Relationships. Oh My FECKING Good God. The Good, The Shite And The Ugly
Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-15 17:06:01 EDTRating: 1.76 on 53 ratings (53 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
The Good
1. I can fart. I don’t (in front of him) BUT I CAN IF I WANT TO.
2. I don’t have to booty call. I can just try and get his attention away from the computer by jumping up and down in front of him in an ‘interesting’ outfit.
3. I can watch American Idol without being looked at like someone who has crawled out of (very algae strewn) pond.
4. I can get a drink (vodka, tea..whatever) without moving. Amazing. Verging on magic.
5. I can’t drive. Don’t need to. He can AND he doesn’t drink – he smokes lovely smelling stuff instead.
6. I can say ‘feck off I’m tired’ and he’ll still jump me the next morning.
7. I can wear jimjams and look like shite and be ME and still be loved.
8. If I don’t want to cook (rarely) – he will. And damn good too.
9. He smokes! I don’t feel like a leper – in England not that many people smoke anymore.
10. He’s good with my family
11. He’d drag me to bed and hold my hair up if I vommed and not make an issue about it if I got lammered. (Rare occasion – Flyingbuttmonkey darling, no comment from you please)
The Shite
1. He can fart and FECKING does. Maaan. You can actually taste it. And work out the dinner from the night before from the smell...
2. He doesn’t have to booty call.....” I’m....*yawn* tired...feck it.. here’s your ex’s number..knock youself out”
3. If he watched American Idol I’d be horrified. It’s a girl thing. Please.
4. I have to make him tea. And he drinks about a thousand cups a day. And you have to make it the RIGHT WAY. Nevaar put milk in before you take the teabag out.
5. He drives. He has road rage and he frankly scares the shite out of me
6. I can say ‘feck off I’m tired’ and he doesn't push it. WHAT??!! don’t you want me? AGGGH!
7. He wears jim jams. Sexy err....(YES I'm a hypocrite)
8. He likes fried eggs *runs way vomming violently*
9. He doesn’t clean ashtrays after every cigarette.. grr..
10. I have a sneaky suspicion my family wish they were related to him and not me...
11. He doesn’t drink. I look like an ass about once a week. And wake up wondering what the feck I was talking about the night before, knowing he was stone cold sober. Not cool.
The Ugly:
Me after a night out.I won't post a photo. Don't want to scare the teenagers on Uber.
drunk.jpg
Review This Item
Reviews
Submitted by
monkeyswithguns
at
2009-05-21 08:31:25 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
It's shit (shite) like this that's dragging me to therapy and marriage counseling.
Submitted by
scourge
at
2009-05-19 15:59:19 EDT
(#)
Rating: 1
Rating: 1
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-05-19 15:11:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-05-17 16:38:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-05-16 21:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want a boyfriend.
================
You are intelligent and pretty, so you can get a man if you wish. Boyfriends/girlfriends are easily had, especially if you are not too picky. If you get picky and want a guy with a huge member or one who is wealthy, then that narrows down the field. Just settle for a nice guy.
===
when method said your replies like cottage cheese, that's a good example.
kill yourself, bubba. do it.
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-05-17 16:38:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-05-16 21:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want a boyfriend.
================
You are intelligent and pretty, so you can get a man if you wish. Boyfriends/girlfriends are easily had, especially if you are not too picky. If you get picky and want a guy with a huge member or one who is wealthy, then that narrows down the field. Just settle for a nice guy.
===
when method said your replies like cottage cheese, that's a good example.
kill yourself, bubba. do it.
Submitted by
Caulaincourt
at
2009-05-19 15:11:42 EDT
(#)
Rating: 0
Rating: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-05-17 16:38:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-05-16 21:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want a boyfriend.
================
You are intelligent and pretty, so you can get a man if you wish. Boyfriends/girlfriends are easily had, especially if you are not too picky. If you get picky and want a guy with a huge member or one who is wealthy, then that narrows down the field. Just settle for a nice guy.
===
when method said your replies like cottage cheese, that's a good example.
kill yourself, bubba. do it.
