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Relationships. Oh My FECKING Good God. The Good, The Shite And The Ugly

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-15 17:06:01 EDT
Rating: 1.76 on 53 ratings (53 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

The Good

1. I can fart. I don’t (in front of him) BUT I CAN IF I WANT TO.

2. I don’t have to booty call. I can just try and get his attention away from the computer by jumping up and down in front of him in an ‘interesting’ outfit.

3. I can watch American Idol without being looked at like someone who has crawled out of (very algae strewn) pond.

4. I can get a drink (vodka, tea..whatever) without moving. Amazing. Verging on magic.

5. I can’t drive. Don’t need to. He can AND he doesn’t drink – he smokes lovely smelling stuff instead.

6. I can say ‘feck off I’m tired’ and he’ll still jump me the next morning.

7. I can wear jimjams and look like shite and be ME and still be loved.

8. If I don’t want to cook (rarely) – he will. And damn good too.

9. He smokes! I don’t feel like a leper – in England not that many people smoke anymore.

10. He’s good with my family

11. He’d drag me to bed and hold my hair up if I vommed and not make an issue about it if I got lammered. (Rare occasion – Flyingbuttmonkey darling, no comment from you please)


The Shite
1. He can fart and FECKING does. Maaan. You can actually taste it. And work out the dinner from the night before from the smell...

2. He doesn’t have to booty call.....” I’m....*yawn* tired...feck it.. here’s your ex’s number..knock youself out”

3. If he watched American Idol I’d be horrified. It’s a girl thing. Please.

4. I have to make him tea. And he drinks about a thousand cups a day. And you have to make it the RIGHT WAY. Nevaar put milk in before you take the teabag out.

5. He drives. He has road rage and he frankly scares the shite out of me

6. I can say ‘feck off I’m tired’ and he doesn't push it. WHAT??!! don’t you want me? AGGGH!

7. He wears jim jams. Sexy err....(YES I'm a hypocrite)

8. He likes fried eggs *runs way vomming violently*

9. He doesn’t clean ashtrays after every cigarette.. grr..

10. I have a sneaky suspicion my family wish they were related to him and not me...

11. He doesn’t drink. I look like an ass about once a week. And wake up wondering what the feck I was talking about the night before, knowing he was stone cold sober. Not cool.


The Ugly:
Me after a night out.I won't post a photo. Don't want to scare the teenagers on Uber.


drunk.jpg
drunk.jpg


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Reviews


Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2009-05-21 08:31:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

It's shit (shite) like this that's dragging me to therapy and marriage counseling.

Submitted by HurtByTheSun at 2009-05-20 13:24:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by scourge at 2009-05-19 15:59:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-05-19 15:11:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-05-17 16:38:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-05-16 21:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I want a boyfriend.
================
You are intelligent and pretty, so you can get a man if you wish. Boyfriends/girlfriends are easily had, especially if you are not too picky. If you get picky and want a guy with a huge member or one who is wealthy, then that narrows down the field. Just settle for a nice guy.
===
when method said your replies like cottage cheese, that's a good example.

kill yourself, bubba. do it.

Submitted by Caulaincourt at 2009-05-19 15:11:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

smell like*

Submitted by Caulaincourt at 2009-05-19 15:11:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-05-17 16:38:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-05-16 21:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I want a boyfriend.
================
You are intelligent and pretty, so you can get a man if you wish. Boyfriends/girlfriends are easily had, especially if you are not too picky. If you get picky and want a guy with a huge member or one who is wealthy, then that narrows down the field. Just settle for a nice guy.
===
when method said your replies like cottage cheese, that's a good example.

kill yourself, bubba. do it.

Submitted by marginwalker at 2009-05-18 16:56:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Sage at 2009-05-18 10:24:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Glad you're happily coupled up.

Submitted by Brdn_Nkd at 2009-05-18 08:34:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

damnit! see, it's such a negative piece of shit it fucked up my rating! sorry

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2009-05-18 08:23:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

you sound like a handful!

who knew elven sorcerers were such party animals?

