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Be careful who you perv on

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2009-05-07 12:22:15 EDT
Rating: 1.65 on 63 ratings (63 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

My train into work every morning is shit. I don't know why, what with me having some level of intelligence and those in charge seeming to be faceless bunch of assholes who probably get a private helicopter into work each day to avoid the hell that is London transport. There's never enough space, enough trains, enough air, enough anything, except conflicting body odour.

At first I thought that it's just a problem for big fat bastards like me, but from the glum looks on everyone else's face, it's them too. My station is the start of a bottle neck for about four different routes, so even if you decide to wait for the next train, it will be just as busy. So everyday I just about manage to get on a train, typically squashed in an aisle between another fat fuck and a dog ugly woman. Whenever I can, I'll take a spot by the doors so that when we stop at another station and people open them looking in helplessly for a bit of space to force their way into with their suitcases, pushchairs and children I can get a bit of a breeze that can relax me so much.

This morning was just such an occasion where I had positioned myself facing towards the front of the train, right next to the doors. It's the closest thing I can get to a fun journey in.

Two stops later, the train which had no room on it to begin with had another fifty or so people onboard, so hardly anyone could even lift their hands, let alone manouver. We came in to the stop, and a young woman, probably about 26 or 27 managed to just about make it on to the train. Much like everyone else, her arms were pinned to her sides. This woman wasn't too bad to look at generally speaking. She certainly wasn't a knock-out stunner or anything, but she had a nice face, long, dark hair and quite a nice figure. The only thing that really stood out was the size of her chest.

I'm not really one for the large, oversized breasts. I'm just happy with a pleasant handful, I don't need more than that. She had a handful for maybe Galactus, but no one else. And they were impressively firm. She either had good DNA or a great bra. There seemed to be no sag in them at all.

As the train doors closed on her, her chest and feet were blocking the doors. She managed to shuffle her feet back a bit, and was even able to push her top half back a bit to make room, and the doors quietly slid back into place. This was followed by a quiet 'pop' and then the rattle of a small piece of plastic hitting the floor.

The force of this lady moving backwards had somehow caused the top button of her already straining shirt to pop off. The only ones who could really see was me and the guy stood on her other side, but this didn't stop her panic. However, with her arms stuck, she couldn't really do anything about it, and as she was wriggling her arms and shoulders around, there was another 'pop' as the next button came off.

Now she was pretty much exposing full bra, which just cupped the bottom half. I just did my best not to stare, not wanting to offend the girl, who learnt her lesson and just stayed still. The guy stood opposite me, however, could not stop staring.

"Excuse me," He said after a short while. I turned with complete horror, not believing he was actually going to try and break the ice. "I can see your chest."

"Well maybe you should stop looking then." She was surprisingly calm about all this.

"I want to, but I just can't." He almost sounded breathless.

After another seven or eight awkward minutes of silence (except for panting) the train arrived at London Bridge. With a lot of effort, I positioned my shoulder and pressed the "Door Open" button. With a bit more space to move, the woman turned sideways, pulled the top of her shirt closed with her right hand, and with her left, swung a well placed fist into the man's sack.

"Fucking pervert." She said, walking towards the exit.

As I stepped past the now doubled over man, I swear I heard him say "Score."


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Submitted by Pukka at 2010-12-01 06:42:30 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2010-12-01 03:51:31 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2010-12-01 05:54:38 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2

A discussion on this topic is needed. Why do men have to act like such pussies "pretending" they aren't interested in a nice set of titties? Why do we have to look away? Every girl knows we want to look, and they can see us squirming and trying to look away when they walk past us.

----

most men do, others have actual balls. or aren't in a relationship.

Submitted by asmasta808 at 2010-12-01 01:48:22 EST (#)
Rating: -2

is post necrophilia the new fad?

Submitted by cheerios at 2010-12-01 00:54:38 EST (#)
Rating: 2

A discussion on this topic is needed. Why do men have to act like such pussies "pretending" they aren't interested in a nice set of titties? Why do we have to look away? Every girl knows we want to look, and they can see us squirming and trying to look away when they walk past us.

Submitted by CR1981 at 2010-10-12 18:04:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by kaos-king at 2009-08-10 03:33:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by catscradle at 2009-05-25 20:49:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Awesome

Submitted by JoeyG at 2009-05-14 14:56:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I WAS SAYING "SORE", NOT "SCORE".

Fucking underground breast bitches.

Submitted by mattnotharry at 2009-05-14 05:09:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Hooray for boobies

Submitted by orphelia at 2009-05-11 05:38:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

again congrats! eight!

Submitted by Spam at 2009-05-11 05:37:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by TLawrence at 2009-05-11 04:14:41 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by bart at 2009-05-11 04:00:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by JonnyX at 2009-05-10 20:12:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Should have got off at Elephant and Castle

Submitted by Replen at 2009-05-09 06:50:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Comfortably_Numb at 2009-05-08 08:53:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by BranDo at 2009-05-08 05:34:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

but she has huge tracts of land!


great story.

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-08 04:49:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'll bring it up at the board meeting.. never know - the scones might be an incentive.

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2009-05-08 04:47:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Fair enough. You just lost a scone, though.