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-05-16 21:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want a boyfriend.
================
You are intelligent and pretty, so you can get a man if you wish. Boyfriends/girlfriends are easily had, especially if you are not too picky. If you get picky and want a guy with a huge member or one who is wealthy, then that narrows down the field. Just settle for a nice guy.
===
when method said your replies like cottage cheese, that's a good example.
kill yourself, bubba. do it.
Submitted by
Brdn_Nkd
at
2009-05-18 08:34:17 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
damnit! see, it's such a negative piece of shit it fucked up my rating! sorry
Submitted by
SgtHartman
at
2009-05-18 08:23:44 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
you sound like a handful!
who knew elven sorcerers were such party animals?
who knew elven sorcerers were such party animals?
Submitted by
Merlina
at
2009-05-18 03:59:05 EDT
(#)
Rating: 0
Rating: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-16 03:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HELLO, IM SOBER NOW!
~~~
Hello
Me too.
Ranking: 2
HELLO, IM SOBER NOW!
~~~
Hello
Me too.
Submitted by
JonnyX
at
2009-05-18 02:30:44 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-05-16 18:04:42 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want a boyfriend.
Ranking: 2
I want a boyfriend.
Submitted by
Bubba2341
at
2009-05-17 16:38:33 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-05-16 21:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want a boyfriend.
================
You are intelligent and pretty, so you can get a man if you wish. Boyfriends/girlfriends are easily had, especially if you are not too picky. If you get picky and want a guy with a huge member or one who is wealthy, then that narrows down the field. Just settle for a nice guy. Or girl.
Ranking: 2
I want a boyfriend.
================
You are intelligent and pretty, so you can get a man if you wish. Boyfriends/girlfriends are easily had, especially if you are not too picky. If you get picky and want a guy with a huge member or one who is wealthy, then that narrows down the field. Just settle for a nice guy. Or girl.
Submitted by
i_can_get_you_a_toe
at
2009-05-17 16:02:15 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
11. He doesn't drink. I look like an ass about once a week. And wake up wondering what the feck I was talking about the night before, knowing he was stone cold sober. Not cool
-----
perfect.
-----
perfect.
Submitted by
RoadSong
at
2009-05-16 12:07:21 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
"10. I have a sneaky suspicion my family wish they were related to him and not me..."
~~~~~~~~~~
Dammit, I hate it when that happens! My ex boyfriends would go visit my mother and have dinner at the family home years after I had moved to another state...
Mother would invite them when they called her to say hello and ask about me...
heh
~~~~~~~~~~
Dammit, I hate it when that happens! My ex boyfriends would go visit my mother and have dinner at the family home years after I had moved to another state...
Mother would invite them when they called her to say hello and ask about me...
heh
Submitted by
orphelia
at
2009-05-16 04:03:49 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
all men are bastards
I am about to mail you, sweet lady
I am about to mail you, sweet lady
Submitted by
mystiamoon
at
2009-05-16 03:23:10 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-15 18:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
big cocks
small cocks
bendy cocks
cocks cocks cocks
===========================
wow
haha
someone likes cock even more than us, ladies.
Ranking: 2
big cocks
small cocks
bendy cocks
cocks cocks cocks
===========================
wow
haha
someone likes cock even more than us, ladies.
Submitted by
mystiamoon
at
2009-05-16 02:18:46 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
still good after i read it a 2nd time.
sorry it was dead for you last night but i had to go nightey, i have to be up to man the phones starting at 3 am..ugh
and another thing unrelated.
The goddamn weather man said it was going to be sunny and in the 70's today
(dunno what that is in your crazy foreign celsius scale)
IS it going to be that way?...NO
It's fucking storming and hailing and I have a fridge full of meat and veggies i was going to grill later today and flowers to plant and now i'm a sad panda :(
It's going to rain all day, again.
sorry it was dead for you last night but i had to go nightey, i have to be up to man the phones starting at 3 am..ugh
and another thing unrelated.
