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London Markets - Where Bargains met Lunatics

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2009-05-28 08:20:13 EDT
Rating: 1.85 on 77 ratings (77 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

The building that I work in is literally the edge of the city. There's a road that circles it, and at the moment I'm in 'the city'. Less than four seconds walk away is the 'East'. All I need to do is cross the road and suddenly all bets are off. It's kind of like a portal where immigrant stereotypes, white supremists and complete assholes all mix together in what is quite possible the most confusing and violent places that isn't officially at war.

It does have it's advantages though. If you ever need anything, and I really mean anything, it's a short walk away. The 'East' is full of guys who can get you whatever it is you're after with two phonecalls and barely any money. I'm not sure if it's kind of a mafia deal where I owe them a favour, but I can always rest easy in the knowledge that 90% of them will be dead, in jail or deported by the next time I need to venture down there.

One day I got lilly flower seed stains over my shirt. Knowing fuck all about horticulture I didn't know that brushing them off would make things worst. I certainly didn't know that trying to wash them off with handsoap would make it spread to the point where it looked like my shoulder had pissed itself and spread over 60% of my upper body (which is about 150% of the average body).

But I didn't cry (much), because I knew, nearby, someone would have a shirt for me. I throw my coat on, promptly stained the inside of that, and wandered down to the nearest area of the 'East' where I might be able to find someone selling shirts.

The first place I came to was a market, which had cars and vans parked all along with people just generally leaning out of them to try and sell whatever they had found the night before. The weird thing is, the market is completely pedestrianised and there's no real room for any cars or vans to actually get in there. So unless they've been parked there for the past 80 years, and the buildings were done around them, I really have no idea how they managed it.

I approached a guy that had piles of shirts on a table next to his open van.

"Hello my friend!" He called, a little bit too friendly to the point where I wasn't sure if I'd met him before. Better play it cool, I thought, in case I owe him money.

"Hey, dude," I said, as friendly and casually as I could. "How's it going?"

"Wonderful." I was getting scared by his friend attitude. "What you after?"

"Just a white, long sleeve shirt, if you've got any." I told him the size (massive), the style (none) and then watched him dive into this pile. It was like Scrouge McDuck in his vault, swimming through this vast collection of God awful shirts.

After a few moments of waiting, he popped up again with three different white shirts.

"We got this one..." He showed me a short sleeve shirt that was too small and would have basically become a bikini top on me.

"It's a bit small and I was after long sleeves." I explained. I'm a bit of a cock like that. I hate to wear sleeves on anything except coats, so when I have a shirt on, I automatically roll the sleeves up, but fuck wearing short sleeve ones.

"Right." The shirt was thrown back onto the pile. "Then there's this one..."

This next shirt was basically one I'd only wear if I was performing Shakespeare. It had ruffles and stylish creases and all sorts of bollocks like that, which I just don't go for. I dress like an 80's Lego man, in plain colours, no patterns and no shit like creases, folds, extra buttons or stylish fades. Because then I'd look like a prick.

"Everyone's wearing them." He said with a surprisingly toothy smile. I strongly doubted his statement, but for fearing of being bitten I held back on telling him so.

"I'm not one for fashion." I tried to explain in my most civil of voices. "I was just after plain white."

A little less happy, he dropped the shirt back onto the pile and showed me the final one.

"How about this?" He asked, a certain air of self-assurance surrounding him.

It was plain white. It was a shirt, not a frilly sheet with buttons. It had long sleeves. It would cover my gut with some to spare should I suddenly pitch an awesome tent in the afternoon.

"Perfect." I exaggerated. Perfect would have been if he showed me it first. "How much?"

"Three pound." Fucking bargain. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a fresh, crisp five pound note and handed it over in exchange for the shirt. The man looked delighted with himself for making a sale and turned towards his moneybox to collect my change.

For no reason at all, I turned the shirt over in my hands, very fragile like it was the original bible text or something. And then I saw it. Printed across the back, right over the shoulder blades, was the shittest Chinese Dragon image you can imagine.

