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I'm not denying that. I'm saying you're boring, phoning it in.
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Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-06-19 13:14:04 EDT
Rating: 1.85 on 35 ratings (35 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

The Kid Who Knows Everything and I are finding our treasure map-making business pretty successful. So much so, in fact, that we needed to hire someone else to help out so I could have a little more free time to drink beer and set scruggs' lawn on fire. Our first applicant walked through the door.

"Listen up faggot we're not gonna pay you a lot of money. Basically we draw treasure maps that lead to scruggs' house and then hand them out to hot babes with promises of treasure.. they take some of scruggs' belongings then we throw a party and pork as many of them as we can."

The applicant was nodding in agreement the whole time, there might be a future for him in this company afterall.

"One for the Greenthumb in '91? Hello, I'm Doctor Greenthumb, dig it?"

"Holy shit! How you been Dr.?"

Dr. Greenthumb and I were at one time great friends, but had lost touch after i mistook his wife for a scruggs fan and crashed a helicopter into their house.

"Not bad Boshman, so do I have the job?"

"Well just so we have it on file I need to ask you a couple questions. Firstly, tell me a little about yourself"

Dr. Greenthumb sat back in his chair and was trying to collect his thoughts. I lit up a cigarette.

After a few moments he began:

"I aspire to bring glory to the United States ping pong federation, I am allergic to cats but am not oppossed to their existence, someday I will wake up and I will be able to speak Japanese, I cannot fly, I can climb trees but Im a little shaky with a bow and arrow, squirrels attempt to sabotage my car on a daily basis, I am dreaming right now."

"Thats pretty bosh, what do you do i your spare time?"


"rad, ok one final question. Do you have any references from former employers?"

"well I currently work at a non-profit company called 'No Balls', which enforces strict federal and state regulations on circus acts that abuse seals"

"Hmm.. well would you be opposed to working for an organization that has the complete opposite stance on that subject matter?"

"No, fuck seals they are stupid anyways."

"Righteous. Well I declare you emplyoed. Oh yea, We don't use the 'backspace' or 'delete' keys while we're working, so you're just gonna have to deal with any typographical errors, if you don't like that you can suck a llama's dick. Lets get some beer and funnel it into our dickholes"


So we went to funnel some beer into our dickholes for a little while. Nick Cage came by on his ghost motorcyle and we dared him to do donuts in scruggs' lawn until he cried. He did. It was probably the greatest day of my life.

Review This Item




Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2010-08-06 17:58:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

i read this and got a boner

Submitted by JonnyX at 2008-06-30 03:39:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by czwij at 2008-06-23 04:22:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

wow, this is heavy

Submitted by firefly at 2008-06-20 21:45:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Nellypaal at 2008-06-20 06:46:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Always bosh.

Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 at 2008-06-20 05:16:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Dude that is so fucking BOSH! I'm pulling out my delete and backspace keys! Fucking NARCs!

Submitted by JoeyG at 2008-06-20 03:27:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You rock.

Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals at 2008-06-20 01:23:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

My response to this post was to put a cigar behind my ear and salute.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2008-06-20 00:49:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Can I help?

Submitted by netimportant at 2008-06-20 00:38:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Now finish up them taters, I'm gonna go fondle my sweaters.

Submitted by Director at 2008-06-19 23:18:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by SPECIALk at 2008-06-19 22:47:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

most bosh, your boshness

Submitted by Susie_Derkins at 2008-06-19 22:04:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Backspace and delete are known narcs, pass it on.

Submitted by apollo88 at 2008-06-19 19:58:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by MyNameIsTim at 2008-06-19 19:50:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by pandora at 2008-06-19 17:22:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by mattnotharry at 2008-06-19 16:20:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Too fucking bosh

Submitted by Chroniclysm at 2008-06-19 16:11:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

scruggs is always crying like a little girl. It's just fire, but I'm sure you already told him that.

Submitted by shadow at 2008-06-19 15:31:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You are so random.

