login / register
http://nypost.com/2017/08/19/man-stabbed-after-haircut-gets-him-mistaken-for-a-neo-nazi/
Welcome to Ubersite!

The BOSH Man! GOES OUT ON A DATE!!

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-07-11 13:12:00 EDT
Rating: 1.73 on 127 ratings (127 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

My friend set me up on a date with one of his girlfriends' friends last weekend. She saw my picture somewhere and thought I was cute.. she was recently single and i happened to be bored that night. So I agreed to go on a sort of a double date kind of thing. The 4 of us went to this fancy restaurant (fancy to me, anyway) with $30 entrees and expensive wines.. I even wore a tie. I don't think it's gonna work out though.

I excused myself shortly after getting seated to use the men's room. To do this, I had to walk by the bar, which is where I noticed that despite their ridiculously over priced menus, they still offered Pabst Blue Ribbon on draft for $1.50 a pint. I have never seen PBR on tap before in my area of Massachusetts, so I was pretty excited about it. I got back to the table and shared the glorious news with everyone. The girls just looked at me funny, my friend ordered us 2 PBRs.

Things were going well enough for a little while. The girl I was 'with' (who I will call Professor McPoopypants from here on out) was cute, but I wasn't interested right off the bat. We talked about boring ordinary crap like where we went to school, what we do for a living, etc for a little bit, as the waitress kept bringing me PBRs. She was a little pretentious for me.. Daddy's little girl who has been given everything she wants and was handed her career. She smelled like strawberries and pinesol. It was weird. Conversation wandered pretty drastically after my 10th beer.

At one point everyone was talking about politics. Everyone but me. Professor McPoopypants noticed and asked what I thought about something.. i don't even remember what:

"Huh? Oh um.. I dunno i'm a pacifist"

"..Well what do you mean? You don't want to answer the question?"

"No, it means i'm either too stupid to understand what you're talking about, or too drunk to care. In either case, I don't have an opinion.. i'll let you decide whether i'm too stupid or just don't care. Hey do you guys wanna go across the street?"

There was a blues band playing across the street, they sounded pretty good and I could see that people were having a good time over there. The more I drank the more I realized that Professor McPoopypants is in all likelyhood my arch-nemesis.. my suspicions that she and my friend who hooked us up (hereafter referred to as JUMBOTRON) were in cohoots rose for a little while, but dwindled when he told me over a smoke that he hadn't known her before tonight, and that he didn't like her either.

I asked Professor McPoopypants who she thought would in a fight between a bear and a lion on the moon, as I have often asked here on Ubersite. She stared at me blankly for a few seconds then excused herself to the ladies room, probably to shit her pants. JUMBOTRON went with the lion.

I asked her who her favorite WWF wrestler from the 80s/90s was. She didn't answer me. I got into a heated debate with JUMBOTRON about it. We ultimately decided that Jim Dougan and Roddy Piper were maybe not the best, but were the 2 that we'd most want to party with.

Some more fun facts about Professor McPoopypants:

- She doesn't like ANY of the Rocky movies, and won't even acknowledge the cultural significane of Rocky IV.
- She doesn't drink beer, or like to party from what I could tell.
- She doesn't enjoy live music.. she'd rather go listen to a DJ at some club or something.
- She doesn't think i'm funny AT ALL. I can't stress this enough. I think she hates me actually.. I couldn't see why. I wasn't particularly rude to her, except for maybe that pacifism episode.
- She doesn't enjoy watching the video i have on my phone of my friend swinging across a stream on a rope swing and crashing into a tree.

How can I be with someone like that?


I had a house salad and 12 beers at the restaurant. $25 with (a generous) tip included. The other 3 got coffee and ordered desert, I dropped my cash on the table and went across the street. Once there I put in for an order of wings and a beer. JUMBOTRON came over like 20 minutes later, saying that Professor McPoopypants was bitching about me the whole time after I left, especially about leaving early and not offering to buy her dinner. She can go suck an egg. OK FINE i'm a horrible date who gets drunk and talks about nonsense.. but at least i don't smell like pinesol.