It was fucking terrible. No wonder the cunt was selling them so cheap. Who the hell would wear this? What made it worst was the fact that it was clearly supposed to be funny or original, because the dragon had fucking great cock sticking out from it's hind legs.

This thing was gigantic, almost live sized.

"Excuse me..." I was trying to catch the right words to say. "But no thanks."

"What?" The man asked, shocked as he tried to hand me my change.

"I didn't realise it had this print on it."

"It's only a dragon." He said convincingly. "Dragon's are cool."

"I'm not doubting the coolness of dragons, but this one is a little bit over excited."

"Just a dick, man." He was starting to lose a bit of his cool now. "Everyone's got a dick."

"Even women?" I asked, starting to think this guy was actually a little bit more mental than I first assumed.

"If they don't, they soon will!" And with this he grabbed his crotch and started shaking. Vigorously. While staring at me, his smile now completely gone.

"Can I just get my money back?" I dropped the shirt down onto the pile.

His eyes narrowed and he stared at me, right in the eyes. Without looking away, he took his hand away from his groin, and slowly reached into the money box. It was at this point I realised that everything else in the world had either stopped or disappeared. The noise as he dropped the two pound coins that would have been my change was deafening, and when he pulled the five pound note out it sounded like a sword being drawn.

It was slow and agonising, as he reached across and passed me my money.

He hadn't taken his eyes off mine since he'd shaken himself.

I took the money off him, and he before he let go he said, very quietly, "What's the matter with you? You got a problem with the cock?"

This is the sort of question which I've never been good at answering. It came up on a geography exam when I was at school and I failed then.

Do I have a problem with the cock? Which cock? His cock or the dragon's? Either way, I wouldn't describe it as a problem. I would say I was kind of indifferent. Like a piece of dogshit on the path, just so long as there's no interaction between me and it, I'm fine.

I took my money away from him, put it back into my pocket and started to make my way back to the office, scared to look at him, but terrified to take my eyes off him. As I began to pick up speed I heard him shouting from behind:

"Go ahead, pussy. You run from the cock monster."

I had no idea what the fuck just happened, but I decided a big, piss coloured stain on the shirt wasn't so bad afterall.


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Submitted by Crystle at 2009-06-02 23:44:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Ballare at 2009-06-02 04:07:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Cakes at 2009-05-31 20:41:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by catscradle at 2009-05-31 15:44:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by shandythedog at 2009-05-31 09:48:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

it's hard to imagine someone making up a story like this

it would have to be real or a dream, i would guess

Submitted by Replen at 2009-05-30 05:24:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

That's the best description I've ever heard of East London.

Submitted by YourNameHere at 2009-05-29 18:36:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2009-05-29 13:37:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Street vendors rule. They get to fuck with people all day long.

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2009-05-29 09:07:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2009-05-28 17:03:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I also like very plain clothing. Why is it so hard to find? It's like they can't believe that everybody isn't following the latest fads. I didn't leave my house for the entire time that acid-washed denim was popular.

---

Unfortunately, the asshole to awesome ration on this planet is about 40000:1

Submitted by SOLO2 at 2009-05-29 00:27:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Front page STREAK!

Submitted by cheerios at 2009-05-29 00:23:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

please post more often.

Submitted by cocaine at 2009-05-28 21:42:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

excellent slice of life story

Submitted by pandora at 2009-05-28 17:03:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I also like very plain clothing. Why is it so hard to find? It's like they can't believe that everybody isn't following the latest fads. I didn't leave my house for the entire time that acid-washed denim was popular.

Submitted by orphelia at 2009-05-28 16:05:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-05-28 20:33:10 BST (#)
Ranking: 2

orphelia the streak breaker!!

ouch
---------
OI! ei did it first

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2009-05-28 15:44:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

What the fuck happened here? I was only offline for a few hours

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-28 15:34:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-05-28 13:57:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I have GOT to visit London.
~~
You should

It rocks.

