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A Pious Man (Part II)

Submitted by ridiculous at 2010-05-21 12:06:45 EDT
Rating: 1.84 on 22 ratings (22 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Part I: http://www.ubersite.com/m/125235

Nizhnevartovsk engulfed Sergei as he walked through its deserted streets. The wind howled mournfully, a trick of the jagged and scorched outcroppings that were once the walls of homes and businesses. The snow crunched beneath him with every step as he scanned the ruins surrounding him.

Looking side to side, he spotted a more or less intact home. Its roof collapsed and its door charred, he thought it may still hide something serviceable. The markets had been the first looted after the “attack”. They no longer held anything of interest. The new game was finding the stashes others had horded in the subsequent months. The stashes they hadn’t lived long enough to return to.

He crossed the street, approached the door and peeked through the shattered window. The contents of the home were a mass of tangled steel, concrete and cinders. Reaching out with his left hand he pressed down on the door handle and found it unlocked. A shove revealed the door jammed shut, putting his shoulder into it, the door stubbornly resisted. Sergei hit the door again and it begrudgingly gave way to a tiny antechamber where a blackened coat peg revealed fragments of the trappings it once held. Whoever had lived here was dead before the burners came.

Turning into what must have been the living area that he had glimpsed through the window; Sergei moved over the debris field and turned into what was once a kitchen. The dilapidated cabinets hung open, most of their doors on one hinge or missing altogether. Sergei began rifling through their contents looking for anything useable. He found numerous cans of spoiled food; the expanding gasses from cooking in the fire caused them to burst. Some batteries coated in their own acid and a pile of broken dishes. Thinking there was nothing of use in the kitchen he had just turned to the hallway when something outside the kitchen window moved, in his peripheral vision.

He didn’t react; it was nearly always a mistake to react immediately, if you didn’t know that you were in danger. He turned and started picking his way down the hall. As soon as he had passed out of the windows line of sight he turned around, raised the kalashnikov and continuing half way down the hallway, walking backwards. He stopped, knelt and waited. If it was soldiers the building would soon be sundered with machinegun fire.

When the walls didn’t spontaneously evolve into Swiss cheese and burning steel, Sergei allowed himself to consider other possibilities. Perhaps he hadn’t been seen? The sound of shifting rubble on the other side of the wall he was huddled against removed that possibility. Maybe it was a wolf or a wild dog? He couldn’t hear any sniffing. A shard of glass was crushed under foot and a quiet curse carried through the house… A voice… Not muffled behind a gas mask. He waited.

The passing minutes were agonizing. His hearing strained to its limits. The muscles in his forearm twitched involuntarily from supporting the weight of his weapon. His eyes lost and regained focus, squinting down the rifles aperture. His brow beaded with perspiration. He shook from the cold. The chill wind continued to howl through the house, it carried her voice with it.

“I saw you.”

Sergei’s mind flew into a thousand directions simultaneously. He hadn’t been spoken to in nearly three years. The last time he had a conversation was with Yakov. He had heard machinegun fire for several minutes after they had parted company. He hadn’t gone to investigate until a full week later; Yakov’s body was the only one remaining, but the blood told him that his only friend had taken at least three of the bastards with him before they emptied their magazines into him.

For the first time in a long time he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to answer her, but he didn’t want to give himself away. She could just be waiting for him to make a sound so she knew where to shoot.

“I know you’re there. I heard you stop in the hall…” She pressed with a certain sweetness in her voice.

Sergei cleared his throat and attempted to keep his voice steady.

“Who are you?” He asked.

“Akilina.” He could hear the smile in her voice.

“What are you doing here, Akilina?” His tone was sarcastic, he didn’t appreciate her dodging the question.

“The same as you, I think. Just trying to survive.” She said.

“You’re lying! I’m the only one left!”

“Oh…, there are others…”


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Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2010-05-25 04:58:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

also... i like swiss cheese

Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2010-05-25 04:56:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2010-05-21 16:03:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

And then she leads him to Happytown where they all eat lollipops??

-----------------------------------------------------------------

hopefully she eats HIS lollypop...




Submitted by ridiculous at 2010-05-24 16:19:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

The Book of Eli is a newer post apocalyptic. Come to think of it, I don't even remember why the world was a wasteland in that flick, perhaps it wasn't explained? I enjoyed the movie but it is the sort of thing I will have to be a while for me to be able to enjoy it again.

I would recommend it but it wouldn't make my top ten.

(Sorry this is vague but I'm horribly at giving a synopsis without spoilers)

Submitted by loki at 2010-05-24 15:20:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Ok but she didn't actually dodge the question did she? He asked who she was and she told him.

Is the Book of Eli worth putting in my Netflix quene?

I just sent back Pirate Radio today. I loved it, it was great for that Sunday night fun movie you don't have to think about.

