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Depravity, Desperation, or Bizzare Foods?

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-06-13 15:42:02 EDT
Rating: 2.0 on 29 ratings (29 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

True stories with Monkeyswithguns part 3.....


Okay, it's been awhile since I posted last, but reading Fallen's post inspired a rather odd memory from my wretched childhood.

When I was around 9 or 10, my father took it upon himself to teach me how to hunt. We lived in tobacco country, and in such rural areas, killing and feasting upon the flesh of the wild is the highest form of entertainment. Some would call it cruel, I would call those people out of touch with reality.

My father, and our hunting "club", which was comprised of mostly family members, distant relatives, and friends of family hunted with dogs, driving around in trucks, with cb's, while drinking Wild Turkey. The law wasn't concerned, in fact, the law was my uncle Joseph, who was the biggest drunk of the bunch anyway, and one of 2 sherriffs in that part of the county.

For those not familiar with hound hunting (black and tan hounds), it's a completely different experience than stand hunting, involving cornering a deer in an area of around 500-1000 acres, then surrounding the entire area with hunters, while dogs attempt to chase the deer out of the perimeter. I've seen people get shot due to this, but that's another story about a guy, rather ironically named "Buck."

There are laws regarding the taking of does (doe, a deer, a female deer you dipshit.) after a certain time of year, as they'd be pregnant, but as I've explained, laws didn't apply to us. Sadly, for this very same reason, I've seen a dead black man hanging from a tree before, which is yet another story I should write about, or maybe not so much. (Not by my family or friends, but I probably knew the perpetrators...)

Needless to say, from time to time, a doe would be killed with fawn fetus intact, revealed during the processing. We didn't use processing centers, we were poor. We did this for extra food.
Even though we were poor though, we were still better off than others in the area. I knew people who didn't have running water or electricity in 1990, in America.

The skinning shed, rusted, rotting, and probably more dangerous than our guns, was full of pin-ups of big hair, big breasted 80's playmates. The kind you look back on and say "What was that about?" But I was 10, and got to look at penthouse while blood spilled at my feet, so to me it was pure awesome.

One day in the skinning shed, my father putting a new issue of Penthouse in my hand, (my first sight of vagina, BTW.) the guts spilled out of a doe, along with a near birth fetus of Bambi. The head of the poor family without running water or electricity was there, and claimed he would eat it for $20.00. He was poor, which was one reason, but he was also drunk, which was why he was poor. The fetus was the size of maybe a watermelon, but it was slimy, and had the consistency of jello.

A few people, my father included, pitched in $5.00 a piece, plus a case of Budweiser. (The only TRUE redneck beer!)

He steadied himself, and firmed his resolve with a shot of bourbon, and without chewing, swallowed the fetus whole. It didn't come back up. He left with $20.00 and some beer, and any innocence I had left at that point was instantly dissolved, like the fetus in his stomach.



Bambi lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.jpg
Bambi lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.jpg


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Submitted by RoadSong at 2008-12-15 16:56:23 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"Even though we were poor though, we were still better off than others in the area. I knew people who didn't have running water or electricity in 1990, in America."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes.

Submitted by orphelia at 2008-06-18 04:26:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Bloody nora.

Submitted by shadow at 2008-06-17 12:18:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

and by that I mean WHAT THE HELL???

Well, here's hoping you've branched out from the family. No offense and all, but seriously.

Submitted by shadow at 2008-06-17 12:17:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Hell.

Submitted by F.J.Bell at 2008-06-16 10:22:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Berty at 2008-06-16 08:50:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Doodles at 2008-06-14 14:41:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-06-13 16:04:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

BAMBI! *slobers*
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HEEL, MANBEARPIG HEEL!

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2008-06-14 13:21:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Well... that's a relief.

Submitted by PayMeLater at 2008-06-14 11:46:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Obviously fragments of a repressed memory are emerging.

UNCLE CLETIS ATE YOUR BABY SISTER!!!

Submitted by anunusualyetwittyname at 2008-06-14 10:22:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Northern hunters are much the same.