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2009-05-28 15:33:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

orphelia the streak breaker!!

ouch

Submitted by HellRazer at 2009-05-28 13:57:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I have GOT to visit London.

Submitted by comicbookguy at 2009-05-28 13:21:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

beauty

Submitted by orphelia at 2009-05-28 12:36:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-05-28 17:35:02 BST (#)
Ranking: 0


Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-28 17:03:10 BST (#)
Ranking: 2

spazzing over why FJ doesn't like him. shuddup.

---

Why would anyone spaz over FJ?

Just sayin

That butt crack haunts me. And not in a good way.
--
cos he is da bomb, homeslice

(did i do it, was i street? I was crumping as i typed)

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe at 2009-05-28 12:35:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-28 17:03:10 BST (#)
Ranking: 2

spazzing over why FJ doesn't like him. shuddup.

---

Why would anyone spaz over FJ?

Just sayin

That butt crack haunts me. And not in a good way.

Submitted by Doodles at 2009-05-28 12:24:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

10 hits and 54 reviews ftw

Submitted by orphelia at 2009-05-28 12:22:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I feel good breaking a streak, even when I am trying to be all casual and just +1 with some relevent comment I still feel eeeeeeeevil. I do also feel very sico (notorious streak breaker, back in the day, used to do it for kicks, can you remember sico? That guy who posted poop)
I bet Nath is crying. :(

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-05-28 12:08:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

i feel a certain amount of power from doing that. Much like Lion-o shouting Thundercats HHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO and wielding his mighty sword.

Submitted by orphelia at 2009-05-28 12:06:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

YOU STREAK BREAKER!!

:)

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-05-28 12:05:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

um yeah i just ruined the streak


*ducks*

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-28 12:05:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-05-28 12:04:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

well with YOU i would. is the bloke watching?
~~~
haha

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-05-28 12:05:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-28 17:03:10 BST (#)
Ranking: 2



emission how is cracking a joke trying too hard??
said he spazzing over why FJ doesn't like him. shuddup.
---------
umm im not spazzing over why fj doesnt like me. i am curious but if you read the last message i posted on this subject, I dont really care. Now stop being a grumpy arse and email me my fucking poem.

Submitted by inion_de_trua at 2009-05-28 12:04:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

well with YOU i would. is the bloke watching?

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-28 12:03:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-05-28 12:02:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

marry me for citizenship instead please?
~~~

What? You mean you won't make out with me first?

HMPH

Submitted by orphelia at 2009-05-28 12:03:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-05-28 16:48:37 BST (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-28 11:37:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Ok, I embarrass my kids in ways that cause them excruciating pain. I don't just mean spit on a tissue and wipe their faces at the school gates shit I mean hippy mum 'About a boy' shit. I first realised I wasn't cool but old when I rocked up to school in an Iron Maiden t shirt and fluorscent leg warmers and pig tails and one of the Laura Ashley clad brigade asked me if I were attending a fancy dress party. Bitches.
~~~
I so understand this. The other day I answered the door wearing combats, a green vest with a huge peace symbol on it and pigtails (and I'm quite small) and I swear to god, the guy looked at me for a minute...coughed and then asked if he could speak to the 'homeowner'. "Er yeah, thats me fella"
---

HAHAHA I got ID'ed at the CO OP for cigarettes the other day (you have to be over 21) I nearly fucking cried with happiness until she said 'on closer inspection I can see you are in your thirties'.

emission how is cracking a joke trying too hard??
said he spazzing over why FJ doesn't like him. shuddup.

Submitted by inion_de_trua at 2009-05-28 12:02:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-05-28 11:14:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-28 11:12:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-05-28 16:09:10 BST (#)
Ranking: 2

awesome post, but have you been attending the kaos-king school of editing?
---
sometimes i want to marry scourge
~~
me too
-------

marry me for citizenship instead please?

Submitted by HateMudkips at 2009-05-28 12:01:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

ha

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-05-28 11:53:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

twas only a joke orphelia, you are just toooo defensive!

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-05-28 11:52:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-28 16:43:30 BST (#)
Ranking: 2

Emission, do you remember when you were actually funny??

Me neither, my bad :(
-------------

now this is FUNNY!

you try to hard

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-28 11:48:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-28 11:37:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Ok, I embarrass my kids in ways that cause them excruciating pain. I don't just mean spit on a tissue and wipe their faces at the school gates shit I mean hippy mum 'About a boy' shit. I first realised I wasn't cool but old when I rocked up to school in an Iron Maiden t shirt and fluorscent leg warmers and pig tails and one of the Laura Ashley clad brigade asked me if I were attending a fancy dress party. Bitches.
~~~
I so understand this. The other day I answered the door wearing combats, a green vest with a huge peace symbol on it and pigtails (and I'm quite small) and I swear to god, the guy looked at me for a minute...coughed and then asked if he could speak to the 'homeowner'. "Er yeah, thats me fella"

