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We Are Doing it Wrong, or ARE we????

Submitted by FALLEN at 2010-03-11 14:54:10 EST
Rating: 1.77 on 62 ratings (62 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

My fellow Americans, after extensive research I have come to the conclusion that we have a problem. We as a nation are faced with the most diabolical plot against our way of life ever.

America kicks ass.
I know it, you know it, and the world knows it, that’s why so many of them hate us. Throughout history, America had the biggest impact on the world, from inventing the airplane, the telephone and the car or building the pyramids, that wall in China, or digging the Chunnel, America fucking gets it done.

Knowing they cant step up to the awesomeness that is the USA, this cowardly enemy attacks our spirit and fills us with doubt. How? You may ask, let me tell you how friends.
By making us believe we can’t do anything without help from someone from England.
Let’s look at the evidence.

American Idol and Dancing with the Stars.
Wildly popular shows here but what judges do you NOT want a bad review from? The English ones, that’s who. A bad word from Simon and you may as well start packing because you will be back in double-wide eatin’ possum pie before the week is up.

Kitchen Nightmares
“No you fucking cunt, you can’t serve people microwave quail!”
So, thought you were running a bistro were you? Not after Chef Gordon shoved his Yorkshire Pudding up your arse and called you an idiot. Ramsay makes people cry, CRY!

Supernanny and Nanny 911
Why you would want to show the world that you have zero parenting skills is beyond me, but not to worry a British nanny will teach you fat, stupid Yanks how to do it right.

It’s me Or the Dog
You can’t control your own animals either. Since a lot of men own dogs and will not want to think they cant control their dogs, this has the added hook of watching Victoria Stilwell crawl around on all fours, even if that fringe of hers looks like it could deflect tank shells.

Tabitha’s Salon Takeover
Yes she’s an Aussie but she studied in London either way it’s another business you can’t be successful at.

So by now you’re thinking “WTF England I thought we were cool and shit?!?”
Let’s not be so fast.
It’s no secret I have much love for England, and yes I know they still have angst over that whole getting their asses kicked in the Revolutionary war and the fact we get BBC programming for free, but I know its not the Brits. Aside from the extra “U’s” and different names for common things simply to be different than us, the language is pretty much the same.
No my friends, they are simply pawns in this.

So who can benefit and get credibility in the worlds eyes from taking America down a notch with the added bonus of having England get the blame? Who speaks a language that is compatible with both the US and GB? Who has connections in the BBC and American cable networks?
That’s right…..
The fucking Canadians

Long tired of being America’s hat, Canada, all pumped up from their dollar being worth almost the same as ours and that sham gold medal win for ice hockey (a game I’m positive was invented by an American), made their move.
I would like to take all the credit for getting wise to the canuks plans, but it was them that shot themselves in the foot. All those years of lying to us that the whole world was Metric, that we were the only hold outs, do you know how much crap I had to memorize in grade school because of that northern propaganda? Well the whole world is NOT metric, so I started digging and found your plan to destroy America.
You maple glazed bastards would have gotten away with it too, but not on my watch, Jacques, not on my watch.



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Reviews


Submitted by TheGoat at 2010-04-09 13:03:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2010-03-17 22:23:58 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2

I like living in England, because it's so secure here. I can live safe in the knowledge that if I were to be gang raped by 20 AIDS infested illegal immigrants tomorrow, then they would be given at least 12 months suspended sentence.

English justice - best in the world.

------

For this alone. Lol!!!!!!! JoeyG FTW

Submitted by VelvetElvis at 2010-04-02 03:24:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by moev204 at 2010-03-25 15:46:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Ok seriously who let this information get out???? We have been having secret CSIS meetings at Tim Hortons now for years hatching this plan. You may have won this round, but the war is far from over America...

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2010-03-18 13:13:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

fuckin B@W eh?

you pimp

Submitted by ridiculous at 2010-03-18 12:49:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Congratulations on B@W

Submitted by F.J.Bell at 2010-03-18 12:29:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

So we are just putting anything on B@W these days, huh.

:oP

Submitted by orphelia at 2010-03-18 04:04:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Well, this is rubbish.
:)

Submitted by JoeyG at 2010-03-17 18:23:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I like living in England, because it's so secure here. I can live safe in the knowledge that if I were to be gang raped by 20 AIDS infested illegal immigrants tomorrow, then they would be given at least 12 months suspended sentence.

English justice - best in the world.

Submitted by The_Drake at 2010-03-17 08:31:03 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I think I tarnished it already by making a post about fucking my cousin.

...Then again, I do live in Pennsylvania. So for all I know I may be a folk hero already.

