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The Secret Lives of My Coworkers-3

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-09-23 09:53:30 EDT
Rating: 1.94 on 45 ratings (45 reviews) (Review this item) (V)



Melissa

What I know:

Melissa is an older woman, probably 40-45 or so, and hasn’t been with us very long. She works as the receptionist for our corporate office, but due to her long career history of being a waitress/bar-wench, she often directs the calls to the wrong person. That wrong person is often me, and I bear a grudge, so this story probably won’t fare well for her.

She has 2 children that I know of, 2 daughters. The oldest, 26 years old, drops by occasionally, and chats with her mother while everyone else scrambles to answer the calls she should be catching. The youngest is 15, and is a typical little 15 year old girl.

Melissa is currently undergoing her 2nd divorce, maybe her 3rd, I’m not sure and really don’t care. Her soon to be ex-husband drops by nearly every day like some love-sick puppy dog bringing flowers for her, ignoring the futility of the situation and trying to win her back. Lately he hasn’t shown up so much, hopefully he’s moving on.

After she leaves work here, she goes to her second job as a waitress for a seafood place next to one of the local lakes. I’ve never eaten there, but assume that any restaurant that hires her probably has low standards, which I presume extends to the cooking staff as well.

I could be wrong on that last point though, as she previously worked for the local Mexican joint serving chimichangas that were bomb-tastic, along with $3.00 pitchers of frosty cold beer.

I can’t prove it yet, but I’m certain she’s a cokehead, because she visits the bathroom 4 times per hour, and she’s often rubbing her nose, plus she exudes that whole “I’ve snorted away 20 years of my life” vibe. This is further evidenced by her desperation for company.

A few weeks ago, she threw a birthday party for herself at her new restaurant, and when she invited me, it looked like she was going to cry. I told her I might, but that I’d be busy all weekend, which was true. I would have told her the same even if it wasn’t though, for the same reason that girls wouldn’t date me or sleep with me for almost 2 years before I got married.

Desperation can be picked up on a mile away, and everyone avoids it like the plague that it is.

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Now for the speculations, which are purely fictional (I think.):

Melissa leaves work in her beat up 97 Pontiac, and heads off for the evening, tonight she’s off work, and she’s ready to get blasted. What the fuck was she thinking taking on a job that won’t let her wear a tube top and flip-flops to work? This certainly isn’t for her.

On the way home, she’s got to run several errands. Single mother status and all that you know. First off is to stop by the restaurant and pick up her paycheck. Getting paid here is always a bitch, because the jerk off that runs the place is always making “mistakes” on her paycheck, which means that she’ll have to hang around another 15 minutes getting things sorted out with him before she can move on to more important matters.

During this time, the old geezer mostly just nods his head and leers at her while she leans over his desk asking for her money, and she doesn’t mind because it’s not often that she gets the opportunity for flattery like she did when she was young.

She misses that, and that’s why after she leaves here, she’s going to get wasted, because it makes her feel vigorous again, that and the company.

She roars out of the fish shack, and down the road to “Stink’s” the local gas station/check cashier. Her paycheck, minus the $10 “fee”, and she’s off again with her rightly earned $175.00 to her party supplier. This guy’s got it all, and due to the nature and length of their relationship they’re on a first name basis.

She knocks on the door, and it crack’s open, the voice on the other side asking “You didn’t bring that cracka husband of yours did you?”

“No, of course not Leroy, we’re getting divorced.”
“Good, cause he’s a fiend, and I’m pretty sure he stole some off my table last time y’all were here.”
“He did NOT steal from you, now let me in, I’ve got places to be, and I need to be there in a hurry.”

So he reluctantly lets her in, and she places her order, and he weighs it out, bags it and hands it to her as she hands him the money.

Familiarity or no, business is business, and this shit don’t operate on credit.

She walks out the door with a half-jog to her car, the eight-ball tucked into her bra causing her to sweat bullets, since this isn’t the best part of town, and the police know what’s going on here, but luckily, they have better things to do today.

Down the road after a few quick bumps and her pulse is racing. Everything is in order, her kid can fend for herself, and she can go celebrate her night of freedom.

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, her youngest is experiencing freebasing for the first time with her 20 year old boyfriend out of her mom’s pipe that she found hidden in the bottom of her sock drawer. She realized something was out of place when she reached for the pink socks, and felt something hard inside. It didn’t take long to figure out the rest.

Melissa pulls into the driveway of her best friend Charlene. Her husband Charlie is standing off to the right of the driveway, under the old oak tree, drinking beer and flipping burgers and hot dogs for their pack of kids, aged 4-12. Charlie doesn’t do coke, and doesn’t like that Melissa has started showing up more often since the announcement of the impending divorce, but the fact that she’s a definitive attention whore makes her tolerable. A little smooth talking and he’ll probably be having a threesome tonight.