Submitted by kaos-king at 2009-05-18 08:21:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-18 03:59:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-16 03:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

HELLO, IM SOBER NOW!
~~~
Hello

Me too.

Submitted by JonnyX at 2009-05-18 02:30:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-05-16 18:04:42 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I want a boyfriend.

Submitted by Bubba2341 at 2009-05-17 16:38:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-05-16 21:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I want a boyfriend.
================
You are intelligent and pretty, so you can get a man if you wish. Boyfriends/girlfriends are easily had, especially if you are not too picky. If you get picky and want a guy with a huge member or one who is wealthy, then that narrows down the field. Just settle for a nice guy. Or girl.

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe at 2009-05-17 16:02:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

11. He doesn't drink. I look like an ass about once a week. And wake up wondering what the feck I was talking about the night before, knowing he was stone cold sober. Not cool



-----

perfect.

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2009-05-16 21:04:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I want a boyfriend.

Submitted by Snark at 2009-05-16 14:54:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by RoadSong at 2009-05-16 12:07:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"10. I have a sneaky suspicion my family wish they were related to him and not me..."
~~~~~~~~~~
Dammit, I hate it when that happens! My ex boyfriends would go visit my mother and have dinner at the family home years after I had moved to another state...
Mother would invite them when they called her to say hello and ask about me...
heh


Submitted by Spam at 2009-05-16 05:09:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by orphelia at 2009-05-16 04:03:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

all men are bastards
I am about to mail you, sweet lady

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-05-16 03:53:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

HELLO, IM SOBER NOW!

Submitted by mystiamoon at 2009-05-16 03:23:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-15 18:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

big cocks

small cocks

bendy cocks


cocks cocks cocks

===========================

wow

haha

someone likes cock even more than us, ladies.

Submitted by mystiamoon at 2009-05-16 02:18:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

still good after i read it a 2nd time.


sorry it was dead for you last night but i had to go nightey, i have to be up to man the phones starting at 3 am..ugh


and another thing unrelated.
The goddamn weather man said it was going to be sunny and in the 70's today
(dunno what that is in your crazy foreign celsius scale)

IS it going to be that way?...NO
It's fucking storming and hailing and I have a fridge full of meat and veggies i was going to grill later today and flowers to plant and now i'm a sad panda :(

It's going to rain all day, again.

Submitted by St_Jimmy at 2009-05-16 01:20:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Yeah Merlina!

Sorry, but I have to:

The Good

1. I can fart. I don't (in front of him) BUT I CAN IF I WANT TO.

--But he knows you won't. Besides, in my opinion, you don't really want to. By the time the relationship reaches the point where you can bust out visible ass gas, the sexy passion is kinda gone, isn't it?

2. I don't have to booty call. I can just try and get his attention away from the computer by jumping up and down in front of him in an 'interesting' outfit.

--Yeah well, interesting is always good, particularly if "interesting" is followed by "blow job". 10/10.

3. I can watch American Idol without being looked at like someone who has crawled out of (very algae strewn) pond.

--I only hope he's too preoccupied with your "interesting" outfit.

4. I can get a drink (vodka, tea..whatever) without moving. Amazing. Verging on magic.

--Yeah, well chicks tend to be a little more receptive to certain ideas after they've had a few, just sayin'.

5. I can't drive. Don't need to. He can AND he doesn't drink - he smokes lovely smelling stuff instead.

--Pshaw! He'd be a proper nutter if he'd allow your drunk ass to drive him around, now wouldn't he? This bit is only pure self-preservation.

6. I can say 'feck off I'm tired' and he'll still jump me the next morning.

--Actually, that probably happens the night of (see #4). It's why you wake up all sticky.

7. I can wear jimjams and look like shite and be ME and still be loved.

--Again, see #4.

8. If I don't want to cook (rarely) - he will. And damn good too.

--Yeah, well, a man's gotta eat, doesn't he?

9. He smokes! I don't feel like a leper - in England not that many people smoke anymore.

--Ha! What do smokes cost in the UK now? Something like 10 pounds/pack? Dude, that's like $1000. You'll be broke within the month!

10. He's good with my family

--I met your mum the other day and let's just say... Well, let's just say that it's not hard to get on her good side. Leave it at that, shall we?

11. He'd drag me to bed and hold my hair up if I vommed and not make an issue about it if I got lammered. (Rare occasion - Flyingbuttmonkey darling, no comment from you please)

--He wants buttsecks. If he has to get you a bit lammered to do it, then so be it. It all goes back to #4.

