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The new messiah says "Durka Berka"

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-05-22 10:30:36 EDT
Rating: 1.45 on 16 ratings (16 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

My mail weirdness project is still ongoing, and I thought it was over, until yesterday, when I opened my PO Box to find a 4 page print-out that I've pain-stakingly typed out in it's closest possible form.

One thing to keep in mind is that this was sent by a swiss guy named "Lothar Trott", which probably explains some of it, but I'm positive that the mis-spellings had to have been done on purpose, and not all of them are featured here, as Microsoft Word had a tendency to keep annoyingly "correcting" my obvious spelling errors.

Some of them make great sense, other's are like the mindless babbling of a wandering, homeless lunatic.

He also sent a picture which I was instructed to fill out and pass on, but I feel like posting a postcard I received instead. This sender is a twisted assistant principal from Queens, NY, who spends her free time teaching kids how to make art like this! Yay for the kiddies!

For more of the Mail Weirdness series:

http://www.ubersite.com/m/115024 An introduction to the idea.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/115386 First package recieved from another uber-user.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/116100 Second uber-user mailing.

And the linkwhore to the place where I show everything I've gotten so far:

That's right. A blogspot. Blow me.

Berka or berker point’s

1)print 3,000 werd’s each day!
2)jently walk every day!
3)kung fu anti rape training!
4)memory trik pjk prins jezus king pjk!
5)<u>ZERO MAN </> iz throw every ting out and build filosofy to eliminate eror’z!
6)read kover to kover duz no mean read extra junk note’s!
7)read saheeh 1997 Koran!
8)god rote king jame’s bible personally just for you!
9)koach spank child on bak ov thigh!
10)pole dans for self esteem!
11)need careful siens to show jezus’ez mirakal’z medikly posable!
12)40 day enlitenment brain iz forty day’z and forty nite’s thing so god kopyed number 40 al over new berka or burker way or filosofy or relijin!
13)print’s and’z plural’z eliminate personal property and country bak to indian’z!
14)saying, mimic the master! Smile smile!
15) downfall ov man downfall ov god!
1)10,000 year’z konfuzjon!
2)10,000 male’z steal soshal job’z!
3)10,000 yer’z build knowledj ov life!
16)jezus and Mohamed saying you rize from the ded entirely reazonable!
17)god rote Koran or quran personally just for you!
18)god’z new 6 day week calendar let’s kid’s birthday’z normaly fal on same day ov week!
19)chikin soup love every 2 or 3 day’z!
20)god rote hindu upanishad’z personally just for you!
21)memorize sixteen 16 bible lady’z!
22)vortex analysis ov tao @#$ an Mathew senter werd’z child and ruler!
23)thing twise (2) if you object to anything!
24)mary baker edy said do not preech any theem in church!
25)profet shod hav 40 wive’z!
26)cherry blossom is wen it apear’z god did something but kant tel for shur!
27)hindu red dot third (3) eye ferst thing lost!
28)frederik Douglas killed two million wite’z 2,000,000!
29)greek’s said life iz a dream!
30)god killing lot’s wife waz rong!
31)retell profet’s 10,000 story’z! print!
32)god’s 6 day week calendar klos to natchural 291/2 day womon’z moon woom refreshment
33)pres output letar’z between sacred book’s!
34)Koran duz not say Mohamed was last profet!
35)god rite’z god book’s to akumulate self training!
36)do not hold previous opinion
37)saying, start rite end rite!
38)god rote tao te ching tao @#$ book personally just for you!
39)sin iz EHAK, ego hierarkal authoritarian complex!
40)know every thing is 10,000 year’z ov learning!
41)in church sit or stand or lay prostrate az it pleez’ez god?
42)dans naked to the moon!
43)no double letar’z kauz double letar’z konfuz kid’z!
44)saying, tao @#$ iz wat iz!
45)do not eat pig’z embryo’z baby’z!
46)king david killing male male love apearans guy waz rong!
47)print new fonetik englush for werld kid’s!
48)read pasaj from any book in church!
49)pul profet’s 8 dog dog sled!
50)ask god pleez say NO loudly in your mind!
51)god saying tel print 10,000 story’z iz a bit much!
52)it iz not true jezus waz borne in three (3) pies buzines suit!
53)ayn rand said existens exist’s!
54)titanic did not sink!
55)noah’z ark flood 40 150 enlitenment ov jezus and moze’z!
56)womon’z private area senter ov univers!
57)Mohamed said Ishmael not izak sakrifishal son ov Abraham!
58)100,000 one hundred thousand yer’z ago womon ran everything!
59)print letar’z to husband or wife!
60)Lotus blossom iz to statistikly notis repeat mental sequense’z wat is tru and fals?
61)no mikrofone’z, live broadkast’s, or intertainment in church!
62)budha waz eastern enlitenment profet!
63)brest feed four (4) year’z!
64)the frenzied and hyperaktivitiy ov seseme street and other kid’s show’z produse’z mental diseaze!
65)tao @#$ iz the mystery!
66)joeb 28 28 iz senter ov god’s way ov life!
1)fear god iz wisdom!