The goddamn weather man said it was going to be sunny and in the 70's today
(dunno what that is in your crazy foreign celsius scale)
IS it going to be that way?...NO
It's fucking storming and hailing and I have a fridge full of meat and veggies i was going to grill later today and flowers to plant and now i'm a sad panda :(
It's going to rain all day, again.
Submitted by
St_Jimmy
at
2009-05-16 01:20:30 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Yeah Merlina!
Sorry, but I have to:
The Good
1. I can fart. I don't (in front of him) BUT I CAN IF I WANT TO.
--But he knows you won't. Besides, in my opinion, you don't really want to. By the time the relationship reaches the point where you can bust out visible ass gas, the sexy passion is kinda gone, isn't it?
2. I don't have to booty call. I can just try and get his attention away from the computer by jumping up and down in front of him in an 'interesting' outfit.
--Yeah well, interesting is always good, particularly if "interesting" is followed by "blow job". 10/10.
3. I can watch American Idol without being looked at like someone who has crawled out of (very algae strewn) pond.
--I only hope he's too preoccupied with your "interesting" outfit.
4. I can get a drink (vodka, tea..whatever) without moving. Amazing. Verging on magic.
--Yeah, well chicks tend to be a little more receptive to certain ideas after they've had a few, just sayin'.
5. I can't drive. Don't need to. He can AND he doesn't drink - he smokes lovely smelling stuff instead.
--Pshaw! He'd be a proper nutter if he'd allow your drunk ass to drive him around, now wouldn't he? This bit is only pure self-preservation.
6. I can say 'feck off I'm tired' and he'll still jump me the next morning.
--Actually, that probably happens the night of (see #4). It's why you wake up all sticky.
7. I can wear jimjams and look like shite and be ME and still be loved.
--Again, see #4.
8. If I don't want to cook (rarely) - he will. And damn good too.
--Yeah, well, a man's gotta eat, doesn't he?
9. He smokes! I don't feel like a leper - in England not that many people smoke anymore.
--Ha! What do smokes cost in the UK now? Something like 10 pounds/pack? Dude, that's like $1000. You'll be broke within the month!
10. He's good with my family
--I met your mum the other day and let's just say... Well, let's just say that it's not hard to get on her good side. Leave it at that, shall we?
11. He'd drag me to bed and hold my hair up if I vommed and not make an issue about it if I got lammered. (Rare occasion - Flyingbuttmonkey darling, no comment from you please)
--He wants buttsecks. If he has to get you a bit lammered to do it, then so be it. It all goes back to #4.
Sorry, but I have to:
The Good
1. I can fart. I don't (in front of him) BUT I CAN IF I WANT TO.
--But he knows you won't. Besides, in my opinion, you don't really want to. By the time the relationship reaches the point where you can bust out visible ass gas, the sexy passion is kinda gone, isn't it?
2. I don't have to booty call. I can just try and get his attention away from the computer by jumping up and down in front of him in an 'interesting' outfit.
--Yeah well, interesting is always good, particularly if "interesting" is followed by "blow job". 10/10.
3. I can watch American Idol without being looked at like someone who has crawled out of (very algae strewn) pond.
--I only hope he's too preoccupied with your "interesting" outfit.
4. I can get a drink (vodka, tea..whatever) without moving. Amazing. Verging on magic.
--Yeah, well chicks tend to be a little more receptive to certain ideas after they've had a few, just sayin'.
5. I can't drive. Don't need to. He can AND he doesn't drink - he smokes lovely smelling stuff instead.
--Pshaw! He'd be a proper nutter if he'd allow your drunk ass to drive him around, now wouldn't he? This bit is only pure self-preservation.
6. I can say 'feck off I'm tired' and he'll still jump me the next morning.
--Actually, that probably happens the night of (see #4). It's why you wake up all sticky.
7. I can wear jimjams and look like shite and be ME and still be loved.
--Again, see #4.
8. If I don't want to cook (rarely) - he will. And damn good too.
--Yeah, well, a man's gotta eat, doesn't he?