I need a chick who likes to have fun. Any takers?


"Why do you wanna watch TV with the stereo on?"

"..because I like to party"

PS

The other day i farted in scruggs' microwave and set it on 'defrost' for about 48 minutes. Nothing creative happened. That was the end of it.




Review This Item

Rating:

Comment:




Reviews


Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2011-02-28 04:01:02 EST (#)
Rating: 0

The other day i farted in scruggs' microwave and set it on 'defrost' for about 48 minutes. Nothing creative happened. That was the end of it.

-----

I wonder what happens if you microwave a turd?

Submitted by asmasta808 at 2011-02-28 03:50:16 EST (#)
Rating: -1

oh wait that's was 2 years ago and the dude prob haven't had a date since thenn. YOU SUX MONSTER BALLS

Submitted by asmasta808 at 2011-02-28 03:49:04 EST (#)
Rating: 1

yeah... i'm sure she just not good enough for you.

i personally would knock her up, try to sponge some money off her daddy and eat the baby like a good dingo would.

Submitted by ridiculous at 2011-02-28 03:09:30 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I think that everyone below is missing the point. In zero G weight would have nothing to do with fighting prowess, it's the mass that will count. With no gravity in an antigravity bubble the walls of the bubble would be the only source of resistance and therefore the only way the bear or the lion could harm one another would be to either A) remove the breathing apparatus or B) Pin one another against a wall of the bubble and make with the mauling. Since either of those require physically impacting one another (to create inertia) and they wouldn't be able to they would just sit there floating, helpless. Since both lions and bears are intelligent (albeit ignorant) critters they would both sit there floating and going "WTF? Why am I floating? Why is there a (Lion/Bear) over there? What is on my face? Who's the guy with the 2x4? This is so UnBosh..." And they wouldn't fight!

Submitted by overk1ll at 2011-02-27 18:37:21 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2010-04-13 22:32:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

its fun reading these comments, thanks for participating in the space fight between lions and bears in an anti-gravity bubble on the moon. Questions with no answers like this still haunt my dreams

Submitted by JonnyX at 2010-04-07 19:13:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-11 10:31:17 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Oh goddamn! I'm too old for you.

I think you're hilarious though, and would be proud to drink a few with you.
------
not in Cougartown your not.

Submitted by Tigre at 2009-04-08 15:43:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Immediate and unconditional two for including one of my top 5 quotes from Talladega Nights.

Submitted by Jordan85777 at 2008-11-12 21:27:43 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-10-13 15:28:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Still BEARS FTW, LOL,ROTFL,PCP,MDMA,WTF?,
LSD set me free, let the moon base command me,
Violent bears tearing thee, pathetic lions, crying for me.

"And in the end, only one thing was certain....the superiority of the idiot masses, for as Stalin said, "Quality is a quantity of it's own." - I just made that up so ME gets credit for the quote.



Submitted by thaumaturge at 2008-09-12 15:03:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

It's called DKNY.

Submitted by bromide at 2008-09-08 06:00:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

oh yeah and definately the bear, no contest.

Submitted by bromide at 2008-09-08 05:08:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

you were absolutely right, it was indeed bosh!

Submitted by kaos-king at 2008-09-08 02:16:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by PeakJ at 2008-09-08 00:20:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Yes.

Submitted by Hookhand at 2008-09-01 19:16:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Sphagnum at 2008-08-11 22:40:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Bosh

Submitted by Fungah at 2008-07-22 03:51:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Genius.

Submitted by caricature19 at 2008-07-21 20:00:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I would totally date you. I want to see phone vids. I'll show you mine if you show me yours

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-07-20 22:14:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

woops.

hey is anyone watching the espy's?


will ferrel is totally ripping off my material.


he just said he wanted to play golf with tiger woods ..in a bubble on the moon.


raaaaaaa!!!!!

Submitted by PayMeLater at 2008-07-20 15:25:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I wouldn't go out with you if I was a chick, you sound retarded.

