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Boo hooooooo. Did I make your boyfwend cwy?
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Submitted by Ducky at 2009-08-08 09:32:04 EDT
Rating: 1.53 on 18 ratings (18 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

When I was a little kid, I would wake up in the middle of the night and hear my father playing Jim Croce songs in the living room on his guitar. I’d sit next to him and sing along despite not knowing all the words until I’d inevitably look up to see my mum, sleepy and leaning up against the hallway doorjamb in her pajamas, with the look that said it was time for me to go back to bed. I love those memories.

Like the fool I am and I’ll always be, I’ve got a dream…I’ve got a dream….

I had ear surgery quite a few years ago. The surgeon wrapped a bandage around my forehead so tightly that it pushed my eyebrows down and gave me a distinct mentalist look…I remember my best friend coming in to see me just after I woke up…all I wanted in the world was a cigarette and despite her better judgment she let me come down and have one with her. I sat with my IV stand and lit up…two seconds later I was nauseous and dry heaving into an old flower pot-come-ashtray. Let’s get you inside she said. I looked at the hospital entrance, which was about 20 feet away, and told her to go on without me, that I couldn’t make it. A slick of sweat instantly formed on my back and asking me to walk to the doors seemed as daunting as being asked to summit Kilimanjaro.

Don’t be retarded…we’re going inside.

But…but it’s…it’s too far…

Dude - don’t be gay.

Okay….okay okay okay oka…(I think I may have spaced out here).



Staggering, I made it into the elevator and promptly got the spins – equilibrium problems and all…I “stood” there, all of my weight on my IV pole, using it to marginally hold me up as my legs gave out…deranged head bandage and all…making grunting sobbing sounds to the other people in the elevator – god there were other people in the elevator *shakes head* - wearing one of those breezy gowns…you know the ones. It was not my proudest moment.

Later that night I couldn’t sleep and found myself wandering aimlessly around the house, crying sporadically over nothing in particular other than maybe I was having a bit of a pity party for myself. I now attribute it to the anesthetic working its way out of my body…I’m not a weepy person, unless I poke myself in the eye with a straw or am held down by my girthy aunt while she forcefully tweezes my eyebrows which is more of a nerve ending thing anyways…and a crushing thing.

A nerve ending and a crushing thing.

Regardless, I was sobbing and my beautiful mother woke up and made me some hot lemon tea, put some blankets and pillows on the couch, and sat with her arm around me until 5:30 in the morning when I finally fell asleep.

She’s the best person I know.

eating paintchips.jpg
eating paintchips.jpg

Review This Item




Submitted by LoooseSprocket at 2009-08-12 12:19:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow at 2009-08-10 15:16:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I liked this quite a bit. My parents were slightly more odd than this, though.

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-08-09 12:45:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

ahhh ok cool.

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2009-08-09 11:26:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

no...no it's cool he sounds surly/gruff and probably has anger issues, I'll settle for you instead - you'll most likely grow up just like your mum anyhow. ring me when he's old enough for me to scone with one of his retirement village boules and we'll hook up.

Submitted by Ducky at 2009-08-09 11:11:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-08-09 07:04:46 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2

*clears throat*

does your mum have a boyfriend?

Yes...a big Brian Dennehy (sp) type boyfriend. I call him dad.

Why? You interested? I'll tell her...she'll be flattered.

Submitted by Fey at 2009-08-09 10:46:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by firefly at 2009-08-09 10:37:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2009-08-09 10:04:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

*clears throat*

does your mum have a boyfriend?

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2009-08-08 18:19:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Mom's usually are the best people to know. Except when your mom's a bitch, like my pseudo-sister Amy, whom is a child of a psycho mom. That's why she got emancipated at 16, and lived with my family until she was 20.

She now cares for her brother's 2 daughters, because he's a drunk, and his ex-wife is a prostitute/crack whore.

Don't we live such bless-ed lives?

Submitted by Sage at 2009-08-08 17:24:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Well, I read the whole thing.

Submitted by lungfish at 2009-08-08 14:30:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You'd make a good sister.

Submitted by willartstorg at 2009-08-08 13:29:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by YourNameHere at 2009-08-08 12:54:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by scourge at 2009-08-08 12:38:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

jim croce songs, huh?


Submitted by Doodles at 2009-08-08 11:39:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Toddler at 2009-08-08 11:38:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Ducky at 2009-08-08 10:04:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by HellRazer at 2009-08-08 09:58:41 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

meh. I think this would make a better Hallmark card than a post.

Bart: So, like sometimes you can do stuff that you think is pretty bad
so other kids will like you better?

Homer: You're not talking about killing anyone, are you?

The Telltale Head