9. He smokes! I don't feel like a leper - in England not that many people smoke anymore.
--Ha! What do smokes cost in the UK now? Something like 10 pounds/pack? Dude, that's like $1000. You'll be broke within the month!
10. He's good with my family
--I met your mum the other day and let's just say... Well, let's just say that it's not hard to get on her good side. Leave it at that, shall we?
11. He'd drag me to bed and hold my hair up if I vommed and not make an issue about it if I got lammered. (Rare occasion - Flyingbuttmonkey darling, no comment from you please)
--He wants buttsecks. If he has to get you a bit lammered to do it, then so be it. It all goes back to #4.
Submitted by
TuTs
at
2009-05-15 23:00:32 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
See the nail Merlina, see the head. You hit it! Thank-you so much for being entertaining, I'm actually stuck in front of the computer for the whole day and I'm going to kill myself, I don't know how you people do it. I'm going nuts, where is that nail- put it into my head.
Submitted by
Merlina
at
2009-05-15 21:50:35 EDT
(#)
Rating: 0
Rating: 0
oh...
I appear to be rising..
oh no, its the vodka and coke.
I appear to be rising..
oh no, its the vodka and coke.
Submitted by
Merlina
at
2009-05-15 21:14:51 EDT
(#)
Rating: 0
Rating: 0
YourNameHere has SUCH a grudge.
Dude, seriously, get over it.
Dude, seriously, get over it.
Submitted by
Merlina
at
2009-05-15 20:46:58 EDT
(#)
Rating: 0
Rating: 0
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-05-15 20:42:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Men are supposed to fart.
~~
yes
men are stinky
Ranking: 2
Men are supposed to fart.
~~
yes
men are stinky
Submitted by
Merlina
at
2009-05-15 20:28:18 EDT
(#)
Rating: 0
Rating: 0
*so negative*
*couldn't*
damn this laptop - I'll never get used to it..
*couldn't*
damn this laptop - I'll never get used to it..
Submitted by
Merlina
at
2009-05-15 20:02:05 EDT
(#)
Rating: 0
Rating: 0
ahh you see, you can in your sleep...its different. If it's when you're having a conversation it's a bit rude to just....y'know...
parp
parp
Submitted by
skrapmetal
at
2009-05-15 19:42:24 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
The first time my last girlfriend stayed over at my place and actually slept (we all-night studied a lot before that), she quite powerfully and eye-stingingly farted in her sleep. It's now 18 years later and I'm still married to her.
Despite that.
Despite that.
Submitted by
Merlina
at
2009-05-15 18:26:19 EDT
(#)
Rating: 0
Rating: 0
um..
is YourNameHere an alter....
is this my sister??!?!?!
is YourNameHere an alter....
is this my sister??!?!?!
Submitted by
EmissionImpossible
at
2009-05-15 18:24:11 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
*faints*
it must be bed time
good night from a slightly drunkish me
it must be bed time
good night from a slightly drunkish me
Submitted by
forensicgirl3
at
2009-05-15 18:22:43 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-15 17:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you just want us for our cocks :(
====
Your point being?
Ranking: 2
you just want us for our cocks :(
====
Your point being?
Submitted by
Merlina
at
2009-05-15 18:21:39 EDT
(#)
Rating: 0
Rating: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-15 18:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cocks cocks cocks
~
COCKS!!! WELOVECOCKGIVEUSCOCKNICEHARDCOCKWELOVECOCK
er.
I mean..um..
I'm a lady, don't you know.?
*cough*
Ranking: 2
cocks cocks cocks
~
COCKS!!! WELOVECOCKGIVEUSCOCKNICEHARDCOCKWELOVECOCK
er.
I mean..um..
I'm a lady, don't you know.?
*cough*
Submitted by
Merlina
at
2009-05-15 18:19:48 EDT
(#)
Rating: 0
Rating: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-05-15 18:17:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting to know that eyebrow quirk of his is real.
~~~
yeah it was real.. nearly killed me... not that I stood a chance or anything anyway, but his memory of me is...
nothing
*sobs*
Ranking: 2
Interesting to know that eyebrow quirk of his is real.