Has anyone else taken note of the fact that it's Thursday, and I don't think there's a single SPT on the front page???

Shhh... I think it's working...

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-06-19 15:18:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

i was going to change that.

i felt that using 'dick' or a variation thereof twice in subsequent sentences was a bit overkill, but then i realized that if i used back space or delete i'd be a hypocrite to my own philosophy, and don't even get me started on the 'insert' key.

in any event, this post has more dick than any of my other posts, its glorious.

forensibosh.. i said LAWN.. not grass.

scruggs' lawn is mostly covered in my feces and the smoldering ashes of his banjo collection

Submitted by Ballare at 2008-06-19 15:02:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

If you don't like that you can suck a llama's dick. Lets get some beer and funnel it into our dickholes.

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-06-19 14:24:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2008-06-19 14:13:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

When I'm king FG3 will be Minister of Awesome.

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2008-06-19 14:07:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

So it WAS a Panhead. Ha!

Hey, I'm female. I consider it a crowing acheivement to correctly identify types of engines.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2008-06-19 13:58:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Bosh - bosh.

FG3 - http://www.imcdb.org/images/126/150.jpg Panhead with a whole lot of modern-retro chopper stuff. Not really my style of bike (chrome is high-maintenance) but if you gave it to me I'd probably still ride it to The Knuckle (local biker bar) and park it inside when I got home.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2008-06-19 13:50:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Needs more typos and grammatical errors.

Submitted by Poots at 2008-06-19 13:39:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


slowly the music will rise and take down the god fearing planet of earth. The music will take everyone on a fantastic voyage even the likes of which coolio has never seen before. People will bask in the sheer awesome power of the V90 20 ft long caddy with 40 inch rims that hypnotise the passerbys. They will make fish sandwiches in thier hypnotic state and serve them on a wooden plate of nine tails to the lord of the caddy. His name is Smervin and wears nothing but velour.

Smervin shall call upon Azzazel, LORD OF THE MUSTANG who always announces himself in a booming voice with an british accent, to conjoin their grip on america and take over the consumer zombies sentencing them to walk the plank into that thing that HBTS showed where they ground up the cows yesterday.

This will lead from nation to nation until Azzazel and Smervin are alone and are forced to drink copious amounts of hard liquor to pass the slow boring moments between odd homo erotic glances. This lead to a grand show of buttsex with one another at the carnival on the farris wheel. When they wake awkwardly in the morn they feel gritty and wierd. They kiss each other with their tongues and have a knife fight shortly thereafter.

Smervin loses and Azzazell calls upon the goddess of the laurels, Susanah, and they make people out of hotdogs and old skin shavings from ped eggs that were laying around everywhere. We shall return to peace when Susanahs vagina shoots magma and coats the earth absolving it of past sins.

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2008-06-19 13:37:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

The Ghost Rider Panhead was indeed a most awesome bike. No, not when it was deviled out, you poops. When it was normal.

I think it was a Panhead. The camera didn't hold still long enough to make a definitive identification. Where's that gearhead Skrapmetal?

What kind of grass do faggots like Scruggs grow anyway?

Don Henley has a afro of biblical proportions, yet he annoys the hell out of me. Mostly because of his unholy alliance with Scruggs.

Did you know they're plotting to collaborate and do a banjo version of Hotel California?

They must be stopped.

Submitted by haikumikoo at 2008-06-19 13:27:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

If you're ever in Spokane, I'll buy you a funnel.

Submitted by PayMeLater at 2008-06-19 13:22:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Val at 2008-06-19 13:21:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

i wanna be on you

Submitted by no1hasdis at 2008-06-19 13:20:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2008-06-19 13:20:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Yeah fuck grammar and spelling.

Submitted by The_Drake at 2008-06-19 13:16:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Something that's not Re: anything......plus fucking two.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-06-19 13:14:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

i recently decided that the backspace and delete keys are for faggots, so i'm not fixing any typos and grammar

De-fault! The two sweetest words in the English language.

-- Homer Simpson
Deep Space Homer