Submitted by bart at 2010-03-17 05:26:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Ordinarily I just copy the title as is and just change the casing to all first-letter caps, but this title has the rare treat of having five different grammatical errors in it - three incorrectly capitalized words, an unnecessary comma, and three extra question marks.

Besides, the title is so ambiguous that I figured adding "America" to the front of the link would get more people to click on it.

Drake, I don't think I ever noticed the typo in your first B@W post. Now that I've seen it, I will never be able to unsee it, and it will tarnish your legacy.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2010-03-16 23:04:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Bart added "America:" to your title on the B@W list.

Detracts a bit, I think.

Submitted by Yozz at 2010-03-16 22:48:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for "maple glazed bastards" alone.

Submitted by SkullBiter at 2010-03-16 20:47:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

B@W Congrats. Americaaaaaaaaaaaa fuck yeah.

Submitted by The_Drake at 2010-03-16 15:51:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

whore below.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2010-03-16 15:42:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I had to deduct a point because Shlongy's 350,000 hits in only 108 posts has been accomplished without a single B @ W.

Because bart is prejudiced against Shlongy for stealing all the broads.

Submitted by The_Drake at 2010-03-16 15:23:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

An Illustrated history of Man: (I am better then cavemen)


It should be "than" and it was never fixed. Bah

Submitted by FALLEN at 2010-03-16 15:14:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

he did? where?

Submitted by The_Drake at 2010-03-16 15:12:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Bart added "America:" to yours, but he couldn't fix the typo in my first B@W title.

What a dick.

Submitted by The_Drake at 2010-03-16 15:11:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Congrats on B@W.

Woo, etc.

Submitted by Foolproof at 2010-03-16 15:07:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Grats on B@W!

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2010-03-16 08:41:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by FALLEN at 2010-03-16 08:01:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I made..B@W?
really?

wow...thanks

no I'm not crying..I got dust in my eye..thats all

Submitted by Caulaincourt at 2010-03-13 02:25:54 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2010-03-12 09:39:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by ridiculous (user info) at 2010-03-12 02:31:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2010-03-11 18:32:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2


Want to keep the Brits out?

Pitch a reality show called, 'Dental Ward.'

~~~~~

Nominated

==========

Just so you both know, this is one of the most unfunny things I have ever read. It's on par with calling country rednecks "hicks" and expecting a laugh. There's absolutely no joke there in the first place....

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2010-03-12 16:59:49 EST (#)
Rating: 2

B@W

Submitted by NatureBoy at 2010-03-12 13:35:01 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Woooooooooo

Submitted by Mr.Bun at 2010-03-12 12:22:11 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I once had a nice Canadian couple over for Tea! They we're wonderful company! I can't believe Canadian's could ever be so conniving as you have suggested!

Submitted by creman at 2010-03-12 10:26:33 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2010-03-12 09:39:49 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by ridiculous (user info) at 2010-03-12 02:31:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2010-03-11 18:32:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2


Want to keep the Brits out?

Pitch a reality show called, 'Dental Ward.'

~~~~~

Nominated

==========

Just so you both know, this is one of the most unfunny things I have ever read. It's on par with calling country rednecks "hicks" and expecting a laugh. There's absolutely no joke there in the first place....

Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 at 2010-03-12 07:12:02 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Canada is too French, the whole world hates the French, even the French themselves.

Submitted by HeyJude at 2010-03-12 06:58:10 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by spuj at 2010-03-12 05:23:46 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Ranking: 0

I do really like Tim Hortons though.
Carmel apple danish mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

-----

ITS CARAMEL.

Submitted by F.J.Bell at 2010-03-12 04:28:28 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Fucking hosers.

Submitted by YourNameHere at 2010-03-12 03:10:43 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by ridiculous at 2010-03-12 02:31:40 EST (#)
Rating: 2

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2010-03-11 18:32:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2


Want to keep the Brits out?

