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The IOC Missed a Trick

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2008-04-11 06:20:46 EDT
Rating: 1.69 on 46 ratings (46 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

I'm sure we've all seen on the telly, read in the papers, chatted at the water cooler or received a carrier pigeon about the Olympic Torch relay problem, and all the protestors, attacks on the carriers and the forces at play to try and ensure that it goes smoothly.

Before I proceed, let me include a disclaimer regarding my opinions towards the Olympics, China, Tibet, etc:
- I don't give a shit about any of it

What they seem to have done, however, is missed a very simple solution. A solution which would have had up to three outcomes:
1. Support for Tibet would disappear
2. The protests would stop
3. It would have been more entertaining

The solution: Instead of having world class athletes and B-list celebrities carry the torch, give it to small children and retards.

What would these people do then? Still rush them and knock them down? Maybe.

But would the support remain as strong as it has so far? Maybe not.

For all those people on the fence who aren't sure if it's right to protest an international sporting event that doesn't/shouldn't have anything to do with politics watching middle-class white boys charging some spastic with an open flame might start thinking twice.

For all those people who do want to protest the Olympics in the name of 'peace' or 'humanity' would skid to a halt as they dived at a five year old whose just run 2km with a torch they're barely able to carry.

For all the others, who just find it funny watching the Chinese guards who follow the torch everywhere put skinny Tibetans in headlocks and deliver wedgies, it would be pretty fucking funny to watch a young child be obliterated by pissed off monks.

Don't get me wrong, it wouldn't stop me if it was something I was seriously passionate about. If they were talking about outlawing looking like a twat and not caring, I wouldn't have a choice but to protest. To be honest the chances of that law coming into pass are fairly slim (especially in this country where we don't have a choice) and even if they did, I doubt they'd have a torch carried around the world in honour of it.

But if they did, and I saw a child carrying the torch, my first thought would be along the lines of 'Easy target, thank god.'

If the thought was any longer then it would be interrupted by the child’s screams as I deliver a devastating fly kick to their head.

If it was a 'special' person carry the flame of oppression, I'd just act retarded as well, as I clothesline them across the throat. Everyone surrounding us would scream 'spas fight' and I would kick his/her ass. Unless she was like the Rainman of Kung-Fu. In which case I'd seven shades of shit kicked out on me by a female retard on global television.

Which I probably deserve, anyway.



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Submitted by Lib at 2008-04-14 12:44:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys at 2008-04-12 18:33:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

heh heh heh

Submitted by Snark at 2008-04-12 04:45:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I hate that word.

Submitted by Snark at 2008-04-12 04:45:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You just got a +2 from a cunt.




































Lucky Bastard.

Submitted by loan_officer at 2008-04-12 02:29:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Snark at 2008-04-12 00:52:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-04-11 07:55:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

oh wait wait wait, how could I forget to mention this.

Snark is still a cunt. There was a bit of conjecture, people bandying about ideas, and then there was like a worldwide poll and go figure, he was and is an actual cunt.




Ahahahahahahaha!


No point in trying to come back from that one. It's just to good.

Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals at 2008-04-11 19:13:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Well, that made me L O L all over the fucking place.

Submitted by MyTeeOne at 2008-04-11 18:25:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"Instead of having world class athletes and B-list celebrities carry the torch, give it to small children and retards. "

I was laughing so hard at this, people came in to see what was going on. Well played sir.

Submitted by TheUniter at 2008-04-11 17:23:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 1


Submitted by kaos-king at 2008-04-11 17:22:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by firefly at 2008-04-11 14:44:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by apollo88 at 2008-04-11 14:13:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

huh?

china?

protests?

tibet?

what's that got to do with the election or iraq?


Submitted by greEn_uGly at 2008-04-11 13:47:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

very funny..

why does danger_ranger keep saying he doesn't care about any of this,
yet he is, by some distance, the most worked up of all the posters...

Submitted by shadow at 2008-04-11 13:26:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

oh dear.

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2008-04-11 11:42:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Oh great, it's Nath.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2008-04-11 11:39:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Happy Birthday

Submitted by Crystle at 2008-04-11 11:02:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

*Swoon*

Submitted by indoninja at 2008-04-11 10:48:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-04-11 10:45:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Let's just go to the olympics and accuse each other of steroid abuse, wave outrageously important index fingers at each other and cry foul when we don't make the semi heat, that's much more important.

------------

and question the importance/masculinity of any sport our country doesn't excel in.

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2008-04-11 10:45:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

technically indo I don't give a flying fuck about the dalai lama, and technically your redskins own you, our abo's own us and martians own mars, my point is....look, fuck it. Let's just go to the olympics and accuse each other of steroid abuse, wave outrageously important index fingers at each other and cry foul when we don't make the semi heat, that's much more important.

i'm not taking a dig at you btw, I understand what you're saying. Anyway you don't get this good looking without a couple of hours of kip, so goodnight.

