" "1 |-|0P3 '/0U 937 4 pR0L4P$3D U73RU$!" "\/\/|-|47?" "1 $41D 1 |-|0P3 '/0UR U73RU$ pH4LL$ 0U7 4|\|D d03$ 4 pHU(|<1|\|9 d4|\|(3! "pHU(|< '/0U!" "4|\|D 4 900D d4'/ 70 '/0U 700!" 1 r0LL3D 7|-|3 \/\/1|\|D0\/\/ b4(|< UP 4|\|D \/\/4\/3D 900DB'/3. 7|-|3|\| 1 5L0\/\/3D d0\/\/|\|, pULL3D b3|-|1|\|D |-|3R, 4|\|D 700|< 7|-|3 |\|3><7 3><17 50 45 70 4\/01D 4|\|'/ U|\||\|3(3554R'/ \/10L3|\|(3.

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2008-03-27 14:34:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I would have taken the spare dagger and ninja star that I carry in my glove box out and whipped one at her ear lobe when she rolled the window down. After she crashed her Mazda Miata I would've fed her kelp until she was healthy enough where I could then stomp on her stomach, effectively prolapsing her uterus.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2008-03-27 14:33:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Anyone with a 'phone that girly probably has a spare uterus anyway.

Submitted by RyuFu at 2008-03-27 14:01:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Dancing Uteri.

Submitted by firefly at 2008-03-27 13:24:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by dithered at 2008-03-27 13:24:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-03-27 13:22:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Oathy is a very sensitive young man. His roids are like his children.



_________________

*flexes*

Submitted by scourge at 2008-03-27 13:24:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

haha below

oathy has made me chuckle probably three times recently. he must be on his meds.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2008-03-27 13:22:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Oathy is a very sensitive young man. His roids are like his children.



J/K Oathy you know I loves ya like a fat chick loves marshmallows

Submitted by dithered at 2008-03-27 13:18:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

At first I thought this read 'Roid Rage' and I thought, "Alright...who's the asshole making fun of me now?"

Submitted by creep_firebombing at 2008-03-27 13:09:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Gold.

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2008-03-27 13:09:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Yes, I'd make your uterus do a dance.

Submitted by Rhymenocerous at 2008-03-27 13:08:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fan-fucking-tastic.

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2008-03-27 13:07:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I learned it from my mother. Did you?

Submitted by Ducky at 2008-03-27 12:58:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You are wonderful.

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2008-03-27 12:56:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I think the international sound for "catfight" is REAR!!!

this sound must be followed by a scratching motion with the hands

Submitted by rob_berg at 2008-03-27 12:52:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 1


yikes.


Submitted by LittleMonster at 2008-03-27 12:49:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fuck yeah

Submitted by orph at 2008-03-27 12:49:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for Berty alone.

Submitted by AllyJeans at 2008-03-27 12:48:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:47:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Pfft, if you were a real woman you'd have followed her home and passive aggresivly tidied her living room whilst she watched television.

====================================

HAHAHA, no, only my mother does that.

Submitted by Berty at 2008-03-27 12:47:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Pfft, if you were a real woman you'd have followed her home and passive aggresivly tidied her living room whilst she watched television.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2008-03-27 12:42:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

What a great start to the day.

Hey, if you and this broad DO actually get together to "catfight", would you be so kind to take and post pictures?

Thanks in advance.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2008-03-27 12:41:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2008-03-27 12:33:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I'm sorry Jeanneee cut you off. That wasn't very nice of her.
----------------
How dare you. My cell phone is not Be-Dazzled. It's red.

Submitted by MudWhistle at 2008-03-27 12:40:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm with FG...I can't stand tailgaters. Even if I'm not the one being tailgated.

Given the opportunity I'll get in front of someone acting a fool and slow down side by side with some other cars and box them in.


Yes I'm that dick.

Submitted by Badlands at 2008-03-27 12:40:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I love you.

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2008-03-27 12:38:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

god damn!

TAILGATERS!

I'm in a coma today.

Sorry

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2008-03-27 12:37:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Nice

I can handle just about anything except tailgaiters. They're fucking dangerous.

Think about it, when you tailgait someone, you're putting a lot of faith in the driver in front of you. What if the driver in front doesn't like tailgaiters and decides to slam on their brake? The tailgaiter is fucked unless they have reflexes that are as fast as lightning.

I've often driven to work, thinking about how much I'd like to have a new car, when inevitably some douchebag in a Lexus, BMW, Jag, or some other pea dicked compensation car, decides to tailgait me. I'm going the speed limit or 5 over. In the right lane. 2 to 3 other lanes are wide open and they're going to tailgait me in a simple Ford Escort.

Hmmmm, I think to myself. I've got airbags and my seat belt is buckled. They're driving a Lexus SUV. I think I'd like a new car. I wonder what would happen if I suddenly slam on the brakes? I can always tell the police a deer ran across the highway. I think I can handle whiplash for a new car.

And so on.

I don't because it would be my luck that they'd have some 1,000 dollar and hour lawyer.

Anyway, fuck douchebag tailgaiters.

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2008-03-27 12:34:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

But it's so sparkly!

Submitted by MyTeeOne at 2008-03-27 12:33:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm sorry Jeanneee cut you off. That wasn't very nice of her.

Submitted by orphelia at 2008-03-27 12:32:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Awesome.

Submitted by corn nugget at 2008-03-27 12:32:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

lol

Submitted by scourge at 2008-03-27 12:30:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

haha, dancing uterus

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2008-03-27 12:29:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

W0000 IT'S MY FAVORITE LADY WRITER


Oh, I love your magazine. My favorite section is `How to Increase
Your Word Power.' That thing is really, really, really ... good.

-- Homer Simpson
Mr. Lisa Goes To Washington