Submitted by TuTs at 2009-05-15 23:00:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

See the nail Merlina, see the head. You hit it! Thank-you so much for being entertaining, I'm actually stuck in front of the computer for the whole day and I'm going to kill myself, I don't know how you people do it. I'm going nuts, where is that nail- put it into my head.

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-15 21:50:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

oh...

I appear to be rising..


oh no, its the vodka and coke.

Submitted by YourNameHere at 2009-05-15 21:45:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Rise above, sweetheart!

Submitted by YourNameHere at 2009-05-15 21:44:41 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-15 21:14:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

YourNameHere has SUCH a grudge.

Dude, seriously, get over it.

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-15 20:46:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-05-15 20:42:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Men are supposed to fart.
~~

yes

men are stinky

Submitted by icarus1987 at 2009-05-15 20:42:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Men are supposed to fart.

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-15 20:28:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

*so negative*
*couldn't*

damn this laptop - I'll never get used to it..

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-15 20:02:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

ahh you see, you can in your sleep...its different. If it's when you're having a conversation it's a bit rude to just....y'know...



parp

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2009-05-15 19:42:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

The first time my last girlfriend stayed over at my place and actually slept (we all-night studied a lot before that), she quite powerfully and eye-stingingly farted in her sleep. It's now 18 years later and I'm still married to her.

Despite that.

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-15 18:26:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

um..

is YourNameHere an alter....

is this my sister??!?!?!

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-05-15 18:24:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

*faints*


it must be bed time



good night from a slightly drunkish me

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2009-05-15 18:22:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-15 17:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

you just want us for our cocks :(

====

Your point being?

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-15 18:21:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-15 18:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

cocks cocks cocks

~
COCKS!!! WELOVECOCKGIVEUSCOCKNICEHARDCOCKWELOVECOCK

er.

I mean..um..

I'm a lady, don't you know.?

*cough*

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-15 18:19:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-05-15 18:17:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Interesting to know that eyebrow quirk of his is real.
~~~
yeah it was real.. nearly killed me... not that I stood a chance or anything anyway, but his memory of me is...

nothing

*sobs*

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2009-05-15 18:17:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-05-15 17:15:31 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-05-15 15:27:28 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No girls excited that I met Alan Rickman???

Forensic?

Umm..

Even though I made an utter twat of myself?

=====

I am. I'd probably make an utter twat out myself too if I found myself in Alan Rickman's presence.

I'd also probably have an attempted sexual assault record as well after I attempted to suction his face off.

Interesting to know that eyebrow quirk of his is real.

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-05-15 18:09:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

big cocks

small cocks

bendy cocks


cocks cocks cocks

Submitted by coley at 2009-05-15 18:09:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I firmly believe the girls should never fart in front of the boys....

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-15 18:08:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-15 17:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

you just want us for our cocks :(
~~~

you're saying that as if its a bad thing

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-15 18:01:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-05-15 17:42:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

FART AWAY, I say
~~

I know. I should, shouldn't I..



I CAN'T

Its been five years...

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2009-05-15 17:59:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

<3

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-15 17:56:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-05-15 17:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

the good:
being with someone is less expensive

the bad:
everything else
~~~
aaha haha SO true

Submitted by Caulaincourt at 2009-05-15 17:53:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

the good:
being with someone is less expensive

the bad:
everything else

Submitted by rob_berg at 2009-05-15 17:47:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


ps: Adam is totally going to win.

I think that Kris fellow is more interesting - I would hate listening to an entire CD of shrieking.

Submitted by rob_berg at 2009-05-15 17:42:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Farting on the first date is crucial.

I mean we ALL do it... might as well get that out in the open right off the bat.

If you don't fart in front of him you are only letting him win.

FART AWAY, I say.

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-05-15 17:41:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

you just want us for our cocks :(

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-15 17:37:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I'm guessing that girls will find this more amusing than guys. If read by a guy I'll come across as whinging beeotch.

Not true.

Is all in humour. He's a lucky feck and I do loads for him.

Submitted by mystiamoon at 2009-05-15 17:30:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

awesome

"what you don't want me?"

hahahaha

Submitted by coley at 2009-05-15 17:10:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-15 17:06:33 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the
lightbulb.

-- Homer Simpson
Bart the Genius


Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and
old people are useless.

-- Homer Simpson
Homer the Vigilante