login / register
Skrappy loves Trump because he's the fattest president since Taft
Welcome to Ubersite!

Why Ain't I Dead?: Part 7

Submitted by FALLEN at 2010-10-21 17:00:27 EDT
Rating: 1.68 on 21 ratings (21 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

According to Wikipedia
Jimi Hendrix was, “…often considered to be the greatest electric guitarist in the history of rock music by other musicians and commentators in the industry, and one of the most important and influential musicians of his era across a range of genres.”

And it sucks that I can’t listen to him while I’m driving any more.

One fine summer evening I was returning home from work. Driving along, not a care in the world, the sun was shining the wind was blowing in the window and I was rockin out to some fine Hendrix on the radio. What more could one ask for on a ride in the truck?

Well..rubber side down would be a great place to start.

For readers that drive on the wrong side, allow me to paint the scene. I was on a very busy six lane road, three in each direction. The lane closest to the curb, the right, was empty, Jimi and I were cruising along in the center lane and another vehicle was next to me on my left.
The lanes going the other way were similarly populated with vehicles (but not me).

This road is on a very commercial area and stores of all sorts line the road on either side. Traffic also moves along a brisk forty-five mph here.

Ok so there I was middle lane, rockin out when suddenly, at the very edge of my peripheral vision I see a blur coming out of the parking lot of a fast food joint.
I started to mentally size up the spatial relation to the blur and the ass end of my pick up when the math problem solved itself quite dramatically.

A Chevy S-10 is a small pick up. Not as versatile as a full size pick up but enough for the few times I needed to haul things around in it. The gas mileage was better than its full size brothers as well. Thing is, that comes from being a bit lighter than a big truck.
When the big Oldsmobile gunned its engines and left the parking lot, it shot into the empty lane, passing into my lane and collided squarely on my rear tire of my lightweight small truck.

I’ve mentioned in past posts that time seems to slow itself down, I assume this is when the Reaper is checking to see if she can FINALY kill my dumb ass off. I wasn’t on the list again so I got to spend the slo-mo time feeling the truck’s rear spin 90 degrees to the direction I was heading and then feel the truck flip over, landing on the roof. Leaving me in the same lane only facing the way I just came from.
Only I was upside down.

I have seen all the Die Hard movies and I know what happens next is a huge explosion/ fireball. None of which I want a part of. Remembering I was on a busy road and there were several tons of steel and wheels coming my way, I managed to stay put not wanting to be hit again half way out of my truck.
Seeing that traffic had stopped, I unbuckled my seat belt and dropped to the ground,
well roof of my truck or whatever.
I shimmied through the broken glass and crawled out of the hole that previously had a window in it. Standing up and giving myself a quick look over I was fine, nothing broken , no bleeding.

I could see the entire roof and hood was destroyed, the metal began at the pillar behind my head and went on at a 45 deg angle to the end of the hood, inches away from adding my head to the mass of steel and glass.
Looking back I could see the Olds had continued on into the third lane after hitting me and destroyed the front end of a brand new Jaguar.
Brand new like still had temporary registration stickers on what was left of the windshield.

It turns out that the teenaged girl driving the Oldsmobile was waved out into traffic by a guy in that first lane. She took that as an all clear to go across all three lanes.
She was mistaken.

As I surveyed the wreckage, a guy from the other side of the road had parked his car and ran up to me asking if I was alright. When I told him “yes” he responded quite enthusiastically “good because.. HOLYSHIT THAT WAS THE COOLEST FUCKNG THING EVER. YOU LIKE SPUN SIDEWAYS AND FLIPPED IN THE AIR FUCKIN BACKWARDS AND BAMM!! HIT THE GROUND AND SKIDDED BACK ABOUT TEN FEET!!”
Awesome I have a fan. So not wanting to let him down, when he asked “how did you not get hurt after that” I looked him dead in the eye and I responded as straight faced as I could

“I’m the Juggernaut”

My fan agreed.

Emergency services did not and even though I was fine I still had a trip to the emergency room. Riding with the hysterically crying girl that hit me, having her endlessly apologize all the way.

I drive a car now, and only listen to Hendrix in my office.
I don’t think Jimi was to blame but better safe than sorry.