But here's a video of a bear fighting a lion:

http://www.goyk.com/video.asp?path=2605

It's not in the wild or on the moon or anything, but 12 year-olds just love it.

Submitted by pen_name at 2008-07-20 00:45:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Boshman on B@W?

I quit.

Submitted by AJ at 2008-07-19 14:41:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

The bear. The lion would take to its instinct and have trouble contending with the bear's natural strength. Once the lion leaps off its feet, the bear will swat it like a fat kid without a blindfold hits a pinata.

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys at 2008-07-19 08:32:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

BOSH@WORK!

Woot and so on

Submitted by forthewin at 2008-07-18 17:58:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I want to know who would win in a fight between a bear and a lion on earth!

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-07-18 11:47:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

that is one possible outcome for sure

Submitted by BobSandwich at 2008-07-18 11:43:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I asked my dumbass friend in an email about the lion and the bear with all the outlines that Bosh laid out, here is his reply;

Ok first off you must be on a different moon then the earth's. There is gravity on the moon, its just less then earth.

But for the sake of the story......

Lion and a bear are inside of an anti-gravity bubble, and they are actually conversing with one another about how they are going to go about this strange arrangement. well since they don't speak the same language, they get irritated and start to get physical. Well, the part you forgot was that the bear is the pussy bear on Dr. Doolittle 2 and the Lion is the one without courage on "wizard of Oz." So now you know these two creatures are not very aggressive. Thus, they start frogging one another in a very loud matter. Just hitting each other and then yelling and roaring. (people laughing as in a sitcom) after a couple minutes the bear pulls his quadriceps and the lion made his move. The lion quickly jumped on his back as the bear fell to the ground yelping in pain. the lion grabbed one foot, then grabbed the other, the bear screaming in pain, lion turns around pulls his hurt leg back and starts to stretch it. Then out of no where whips out a bag of ice and bandage. The bear was very grateful and played dead. Jim dougan some how popped the bubble and announced the Unanimous decision. ppl chanted "courage courage courage!!!!"

He felt so proud as he floated away with a tear on his cheek.

Submitted by BobSandwich at 2008-07-18 10:53:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

How did this bucket of donkey semen make B@W?

No, really though this did remind me of a shorter, less asshole version of tuckermax.com so I liked it.

And fuck bears, lions win in space.

Submitted by Yozz at 2008-07-17 19:05:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

B@W! Bosh!

Submitted by Man O' War at 2008-07-17 18:33:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

What kind of bear?

Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 at 2008-07-17 10:05:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This story is fucking BOSH.

plus, Epiphones are to Gibson what Squires are to Fender. I'm in total agreement. - Actually got a dilema on this in my household, housemate can't afford a Gibson but doesn't want an Epiphone.

Bugger.

I got my Ibanez at trade price while working for a guitar shop! Winnar!

Winnar.

- Did you +2 yourself Boshman?

Submitted by hidden101 at 2008-07-17 04:02:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

i think you're dreamy. any girl would be lucky to go on a date with you.

Submitted by czwij at 2008-07-17 03:26:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-07-02 13:42:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

to each his own, not knockin it.. i personally wouldn't get one but i've only played a couple..

I look at epiphones the same way i look at Squires, which i know isn't fair..


call me smug :)


-------------

DudeThatsSMUG

Submitted by shadow at 2008-07-15 19:19:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:37:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

ahh my china doll..

nah it isn't going to work.. shes home for the summer but then she's off again in September. We agreed it was for the best if we just remained friends. sad.

and they are earth lions and bears fighting in outer space, with breathing apparati and no gravity.
__________

WELL. In that case, I'm putting money on the lion. Greater dexterity, can whip around faster and claw some bear. Greater range of motion.

I know you're thinking that the bear would do great in low G, unencumbered by his size he'd surely kick some ass, but the lion would be able to bend around faster for more attacks in a shorter time.

Pound for pound, that lion's going to have better muscle mass to weight.

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2008-07-14 14:53:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by HerrSchniedelwichs at 2008-07-14 13:19:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Here's to you, kind Sir.

