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"I deem thy worthy"

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2009-05-08 11:16:36 EDT
Rating: 1.36 on 27 ratings (27 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

"Now gather round children," Said the old man by the fire. "And I shall tell you a tale of what once was, and soon shall be again."

There were many nervous pairs of eyes staring up in the wide, aged eyes that sat in the heavily cracked face of the self-proclaimed Fallen Warrior. All those present were keen to hear about the times of old, and how the world had come to be in such a state.

Everyone shuffled in closer, some trying to see the narrator clearly, others desperate for the extra warmth from the fire in the centre of the small crowd.

"Many years past, when the world was still young, when dragons still plagued the lands and man was kept to his domain, there was a lone king who wanted nothing more than to spread his control over the Earth." The speaker stopped for effect, and took another swig from his cup to let the mood take over his young audience. "While his subjects wanted nothing more than for him to find a bride and sire an heir, he was determined to defeat the dragons."

Some eyes widened, keen to hear more about this king, while others were confused, unsure of what exactly it meant to 'sire an heir', but all were interested.

"For you see, if the king was to die, his brother would ascend to the throne, and the people of the land knew this would be a bad for them. Some thought the king selfish for risking such an outcome, but he felt the opposite, feeling that if their land were to increase men would be free to move around and the threat of tyranny would be less from such an evil ruler."

One of the younger children slowly raised his arm to ask a question. The man took a sigh, desperate to tell his story, and nodded towards the boy.

"Is that a dragon over there?" The raconteur followed the direction the boy was pointing, over his left shoulder to see a bright, red glow approaching.

"Oh shit!" The man screamed. "It's the cops!" He threw his plastic cup, that was still half full of gin, into the barrel where the fire still raged on, causing a short increase in the intensity of the blaze.

Instantly the children from the local school were in a confused panic.


The man shuffled them all around to the other side of the fire.

"I mean, yes it's a dragon." The old alcoholic kicked the barrel over. Pieces of flaming debris spilled out onto the dirty alley floor as the police car came to a complete stop a short distance away. It was followed by a series of car doors slamming shut and footsteps running towards them.

The dirty old bastard kicked the barrel towards the police that were trying to charge him down.

"Quick, my children," The man was now a bit staggered. "Take up your weapons and help me fight this dragon and its slaves!"

The quicker of the unsuspecting victims grabbed some of the burning wood and charged down the approaching policemen.

The battle that followed was truly epic, with the children eventually taking the two policemen down and pounding them with pieces of barrel fuel until eventually they stopped moving.

"What about the dragon?" Asked one of the youngest children, pointing towards the police car.

"I'll deal with it." The man said, loving the easily corruptible imaginations of the young children. He picked up the barrel and with an extreme amount of effort, threw it through the windscreen. The interior began to catch, until the whole inside was nothing but a ball of fire.

As the man began to move away, children close behind, he turned to the eldest and asked him on behalf of all the other children: "Now that I deem you worthy, would you like to join my fellowship to stop the dragons from rising again?"

The boy, no older than seven, turned to his companions and decided that it was unanimous. "Yes, we would."

Without a word, the old man lead them down more dirty back alleys, past run down old buildings, red light districts and graffiti fronted garages, until finally they reached their destination.
The whole the children were silent with anticipation over the life they were now going to lead. The old man stopped in front of the last of a row of garages and fumbled inside his creepy old jacket for a key. He turned it slowly and lifted the door, moving the children inside, before following after them.

Inside it was pitch black, until finally the man switched the light on.

"Psych!" He screamed at them as the vampires attacked the children instantly, desperately hungry after lying in wait for hours. "There's no such thing as dragons, retards."

There was no fight, just a massacre. The old man left the garage with an extra wad of cash in his pocket, and locked up behind him.

Review This Item




Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2009-05-14 09:03:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Never going near pulsehead again. It's like my eyes are having a seizure

Submitted by NintendoCzar at 2009-05-11 19:06:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by firefly at 2009-05-11 13:57:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by scourge at 2009-05-11 12:19:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

i was going to bitch about the 'thy' in the title, but when i saw bubba and idd and phallic doing it i asked myself a question:

i said to myself, "self, you can be a right cunt sometimes, but are you as big a cunt as THOSE cunts?"

and the answer was, of course, 'yes', because here i am going on about it anyway, but what i told myself at the time was 'no.'


story was still fun.

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2009-05-11 10:54:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I was considering making an excuse about it being an alcoholic, homeless guy being the one saying it, so it was misspelt on purpose, but then realised I couldn't be bothered.

Submitted by iddqd at 2009-05-11 10:42:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

i was being a smart arse.

its odd, the misuse of that word is just one of those strangely grating things. its not like its a big deal, we all get what you mean, but its weird, its... itchy.

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2009-05-11 09:57:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Yeah I realise that.

To be honest struggled to think up any title for this at all, but as soon as it was mentioned I realised that it was wrong

Submitted by iddqd at 2009-05-11 09:44:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

just in case we're not clear, 'thy' is grammatically incorrect in your title, here.

just wanted to make sure we're all on the same page.

Submitted by JonnyX at 2009-05-10 19:00:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

one of your better ones...

Submitted by reginajacks at 2009-05-10 13:59:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

this is a really cool idea, but the way you told it was kinda meh-y.

Submitted by TLawrence at 2009-05-09 05:07:21 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

it's "I deem thee worthy," by the way.

Submitted by TLawrence at 2009-05-09 05:06:30 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by melkorthedelerious at 2009-05-09 04:08:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

How does one "take a sigh"

Burning barrels are hot, not just heavy

Still, I smiled.

Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals at 2009-05-09 04:00:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Thank god for id or I'd be the only pedant here.

And yes, I only clicked the link to bitch about the title.

Submitted by iddqd at 2009-05-09 00:10:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

i remember this movie. when i first saw it, salma hayek was so hot, but then i watched it again, and i realise shes got some serious junk in the trunk and HUGE legs. shes still kinda hot, but i was a little disappointed, like when i saw 'the dark crystal' again a couple years ago - except 'the dark crystal' was WAY more disappointing.

never watch the dark crystal again. let it live in your memory.

Submitted by iddqd at 2009-05-09 00:07:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

you deem my worthy what? and what do you deem it to be?

Submitted by YourNameHere at 2009-05-08 15:08:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by inion_de_trua at 2009-05-08 14:53:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

you're so odd.

Submitted by mystiamoon at 2009-05-08 13:19:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2009-05-08 13:16:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by TheBrad at 2009-05-08 13:15:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Spam at 2009-05-08 11:54:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2009-05-08 11:54:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Bubba2341 at 2009-05-08 11:49:34 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

Thy? "Thee?" What?

Submitted by SullyThePirate at 2009-05-08 11:35:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I love when kids get punk'd by vampires. Fucking miniature idiots.

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2009-05-08 11:26:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I spat Pepsi because of this.

Submitted by HateMudkips at 2009-05-08 11:21:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Um, it's like, uh ... did anyone see the movie `Tron'?

-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror VI