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-04-11 10:39:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Glenn. at 2008-04-11 10:34:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fuck yes.

Submitted by indoninja at 2008-04-11 10:29:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-04-11 09:46:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

most things aren't black and white, but let china explain exactly why they're in Tibet, yet took offense to Japan invading their arses. Once that's done we'll all have kracka teeth in our shoe-polished faces, and sport won't just be a bandaid for humanity.

--------------------

Well they have technically owned it for 700 years.

It has had more or less autonomous control through since that period.

Tibet has only got butt hurt since the cultural revolution (and rightly so that fucked almost everyone there and tibet got very little lube).

Tibet itself acknowledged Chinese sovereignty by sending delegates to the Drafting Committee for a new constitution of the Republic of China in 1925; to the National Assembly of the Republic of China in 1931; to the fourth National Congress of the Kuomintang in 1931; to a National Assembly for drafting a new Chinese constitution in 1946; and to another National Assembly for drafting a new Chinese constitution in 1948.

Prior to 1950 no other ocuntry recognized a sovereign Tibet.

The only reason people care now is that the Dalia Lama is "cool".

Nevermind that his church running the country had a much higher death rate, lower education, less everything. People cry about the robbing of their culture and faith, but you can read and learn, and more has been recoreded about tibet than ever before.

Take away china and all they will have is a small tourist industry and they will have an even lower working class.

Submitted by indoninja at 2008-04-11 10:19:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

"What would these people do then? Still rush them and knock them down? Maybe. "

If someone told me if I gave a rats ass about Tibet I could knock over tards and little kids, Iwould be getting my face peinted with the tibet flag right now.

Submitted by experima at 2008-04-11 10:16:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

:)

hi! nice to see ya!

Submitted by MrsKitty at 2008-04-11 10:13:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

It's always a good thing when a solution to any problem involves exploiting young children and the mentally challenged. Poor little things.

Submitted by Berty at 2008-04-11 10:01:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2008-04-11 09:46:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-11 08:21:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

I'm not sure how to rate the post due to my compleate ignorance on the situation.

Heres one thing I do know. Danger ranger has proberbly started a shit storm on your post.
------------------
sweetums, it's 'probably'.

p
r
o
b
a
b
l
y.

probably.

Ignoring emission and speaking of tards, let's get to the nuts and bolts nath.

In Australia, the seething melting pot of sporting prowess and good looking people, we have - historically, treated our indigenous folk with off-handed disdain.

Recently we said okay well we haven't necessarily treated you guys well - be it meant well or nay, have a symbolic apology and move on.

The abo's were eyebrow-raisingly suspicious, thinking we'd just said it for kicks. which for all intents and purposes, we had.

That's not the point. Your tard hijinks aside, Beijing is a bit like financing the muhjahadeen during the soviet invasion. It's all fun and games until somebody gets their eye out, or financing ultimately becomes retalitory, being seen to be doing something one year and bombing taxpayer funded installations the next. For all those who adhere to the sport and politics don't mix philosophy, sleep well at night thinking it's a justifiable excuse, because sport of course is the great equaliser, and negates human rights abuses and any ets'esque television rights conspiracy. Of course the kicker is the whole backyard/people in glass houses thing, and sure it's hard to argue against, so let's play one abuse off against another, and encourage an abusive regime who have no fucking business being in a neighbouring country, by rocking up to their awesomely totally brilliant peace games. how cool will that be.

Yes it's hard to point fingers, maybe sport is the open door to diplomacy. The chicken or the egg. I can play my own devil's advocate and argue that's what it is, but would the gay games get played in gay free Iran, would koala bears lobby for the deforestation lazy animal track and fields? Would harp seals send a team to the NHL.

Would west Africian nations have turned up to an aparthied South African football tournament, or arab 'insurgents' to an American one. Circus animals to the circus olympics, the chinese to a 1939 japanese ping-pong match...

most things aren't black and white, but let china explain exactly why they're in Tibet, yet took offense to Japan invading their arses. Once that's done we'll all have kracka teeth in our shoe-polished faces, and sport won't just be a bandaid for humanity.

Submitted by Ltap at 2008-04-11 09:41:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Everyone surrounding us would scream 'spas fight' and I would kick his/her ass. Unless she was like the Rainman of Kung-Fu. In which case I'd seven shades of shit kicked out on me by a female retard on global television.
-----------------------
Awesome quote.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2008-04-11 09:27:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

ahahahaha, you wanker

Submitted by LittleMonster at 2008-04-11 08:44:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Nail gun to the forehead should be effective and a little less dramatic.

Submitted by F.J.Bell at 2008-04-11 08:35:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Oooh. Ye'll make 'im walk the plank, to old Davy Jones' locker, will ye?

Aaaarr.

