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Films are called films because they aren't real life

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2009-04-01 17:34:53 EDT
Rating: 1.37 on 35 ratings (35 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

I'm not one to be critical of those who are able to do things better than myself, but as I'm typically the best at everything I do it's a rare circumstance where I'm in such a position. But just because I might be fucking awesome at something doesn't mean I feel the need to brag about it or display such ability.

That shit don't stick my walls.

I do understand that some people feel the need to do, as they have some sort of insecurity in the other aspects of their lives where they might not be quite as incredible, and none twists my tits more than the sort of assholes who watch a film, any film, and spot the smallest continuity error, cream, post it on the fucking internet and then change into clean y fronts for the next outrage.

Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring
The positions of Gimli's axes as he stands in Balin's tomb

HOLY SHIT! NO! Can you believe they spent god knows how many millions making a trilogy when they couldn't even get the first right? It's fucking abysmal. Up to that point I thought it was a pretty good film, and then that moment ruined it for me.

Wait...no it didn't, gobshite. It doesn't matter. I was never under the illusion while watching the Lord of the fucking Rings that it was suppose to be a documentary of the real battle for Middle Earth.

Some might argue that 'so what? it's just a little harmless fun for some people.' and if you're one of those people then you're just an enabler. You might as well buy heroine for recovering addicts and razorblades for depressed teenagers.

Or you might argue 'stop reading them, you hairy, sexy man beast', but the fact is that I enjoy reading about other errors in films, such as plot holes, factual issues and the such, because being interested in the whole process of film making, this one I feel is important. If I was making a film I would want to make sure the story makes sense and doesn't leave a goatse wide plot hole. What I won't be worried about is whether the blood splash on Peter Everyman is in the same shape shot to shot.

The Passion of the Christ
During the sequence when Jesus carries his cross, he often falls down. His hand placement on the cross changes several time between shots.

Was that really all you came away from the film thinking? Not 'What the hell is this? Where's Monica Bellucci's clevage?'

If the biggest problem someone found with the Passion of the Christ being the position of hands on crosses then you've either got more time and money to waste than anyone should, or you brought on DVD and watch it many times, which says more about you than I ever could.

Fucking communities exist to support these assholes, who probably go to midnight premeries just to be the first one home to log the five mile list of errors that they spotted. For what? The pride of spotting it first? Do they stand at the water cooler the next day discussing the film and then get into a fight because they find out their colleague was the one who beat them to it to mention that:

Watchmen
In the prison, as Silk Spectre and Night Owl are fighting the inmates down the cell block, Silk Spectre's boots go from high stiletto heels to flats.

I hope so. And I hope they fucking kill eachother.

Am I missing something or is it really just a pride thing? Being the first to see that tiny, meaningless error made by a film making who could pay to have your family fight each other to the death for his amusement, is it really worth it?

According to one of the websites for these morons, www.nitpickers.com, the top "nitpicker" (aka wanker) is Toomanymovies, with over 2,000 for films and nearly 800 for television. Is that really an achievement, because I can't imagine this guy has much else on his CV?

I get the feeling this guy is just sat around at home, checking his email every thirty seconds to see if Spielberg or Jackson have got in touch to ask him to go through their latest masterpiece with a fine tooth comb to find any errors.

And even then I bet he'd leave one or two out, just so that he can be the first to post them.

What a cunt.


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Submitted by melkorthedelerious at 2009-04-06 01:01:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by kaos-king at 2009-04-03 12:23:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by YourNameHere at 2009-04-03 02:07:39 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by simple_catalyst at 2009-04-03 01:08:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm not one to be critical of those who are able to do things better than myself, but as I'm typically the best at everything I do it's a rare circumstance where I'm in such a position. But just because I might be fucking awesome at something doesn't mean I feel the need to brag about it or display such ability.

++++

simple_catalyst once ate five pecan pies in under twenty minutes.
simple_catalyst was offered a Field's Medal and refused.
simple_catalyst types all his ubersite comments with his tongue.
simple_catalyst was banned from ever participating at a G-8 summit because of his awesomeness.
That and the leaders did not want his groupies to crowd up the forum.
simple_catalyst broke every bone in his body and then crawled five miles to a hospital. In the rain.
simple_catalyst makes money. He makes more money than you. He rides around in his limo. It's what he was born to do.
simple_catalyst does all his programming in Unlambda.
simple_catalyst once read and corrected every wikipedia article. The internets died.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2009-04-02 19:54:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Crystle at 2009-04-02 19:40:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I can't stop reading, you hairy, sexy manbeast..


POST MORE.

Submitted by Sidivan at 2009-04-02 11:37:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I catch a lot of stuff like that on the first run through. I don't try to do it, I just notice it on the fly. That being said, it doesn't normally ruin the movie. Big ones will sometimes wreck it for me though. Like if a guy's drink is full, then empty, then 1/2 full, then empty, then he drinks it down dramatically and walks off to end the scene... jesus christ... that's just sloppy film-making.

My suspsension of disbelief doesn't cover continuity issues with objects that are integral to the scene.

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2009-04-02 10:10:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Heh. Probably.

