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Recession or not, I'm going on fucking holiday

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2009-05-14 04:27:22 EDT
Rating: 1.84 on 28 ratings (28 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

This time tomorrow I'll be fucking about in Amsterdam. Good only knows what I'm going to do there, but as the girlfriend's paying (she's like my sugarmummy) I'm going.

I, like most people, exhaust my knowledge of Amsterdam with drugs, prostitution, canals and windmills. And frankly I only know about the canals and windmills from watching America's Next Top Model (haha your gay, etc, well done very clever, move on, assholes).

So I decided to research a little bit more in preperation for the trip. Turns out, when it comes to tourism, Amsterdam is pretty much about drugs, prostitution, canals, windmills and museums. So I learnt something there. A little more research and I discover that you have to pay for the museums.

Fuck that. I've spent 25 years learning for free, why the hell should I start paying now?

The only one that caught my eye was from this website: http://wikitravel.org/en/Amsterdam, called The Hash, Marihuana and Hemp Museum. At first I thought, that's cool. And then I read the description:

Opened for over twenty years, the Hash Museum is dedicated to debunking the lies and demonization about one of our most useful plants, the hemp plant. Although small, busy and seriously overpriced, it is a well-done museum where people go to get informed.

Well now fuck that too. I like the ignorance. I like being uninformed. I like not paying for stuff, let alone seriously overpriced.

Thanks to my girlfriend being a pain in the ass, I did learn one other thing when I made an unwitting deal.

GF: "Okay, I'll make a deal. You can go get stoned..."
Me: "Deal!"
GF: "If we can rent bikes for a day."
Me: "You deceptive, minx, you. I don't know whether to kill you or fuck."
GF: "Well you can't kill me. My hot, model cousin is visiting. What will she do if I die?"
HMC: "Yes, Nath, what will I do..."
GF: "Takes us both and we'll call it even."
HMC: "Yes, take us."

Also, her cousin was Swedish.

So yeah, long story short, I'm going to be spending all day Sunday hungover, starving and trying to balance my considerable gut on a shitty wire frame with two pathetic wheels so that we can go look at stuff at a much slower rate than if we used a hoover craft or a taxi. When I pointed that out, apparantly I was missing the point of cycling.

Just because every other bastard will be pedalling around the city like a gobshite, suddenly means I have to. I don't know when going on holiday suddenly meant I had to do exercise. She'll probably make me eat salad as well.

But fuck it. I'm going on holiday for the first time since I went to the shit-tip that is Venice, and nowhere can be worst than that.

"Recession? What recession? Oh, THAT recession, right. No, I won't pay for sex. Get a real job, like a hash dealer."


Review This Item




Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 at 2009-05-20 06:52:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Dammit! I'm jealous now.

My sugarmummy was supposed to be taking me to the Dam for my birthday in September, but we recently discovered that by September she's going to be big as a house, and by January she's going to be squeezing a small person out of her pussy.

So that put a hold on a trip to the dam to get royaly fucked up.

However it has put a big ol' smile on my face knowing that in less than a year I'm going to be a Daddy.

Submitted by Bubba2341 at 2009-05-16 22:25:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-05-15 13:56:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

aha your gay, etc, well done very clever, move on, assholes

haha you're gay and you fail at grammarz

Heh. Doodles finds ONE little mistake and he forgets the thousands he has made. What a fucking IDIOT!!!!

Submitted by Doodles at 2009-05-15 13:56:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

aha your gay, etc, well done very clever, move on, assholes

haha you're gay and you fail at grammarz


Submitted by Crystle at 2009-05-14 20:52:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

cryptic +2

Submitted by YourNameHere at 2009-05-14 19:58:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Have fun!

Submitted by Cyrus at 2009-05-14 16:40:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

That's the spirit!

Submitted by JoeyG at 2009-05-14 14:39:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Ah, yes, I remember my visit to Amsterdam....

Hell, who am I kidding. I can't remember a fucking thing.

Submitted by scourge at 2009-05-14 14:37:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by BranDo at 2009-05-14 14:09:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I've spent a ot of time in Amsterdam and the bike is probably the easiest way to get around downtown.
Trams and/or metro system are good too.

Don't buy drugs on the street, really don't.

The Mellow Yellow is one of the best and oldest coffee-shops.

Weather will be crap though this weekend. We're going next week...

B E S U R E B E C O O L S T A Y H I G H B Y E B Y E !

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2009-05-14 13:04:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

go to the movies and get a beer while you are there.

fuck working out on vacation.

Submitted by HateRN at 2009-05-14 12:57:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

(haha your gay, etc, well done very clever, move on, assholes). -- That part made me laugh so unexpectedly that I scared everyone around me. Good shit all around.

Submitted by TheGoat at 2009-05-14 12:49:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by RoadSong at 2009-05-14 12:26:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"I don't know when going on holiday suddenly meant I had to do exercise. She'll probably make me eat salad as well."
Not the SALAD!

Submitted by melkorthedelerious at 2009-05-14 12:21:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Brdn_Nkd at 2009-05-14 09:52:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Ejryuu at 2009-05-14 09:42:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by spuj at 2009-05-14 08:02:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

i heard mexico city is beautiful this time of year. cheap too......

too easy

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2009-05-14 07:49:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

No Michael Dorn?

If you need your dose of bass-voiced Michael Dorn, and who doesn't, I'll sell you a copy of my ancient video game "Vikings!" in which Michael Dorn, narrates your journeys as you to from village to village either looting, or perhaps simply trading and engaging in diplomatic relations in this historically accurate (in 1992) strategy game.

I'm fairly certain he was the main draw of the game, since his picture graced the back of the box, and in bold print on the front was "Voiced by Michael Dorn".

It'll cost ya $10.00 plus S/H.

Submitted by Berty at 2009-05-14 07:18:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

It is important to remain on foot in amsterdam so you can regularly take advantage of the literally thousands of pizza and heineken retailers. YOu'll need to because you will be wandering around stoned and Looking at Stuff, by which I mean historical stuff and shit.

Submitted by moopy4u at 2009-05-14 07:14:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I didn't need to read this. The title is promotion enough for a +2 if ya ask me.

Fuckin', go you! Kick some ass in Amsterdamn!

Wonder if Jean Claude Van Dam lives or lived there... If he does, watch out.. He kicks some serious ass!

Submitted by DrogoRoch at 2009-05-14 06:35:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Dont they have the poo museum in sunny Amsterdam? Would love to see that, aparently they have built this massive machine that they put food in and you cant watch as it breaks it down and does its thing and produces ......... dum dum dum.... POOP! wow if only the human body could be as amazing

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2009-05-14 05:45:55 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Just realised instead of hover craft I put hoover craft.

English is officially dead to me

Submitted by TuTs at 2009-05-14 05:43:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Nice, exercise on holiday.

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-05-14 05:11:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

The trams are a waste of time if its hot, you will bake. It's like sitting in a greenhouse!

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2009-05-14 05:06:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Trams remind me of Croydon. Not a good thing

Submitted by F.J.Bell at 2009-05-14 05:05:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Amsterdam is fun.

Try to talk her into using the trams to get around, might be a reasonable compromise.

Submitted by mystiamoon at 2009-05-14 04:35:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-05-14 04:32:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

she was swedish? what happened!

riding bikes in amsterdam will be a scary experience, believe me. they are all nutters with no regard for each other or pedestrians. not many cars though.

Ive been to Amsterdam a few times so if you do want any local information, let me know, however i doubt you will be short of wannabee know it alls offering you advice on here.

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