Sometimes Winning Is LosingSubmitted by Ducky at 2009-03-29 09:32:16 EDT
Rating: 1.8 on 30 ratings (30 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
“Check these ones out dude …this one time I was riding my bike, and maintenance workers were doing road repair, and I wasn’t looking at where I was going and rode through some hot tar. The tar splashed up on my legs and arms…sticks and burns man…and I had to spend 8 hours sitting in ice water peeling tar off of myself”.
(pulls up pant legs and pushes up sleeves)
“I feel you bro. This one time I was riding and I flew over this awesome jump and I almost nailed it, but I didn’t nail it, and I flew over the handlebars and came down on a rock and snapped my collarbone in half – it was sticking out of my chest bro…like some little white bleeding stick or something - here, feel. I dragged myself like, a really long way, like 5 kilometers or something really far like that, to the nearest house so that I could call for help”.
(exposes large lump caused by poorly healed collarbone)
“Okay okay dude, but seriously check this out – about 3 years ago, I got shot dude”.
“No way bro! You got shot?”
“Dude man, I’m totally on the level with you. I was picking up some Monster one morning before a ride and some fucking dude comes in and holds up the place. It was just like the movies…dude had a face mask on and everything. He was screaming at me and I told him I didn’t have any money and he shot me dude, but just in the arm because he sucked. He was just a little dude too, but I read somewhere that little dudes get angry really easily because they’re little or something, like those little angry dogs or something. He was like one of those little dogs.
“Crazy bro. Oh man, okay okay okay…when I was born, I had double hernias and they ended up having to anchor my ball to my leg bro…and then a couple of years ago it like, crawled up inside my body and started to swell so I went to see the doctor, and he said ‘um, we should probably get rid of that bro’, and I was like ‘oh man, that’s my nut’, but I did it anyways, and they cut out my nut but look at how big this scar is bro”.
“Dude, you only have one ball dude”.
“I know bro”.
“That’s fucked dude – I gotta go – you should probably pull up your pants”.