Submitted by LittleMonster at 2008-04-11 08:33:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Proberbly not FJ. If he says anything about it again though, no one will ever find his body.

Submitted by F.J.Bell at 2008-04-11 08:27:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

LittleMonster you're still here! Huzzah!

Are you still allowed out to play?

Submitted by LittleMonster at 2008-04-11 08:21:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I'm not sure how to rate the post due to my compleate ignorance on the situation.

Heres one thing I do know. Danger ranger has proberbly started a shit storm on your post.

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2008-04-11 08:12:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

DR had his soul taken by that guy in Mortal Kombat.

He would make that constipated face and say "your soul is mine" and youd be like "what the fuck is this crazy china man talking about"....Thats when your soul gets sucked out of your body leaving you looking like a smurf out of hell......

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2008-04-11 08:08:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

And RIGHT after that, mikethescottish, acting all flower of scotland and flowers of the forest, went to play his bagpipes in some kind of pyschotic fever, but then Italy humiliated him in rugby. and he died too.

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2008-04-11 08:07:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Danger Ranger was so afraid of dentists that in 1979 he asked a fellow worker to try to cure his toothache by punching him in the jaw. The punch caused him to fall down, hitting his head, and he died of a fractured skull.



Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2008-04-11 08:04:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

and hairsphincter bleached his date, had reoccuring nightmares that emission's face kept popping out of it with a FARTA!, and the next time he went to the arse beautician took the bleach and promptly swallowed it and died, to ease his pain.

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2008-04-11 07:59:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

oh and im a 7ft amazonian women with fleas

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2008-04-11 07:56:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

and dervel was going to do more fintan stuff, right after he finished doing - fintan. shrugs.


Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2008-04-11 07:55:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

oh wait wait wait, how could I forget to mention this.

Snark is still a cunt. There was a bit of conjecture, people bandying about ideas, and then there was like a worldwide poll and go figure, he was and is an actual cunt.

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2008-04-11 07:48:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I noticed you reviewed the other day, and guessed you're kind of out of the loop, so here goes...

Berty got al-qaeda.

newcastle are going to get relegated.

crystle bought a house. boyfriends were too expensive.

spam can't believe it's not butter.

Apollo <3's warren moon.

There was this ginga who put his dick in a sock. wait. before that some girl put her vagina on the telly or the internet. There was a huge uproar because it looked like chicken.

Pock left his bird and now plays spandau ballet covers.

merlina met this bloke and got all wow we're so well to do and excited about our prospects, but still managed to hold onto her hippy roots - probably by their armpit hairs.

Darko got his ratings back.

Phallic exposed himself and then told everybody he was doing a law degree - that'll work out swimmingly.

Maltese left in a huff after I hacked his wikipedia page.

Liverpool cheated at football and darko protested and chained himself to a post, denouncing his ratings - get that up you merlina.

Tuesdaydelay got mobbed by some girls who thought he was robbie, and then died from kissing the one that looked like wayne rooney - ophelia. you don't know her but she's fucking gross.

C1ndy had rad's baby, wazza is now regarding 15 year olds and thorpe and williamson got married and now watch anime all the time. well williamson watches anime and thor.....nevermind. just think coffee table.

Circe manages Feyenoord and is apparently a hard task master, she bought some Brazilians but still insists on total football.

Stin did an apollo but didn't resort to eating dicks.

Siren is still in London.

And Forensic? Well she's going.....through the change. all this helps, 'eh?

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2008-04-11 07:09:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

i'm rating your post. *you* on the other hand, are a twat. anyway it's nice to see you again. you know - post.

Submitted by F.J.Bell at 2008-04-11 06:51:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I've been trying to come up with an interesting observation to make about this. But I can't. The truth is I just don't care enough.

Submitted by DrogoRoch at 2008-04-11 06:50:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Oh and there is no point giving it to Retards afterall They tried to give it to Gordon Brown but he just looked at it and dribbled. Now do that lovely breathing thing Brown you scruffy looking beast of a man.

Submitted by DrogoRoch at 2008-04-11 06:48:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I like the environmental angle this whole realy has. Here are the hippy tree hugging twats that dictate that the rest of us have to get penalised for farting too much and using our cars, yet this fucking flame gets carted around the world on a bloody plane to so many pointless places with its own little group of militant fucking smurfs.

I came up with a great 'Green' way to do the olympics. Basically everyone stays in their own countries and runs around tracks, or throws spears or whatever, there, they get timed. The clever television voodoo people splice it all together to make it look like they are actually in the same place. ane then they just hand over the medals to America and Australia. Save the rest of us a shit load of money to watch over paid supposed 'British sports Stars' waste their time. Also it will save the planet man!

The main thing to do though is not to interview any of them afterwards, the ammount of bullshit that is created at that time is unbelievable.


Hee, hee! I can be a jerk and no one can stop me!

-- Homer Simpson
Itchy & Scratchy Land