We Are Doing it Wrong, or ARE we????Submitted by FALLEN at 2010-03-11 14:54:10 EST
Rating: 1.77 on 62 ratings (62 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
My fellow Americans, after extensive research I have come to the conclusion that we have a problem. We as a nation are faced with the most diabolical plot against our way of life ever.
America kicks ass.
I know it, you know it, and the world knows it, that’s why so many of them hate us. Throughout history, America had the biggest impact on the world, from inventing the airplane, the telephone and the car or building the pyramids, that wall in China, or digging the Chunnel, America fucking gets it done.
Knowing they cant step up to the awesomeness that is the USA, this cowardly enemy attacks our spirit and fills us with doubt. How? You may ask, let me tell you how friends.
By making us believe we can’t do anything without help from someone from England.
Let’s look at the evidence.
American Idol and Dancing with the Stars.
Wildly popular shows here but what judges do you NOT want a bad review from? The English ones, that’s who. A bad word from Simon and you may as well start packing because you will be back in double-wide eatin’ possum pie before the week is up.
“No you fucking cunt, you can’t serve people microwave quail!”
So, thought you were running a bistro were you? Not after Chef Gordon shoved his Yorkshire Pudding up your arse and called you an idiot. Ramsay makes people cry, CRY!
Supernanny and Nanny 911
Why you would want to show the world that you have zero parenting skills is beyond me, but not to worry a British nanny will teach you fat, stupid Yanks how to do it right.
It’s me Or the Dog
You can’t control your own animals either. Since a lot of men own dogs and will not want to think they cant control their dogs, this has the added hook of watching Victoria Stilwell crawl around on all fours, even if that fringe of hers looks like it could deflect tank shells.
Tabitha’s Salon Takeover
Yes she’s an Aussie but she studied in London either way it’s another business you can’t be successful at.
So by now you’re thinking “WTF England I thought we were cool and shit?!?”
Let’s not be so fast.
It’s no secret I have much love for England, and yes I know they still have angst over that whole getting their asses kicked in the Revolutionary war and the fact we get BBC programming for free, but I know its not the Brits. Aside from the extra “U’s” and different names for common things simply to be different than us, the language is pretty much the same.
No my friends, they are simply pawns in this.
So who can benefit and get credibility in the worlds eyes from taking America down a notch with the added bonus of having England get the blame? Who speaks a language that is compatible with both the US and GB? Who has connections in the BBC and American cable networks?
The fucking Canadians
Long tired of being America’s hat, Canada, all pumped up from their dollar being worth almost the same as ours and that sham gold medal win for ice hockey (a game I’m positive was invented by an American), made their move.
I would like to take all the credit for getting wise to the canuks plans, but it was them that shot themselves in the foot. All those years of lying to us that the whole world was Metric, that we were the only hold outs, do you know how much crap I had to memorize in grade school because of that northern propaganda? Well the whole world is NOT metric, so I started digging and found your plan to destroy America.
You maple glazed bastards would have gotten away with it too, but not on my watch, Jacques, not on my watch.