Submitted by icarus1987 at 2008-07-14 10:25:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

The BOSH! Man needs a woman of suffficient BOSH!ness. A woman who can discuss:

A. If Wesley Willis's Chicken Cow were to meet up with his schizophrenia demons in a to-the-death jello wrestling contest, who would win?
B. Who is more of a narc, Doctor Phil or Colonel Klink.
C. Why bulleted lists are fucking lame.

But does such a woman exist? I don't know as I haven't seen the second Hellboy. Some people didn't like the first one, but in my opinion, any demon monkey that carries a gun and likes kittens is okay in my book. And really, you have to see the parallels here.

"No, it means i'm either too stupid to understand what you're talking about, or too drunk to care. In either case, I don't have an opinion.. i'll let you decide whether i'm too stupid or just don't care. Hey do you guys wanna go across the street?" is also just about as Douglas Adams as Douglas Adams can get. He's rocking out in his grave right now with Wesley Willis and that dude who played Colonel Klink.

Submitted by woolfe at 2008-07-14 04:29:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2008-07-14 04:28:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

ooooh yeah

You will eat my rear rockets and like it! Ohhhh yeahhh

Submitted by F.J.Bell at 2008-07-14 04:19:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

My money would be on the lion. And the Macho Man Randy Savage.

Although who'd win in a fight between him and a lion is anybody's guess.

Submitted by Littlebint at 2008-07-14 04:09:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I know people who think listening to a Dj in a club 'Is' Live Music.

I would go with the bear, and The Undertaker for the wrestling question, I have no reason for that.

Submitted by Quint at 2008-07-14 01:59:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

If you want a chick that likes to have fun and is always a sure thing, give Method's Mom a call. The only downside of banging her is that you're probably going to be the fifth guy in the last hour.

Submitted by Istaros at 2008-07-13 22:38:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

definitely bears. lions attack by leaping + lower gravity = goodbye, pussy

Submitted by Amontillado at 2008-07-13 20:56:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I vote for bears.

Submitted by DeathJester at 2008-07-13 18:19:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Needs more cigarette-lighting and agreement-nodding.

Submitted by St_Jimmy at 2008-07-13 14:07:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'd bet she was actually scruggs' daughter.

Should have punched her in the neck.

Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals at 2008-07-13 10:15:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta...

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2008-07-13 05:43:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Never ever go out on dates. EVER.

Submitted by HurtByTheSun at 2008-07-13 05:32:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Holy shit, something awesome that's not about pining for women or childhood!

Well, kinda, but you mentioned beer, Rocky and tree crashing.

Submitted by kgbpasha at 2008-07-13 05:08:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Lion wins if the Bear
is a Koala Bear.

More interesting would be a UFC Octagon
Battle featuring all of the following:

Polar Bear
Grizzly Bear
Panda Bear
Kodiak Bear
and lets throw in that Koala Bear
for fun.

Lions are bitches.

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2008-07-13 03:23:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

OK nw I read this

She doesn't undersstand you like I do. Those things are bosh. What time will you pick me up?

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2008-07-13 02:24:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

Submitted by beeltea at 2008-07-12 18:55:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

ha ha! Not a good match.

Submitted by whiskey_jack at 2008-07-12 09:29:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Oh and btw Danny Glover doesn't count. He's just to damn old for this shit anymore!

Submitted by whiskey_jack at 2008-07-12 09:29:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Fuck you dude-aroonie! You don't deserve a good girl. And true butch-ass man would know that between the tiger and bear that the Predator would win.


...The Predator always wins

Submitted by orphelia at 2008-07-12 06:23:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h02jCrcPFJg

Hurty made it on to British TV!

Submitted by shandythedog at 2008-07-12 04:59:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

i will be in seppoland shortly

arrange a double date

Submitted by ASO at 2008-07-12 00:06:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

bears. hands down. lions are bad ass but nobody fucks with a grizzly.

Submitted by Aussie_em at 2008-07-11 23:27:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by ajanssen at 2008-07-11 22:53:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

How bout i punchasize your face..for free??

