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I fixed my motherfucking toilets bitches! Yeah!

Submitted by apollo88 at 2009-09-14 20:02:48 EDT
Rating: 1.06 on 41 ratings (41 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

So I was all like 'I don't need no fucking plumber' and she was like all 'nah nah nah jew noises' so BANG! Six months later I've fixed those mother fuckers.

I gots fo pissers you and two just kept running and running and running like the drool outta bubba's wife's mouth yo.

I was aaaaaaall up in that shiiiit.

I gots ma google on.

I gots ma hands wetter than Lisa at that doctors office.

Turns out toilets are really, really simple. Even for a spastic like me with zero man skills.

There's a plastic plug thing that stops the water coming out and both of them had warped meaning there was an incomplete seal. Swapped 'em out with the toilets in the guest room (the broken ones were our room and the main living area - annoying as fuck) and I'll send meself off to the Depot tomorrow for some new 'uns.

I am incredibly stupidly mongily proud of myself.

I wonder what else I can fix?







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Submitted by fuck you at 2016-12-16 09:51:16 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by scourge at 2009-09-21 13:58:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

laughed cried fun for the whole family etc.

especially loved the bit where bubba doesn't spell 'intelligent' correctly.

Submitted by rob_berg at 2009-09-21 13:39:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


atta boy.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2009-09-21 12:23:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 man skills. Godspeed, brave wrench-wielder.

Submitted by shandythedog at 2009-09-19 09:44:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

i bet you are now awash with internet pink cunts

they love the man skills, those dirty bitches

Submitted by willartstorg at 2009-09-18 20:51:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-09-18 02:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

remember how that stupid old fool 'left' and tried to make a big old deal out of it and we all laughed at him, and he was 'back' before the post had got halfway down the front page then we laughed some more, then we forgot about it because - really, who cares about him?

good times.
=========
"halfway down the front page" is about a week these days, mostly because intellegent people don't want to read drivel from assholes like you.

:D


Submitted by apollo88 at 2009-09-18 19:44:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

industrial spirit!

i like that!

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2009-09-18 07:01:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Have you invited the neighbor's in to admire the toilets and your industrial spirit yet?

Submitted by iddqd at 2009-09-18 02:04:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

remember how that stupid old fool 'left' and tried to make a big old deal out of it and we all laughed at him, and he was 'back' before the post had got halfway down the front page then we laughed some more, then we forgot about it because - really, who cares about him?

good times.

Submitted by apollo88 at 2009-09-18 01:35:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

uh oh

bubba's been on the sauce

Submitted by willartstorg at 2009-09-18 00:54:34 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Fixing that babblehole above your chin would be nice.

Submitted by Cakes at 2009-09-17 23:18:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Also didn't get the Lisa joke, should have been "wetter than Lisa Lampanelli at an Ebony Mag after-party." --diff Lisa, to avoid confusion. The last pic I saw of Uber's Lisa she was smiling. SMILing. I like the non-smiling Lisa, as far as Uber goes, she would let it fly.

Submitted by Cakes at 2009-09-17 23:13:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

If your toilet seat ever breaks you could use it as a sun visor.

Submitted by JoeyG at 2009-09-17 16:54:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-09-17 20:24:25 BST (#)
Ranking: 0

UPDATE - I ACTUALLY FOLLOWED THROUGH, WENT TO LOWES AND GOT THE REPLACEMENT FLAPPERS AND PUT THEM IN OTHER OTHER TOILETS.

---------------

I retract my earlier statement, someone who does stuff to other other toilets is a good man.

Salt of the Earth.

A real pillar of the community.

A champion for the people.

Some might even say you're a hero.

*sniffs*




Fancy fixing the flush in my shithouse?

Submitted by apollo88 at 2009-09-17 15:24:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

UPDATE - I ACTUALLY FOLLOWED THROUGH, WENT TO LOWES AND GOT THE REPLACEMENT FLAPPERS AND PUT THEM IN OTHER OTHER TOILETS.


Submitted by Fucking foul at 2009-09-17 15:19:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Well done.

Submitted by JoeyG at 2009-09-17 15:05:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

LOL, this is obviously shenanigans, I wouldn't trust you to sit the right way on a toilet, let alone fix one.

In other news, the sweet, mild mannered, 90 year old lady from down the road today called me a 'stupid cuntsucking fuck cunt' for leaving my wheelie bin in the road instead of on the path. When I pointed out to her that the bin was actually my next-door neighbours, she apologized.

The old bag had made my day. The ironic thing was that her original statement was probably relevant, bins or no bins.