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2009-04-02 09:54:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-04-02 09:47:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

...

I answered that it was probably because when he engaged in his movie autopsies, it made me want to eat his soul.

...

---

You should have.


Was his name Toomanymovies, by any chance?

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2009-04-02 09:47:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I have a friend who does this bullshit. He'll pick every goddamned motherfucking scene apart and spew out a dissertation about everything that was wrong about the particular movie.

He asked me once why I didn't want to watch movies with him anymore.

I answered that it was probably because when he engaged in his movie autopsies, it made me want to eat his soul.

Honestly, why some people can't just enjoy a movie and let themselves be entertained, I'll never know.


Submitted by The_Drake at 2009-04-02 09:31:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Bitch, Moan, Sigh...

Submitted by FALLEN at 2009-04-02 08:54:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I had thought I would enjoy a little nitpicking.
but OMG what a nerd fest.
who cares if someones shoe is tied in a double knot in one shot then in a single knot in the next.
it's almost not fun to ridicule them.

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2009-04-02 08:12:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

The beginning was just as whiny as the movie critics' blogs, but you saved it with the last line.

Submitted by TuTs at 2009-04-02 03:41:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

When I had my chilluns baptised, the priest as part of his great indoctrination, made us watch the Passion of the Christ. All I could think is, how pathetic out of everything that Jesus said or did all you crazy christians take from it is that he was beated, tortured and died. Then crazy Mel the catholic makes a movie about it. They are obsessed with violence, they have the crucifix hanging in a childs kindy classroom. It seems almost sick.

Rant over.

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe at 2009-04-02 03:30:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

My favourite 'movie goof' comment was, "The bolts used in the engine room in 'Titanic' weren't manufactured until 20 or whatever years after the Titanic sank"


Yep. Ruined the whole movie, them bolts did.

Submitted by Wildman at 2009-04-02 03:05:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I don't know about that. Why just the other day I saw something that was just like in the movies.

Submitted by johnny.b.dumb at 2009-04-02 02:55:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

aaaand its mine, all mine!!!!!

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2009-04-02 02:25:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

British übernauts taking back über

Submitted by orphelia at 2009-04-02 02:23:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

you mean 'arsehole' i am sure

Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals at 2009-04-02 00:37:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Bitchin'

Lotsa good stuff on the front page today. What gives?

Submitted by experima at 2009-04-01 22:46:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by sketch9 at 2009-04-01 20:45:27 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

i bet addicts need heroine's, cuz you gotta look up to somebody.

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2009-04-01 20:01:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Bubba2341 at 2009-04-01 19:40:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Jesu had blond hair, blue eyes, and a crew-cut. He didn't beat off, he ate no meat, and he held the temple doors for the womenz. He respected his parents, kissed all the babies, and revered the Jewish leaders as well as the Romans.

If you believe that, I got a St. Christopher medal for sale, cheap.

Submitted by PerkMan at 2009-04-01 19:17:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Biggest era in "passion of the Christ" was a white Jesus. I mean the area is covered with fricking Muslims and somehow people believe he was fucking blondhaired and blue eyed?

I mean even the region now with the influx of people from recent years is middle eastern as fuck.

The stupidity of people when it comes to faith is outstanding. Even read the bible and it says "Hair of wool, and feet of bronze" I don't know how that translates to Blondhaired white guy.

People are idiot's. That Jesus's race is the biggest lie of the last 2,000 years...

Just sayin'.

Submitted by Ducky at 2009-04-01 18:35:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Monica Bellucci plays a hooker better than anyone I've ever seen, in film.

Submitted by sandmantate at 2009-04-01 18:11:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I downloaded a copy of the new Wolverine movie. It was terrible. It was full of plot holes and made me cry tears of rage.

Submitted by Caulaincourt at 2009-04-01 17:52:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

stfu below

Submitted by Jack_McCallum at 2009-04-01 17:50:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 0


The Caulainclique shifts to a new post.

Submitted by no1hasdis at 2009-04-01 17:50:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

lol @ yozz

Submitted by Yozz at 2009-04-01 17:48:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-04-01 17:47:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-04-01 17:41:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-04-01 17:37:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


What would William Shatner say?
-----------------------------------

"Shut the fuck up, McCallum"

--

You do realize that going for the obvious every time kills any potential laugh, right?

-------------------------------
"Shut the fuck up, McCallum"

Submitted by Jack_McCallum at 2009-04-01 17:47:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-04-01 17:41:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-04-01 17:37:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


What would William Shatner say?
-----------------------------------

"Shut the fuck up, McCallum"

--

You do realize that going for the obvious every time kills any potential laugh, right?

Submitted by Caulaincourt at 2009-04-01 17:46:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-06-10 16:12:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I am unknown. I am unquantifiable. I am the outsider.

Submitted by no1hasdis at 2009-04-01 17:41:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-04-01 17:37:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


What would William Shatner say?
-----------------------------------

"Shut the fuck up, McCallum"

Submitted by Jack_McCallum at 2009-04-01 17:37:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 0


What would William Shatner say?


When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of
a bottle. They're on TV!

-- Homer Simpson
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