Depravity, Desperation, or Bizzare Foods?Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-06-13 15:42:02 EDT
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True stories with Monkeyswithguns part 3.....
Okay, it's been awhile since I posted last, but reading Fallen's post inspired a rather odd memory from my wretched childhood.
When I was around 9 or 10, my father took it upon himself to teach me how to hunt. We lived in tobacco country, and in such rural areas, killing and feasting upon the flesh of the wild is the highest form of entertainment. Some would call it cruel, I would call those people out of touch with reality.
My father, and our hunting "club", which was comprised of mostly family members, distant relatives, and friends of family hunted with dogs, driving around in trucks, with cb's, while drinking Wild Turkey. The law wasn't concerned, in fact, the law was my uncle Joseph, who was the biggest drunk of the bunch anyway, and one of 2 sherriffs in that part of the county.
For those not familiar with hound hunting (black and tan hounds), it's a completely different experience than stand hunting, involving cornering a deer in an area of around 500-1000 acres, then surrounding the entire area with hunters, while dogs attempt to chase the deer out of the perimeter. I've seen people get shot due to this, but that's another story about a guy, rather ironically named "Buck."
There are laws regarding the taking of does (doe, a deer, a female deer you dipshit.) after a certain time of year, as they'd be pregnant, but as I've explained, laws didn't apply to us. Sadly, for this very same reason, I've seen a dead black man hanging from a tree before, which is yet another story I should write about, or maybe not so much. (Not by my family or friends, but I probably knew the perpetrators...)
Needless to say, from time to time, a doe would be killed with fawn fetus intact, revealed during the processing. We didn't use processing centers, we were poor. We did this for extra food.
Even though we were poor though, we were still better off than others in the area. I knew people who didn't have running water or electricity in 1990, in America.
The skinning shed, rusted, rotting, and probably more dangerous than our guns, was full of pin-ups of big hair, big breasted 80's playmates. The kind you look back on and say "What was that about?" But I was 10, and got to look at penthouse while blood spilled at my feet, so to me it was pure awesome.
One day in the skinning shed, my father putting a new issue of Penthouse in my hand, (my first sight of vagina, BTW.) the guts spilled out of a doe, along with a near birth fetus of Bambi. The head of the poor family without running water or electricity was there, and claimed he would eat it for $20.00. He was poor, which was one reason, but he was also drunk, which was why he was poor. The fetus was the size of maybe a watermelon, but it was slimy, and had the consistency of jello.
A few people, my father included, pitched in $5.00 a piece, plus a case of Budweiser. (The only TRUE redneck beer!)
He steadied himself, and firmed his resolve with a shot of bourbon, and without chewing, swallowed the fetus whole. It didn't come back up. He left with $20.00 and some beer, and any innocence I had left at that point was instantly dissolved, like the fetus in his stomach.