Submitted by Wisher at 2010-05-24 04:45:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Excellent. {Have a few questions, but will get them on second read, probably~~ it’s these oil fumes still messing with my head more than anything.}

I'd love to go to there, there's places all around here, way older than even New Orleans, so like that. {I take pix but still haven't captured a ghost except on EVP~~ I recall playing it back the first time, it was like the end of one set of beliefs and the beginning of another.}

Submitted by ridiculous at 2010-05-22 01:48:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Soyware,
I enjoyed The Book of Eli - Actually watched it on the plane on my way back to work. The only thing I didn't like about it was the "twist" at the end. Don't want to ruin it for anyone who hasn't seen it but that "twist" pissed me off.

Others,
You can all kiss my rebel dick. OK, so it was possibly a bad choice of words but it was still what I wanted to write so I wrote it. ;0p

Submitted by Soyware at 2010-05-21 21:37:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

“What are you doing here, Akilina?” His tone was sarcastic, he didn’t appreciate her dodging the question.


I misread this as "His tone was spastic..." the first time, and that painted a more enjoyable mental picture than Sergei going from tough, isolated, serious, aware, determined survivalist (oh, and scared) to casual conversation at the drop of a hat. Still fun, though. Ever seen the Book of Eli?

Submitted by no1hasdis at 2010-05-21 17:33:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2010-05-21 13:52:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2010-05-21 12:27:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

FJ Bellend is a cunt so don't listen to him. Except the part where he said this:

"Trite, clichéd, unoriginal, first draftish, typical genre crap.

"When the walls didn’t spontaneously evolve into Swiss cheese and burning steel, Sergei allowed himself to consider other possibilities" is a particularly awful line, but there are about half a dozen cringeworthy word choices and phrases.

This is, quite frankly, embarassing."


He's rather right about that.
-----
Sico's right about FJ being right about that. It was pretty godawful bad.

----------------------

Skrap actally had an accurate assessment about Sico being fundamentally correct in his observation regarding the astute critique provided by FJ Bell.

Submitted by YourNameHere at 2010-05-21 17:22:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by icarus1987 at 2010-05-21 16:03:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

And then she leads him to Happytown where they all eat lollipops??

Submitted by RoadSong at 2010-05-21 14:02:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2010-05-21 13:52:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2010-05-21 12:27:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

FJ Bellend is a cunt so don't listen to him. Except the part where he said this:

"Trite, clichéd, unoriginal, first draftish, typical genre crap.

"When the walls didn’t spontaneously evolve into Swiss cheese and burning steel, Sergei allowed himself to consider other possibilities" is a particularly awful line, but there are about half a dozen cringeworthy word choices and phrases.

This is, quite frankly, embarassing."


He's rather right about that.
-----
Sico's right about FJ being right about that. It was pretty godawful bad.

Submitted by ridiculous at 2010-05-21 12:53:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

To be honest I haven't decided on that yet but probably... yes... yes it will...

Goodnight Uber

Submitted by FALLEN at 2010-05-21 12:51:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This is going to evolve into some hot post apocalyptic survivor sex isnt it?


Submitted by Linus_Ghost at 2010-05-21 12:32:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Are you kidding me? LOL; none of you can write proper.

AND YES I JUST USED LOL WITH A SEMICOLON, SUCK IT

Submitted by F.J.Bell at 2010-05-21 12:29:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Don't bother FALLEN. It's appalling.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2010-05-21 12:29:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I still haven't read this

Submitted by F.J.Bell at 2010-05-21 12:28:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Oh sico you make me l o l

Submitted by ridiculous at 2010-05-21 12:27:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Hey! I liked that line!

Just differences of opinion I guess :)

As always, feel free to critique as you see fit.

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2010-05-21 12:27:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

FJ Bellend is a cunt so don't listen to him. Except the part where he said this:

"Trite, clichéd, unoriginal, first draftish, typical genre crap.

"When the walls didn’t spontaneously evolve into Swiss cheese and burning steel, Sergei allowed himself to consider other possibilities" is a particularly awful line, but there are about half a dozen cringeworthy word choices and phrases.

This is, quite frankly, embarassing."


He's rather right about that.

Submitted by F.J.Bell at 2010-05-21 12:18:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Trite, clichéd, unoriginal, first draftish, typical genre crap.

"When the walls didn’t spontaneously evolve into Swiss cheese and burning steel, Sergei allowed himself to consider other possibilities" is a particularly awful line, but there are about half a dozen cringeworthy word choices and phrases.

This is, quite frankly, embarassing.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2010-05-21 12:12:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Sergei WOOOOOOOOOOOOO

sorry,
i'll read it now


Marge: I know we didn't ask for this, Homer, but doesn't the Bible
say, "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you
do unto me...?"

Homer: Yes, but doesn't the Bible also say, "Thou shalt not take
moochers into thy hut?"

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