Submitted by Habeeb Thomas PhD at 2008-07-11 22:49:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Bahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahaha this was great

You seem like an ok dude even though yer from horrible Massajewshits.

GO SOX WOO!!!

not red

WOO!!!

Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals at 2008-07-11 22:36:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I recommend a conservative, sandwich heavy portfolio.

Submitted by bjrog2 at 2008-07-11 22:18:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Laugh-coughed up my toasted sammich, fucking beautifully written dude!

Submitted by bob at 2008-07-11 18:54:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

PBR on tap? WTF?

Even Middle East doesnt have it on tap.

Submitted by ghostofbubba at 2008-07-11 17:40:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

lion ftw

Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge at 2008-07-11 17:36:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Next time fart in the microwave and throw a plate of eggs in there on high for 10 minutes. That will be fun.

Submitted by Bubba2341 at 2008-07-11 17:36:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Lion versus a Kodiak, Grizzly, or Polar bear? Sorry, the lion is toast.

Submitted by Ejryuu at 2008-07-11 17:28:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"Why do you wanna watch TV with the stereo on?"

"..because I like to party"

------------

Bosh, I love you. And I've only made it to that part of the movie ONCE (the first time I watched it). Normally I'm drunk and/or passed out by the time Walker or Texas Ranger yells about being jacked-up on Mountain Dew.

Great post, though!

Submitted by BobSandwich at 2008-07-11 16:07:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I liked the invisible elephant post, it was actually the reason I created an account. Never got around to commenting it though.

Submitted by BobSandwich at 2008-07-11 16:05:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Sounds kind of speculative, motion for appeal.

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-07-11 16:05:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Furthermore, I'm a very important man, and you'd do well to give me +2's on all my posts, or I'll delete the internet.

I'm serious, I'll really delete it all.

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-07-11 16:03:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-07-11 16:02:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

State the facts that make me an alter...
---------------------------------------------------------

Because I say so. Fact. Case Closed.

Submitted by BobSandwich at 2008-07-11 16:02:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

State the facts that make me an alter...

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-07-11 16:00:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-07-11 15:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

=======================================================================
Jim Dougan's yell would not be heard, there is no sound in space. Lions win
=========================================================================================

Alter's opinions don't count.

Besides that, he has breathing apparatus on, which would indicate that he is also capable of speech, and as they are inside a containment area, sound could in fact be heard.

Submitted by BobSandwich at 2008-07-11 15:56:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-07-11 15:54:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

But back to what matters: Lion vs Bear in a containment area, without gravity, but with breathing apparati, with Jim Dougan yelling "HooooooO!!!!" while waving a 2x4.

With 25x25 1 on 1 battles, of every species, the overall win would go to lions then, unless we're working with Tekken Survival rules, wherein the winner of battle 1 continues to fight subsequent combatants until death, then is replaced, in which case the Ursus family would probably come out on top due to what I suspect is their much higher endurance (considering that they have thicker hides/fat stores to protect against blows.)

However, upon closer examination, Jim Dougan's powerful yell would detrimentally affect the outcome in favor of the bears, because as everyone knows, cat's hearing is better than bears, meaning they'd be temporarily stunned, long enough for the bear to quickly swipe it's massive bear claws downward, crushing the cat's skull.

But wait, is Jim Dougan just standing around yelling, or is he participating? I assume he'd side with the bears in this case, as they can stand on their hind legs, which would impress him as it does me. Not only that but they share an equivalent amount of body hair, meaning it would be hard to discern any difference anyway. In this case, Jim Dougan would use the 2x4 with DEVESTATING effects against all the felines.

Is tag team allowed?
================================================================================

Jim Dougan's yell would not be heard, there is no sound in space. Lions win

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-07-11 15:54:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

But back to what matters: Lion vs Bear in a containment area, without gravity, but with breathing apparati, with Jim Dougan yelling "HooooooO!!!!" while waving a 2x4.