Submitted by MANICMOTHER at 2008-06-14 10:17:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by experima at 2008-06-14 03:20:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-06-13 22:55:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-06-13 19:50:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

You know I love you bro, but damn. It's stories like this that make people think all Georgians are criminally psychotic sibling-fuckers.


I mean, most of us are. But I'd like to keep that on the low low.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Glad to know you love me, but I'm not a Georgian. I'm from Virginia, and just happen to live in Georgia, as I have for the past 5 years. Sic Semper Tyrannis!!!!

Oh the irony "Thus always, Tyrants", though it's never clearly identified which figure on the flag is the tyrant. Is it the victor, or the victim? Who can truly say?


Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2008-06-13 22:46:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This brings back fond memories of growing up in the sticks during hunting season.

We kicked up a newborn deer and it's mom while cutting the field across the road from my dads place this past week. Nearly took the little guy down with the sickle bar.

Submitted by Director at 2008-06-13 21:32:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

While that's a great (read, sad) story, I'm not so sure it's physically possible to swallow a watermelon sized anything whole.

Did he unhinge his redneck jaw?

What state was that in?

Submitted by lungfish at 2008-06-13 20:05:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I met some great aunts from Kentucky at my grandfather's funeral. I was 17. They invited me to come visit, which was nice.

"Dad, I'd like to go visit them."

"I don't think you want to go there, son."

"Why not?"

"There are no roads where they live."

"Oh."

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2008-06-13 19:50:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You know I love you bro, but damn. It's stories like this that make people think all Georgians are criminally psychotic sibling-fuckers.


I mean, most of us are. But I'd like to keep that on the low low.

Submitted by ChaosJester at 2008-06-13 19:26:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Pure Awesomeness.

...

(Except for the whole, you know, lynching bit. That shit ain't cool.)

Submitted by X54 at 2008-06-13 18:04:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2008-06-13 14:18:31 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Playmates appear in Playboy. Penthouse has Pets. Let's make sure to keep important facts like that straight.


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X54 you take your girly mags a little too seriously.

Penthouse took the alliterative que from Playboy to beging with, so it really doesn't matter the desgination now does it?
-------

Au contraire! You take your girly mags far too lightly. No true connoisseur of classic porn would confuse a Playboy Playmate with a Penthouse Pet. Playmates are all tits and ass, whereas Pets show hole and penetration.

Submitted by beer-turtle at 2008-06-13 17:18:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Playmates appear in Playboy. Penthouse has Pets. Let's make sure to keep important facts like that straight.


-----

X54 you take your girly mags a little too seriously.

Penthouse took the alliterative que from Playboy to beging with, so it really doesn't matter the desgination now does it?

Submitted by X54 at 2008-06-13 16:25:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Yech.

This line cracked me up: "I've seen people get shot due to this, but that's another story about a guy, rather ironically named 'Buck.'"

Playmates appear in Playboy. Penthouse has Pets. Let's make sure to keep important facts like that straight.

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-06-13 16:24:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-06-13 16:05:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

POW! Right in the kisser
POW! Right in the kisser
POW! Right in the kisser
POW! Right in the kisser
POW! Right in the kisser





..i'm so tough it gives me headaches.

Submitted by Banjo at 2008-06-13 16:04:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

BAMBI! *sobs*

Submitted by FALLEN at 2008-06-13 15:57:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

How did he swallow a watermellon sized fetus whole? jelly or not thats a lot of deer-goo.

+2 for me being inspirational.

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-06-13 15:57:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-13 15:53:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Is that deer sucking it's own junk?
----------------------------------------
Jealous? I know I am!

Submitted by GangsterSquid at 2008-06-13 15:53:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Is that deer sucking it's own junk?

Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge at 2008-06-13 15:51:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

IMO RAPE DAT DOG!

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-06-13 15:42:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Tasty.....


Alone! I'm alone! I'm a lonely, insignificant speck on a has-been
planet orbited by a cold, indifferent sun!

-- Homer Simpson
El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Homer