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2009-05-28 11:47:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I was undecided if I should go for the c-c-c-combo-breaker or read it instead. I glad I read it. Aces!

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe at 2009-05-28 11:45:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

hahaha rub a little funk on it - your kids will never speak to you again.

Submitted by orphelia at 2009-05-28 11:43:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Emission, do you remember when you were actually funny??

Me neither, my bad :(

Submitted by orphelia at 2009-05-28 11:39:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

TOE! I totally use homeslice all the time. In fact I used it about an hour ago picking up my prescription at the chemist. All thanks to you I can make my kids cringe just that bit more.

Submitted by orphelia at 2009-05-28 11:37:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Ok, I embarrass my kids in ways that cause them excruciating pain. I don't just mean spit on a tissue and wipe their faces at the school gates shit I mean hippy mum 'About a boy' shit. I first realised I wasn't cool but old when I rocked up to school in an Iron Maiden t shirt and fluorscent leg warmers and pig tails and one of the Laura Ashley clad brigade asked me if I were attending a fancy dress party. Bitches.

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe at 2009-05-28 11:36:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-28 11:31:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Merlina :( I AM street, I have witnessed a drive thru and everything. I am down with the youth of today.

----

Whatever, Homeslice

:)

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-05-28 11:35:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

you two arent street


more like on the street

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-28 11:33:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-28 11:31:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Merlina :( I AM street, I have witnessed a drive thru and everything. I am down with the youth of today.
~~~
yeah, me too..

ahhh ha ha ha

*falls off garden bench*

Submitted by orphelia at 2009-05-28 11:31:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Merlina :( I AM street, I have witnessed a drive thru and everything. I am down with the youth of today.

Submitted by HurtByTheSun at 2009-05-28 11:22:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Win.

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-28 11:21:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-28 11:19:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I am so fuckin' street
~~~
AAAHHAHAHAHA 'street'

I wouldn't be able to hit you - I'd be wetting myself laughing.

Nutjob

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-05-28 11:19:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

i usually just want to fuck scourges eyes out before sucking the life and soul out of him.

Submitted by orphelia at 2009-05-28 11:19:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I think you'd win hand to hand combat merlina but I fight dirty and between my ample breasts i am packing a blade, biotch

I am so fuckin' street

:)

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-28 11:14:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-28 11:12:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-05-28 16:09:10 BST (#)
Ranking: 2

awesome post, but have you been attending the kaos-king school of editing?
---
sometimes i want to marry scourge
~~
me too

Submitted by orphelia at 2009-05-28 11:12:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-05-28 16:09:10 BST (#)
Ranking: 2

awesome post, but have you been attending the kaos-king school of editing?
---
sometimes i want to marry scourge

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-28 11:11:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-05-28 09:00:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That was an awesome film, while on the subject. Everyone should watch it. Only once though, otherwise it'll blow both your nuts/tits off with it's level of great
~~
Talking of films, I saw an awesome, if rather odd, one last night. Its called Far North with Sean Bean. He's a soldier who ends up in a remote part of Alaska. Freaked me out at the end.