~~~
yeah it was real.. nearly killed me... not that I stood a chance or anything anyway, but his memory of me is...
nothing
*sobs*
Submitted by
forensicgirl3
at
2009-05-15 18:17:11 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-05-15 17:15:31 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-05-15 15:27:28 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No girls excited that I met Alan Rickman???
Forensic?
Umm..
Even though I made an utter twat of myself?
=====
I am. I'd probably make an utter twat out myself too if I found myself in Alan Rickman's presence.
I'd also probably have an attempted sexual assault record as well after I attempted to suction his face off.
Interesting to know that eyebrow quirk of his is real.
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-05-15 15:27:28 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No girls excited that I met Alan Rickman???
Forensic?
Umm..
Even though I made an utter twat of myself?
=====
I am. I'd probably make an utter twat out myself too if I found myself in Alan Rickman's presence.
I'd also probably have an attempted sexual assault record as well after I attempted to suction his face off.
Interesting to know that eyebrow quirk of his is real.
Submitted by
EmissionImpossible
at
2009-05-15 18:09:39 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
big cocks
small cocks
bendy cocks
cocks cocks cocks
small cocks
bendy cocks
cocks cocks cocks
Submitted by
coley
at
2009-05-15 18:09:34 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
I firmly believe the girls should never fart in front of the boys....
Submitted by
Merlina
at
2009-05-15 18:08:36 EDT
(#)
Rating: 0
Rating: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-15 17:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you just want us for our cocks :(
~~~
you're saying that as if its a bad thing
Ranking: 2
you just want us for our cocks :(
~~~
you're saying that as if its a bad thing
Submitted by
Merlina
at
2009-05-15 18:01:19 EDT
(#)
Rating: 0
Rating: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-05-15 17:42:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FART AWAY, I say
~~
I know. I should, shouldn't I..
I CAN'T
Its been five years...
Ranking: 2
FART AWAY, I say
~~
I know. I should, shouldn't I..
I CAN'T
Its been five years...
Submitted by
Merlina
at
2009-05-15 17:56:46 EDT
(#)
Rating: 0
Rating: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-05-15 17:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the good:
being with someone is less expensive
the bad:
everything else
~~~
aaha haha SO true
Ranking: 2
the good:
being with someone is less expensive
the bad:
everything else
~~~
aaha haha SO true
Submitted by
Caulaincourt
at
2009-05-15 17:53:47 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
the good:
being with someone is less expensive
the bad:
everything else
being with someone is less expensive
the bad:
everything else
Submitted by
rob_berg
at
2009-05-15 17:47:16 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
ps: Adam is totally going to win.
I think that Kris fellow is more interesting - I would hate listening to an entire CD of shrieking.
Rating: 2
ps: Adam is totally going to win.
I think that Kris fellow is more interesting - I would hate listening to an entire CD of shrieking.
Submitted by
rob_berg
at
2009-05-15 17:42:43 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Farting on the first date is crucial.
I mean we ALL do it... might as well get that out in the open right off the bat.
If you don't fart in front of him you are only letting him win.
FART AWAY, I say.
Rating: 2
Farting on the first date is crucial.
I mean we ALL do it... might as well get that out in the open right off the bat.
If you don't fart in front of him you are only letting him win.
FART AWAY, I say.
Submitted by
EmissionImpossible
at
2009-05-15 17:41:56 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
you just want us for our cocks :(
Submitted by
Merlina
at
2009-05-15 17:37:07 EDT
(#)
Rating: 0
Rating: 0
I'm guessing that girls will find this more amusing than guys. If read by a guy I'll come across as whinging beeotch.
Not true.
Is all in humour. He's a lucky feck and I do loads for him.
Not true.
Is all in humour. He's a lucky feck and I do loads for him.
Submitted by
mystiamoon
at
2009-05-15 17:30:59 EDT
(#)
Rating: 2
Rating: 2
awesome
"what you don't want me?"
hahahaha
"what you don't want me?"
hahahaha