Review This Item

Rating:

Comment:




Reviews


Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2010-11-01 10:58:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2010-10-25 19:39:43 BST (#)
Ranking: 2

road traffic accidents usually happen on the same spots of road, 'black spots'
don't feel weird, it's life, no need to get all yank about it
'omg i survived 9/11, i am like so happy but feel so sad and guilty'
i gave birth (once) on a hospital bed i have no doubt hundreds of people died on
so?


-------

It's the CIRCLE OF LIIIIFEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bowimbowop bowimbowop bowimbowop ooooowwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooeeoooooooo!!!!!

Submitted by Poots at 2010-10-31 12:06:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I liked your fan.
I'm a fan of your fan.
He's fantastic.
I'm being fanatical.
I'm gonna need a fanta
I think I'll do a fancy fandango
and play fantasy football.
I might as well say fuck fannie may
and go watch fantasia.

FAN!

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2010-10-25 14:55:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

All pickups are light in the rear, even fullsize models.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2010-10-25 14:54:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

hi :)

Submitted by orphelia at 2010-10-25 14:50:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

hi btw! :-)

Submitted by orphelia at 2010-10-25 14:39:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

road traffic accidents usually happen on the same spots of road, 'black spots'
don't feel weird, it's life, no need to get all yank about it
'omg i survived 9/11, i am like so happy but feel so sad and guilty'
i gave birth (once) on a hospital bed i have no doubt hundreds of people died on
so?

Submitted by FALLEN at 2010-10-25 14:31:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I don't normaly go that way but I drove by this spot yesterday. Along the side of the road right where my truck had flipped was a roadside memorial a cross and flowers. Some girl had an accident in the same place and died. It was an odd feeling.

Submitted by orphelia at 2010-10-25 14:13:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

because it's FUN fallen!!!!

Submitted by FALLEN at 2010-10-25 08:16:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

If you're going to break an 11 +2 streak, at least comment why.

Submitted by swamp_donkey at 2010-10-25 07:59:34 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by apollo88 at 2010-10-23 16:53:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by F.J.Bell at 2010-10-22 11:20:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This is why I don't intend to ever get my driving license. Chauffeuring FTW.

Submitted by TuTs at 2010-10-22 10:21:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I read this from bottom to top. I don't know why.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2010-10-22 07:34:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

from what I saw in the pictures, she hit me just rear of the passenger side tire. The back end slid clockwise and tripped on the drivers side. the B pillar remained but the roof crushed down to where my sun visors were about 6" above the top of the steering wheel.

Had I not been slouched back against the headrest in propper rock cruising form, my head would have been in contact with the roof.

So Jimi actually saved my life.

Submitted by Soyware at 2010-10-21 20:53:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I crashed my first car, a BMW, on the freeway. I thought I was gonna get smacked and die during the split second, and I would have if I'd been a split second behind. Haven't had a car quite as nice since, but that doesn't cover very much time, really.

Submitted by YourNameHere at 2010-10-21 18:03:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2010-10-21 17:31:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Tick tock. Tick tock.

"I'll get you yet, you lucky bastard." - Death

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2010-10-21 17:25:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

When a vehicle yaws and then trips into a roll, it is most likely that it will land on the opposite A-pillar. It's an energy thing. True story. As I read this you tripped on the left wheels and landed on the right A-pillar. Not as death-probable as the other combination (in which the roof comes up and crushes your skull/breaks your neck as you sit in the driver's seat), but "Way to live through it" nonetheless.

I survived a right trip/left A-pillar roll, because I happened to be leaning over far enough that the roof only tore my scalp a lot instead of doing the more-often-seen skull crushing/neck breaking thing. Good times. I hope I never go bald - I'll have to answer the "Why do you have all those massive staple-closed jagged rips in your scalp like that? Were you attacked by a werewolf? A bear? Predator?" all the time.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2010-10-21 17:10:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

The better the sounds coming out of the music machine, the faster my truck goes. Gotta watch it.

Stay safe.

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2010-10-21 17:08:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Best one yet.

Submitted by orphelia at 2010-10-21 17:05:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

you've told me this one before ;-)


They said the same thing about Urkle; that little snot. Boy I'd like
to smack that kid.

-- Homer Simpson
Bart Gets Famous