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Bret I don't mean to be harsh but you have no soul at all. Mechanical guitarwork. Yuck
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Right like Funghola Firday

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-06-27 14:35:24 EDT
Rating: 1.6 on 24 ratings (24 reviews) (Review this item) (V)


I was sitting in my sink on a Friday afternoon. It was hot, but I wasn’t sitting in the sink because I was hot, I was sitting in the sink because the badgers had me cornered there.

The badgers shouldn’t have been in the house at all. I’d told Jacob not to feed them past midnight, or this would happen. He didn’t listen. He never listens to anything I say, and now I’m sitting in a sink surrounded by thirsty badgers.

If I let the badgers drink from the sink, they’ll be hungry again, and then they’ll eat me. They’ve already eaten Jacob, and I can’t call him for help because he’s busy putting himself back together after traveling through their digestive tracts.

I call my faithful cat to the rescue. Chairman Meow no longer has balls, but he definitely has balls. He doesn’t have claws anymore, but he’s been secretly infused with adamantium razor claws, generously donated by the Raptor Jesus.

The room lights up bright with the light of Raptor Jesus, and everything is peaceful because he doesn’t want a bloodbath in my kitchen. He doesn’t want a bloodbath, not because he’s against violence against badgers, but he knows that I’ll threaten to convert to Hinduism if he doesn’t clean it up.

The badgers reverted to their normal earthworm forms and crawled out the back-door and into the earthworm wrangling pens. Chairman Meow hopped into my lap, looked up and said “Too bad asshole Raptor Jesus had to show up, I was just getting hungry.”

Then my mom came out, smoking her trademark blunt and milds, and telling me that I needed to clean up the worm trails in her kitchen. She’s always telling me things like that.

Out of nowhere, a tornado came through and destroyed the world, resulting in a happy ending for all.


Chairman Meow non-lookalike except for being badass.jpg
Chairman Meow non-lookalike except for being badass.jpg


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Submitted by orph at 2008-07-01 11:54:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by shitfuck at 2008-06-29 12:16:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


A very happy ending indeed.

Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals at 2008-06-29 01:59:32 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

No Entiendo

Submitted by Fungah at 2008-06-28 06:02:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 because I just read the Upanishads. hahahaha.

Submitted by PayMeLater at 2008-06-27 20:03:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by kaos-king at 2008-06-27 19:03:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Ltap at 2008-06-27 16:57:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Not very good.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2008-06-27 16:46:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

PEW PEW PEW

Submitted by joedaddy at 2008-06-27 16:18:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

reminded me of poor Herbie Goldfarb in: The Milagro Beanfield War

Submitted by experima at 2008-06-27 15:58:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by pen_name at 2008-06-27 15:58:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I had one today. I just wanted to share how awesome they are.

Nothing that cheesy should be good for you.

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-06-27 15:52:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-06-27 15:47:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I really like chix-queso lean pockets
---------------------------------

OMFG! How did you know what I had for lunch yesterday? I prefer the carne asada-queso variety myself.

Submitted by pen_name at 2008-06-27 15:47:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I really like chix-queso lean pockets

Submitted by shadow at 2008-06-27 15:27:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Yep.

Submitted by Brdn_Nkd at 2008-06-27 15:24:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

pew pew pew


why does that me me chuckle?

Submitted by Cyrus at 2008-06-27 15:15:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Oh yeah - much closer.

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-06-27 15:02:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-06-27 14:46:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

http://www.ubersite.com/m/117199#2727777

Damn you, MWG- you took my idea and made it even better.
------------------------------
Wait, does that mean I failed horribly? Is that a compliment or a question? Where am I and how did I get here? This is not my beautiful wife, this is not my beautiful house, this is not my wonderful car!

And the days go bye.......

Ahhhh same as it ever was.

Submitted by ghola at 2008-06-27 14:52:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2008-06-27 14:46:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

http://www.ubersite.com/m/117199#2727777

Damn you, MWG- you took my idea and made it even better.

I want to do one or two of these at some point but I have to go in and get a raise in a few minutes so it will have to wait for another day.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2008-06-27 14:46:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Randy.

Random.

Whatever.

Submitted by rob_berg at 2008-06-27 14:41:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2008-06-27 14:38:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

you da man

Submitted by Doodles at 2008-06-27 14:38:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Did you mean to type 'right'?

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-06-27 14:36:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Imitation=Flattery/Boredom/Who cares?


Burns: I can't understand a word you're saying.

Homer: My name is Homer Simpson!

Burns: You're just babbling incoherently...

Homer: Oh, you're a dead man, Burns. Oh, you're dead! You're dead,
Burns!

Who Shot Mr. Burns (Part 1)