Submitted by orphelia at 2009-05-28 11:10:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by scourge at 2009-05-28 11:09:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

awesome post, but have you been attending the kaos-king school of editing?

Submitted by inion_de_trua at 2009-05-28 11:08:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

you really shoulda kept that shirt.

Submitted by stone8946 at 2009-05-28 10:45:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

DA DA DA DA DAAA DA DAAA

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2009-05-28 10:41:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2009-05-28 10:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

...

Well said. But how the fuck did you get those lilly flower seeds all over yourself?

---

Because my shitty office thing flowers are nice and a five foot plant pot in reception will bring more business.

That's designers for you, they're a bunch of sissy twats

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe at 2009-05-28 10:25:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I accidentally bought mens pyjamas.

Plaid

Gross button up pee hole

Comfortable


Submitted by BranDo at 2009-05-28 10:15:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

excellent

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-05-28 10:10:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

next time, pop to burtons.

Submitted by X54 at 2009-05-28 10:09:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"I dress like an 80's Lego man, in plain colours, no patterns and no shit like creases, folds, extra buttons or stylish fades. Because then I'd look like a prick."

Well said. But how the fuck did you get those lilly flower seeds all over yourself?

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2009-05-28 09:19:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-05-28 09:11:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

B@W
------------------
seconded

B@W

Submitted by Berty at 2009-05-28 09:11:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

B@W

Submitted by Ejryuu at 2009-05-28 09:10:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You should have just kept the shirt!

Submitted by FALLEN at 2009-05-28 09:01:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

" I told him the size (massive), the style (none)"

HA!

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2009-05-28 09:01:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2009-05-28 09:00:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

That's the very posh end. It's like running Damnation Alley to get there though...

That was an awesome film, while on the subject. Everyone should watch it. Only once though, otherwise it'll blow both your nuts/tits off with it's level of great

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-28 08:58:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-05-28 08:55:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

It's down towards Whitechapel. There's a load around the border though, so I'm not sure which. The only named one I know is Petticoat Lane, but it wasn't that one. That one's more terrifying
~~~
I live sort of East London.. the posh end though - Wanstead (Epping Forest). I love Whitechapel though.

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2009-05-28 08:55:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

It's down towards Whitechapel. There's a load around the border though, so I'm not sure which. The only named one I know is Petticoat Lane, but it wasn't that one. That one's more terrifying

Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals at 2009-05-28 08:53:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This reminds me of the time when [noise of outboard engine] we went down to "Tilly's" [outboard increases in volume] AND THAT WAS BEFORE [outboard noise at deafening pitch] GREAT... QUEER... AND THEN...

*snap*

A thin ribbon falls to the bottom of a suburban pool.


Fade to black.

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-28 08:53:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

which market was it? (where in the east)

Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m at 2009-05-28 08:52:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I do realise that I made a shit awful error in the title, but I can't be arsed to keep reposting everytime I do anything, so deal with it, dudes.

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-05-28 08:51:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Gold Jerry , GOLD!

Submitted by Merlina at 2009-05-28 08:51:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

hahaha

Submitted by F.J.Bell at 2009-05-28 08:46:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Gold, (gold!)

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2009-05-28 08:42:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I took the money off him, and he before he let go he said, very quietly, "What's the matter with you? You got a problem with the cock?"

This is the sort of question which I've never been good at answering. It came up on a geography exam when I was at school and I failed then.

====

That was pretty funny too.





Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2009-05-28 08:36:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"Just a dick, man." He was starting to lose a bit of his cool now. "Everyone's got a dick."

=====

Thanks for the first real laugh of the day. Of course, it's only 7:36 am here, but it'll be hard to top that.


If there was any justice, my face would be on a bunch of crappy merchandise!

-- Homer Simpson
Flaming Moe's