With 25x25 1 on 1 battles, of every species, the overall win would go to lions then, unless we're working with Tekken Survival rules, wherein the winner of battle 1 continues to fight subsequent combatants until death, then is replaced, in which case the Ursus family would probably come out on top due to what I suspect is their much higher endurance (considering that they have thicker hides/fat stores to protect against blows.)

However, upon closer examination, Jim Dougan's powerful yell would detrimentally affect the outcome in favor of the bears, because as everyone knows, cat's hearing is better than bears, meaning they'd be temporarily stunned, long enough for the bear to quickly swipe it's massive bear claws downward, crushing the cat's skull.

But wait, is Jim Dougan just standing around yelling, or is he participating? I assume he'd side with the bears in this case, as they can stand on their hind legs, which would impress him as it does me. Not only that but they share an equivalent amount of body hair, meaning it would be hard to discern any difference anyway. In this case, Jim Dougan would use the 2x4 with DEVESTATING effects against all the felines.

Is tag team allowed?

Submitted by Brdn_Nkd at 2008-07-11 15:45:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Shlongy at 2008-07-11 15:42:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by BJ-theGreat (user info) at 2008-07-11 15:17:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I miss dating random chicks who I know that I will not like from pretty much, the first 4 minutes upon meeting...but I will still fuck them anyways later on before I never see them again.


But that's just me. Mr. Class.
---------------------

i feel sorry for any woman that would let you winthin 10 feet of them without a blindfold.



Fortunately, it's a problem you'll never have to worry about, now isn't it, Virg?

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-07-11 15:42:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm not clicking on that link.

Generally, whenever someone posts a link that reads any combination of "tinyurl" it's something I'm not wanting to see.

Submitted by Ballare at 2008-07-11 15:39:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

my bad :(

http://tinyurl.com/6oazz6 (NSFW)

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-07-11 15:33:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-07-11 15:28:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
----------------------------------------------------------------

I expect some female nude pictures (you or equally attractive) for that transgression into my psyche.

You owe it to us all.

Submitted by Ballare at 2008-07-11 15:28:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

MWG, refer to this photo for a size comparison of lion/bear: http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u309/bricks_house/grizzlyandlionmale.jpg

Honestly! They're about the same size!

Submitted by Ltap at 2008-07-11 15:23:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

dudethatsbosh, top notch as (almost) always.

Submitted by MichaelJackson at 2008-07-11 15:19:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

PEOPLE PEOPLE! Michael Jackson here (famous 80's pop icon, with his own Wikipedia page). I have owned both lions and bears as pets. The bears would kick the lions asses and this has nothing to do with that day they I left the gate to the pool unlocked.

Case closed!

Submitted by BJ-theGreat at 2008-07-11 15:17:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I miss dating random chicks who I know that I will not like from pretty much, the first 4 minutes upon meeting...but I will still fuck them anyways later on before I never see them again.


But that's just me. Mr. Class.
---------------------

i feel sorry for any woman that would let you winthin 10 feet of them without a blindfold.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2008-07-11 15:14:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

yeah man

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-07-11 15:14:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:48:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

no im sorry i knew that was confusing

theres no gravity

the anti-gravity bubble just makes it so the lack of gravity on the moon doesn't effect the bubble itself from floating into outer space. INSIDE the bubble there is still zero gravity.
-----------------------------------------------------

Well now then, the fact that there is still zero gravity supports my previous theory that the bears have a weight/grounding advantage over the lions. One missed leap, and the lions are stuck at the ceiling helpless!

And Ballare, Grizzlies can in fact turn around, and they do use their massive, hyperpowered claws for defense. Plus, Lions are nowhere near as big as a grizzly.

What if we added a hippo into the mix to make things REALLY interesting?

Submitted by Ballare at 2008-07-11 14:55:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

should've just punched her in the face, BOSHman.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-07-11 14:50:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

see this is what my date was lacking.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-07-11 14:48:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

no im sorry i knew that was confusing

theres no gravity

the anti-gravity bubble just makes it so the lack of gravity on the moon doesn't effect the bubble itself from floating into outer space. INSIDE the bubble there is still zero gravity.