2)stay away from eval understanding!
67)god fizikly punishe’z new master’z saint’s anjel’z to obey!
68)don’t bring sel fone’z too church!
69)god new six day week calendar start’z month on Sunday kan have double Sunday holiday!
70)dres klown, gothic, mime in church!
71)Mohamed said kan koach hit your wife!
72)you don’t want to know how god got mary pregnant!
73)every kid shod have three (3) mother’z!
74)tao @#$ iz do everything!
75)jezus born in manjor so god kod show joe hiz wif mary fizkal verjen!
76)saying, fredom never tryed!
77)teeching kid’s there iz big people and lital people iz rong!
78)@#$ tao symbol reverse’z sex’z and iz true in deep mother erth female voise!
79)teech statistik’s in church!
80)Shinto prinsapal iz respect local kustom’z and respect local relijin’z!
81)memorize the 40 god’s!
82)god rote shorter oxford dikshonary personally just for you!
83)read Bible kover to kover!
84)Sunday skool!
1)print letar’z to grand parent’s!
5)story’z from any pikchur book!
85)a good man wil play tutch hiz wife in front ov children!
86)motehr’z even father’z kan do perfekt love by incorporating empathetikly loved person az part ov your body!
87)jezus and Mohamed said let male bee 100% responsible for everything!
88)printing letar’z to each other iz the grand kanyon eko people!
89)<u>ELIJAH</u> profet to teach god to think!
90)alien’z say against kuning and deseit!
91)second sex secret ov bible iz let god handle kinky stuff----kiding! Not!
92)50 year marij enlitenment real enuf!
93)see moon kis left palm!
94)a womon may have 4 huzband’z!
95)you may not hurt a child!
96)saying, risk al for al!
97)jezus seeing complete restorashon kan make jezus mesiah!
98)Know sex to determin gerl child or boy child!
99)nachural brain marij iz 7 year’z or 2,555 day’z and female run’z new brain!
100)god kreated the werld in 6 hour’z but did not want to brag about it!
101)god rested on seventh day, you are kiding!
102)god kiling 15,000 ejypshon kid’s rong!
103)enlitenment iz a healthy sykosis!
104)bring pet pig to church to show kid’s hiz or her intelejens!
105)budha helped train <u>ZERO MAN<u/>
106)do golden rule rite, ferst establish how you want to bee treated?
107)beg god to talk to you in your mind?
108)thouzand 1,000 kis saramoney wil guarantee any relashionship!
109)jail killed kaptan sisera humanely!
110)read shorter oxford dikshonary kover to kover!
111)perfek love iz literaly having a living model ov the person in your brain!
112)there are so many spesifik point’s that people kan disagree with people who follow the new way mite bee very tolerant even beyond the Shinto prinsapal!
113)printint letar’z to each other iz a style ov oral history!
114)do not kandal chickin eg’z!
115)judj Deborah parading kaptan sisera’z kut off hed thru town not very tao @#$!
116)lot did not sleep with dauter’z!
117)name sweet sixteen 16 smel’z ov female body?
118)sand box 101!
1)play nise!
2)don’t throw sand!
119)read king jame’z Mathew book 100 time’z!
120)Josef smith said do not have background muzik at church!
121)ask god yes/no queschon’z?
122)read tao te ching tao @#$ book 100 time’z!
123)promis god anything for god to talk to you!
124)alien’z kreated man and living god to lern to think objekively!
125)Mohamed ferst humanitarian profet to help society ov womon and childrin!
126)the erth iz flat, the solar system waz invented to sel baby krib’s!
127)living god ov Abraham lie’z!
128)wen you die your rase chanje’z!
129)memory devise for dyna deby jail aby rahab ester is 44DD brest milk DDkare chanj k to j!
130)jezus waz enlitenment profet ov brain chanj!
131)no fizkal greeting’z ov any kind in church!
132)jezus told how to trane living god!
133)ask god to say YES loudly in your mind?
134)read Koran or quran kover to kover!
135)read king jame’z bible!
136)sacred kis seven (7) plase’z on female body!
137)god rote hindu upanishand’s personally just for you!
138)god thot about wen you die you chanj sex but god said, no, kauz there iz a big deferens between wako and very wako!
139)do not say wee beleev unless you kan explain the point!
140)if you read only book’s god rote, you wil be betar off!
141)budha and zen master rong, beging iz unprogresiv and waiting ten (10) tear’z for enlitenment is nutzoid!
142)Mathew chapter bible plan iz read the chapter ov the calendar day so valentine’z day read chapter 14 and saint patrik’s day read chapter 17!
143)<u>TAI CHI<u/> chinees movement exersize!
144)have a live male or female model az an ikon in church on a lazy suzan turner or shufel slowly!
145)Mohamed said a man may hav 4 wife’s!
146)teling kid’z half moon kaled quarter moon is stewped!
147)brest feed a male male love behavioral male and make him a man!
148)H spot 40 minute orgazem!
149)sound ov one (1) hand klaping kan bee explaned!
150)tao @#$ iz art ov doing nothing!
151)tao @#$ iz the siens ov power!
152)werd gay poet’s reserv for dandy!
153)play monopoly in Sunday skool!
154)strugal to print ten million 10,000,000 werd’s!
155)aksept any food offered az a guest!
156)ferst sex secret ov bible iz treat wife every nite az a verjen!