If it'll help motivate the crews, I'll buy them a scone too (to share of course, I'm not made of scones)

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-08 04:41:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

HAHAHA...no chance I'm afraid. Think more Jan 2010 (for the central section at least)

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2009-05-08 04:40:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

If you can get it done by July, I'll be grateful and buy you a scone.

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-08 04:39:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-05-08 02:11:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

It sure as hell will. I'm Forest Hill and work in Aldgate. A direct line to Whitechapel would be ideal if it's finished before I move
~~~~
I'm the Assurance Manager for that job. I'll try and hurry it up for you... :-)

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-05-08 04:14:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

as i noted on the post its far to long for me to be interested to read and possibly about cakes, apologies.

Submitted by orphelia at 2009-05-08 04:13:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-08 09:12:07 BST (#)
Ranking: 2

FINALLY a decent post on the front page

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AHEM MINE is decent you monkey anus

:)

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-05-08 04:12:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

FINALLY a decent post on the front page

Submitted by mystiamoon at 2009-05-08 02:16:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Ducky at 2009-05-08 02:13:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

heh...

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2009-05-08 02:11:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

It sure as hell will. I'm Forest Hill and work in Aldgate. A direct line to Whitechapel would be ideal if it's finished before I move

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-08 01:42:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Will the East London Line Extension be of any help?

Hilarious post as always..

Submitted by HateRN at 2009-05-07 22:20:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I wouldn't necessarily classify the guy as a pervert. He did 'try' to do something about it, but if you're remotely heterosexual and have an existent libido then there's no way you can help but to look at a nice pair of knockers.

Submitted by TuTs at 2009-05-07 22:02:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You should have done her buttons up for her.

























*With your teeth*

Submitted by inion_de_trua at 2009-05-07 17:57:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

mine was already in quotes so of course :D

Submitted by LittleMonster at 2009-05-07 16:44:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-05-07 16:41:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

is "sliding down a helterskelter" a euphemism?

_____

Is riding the tubes?

Submitted by inion_de_trua at 2009-05-07 16:41:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

is "sliding down a helterskelter" a euphemism?

Submitted by Brdn_Nkd at 2009-05-07 16:40:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by LittleMonster at 2009-05-07 16:37:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-05-07 16:34:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

can i "ride" the "tube" with you LM?

____

That gives such a vivid mental picture...

I'm not entirely sure I can say no to that, just incase it's not something terrifying and scarey your inferring, instead something wonderful and innocent like sliding down a helterskelter.

That would be awesome.

Submitted by inion_de_trua at 2009-05-07 16:34:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

can i "ride" the "tube" with you LM?

Submitted by LittleMonster at 2009-05-07 16:32:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-05-07 16:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

you mean it wasn't you LM?

_____

ahahhaha
Not this time! Though I must admit I have been tempted to go and stalk nath on the tubes, I want to be part of the drama!

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2009-05-07 16:27:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-05-07 21:25:19 BST (#)
Ranking: 2

you mean it wasn't you LM?

Submitted by inion_de_trua at 2009-05-07 16:25:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

you mean it wasn't you LM?

Submitted by LittleMonster at 2009-05-07 16:15:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I miss the underground.

Submitted by Quint at 2009-05-07 15:46:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Awesome. Love the last line.

Submitted by orphelia at 2009-05-07 15:00:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm not really one for the large, oversized breasts

-----------------

We're over.


Submitted by Yozz at 2009-05-07 14:18:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2009-05-07 14:00:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2009-05-07 13:24:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I understand why you take public transportation to work. It's for the stories. There cannot possibly be any other reason.

Submitted by cheerios at 2009-05-07 13:24:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by BadCompany (user info) at 2009-05-07 12:49:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

I would give you plus two if you had a picture of her two.

Submitted by gonefiguring at 2009-05-07 13:10:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I like your posts, this one included.

Submitted by Ballare at 2009-05-07 13:10:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by mles76 at 2009-05-07 12:53:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by BadCompany at 2009-05-07 12:49:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I would give you plus two if you had a picture of her two.

Submitted by YourNameHere at 2009-05-07 12:45:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2009-05-07 12:36:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-05-07 12:35:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Could well have been. I didn't dare ask. I like my bollocks attached and at least one of them functioning
-=======================
I have a friend that got his testicles twisted in his beanbag once.

Riding a bike.

Handlebars.

UGGGHHHHHGHGHHGHHGHHGHGHGHGHH *puke*

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2009-05-07 12:35:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Could well have been. I didn't dare ask. I like my bollocks attached and at least one of them functioning

Submitted by Ron193 at 2009-05-07 12:34:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2009-05-07 12:33:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

PS, was this Orphelia?

I have heard her breasticles can stop a train.

Submitted by shedding_skin at 2009-05-07 12:33:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Not really the guys fault,he's a pervert and she's a bitch, world keeps on spinning.

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2009-05-07 12:33:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Im an ass

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2009-05-07 12:32:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

shit shit shit shit fucking scrollwheel

sorry man

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2009-05-07 12:32:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

dude, the last line fucking made this.

SO FUNNY.

as soon as I read "score" I heard Butt-Heads voice

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2009-05-07 12:32:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2009-05-07 12:29:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Mmm...incapacitating.

-- Homer Simpson
The Springfield Connection

Submitted by Berty at 2009-05-07 12:29:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Ah Londerners. Where would we be without them?


Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddys, and kids with
fake IDs.

-- Homer Simpson
The Springfield Files