Pitch a reality show called, 'Dental Ward.'

~~~~~

Nominated

Submitted by TuTs at 2010-03-11 23:39:38 EST (#)
Rating: 2

The me or the dog chick is sooo hot and being british that doubles her hotness level.

Submitted by VelvetElvis at 2010-03-11 22:20:19 EST (#)
Rating: 2

ETS, if you're lurking, it's your time dude. We need you.

Submitted by rob_berg at 2010-03-11 18:55:07 EST (#)
Rating: 2


You are right. Canada does kick ass.

At least that is what I think you wrote up there with all them words.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9U4Ha9HQvMo

Submitted by Jack_McCallum at 2010-03-11 18:47:45 EST (#)
Rating: 2


It's cool. When the Border Wars start, I'll spill all the Canadians secrets.

Such as...


Canadian Military Strategy

Article 1
Section 1
Subsection 1

Hold off fighting the Americans until winter then position the Skidoo Squadrons on the border.

or

Article 7
Section 4
Subsection 19

Utilize small-town French-Canadians as couriers. With those thick accents interrogators won't know WHAT the hell our couriers are talking about once the Americans dust off the waterboard.

or

Article 9
Section 33
Subsection 3

If the Americans resort to waterboarding as torture then we will resort to iceboarding. Not even their most constitutionally sound soldiers could long endure having their heads repeatedly rapped against a block of ice.


Submitted by Jack_McCallum at 2010-03-11 18:32:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2


Want to keep the Brits out?

Pitch a reality show called, 'Dental Ward.'

Submitted by beeltea at 2010-03-11 17:27:02 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Procon (user info) at 2010-03-11 16:47:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I once dated a chick from Canada.
---

I wanna date A LOT of chicks from canada... at once

Submitted by beeltea at 2010-03-11 17:25:24 EST (#)
Rating: 0

we also invented the taco

Submitted by EmissionImpossible at 2010-03-11 17:17:40 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2010-03-11 20:20:26 GMT (#)
Ranking: -2

These pretzels are making me THIRSTY.
--------
I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Submitted by Procon at 2010-03-11 16:47:13 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I once dated a chick from Canada.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2010-03-11 16:38:53 EST (#)
Rating: 1

That "Reality Television" is an oxymoron is so clear that is is difficult for some to see.

USA! etc.

Submitted by SPECIALk at 2010-03-11 16:21:52 EST (#)
Rating: 1

quebec supplies 80% of the world's maple syrup..muahahaha...drink up, fatties

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2010-03-11 16:19:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2

you forgot "tool academy"

and BTW, all those shows are that shitty fucking reality television. The brits can fucking have that drivel.

And as for Canadia....I dont trust them.....

Submitted by willartstorg at 2010-03-11 15:57:34 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by FALLEN at 2010-03-11 15:57:03 EST (#)
Rating: 0

I remember a time when the Canadian dollar was worth .50 cents American.
I would walk the streets wiping my ass with Loonys, but alas no more.
not that I miss the coins in the ass, I meant..nevermind you know what I was saying.

Submitted by no1hasdis at 2010-03-11 15:52:50 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Our dollar is going to be worth more than yours before year end, yank.

Submitted by forensicgirl3 at 2010-03-11 15:45:55 EST (#)
Rating: 2

We are stupid assholes and here's why. Why the fuck are we fighting this stupid fucking war in the Middle East? Who the hell wants to go to a big fuck-off desert?

We SHOULD be invading countries that could provide nice holiday spots. Those little tropical islands wouldn't stand a chance.

Submitted by stone8946 at 2010-03-11 15:40:04 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I put the spelling mistakes in on porpoise to illustrate my rage.

Submitted by stone8946 at 2010-03-11 15:39:01 EST (#)
Rating: 2

No, no , no, stupid American this post is useless, FUCKING RUBBISH! You should have asked me to help you with the formatting, the titel and most if not all of the content, what the fuck were you thinking??

I'm giving you a +2 though, because we wouldn't have the moon without America and without the moon's gravitational pull we'd all be in wuite a pickle..

Submitted by FALLEN at 2010-03-11 15:25:54 EST (#)
Rating: 0

born Scots
raised in Midlands since he was 5 y/o, English enough.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2010-03-11 15:20:26 EST (#)
Rating: -2

These pretzels are making me THIRSTY.

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys at 2010-03-11 15:19:50 EST (#)
Rating: 2

England?! ENGLAND?! Gordon Ramsey is FUCKING Scottish you fucking IDIOTIC CUNT! Who the FUCK do you think youre FUCKING kidding! FUCKS SAKE!

On second thoughts, England can have the rude cunt.

Submitted by icarus1987 at 2010-03-11 15:13:40 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I never trusted those Canadians. Let's invade their maple syrup buttholes.

Submitted by SkullBiter at 2010-03-11 15:06:50 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Strong Bad was right about the scroll buttons.

Submitted by SkullBiter at 2010-03-11 15:06:19 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Problem? Nah, no problem. Default on debts with threats. What Deficit?

Submitted by FALLEN at 2010-03-11 15:03:52 EST (#)
Rating: 0

I do really like Tim Hortons though.
Carmel apple danish mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Submitted by JonnyX at 2010-03-11 15:01:00 EST (#)
Rating: 1

my advice to you is to suck a maple-glazed penos.

Submitted by triangle_man at 2010-03-11 15:00:18 EST (#)
Rating: 2

That Chicken is RAW!!!

Submitted by Ryland at 2010-03-11 14:57:59 EST (#)
Rating: 2


Holy Moly! The bastard's rich!

-- Homer Simpson
Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?