Submitted by Caulaincourt at 2009-09-17 15:02:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

toilets are so simple to fix.

except when your plumbing system is old.

mine is not vented enough so it takes a million flushes cuz the siphon jet is so weak. and the waste line slope is not angled down enough so it's even worse.

these issues can't be fixed without a plumber opening up walls and floor. i hate living in old buildings.

Submitted by ASO at 2009-09-17 13:34:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

hahhaha

Toilets are the only thing i really know how to fix around the house.

Submitted by apollo88 at 2009-09-17 12:38:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

wow hellrazer, you sure are a good comprehensioninger.


Submitted by X54 at 2009-09-17 10:41:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

"I wonder what else I can fix?"

Your computer. It's spewing crap.

Submitted by indoninja at 2009-09-17 08:46:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

The interwebs has made shit like this laughably easy, but good on you for not listening tot he jewess and paying someone else to do it.


Submitted by no1hasdis at 2009-09-16 16:18:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-09-16 14:31:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

So if I'm understanding this correctly, you've COMPLETELY replaced 2 toilets because the flap wasn't sealing properly? You know you can buy new flaps for about $5-$10 at home depot and replace them in about 10 minutes right? I mean it just seems like a bit of overkill to replace the whole thing to me.

===================================


So, if I'm understanding this correctly, this commentor is an uneducated moron with absolutely no literary comprehension skills and likely works as unskilled manual labour due to his lack of a grade 6 education.

Seriously, re-read it you fucking idiot. He did just change the flaps.

Submitted by HellRazer at 2009-09-16 14:31:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

So if I'm understanding this correctly, you've COMPLETELY replaced 2 toilets because the flap wasn't sealing properly? You know you can buy new flaps for about $5-$10 at home depot and replace them in about 10 minutes right? I mean it just seems like a bit of overkill to replace the whole thing to me.

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-09-15 03:42:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

7 one dayers, why on earth 7!!

in other news, you should try to fix the problem of my sore throat



Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2009-09-15 03:41:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

who gives a flying fuck about one dayers, playing them after the test series renders them meaningless, just like when we won that triangular series after we had been stuffed 5 nil.

Submitted by TuTs at 2009-09-14 23:36:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Not on about the bloody cricket again are you?

Submitted by iddqd at 2009-09-14 23:30:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

yeah, there were, and as it turned out, our team somehow remembered that your lot is a 5th-ranked rabble of part-timers and south africans and actually played like they get paid to, instead of, well, like england.

not that it mattered slightly, it just makes the ashes loss that bit more irritating.

Submitted by apollo88 at 2009-09-14 22:22:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

there were one dayers?



Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2009-09-14 22:17:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I'm impressed. Well, maybe.

Submitted by iddqd at 2009-09-14 21:41:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

well in, right up to the hilt.

got a couple of mates who have of late landed themselves a jewish princess. clearly they are men of foresight.


in yet still more news, we monstered you in the one dayers...

yeah, we dont care either.

Submitted by YourNameHere at 2009-09-14 21:41:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

those are called flappers.


like bubba's wife's comatose genitals.

Submitted by sandmantate at 2009-09-14 21:34:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

two just kept running and running and running like the drool outta bubba's wife's mouth yo.









hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Submitted by kaos-king at 2009-09-14 21:07:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


HAHAHA!!! Oohhhh, shit.



Submitted by apollo88 at 2009-09-14 21:02:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

stfu aj we're not all country living handy men who birthed calfs aged 8 and impregnated them aged 10.

i'm a city slicken man child who's skill level stretches to angies list.


Submitted by apollo88 at 2009-09-14 21:01:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

not to worry samuel old sprout i'm well in with the jews.

i'm fine to be their toilet fixing serf as long as they let me live in the luxury by which they have lulled and deadened my senses.


Submitted by AJ at 2009-09-14 20:46:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

All you did was replace the stoppers?

Submitted by iddqd at 2009-09-14 20:44:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

youll never be able to wash the remnants of jewpoo off your hands. ever.

in other news, hitlers american descendants have vowed to never have kids so as to kill off the bloodline. if mel gibsons meltdown wasnt enough to convince you jews own the us, this should seal it for you.

Submitted by apollo88 at 2009-09-14 20:16:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

thank goodness bubba has left and won't see my dig at his missus.



Submitted by willartstorg at 2009-09-14 20:09:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

If you need to shit in the future, just break off a piece and throw it in. Especially yer head.

Submitted by apollo88 at 2009-09-14 20:05:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

i know! I'LL FIX SAGES FUCKING FACE WITH A 2X4



Oh, cruel fate. Why do you mock me?

-- Homer Simpson
Bart the Daredevil