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Sometimes Winning Is Losing

Submitted by Ducky at 2009-03-29 09:32:16 EDT
Rating: 1.8 on 30 ratings (30 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

“Check these ones out dude …this one time I was riding my bike, and maintenance workers were doing road repair, and I wasn’t looking at where I was going and rode through some hot tar. The tar splashed up on my legs and arms…sticks and burns man…and I had to spend 8 hours sitting in ice water peeling tar off of myself”.

(pulls up pant legs and pushes up sleeves)

“I feel you bro. This one time I was riding and I flew over this awesome jump and I almost nailed it, but I didn’t nail it, and I flew over the handlebars and came down on a rock and snapped my collarbone in half – it was sticking out of my chest bro…like some little white bleeding stick or something - here, feel. I dragged myself like, a really long way, like 5 kilometers or something really far like that, to the nearest house so that I could call for help”.

(exposes large lump caused by poorly healed collarbone)

“Okay okay dude, but seriously check this out – about 3 years ago, I got shot dude”.

“No way bro! You got shot?”

“Dude man, I’m totally on the level with you. I was picking up some Monster one morning before a ride and some fucking dude comes in and holds up the place. It was just like the movies…dude had a face mask on and everything. He was screaming at me and I told him I didn’t have any money and he shot me dude, but just in the arm because he sucked. He was just a little dude too, but I read somewhere that little dudes get angry really easily because they’re little or something, like those little angry dogs or something. He was like one of those little dogs.

(shows forearm)

“Crazy bro. Oh man, okay okay okay…when I was born, I had double hernias and they ended up having to anchor my ball to my leg bro…and then a couple of years ago it like, crawled up inside my body and started to swell so I went to see the doctor, and he said ‘um, we should probably get rid of that bro’, and I was like ‘oh man, that’s my nut’, but I did it anyways, and they cut out my nut but look at how big this scar is bro”.

(drops pants)

*stares*

“Dude, you only have one ball dude”.

“I know bro”.

“That’s fucked dude – I gotta go – you should probably pull up your pants”.




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Submitted by Berty at 2009-04-02 05:44:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Heh

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2009-04-01 10:30:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I used to know this bartender who had a grossly deformed nut. He called it the Kiwi and he was always dropping his pants to show it to people. Weirdo.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2009-04-01 08:12:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Sidivan (user info) at 2009-03-31 15:00:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-03-29 13:45:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

At least the dude with the scar on the brotum is positive about it. Probably one of the "it's half full" kind of people.
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In this case, it IS only half full. /rimshot
-----
Thank you for explaining my apparently too-obscure-for-the-masses one-testicle/half-full scrotum joke. I'm sure there were some Uberers who read it and were confused, but were too embarassed to say anything. Now, due to your efforts, they too may feel the funny.

For further clarification to those Uberers so amply aided by Sidivan in his previous effort, I used "brotum" instead of "scrotum" in my initial comment to reference the manner of speech of some of the characters in this vignette. In this way the reader of the comment may identify with the character and framework of the story a bit more as the comment is read and understood.

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-04-01 04:21:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Sidivan at 2009-03-31 15:00:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-03-29 13:45:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

At least the dude with the scar on the brotum is positive about it. Probably one of the "it's half full" kind of people.
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In this case, it IS only half full. /rimshot

Submitted by simple_catalyst at 2009-03-30 19:04:54 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-03-30 13:50:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

APX is the leading infrastructure provider for environmental markets in greenhouse gases including carbon commodities. These commodities include emissions allowances and carbon offsets, sometimes called Verified Emission Reductions (VERs), Emission Reduction Units (ERUs), Certified Emission Reductions (CERs), Verified Carbon Units (VCUs), or Carbon Reduction Tons (CRTs). Users of these systems include all key market participants such as project developers, brokers, corporations, NGOs and government organizations.

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2009-03-30 13:39:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

cool!

Submitted by scourge at 2009-03-30 13:22:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

okay okay okay

you thought i was british?

well i think you're a fucking... shit. what country can i include that will make for an awkward time for everyone involved?

hold on.




YOU'RE A FILTHY NATIVE OF DJIBOUTI, WITH ALL THAT THEY DO AND SAY.

HAHA

Submitted by Snark at 2009-03-30 13:15:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Did he have a broner?

Submitted by Brdn_Nkd at 2009-03-30 11:22:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

there was a kid in my class who lost a nut in a snow mobile accident. One ball billy, poor poor bastard.

Submitted by Ducky at 2009-03-30 09:55:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I was going for dumb jock, but I suppose if I substituted bro and dude for the use of 'dumbass' and 'Heh, henh, henh, henh' I could see that.

Submitted by orphelia at 2009-03-30 09:37:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

what brando said

Submitted by BranDo at 2009-03-30 09:36:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This was like a Beavis and Butthead dialogue to me....

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe at 2009-03-30 03:36:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2



what FG said is so true. Friends who have fallen through glass tables, car accidents after getting in the car with a drunk driver, falling through veranda doors, sitting on couches on top of a moving car, trolley driving. Weird though, that the only friends that i've known that died was due to cancer.

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2009-03-29 23:48:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Ducky at 2009-03-29 22:11:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by kaos-king at 2009-03-29 17:35:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Laugh Out Loud.



Submitted by metalbeast7 at 2009-03-29 16:24:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

ahhhh haha...

Submitted by messmind at 2009-03-29 15:44:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

:p

Submitted by messmind at 2009-03-29 15:43:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

LOLZ.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2009-03-29 13:45:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

At least the dude with the scar on the brotum is positive about it. Probably one of the "it's half full" kind of people.

Submitted by HellRazer at 2009-03-29 13:26:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

lolz

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2009-03-29 13:04:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by TheGoat at 2009-03-29 12:27:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

ha :-)

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2009-03-29 11:46:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

i didn't know you were recording my conversation with the kid who knows everything.

Submitted by darko at 2009-03-29 11:25:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by RoadSong at 2009-03-29 10:17:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

High Five!
heh

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2009-03-29 10:00:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

After years of working in the medical field, I'm shocked that most of us make it past adolescence.


Submitted by Doodles at 2009-03-29 09:45:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

haha


Homer: There couldn't be heaven if there weren't a hell.

Bart: Who's in there?

Homer: Oh, uh ... Hitler's dog. And that dog Nixon had, whassisname, um,
Chester ...

Lisa: Checkers.

Homer: Yeah! One of the Lassies is in there, too. The mean one -- the
one that mauled Jimmy.

Dog of Death