ShoppingSubmitted by Spam at 2008-08-23 23:10:24 EDT
Rating: 1.55 on 45 ratings (45 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
Some days it just don’t fit, this cloak, this chameleonic suit of normality that I reluctantly force myself into before that restricted march through featureless high-streets of this grim city. There’s that moment, that prelude to the Archimedes Eureka shriek before I leave the house where I think that it doesn’t have to be this way, that something’s wrong with this world, with the people in it. But then I slip myself into the water and the only realisation is that it’s me with the problem, me that’s wrong. And I don’t so much feel like shouting about it.
There’s scant comfort, rare respite when I pass another liar in the street and the mask slips slightly and we recognise the look on each others face, that awestruck expression of horrified chagrin at our surroundings. But we don’t say anything to each other. Just reapply the make-up and walk along with the painted smile: Everything’s alright. I’m fine. I am completely normal. Just like you.
But like I said, those moments don’t happen too often and mainly, I’m wading through the fixed grins of the opiated masses, happy people, identical in their efforts to be unique.
I listen as I pass them and I realise that there’s been some sort of mistake somewhere, that I’m in the wrong place, the wife-killing banker surrounded by rapists and murderers. I’m not supposed to be here man, I’m Innocent, Lawyer fucked me. But anybody listening just laughs: Sure, we’re all innocent in here. We’re all special.
So you just kinda forget it then don’t you? Slip into the crowd. Pretend. Because lets face it, in places like this, you don’t wanna put yourself out there on that limb. Don’t wanna tell it how it is, stand apart from the herd. They don’t like what’s different, The Sisters. Think your shit smells better then most? Sure thing those bull-queers are gonna fuck you for that one man, just to prove to you that it don’t.
Yeah, those days when the mask don’t fit are tough. Days like today. Days where I got no choice. Days where I gotta go see Red.
“I understand you’re a man who knows how to get things?”
He grins and the scales are already out before he replies.
“I’m known to locate certain substances from time to time, sure.”
And that’s how I’ll do it. Escape. It’ll take a while sure, and maybe I’ll get caught, get thrown right back here if anybody ever finds out. But I need it man. I can’t be caged, Red says. My colours are too bright.
And I wish I could take him with me but his eyes are dead when he comes out with shit like that and I see that he's one of Them, even though he wishes he wasn’t, he doesn’t believe like I do, hasn’t got the hope. And that’s one thing you gotta have, especially here.
Cos hope will set you free.