157)loving your enemy realy iz not posable so switch to golden rule!
158)a fun man wil spank koach hiz wife!
159)need new profet in a million yer’z to del with new human speshy’z!
160)read bok ov joeb 100 time’z in Hebrew for enlitenment!
161)jezus tempted by devil like joeb!
162)god piersed jezus’ez side on kros to show history hiz hart not beating!
163)satanist’s teech their children not too believe in fairey tale’z! god?
164)our star modified star ov david!
165) keep your self before you keep mee!
166)saying, love make’s thing’z grow!
167)secret ov life, pik up a child every 45 minute’s to hear your hart beat!
168)need one (1) room skool hous every sity blok!
169)duplicate profit’s 18 mile walk to woodstok on Saturday! Every year! Did not smoke weed, had to dream to attend historic event!
170)post ofis’ez shod have rest room’z to chanj baby diaper’z!
171)konservativ konstitushonal amerkan’z!
1)do not believ in torchur!
2)womon own her body!
172)find a gerl frend for kuious jeorj?
173)wether iz majikal!
174)cartoonist boiled anjel run out ov florodoh legally kauz he made a priest’s molesting lital boy’z grotesk!
175)sing row row row your boat at any time for any reazon!
176)mister orjer’z not brest fed!
177)kontrakt with grate being iz tel the truth!
178)the universal prinsapal iz every thing iz konekted to every thing!
179)eat a nis stake ons a year!
180)perfekly okay to swear at the profet (only this one) if you get aggravated if mee or twinkal toe’z werk’s you hard!
181)kompared to berka or burker, lezbian’z know hop skotch about womon’z!
182)6 meal’z a day for flat tumy!
183)nachural spirit aje iz for (4) yer’z old for men and nine (9) yer’z old for womon, so lital boy’z like to teez big gerl’z and big gerl’z like to kontrol lital men!
184)secret deep krischon enlitenment iz thank god for every thing that happen’z kauz you kant judj god’z rezon’z so thank god if some thing apear’z too bee bad happen’s!
185)don’t uze name’z ov letar’z and name’z ov number’z az fun englush! Kauz al the kid’z in the werld new fonetik englush bee simpal fonetik!
186)boodah said only problem iz separashon!
187)people who agre diasagree and parrot good werd’s not good!
188)saying fuck you to the master valuabal presept if you have trouble with separation isolashon and independans from the master!
189)fuck off or shov off or other don’t bother mee ilk iz ferst presept ov any valid hueman konstitushon!
190)the unalienable rite ov the god’s and spirit’s to expire us shod bee dismayed!
191)werd’s are turd’z but jezus said it betar!
192)wen lilipushon’z tied down paul bunyon did not get kinky!
193)saying, helping hueman’z iz a thankless task!
194)people think god haz nothing betar to do than design snow krystal’z!
195)don’t know how the rumour got started but kid’s think bul frog’z hop on lily pad’z!
196)the only thing mikrofone’z are good for in kasting out side sound’z!
197)true enuf, the living god ov Abraham keep’s failing!
198)guy’z huging tree’z iz not a moby dik thing!
199)guy haz pain in hiz krank so doktor ask’s him wen he make love? Doktor iz not amazed at 18 time’z a day so he say’z ust bee al the jerking off in between!
200)rabit’s uze funkshonal name’z so pikchur young rabit koupal going to infertility klinik!
201)wen australian’z say no wory’z it mean’z nuthar beer iz a state ov mind!
202)hueman wory about god’s sex like god iz kangaroo! Hens expreshon look at that tale!
203)spekar’z ferst dirty joke you kan judj dirty or funy? Why did third (3) lital pig build brik hous? Tired ov wolf’s blow job’s and wanted real thing!
204)faourit god kartoon iz wat you say to tidal wave? Say “hi” and try to akt frendly!
205)if you draw a pikchur you wil see mountain man, he who dans’ez on side ov mountan!
206)saying, one drop duz not make a rainbow!
207)do punch and judy klaping stik play’z in church!
208)put tooth pik’s in G spot squirt hole’z!
209)atrosity paradox iz more iz les!
210)why shod the profet bee the only god traned master or traned saint or only god trained anjel?
211)berka or burker relashonship iz wors than marij! Kauz god’s new relijin realy suk’s!
212)praktis saying, any thing you want sweet prins!
213)satanist’s believe do wat you want!
214)some womon think vibrating bone’z imajinary! In other werd’z some men hav no batery’z!
215)don steven’z, ferst amerikan enlitenment profet preached say everyt thing I do iz rite! <u>EIDIR</u>
216)satan having three (3) bone’z imajinary!
217)vapirizem iz a deskripshon ov anchent enlitenment!
218)teevee’z shod hav a parental switch for federal komunikashon’z komishon sensorship!
219)al amerikan teevee stashon’z shod broadcast any show in united nashon’s dub over englush or Spanish!
220)womon’z bikini sokor shod bee ameraka’z nashonal sport!
221)the living god ov Abraham iz too lively this week!
222)the state prizin system shod bee part ov the state university system!
223)womon uze three (3) brane’z independently at the same time but don’t tel men they do that!
224)dude, wee need to get payed in real money not just fishe’ez!
225)fung shway sex!