Melissa and Charlene go to the bathroom to powder their noses. Thirty minutes later and they walk out, noses scrunching and eyes watering. Charlene goes to finish the mac and cheese, and baked beans for the kids dinner, while Melissa walks outside, opens the cooler, fishes out a can of Budweiser, and then uses the cooler as a seat while she drinks and chatters on and on and on and on until Charlie finishes the food. He mostly just nods and occasionally throws out the odd “Yeah, that’s just how it is innit?”

The girls skip dinner of course, opting to spend their time buzzing around Charlene’s bedroom, alternating between the mirror resting on the dresser, and reading tattered, occasionally outdated tabloids and women’s magazines. They don’t really read, except for the “How to Drive your Man Wild” type articles, mostly they just pick at the celebrities and models, pointing out their flaws, and how they were so much better looking in their prime.

This drags on for about an hour, in between momentary knocks on the door for “Mommy! Sara hit me!!” and trips out to the cooler to get more beer.

By 11:00 pm, with half the bag gone, the girls are out of their heads. The talking has picked up pace faster, and their teeth are grinding so much Charlie can hear it in between sips and the flick of the lighters sparking the cancer sticks. At midnight, he can stand it no more. They’ve had their fun, now he wants his.

“Melissa, I need to have some marital relations ‘fore my balls bust, you’re welcome to join in.” He’s smiling. His wife isn’t however, and pops him one on the cheek.

“What the fuck Charles?!”
Melissa looks at her and says “I don’t mind, I could use a good release! All the pressure from the paperwork is about to kill me.”

“Get the fuck out!”

Melissa walks back to her car, dejected, listening to the shrill screams of husband and wife fade into the night as she drives off. She shouldn’t be driving, but she couldn’t stay there. Luckily, she’s a local, and knows all the cops by name, even dated quite a few of them in her time, and if she does happen to get pulled over, she’ll probably just get an escort home.

That’s not a concern tonight, or this morning as the case may be. The concern is why that little punk’s car is parked in her driveway at 12:45 am.

She walks in the door, and finds her precious little one naked and wrapped in a blanket on the couch, with her boyfriend asleep on one side, and a young black kid on the other, also both naked.

She walks up to the couch, not noticing the crack pipe with the now empty bag from last weekend sitting beneath the coffee table. She shakes the black kid awake, and he wakes up, eyes bugged out, but she puts her finger on his lips, and he stays quiet. She pulls him into the bedroom, cuts out a few lines, and starts to get undressed...

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She wakes up shortly after noon, with the sun glaring down on her through the open blinds, and the first thing she notices is that the boy is gone. Also missing is a half-gram of her coke, and the straw she’d been using all night.

Her daughter is also gone, along with her boyfriend, and what appears to be a large portion of what had been her bedroom.

She should be crying, but instead she just cuts another straw that’s he’s pulled from the drawer where she keeps all the ketchup packets and napkins from restaurants she’s worked at, and snorts another couple of lines.

She walks over and kneels down in front of the counter, opens the door and pulls out the bottle of gin hidden behind the pots and pans and sets it on the counter with a shot glass. She sits down on the bar stool, and begins to drink in the silence of a Saturday at home alone, and lets her mind slip into reverie.

There was a time when she too was young, beautiful, and desired.



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Reviews


Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2008-10-01 21:20:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by jtrujillo34 at 2008-09-30 16:22:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by shadow at 2008-09-27 15:16:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Not bad at all.

Submitted by PayMeLater at 2008-09-24 18:51:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Doodles at 2008-09-23 23:55:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2008-09-23 20:20:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

:D

Submitted by John_H_Kim at 2008-09-23 19:48:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by X54 at 2008-09-23 19:01:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

These keep getting better. I hope you have a lot of coworkers.

Submitted by firefly at 2008-09-23 17:22:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Sage at 2008-09-23 16:44:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I really like this series.

Submitted by Ejryuu at 2008-09-23 15:45:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Your vivid imagination scares me. Would you feel bad if any of the posts in this series turned out to be true?

Submitted by The_Drake at 2008-09-23 14:15:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I really like these

Submitted by RyuFu at 2008-09-23 14:13:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 because these make me feel a lot better about myself, whether they're fictional or not.

Submitted by FilledwithHate at 2008-09-23 13:55:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Some blow would make this work day go faster.........

Submitted by Cyrus at 2008-09-23 13:34:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Great stuff

but again, a big F you, you Fing punk for "Melissa is an older woman, probably 40-45 or so..."

Submitted by Desz at 2008-09-23 13:06:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

absolute top writing!

Submitted by experima at 2008-09-23 13:03:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

mwgggggggggg

Submitted by locksly at 2008-09-23 12:42:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

hay

Submitted by Jack_of_Spades at 2008-09-23 12:38:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

-1 for cocaine and the people that do it
apparently people do it by the metric ton is this shit mining town I live in

+1 for Gin
I love/hate the stuff, tonic is most common, but with Fresca is a wonderful recipe for disaster

+2 for superbly interesting writing, well done

Submitted by messmind at 2008-09-23 12:35:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Awesome!

Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope at 2008-09-23 12:15:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Awesome. The small piece of me that is still human hopes this is all pure fabrication, the rest of me is praying it's all just fucking true.

Submitted by no1hasdis at 2008-09-23 12:09:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

These are actually some pretty decent writing.

Submitted by thaumaturge at 2008-09-23 12:02:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Charged. Good stuff.

Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl at 2008-09-23 11:49:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

When I was younger I was coked out of my brain for 3 days straight after a bad breakup (I was 18 and he was "My World")

In that time I not only cleaned my apartment but my mother's house and my best friends apartment.

How the HELL did Melissa get to sleep?!

Submitted by Shlongy at 2008-09-23 11:37:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I can't believe it either.

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-09-23 11:26:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-23 11:24:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This was great.

Maybe I'll read #1 and #2.



PS. Can you get me Melissa's phone number?
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Ultra rare Shlongy positive rating? For that I'll email you her address.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2008-09-23 11:24:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This was great.

Maybe I'll read #1 and #2.



PS. Can you get me Melissa's phone number?

Submitted by ahumblefool at 2008-09-23 11:23:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Best stuff on Uber in ages. Love these

Submitted by sandmantate at 2008-09-23 11:21:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-09-23 11:02:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

That was awesome. I want to try this.

Lisa McFarlane put the peddle down to the floor, easing her beaten 57 Chevy up to 75, and tuned the spoked dial of the radio into Jason Lewis. She really didn't understand many of the political catchwords he was spewing, but he was right wing like her first husband and every now and then she chimed in "yeah" or "tellitlikeidis." She had big plans for the evening which included the Swanson's microwave dinner for one that was sitting in a plastic bag on the passenger's seat, already excuding the salty aroma of salisbury steak and synthetic gravy.

Unfortunately, she wouldn never get to put any of it in her mouth, as just then her car collided with the Hindenburg.

BLADOW

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OH THE HUMANITY!

Submitted by Comfortably_Numb at 2008-09-23 11:10:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by icarus1987 at 2008-09-23 11:02:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

That was awesome. I want to try this.

Lisa McFarlane put the peddle down to the floor, easing her beaten 57 Chevy up to 75, and tuned the spoked dial of the radio into Jason Lewis. She really didn't understand many of the political catchwords he was spewing, but he was right wing like her first husband and every now and then she chimed in "yeah" or "tellitlikeidis." She had big plans for the evening which included the Swanson's microwave dinner for one that was sitting in a plastic bag on the passenger's seat, already excuding the salty aroma of salisbury steak and synthetic gravy.

Unfortunately, she wouldn never get to put any of it in her mouth, as just then her car collided with the Hindenburg.

BLADOW

Submitted by MudWhistle at 2008-09-23 10:51:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

judge not

Submitted by creep_firebombing at 2008-09-23 10:45:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

These are awesome.

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-09-23 10:34:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-23 10:16:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

You had the right feel thru out the entire story. Generally, the tweaky wife would have been down for the threesome if she was high. I was surprised that she said no.
-----------------------------------
Not necessarily, since tweaky people are unpredictable. Besides, I've already done one story with a threesome, gotta keep it changed up.

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2008-09-23 10:34:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Have her followed. I'm curious as to how accurate you got. My guess is, pretty damn close.

Submitted by Nellypaal at 2008-09-23 10:29:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fancy some gin now.

Submitted by Lamia at 2008-09-23 10:22:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This series is great. Keep up the good work

Submitted by sandmantate at 2008-09-23 10:16:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You had the right feel thru out the entire story. Generally, the tweaky wife would have been down for the threesome if she was high. I was surprised that she said no.

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-09-23 10:10:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-23 10:04:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have you experienced this lifestyle in the past... this was pretty close to like 85% accurate. I was worried that you would drop the ball when you went the cocaine route, but you definately impressed me.
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Yeah, unfortunately I'm all too famliar with white trash coke-heads.

Submitted by sandmantate at 2008-09-23 10:09:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Also, I don't know how to spell 'definitely'.

Submitted by sandmantate at 2008-09-23 10:04:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Whoa! Good stuff.

Have you experienced this lifestyle in the past... this was pretty close to like 85% accurate. I was worried that you would drop the ball when you went the cocaine route, but you definately impressed me.

Submitted by F.J.Bell at 2008-09-23 10:02:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Neat. My co-workers all have weird and wonderful lives that exist entirely in the realms of my imagination. I think I'd be disappointed if I ever discovered how dull they really are.

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2008-09-23 10:02:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I fucking love these.

Submitted by retrospect at 2008-09-23 09:57:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

i dont fantasize about any of my coworkers lives.

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2008-09-23 09:55:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Just as a factoid: "Stink's" is based on a real gas station down the road from me that cashes checks. They got raided about 2 years ago by the Feds, though for some reason they're back in business.

Seriously though, does anyone else have local gas stations that double as check cashiers? WTF?


Alone! I'm alone! I'm a lonely, insignificant speck on a has-been
planet orbited by a cold, indifferent sun!

-- Homer Simpson
El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Homer