Submitted by Ballare at 2008-07-11 14:48:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

liiiooooon wiiiins

haaaah

wooooo

haaaaaaaah!

crowd goes wild!

Submitted by Doodles at 2008-07-11 14:47:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Wiat his name was Simba.

I wonder how I forget these things.

Submitted by Doodles at 2008-07-11 14:47:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Lion wins.

Pumba(sp?) > winnie the pooh

Submitted by Ballare at 2008-07-11 14:47:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Oh, okay, we've got gravity. Kind of changes things. What about propulsion - direction-changing jetpacks?

Thing is, a lion could easily circle a bear - any bear - and take 'em down from behind. And is plenty fast enough to dodge a bear's paws, at least to get in a good throat-slash. Grizzlies, as huge as they might seem, are only slightly larger than a lion, anyway. Big cats have better bigger stronger claws, anyway. Pfft, grizzlies are scavengers. Use their claws for digging around in the dirt.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-07-11 14:46:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

ok hmm

well if you were to take an alpha male from every species of bear and every species of lion (wait aren't lion babes stronger?) and have them fight eachother on the moon in their breathing apparati with jim dougan yelling "HOOOOOOOOOOOOO" ..who would have more wins? Bears or Lions?

assume theres 25 species of lion and 25 species of bear.. and all the different species are chosen out of a hat and randomly selected to fight their opponant.

thats 25 1 on 1 fights

who would be the first to 13 wins? Bears or Lions?

Submitted by MichaelJackson at 2008-07-11 14:44:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

The bear would totaly kick the lions ass! Lions suck, it's a proven fact.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2008-07-11 14:42:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I would give my right arm to go on a date with you. If I were single, that is.

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-07-11 14:40:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

We've still not determined the species of either Lion or Bear. These things make HUGE differences BoshMan! I would expect you to realize that!

In this scenario, the mountain lion loses all advantage of surprise, and therefore gets pwned by all bears, except for Black bears, and possibly the sun-faced bears.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-07-11 14:36:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

OK New stipulation.

We're in space
on the moon
bear and lion are in their breathing apparati
but somehow there is an anti-gravity bubble on the moon that is very large and inpenetrable, which out combatants will fight in.

Also hacksaw jim dougan is the referee and the match starts officially when he raises a 2x4 into the air and floats aimlessly in outerspace yelling: "HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

I think i will stick with the lion though.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-07-11 14:30:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

someday they will see..

some day...

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-07-11 14:28:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:21:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Fuck no, a lion (mountain OR normal) would fuck the shit out of a pansy-ass panda. Even a grizzly might be a fair match. Polar > lion, though.
-------------------------------------------------
I call bullshit. Pandas might be pansies, but they're big fuckin pansies with really big claws, and don't go buying into their neutral demeanor either, I'm pretty certain I heard from a friend of a friend of an uncle's cousin's 3rd nephew's neice's boyfriend that there have been vicious Panda attacks, not just on humans, but on either lion's distant cousin the snow leapard.

Polar AND Grizzly would put a lion out of misery, but I'd give more power to the mountain lion though, due to it's tactics. Are we talking fair fight, or natural fight, because in a natural fight, stupid African lions would just walk up expecting a fair fight, but a mountain lion.....you never know where they'll be coming from, so that gives them a definate edge.


Another factor that comes into account is the lack of sufficient gravity, which is why I vote for the bears. Due to their higher weight, they would have much less of a chance of floating off into space before the fight begins. I'm not even going to get into the whole "what will happen when the lion(s) pounce) conundrum.

People think this kinda thing isn't important, but just you wait until we get into space and they all see how wrong they are!

Submitted by BobSandwich at 2008-07-11 14:26:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

in space the african lion would dominate any bear. I think even a mountain lion (purple panther, painter, ghost cat, mountain lion, cougar, puma, deer tiger, mountain screamer, catamount, purple feather, hellcat, panther) whatever you want to call it would have a chance because of the throat shot.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-07-11 14:22:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

speaking in generalities then, who is the king of outer space?