What do you do when you get this in the mail......laugh..jpg
What do you do when you get this in the mail......laugh..jpg

Review This Item




Submitted by TheUniter at 2008-05-23 01:08:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Lib at 2008-05-22 13:17:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

A friend of mine and I did those "postcard art" for a downtown art project, the kids made some awesome stuff. Kid art is real!

Submitted by shadow at 2008-05-22 12:58:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Maybe I just walked up the road to the blue thing with the mouth and fed it an envelope. Maybe that envelope had a stamp.


Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-05-22 12:31:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-22 12:02:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I'm moving soon anyway, and I can't remember the new address. So it wouldn't matter if I gave it to you or not, it would still be incorrect, or at best out-of-date.

Exactly. So should I be expecting something?

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2008-05-22 12:03:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

As I got up in front of them, I felt an intoxication that had nothing to
do with alcohol. It was the intoxication of being a public spectacle.

-- Homer Simpson
Dancin' Homer

Submitted by shadow at 2008-05-22 12:02:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm moving soon anyway, and I can't remember the new address. So it wouldn't matter if I gave it to you or not, it would still be incorrect, or at best out-of-date.

Submitted by haikumikoo at 2008-05-22 12:01:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I forget what I'm rating, which usually means I would minus two randomly (high probabilities and the like), but I already selected +2, so you obviously rock all kinds of socks.

High five!

Submitted by orphelia at 2008-05-22 11:47:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

What is a 'blogspot'?

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-05-22 11:45:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-22 11:23:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

if people send you things, you will have their return address...

I never said you had to put your return address on the envelope. You could just write a message saying "This (blahblahblah) was from shadow@ubersite)."

That's only if you even care to claim responsibility, which I would if I put any effort into it.

But yes, I can be trusted with addresses. I have at least 2 right now, maybe more.

Submitted by shadow at 2008-05-22 11:23:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

if people send you things, you will have their return address...

Can you be trusted with the addresses of Uberers???

Of course, folks could always use fakes...

I digress.

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-05-22 10:46:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Wh ... what's going on? Wh ... wha ... why am I on a Japanese box?

-- Homer Simpson
In Marge We Trust

Submitted by orph at 2008-05-22 10:42:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

158)a fun man wil spank koach hiz wife! - my favourite.

this guy needs to lay off the religious literature.

Submitted by HurtByTheSun at 2008-05-22 10:41:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This is a fucking cool idea.

Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 at 2008-05-22 10:37:34 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

This is not fun to read......

Not at all....

Submitted by F.J.Bell at 2008-05-22 10:36:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Silly simian.

Submitted by Brdn_Nkd at 2008-05-22 10:34:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

this seems an entertaining project type thingy

As I got up in front of them, I felt an intoxication that had nothing to
do with alcohol. It was the intoxication of being a public spectacle.

-- Homer Simpson
Dancin' Homer