ANSWER: The Harlem Globetrotters. And lions.

Submitted by Ballare at 2008-07-11 14:21:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fuck no, a lion (mountain OR normal) would fuck the shit out of a pansy-ass panda. Even a grizzly might be a fair match. Polar > lion, though.

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-07-11 14:18:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Also, what kind of bear? If it's a grizzly, the bear will ALWAYS win. If it's just a black bear though, I'd put my money on the lion.

Polar Bears, Panda Bears, and Grizzlies would top the lion, but the Lion would beat out black bears, sun-faced bears, those Romanian dancing bears, and even Australian bears.

But wait, are we talking standard Lion, or Mountain Lion? If so that changes EVERYTHING.

Submitted by Ballare at 2008-07-11 14:14:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

lion

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-07-11 14:09:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

- She doesn't enjoy watching the video i have on my phone of my friend swinging across a stream on a rope swing and crashing into a tree.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Boshman, you MUST report her to the appropriate authorities immediately. Anyone who would not find that amusing and funny is most certainly a commie-islamofascist who should be reported at once to be sent off for execution with her ne'er-do-well friends.

Also I could have warned you about the farting in the microwave thing. It gets more interesting when you add a bullfrog into the equation, though a toad will work in a pinch.

Submitted by Pentameter at 2008-07-11 14:08:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Dougan fucking ruled.

Submitted by corn nugget at 2008-07-11 14:05:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

heh

Submitted by Shlongy at 2008-07-11 14:02:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Someone please alert that fucking toolgobbler oathmeal that Shlongy gets more "action" on a random Tuesday than he's enjoyed in the last 10 years.

Now I'm just counting "females". He may keep track differently, if you catch my drift.

Submitted by experima at 2008-07-11 14:00:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by JoeyG at 2008-07-11 13:53:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This was the some of awe.

Submitted by comicbookguy at 2008-07-11 13:44:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

i love you

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-07-11 13:43:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

yea the lion gets most of the votes.

Submitted by hairycoo at 2008-07-11 13:41:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by The_Drake at 2008-07-11 13:39:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

That bitch either needs a good plowing or some valium.

Submitted by Yozz at 2008-07-11 13:39:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Is Professor McPoopypants related to ProfessorFuckFace?














Just askin'.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-07-11 13:38:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

ps


clearly a narc, shoulda called her out.

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2008-07-11 13:31:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Oh goddamn! I'm too old for you.

I think you're hilarious though, and would be proud to drink a few with you.

Submitted by GangsterSquid at 2008-07-11 13:30:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Shlongy is a fucking pussy who hasn't seen any action since Dorothy Spellman gave him a mercy blow job under the bleachers in high school.

Submitted by shadow at 2008-07-11 13:29:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

btw...

Space Lions & Bears or Earth Lions & Bears? It makes a difference...

Submitted by Susie_Derkins at 2008-07-11 13:28:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

She doesn't drink beer? OR enjoy discussing 80's WWF wrestlers? She's obviously a narc.

Submitted by BobSandwich at 2008-07-11 13:27:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'd have still knocked that bitches backwall out and took a healthy shit next to her bed.

Submitted by scourge at 2008-07-11 13:26:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

i would have left the bitch as soon as she refused to answer the fight on the moon question.

also, you were an absolute gentleman! you tipped them off to the $1.50 PBRs! what else did the bitch want after that?

you should have shit in her purse and ditched out by the second beer.

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2008-07-11 13:20:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

mcpoopypants

that shit never gets old

Submitted by Shlongy at 2008-07-11 13:18:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I miss dating random chicks who I know that I will not like from pretty much, the first 4 minutes upon meeting...but I will still fuck them anyways later on before I never see them again.


But that's just me. Mr. Class.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2008-07-11 13:14:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

im so bored


Did you hear that, Marge? She called me a baboon! The stupidest,
ugliest, smelliest ape of them all!

-- Homer Simpson
Lisa's Substitute