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Pipe Fiction: a Poots contest thing.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2011-03-07 11:27:44 EST
Rating: 1.56 on 22 ratings (22 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Luigi has seen it before. Every time Peach gets abducted by Bowser it wears a little more on his brother. Mario had seemed especially depressed after this last rescue. Luigi felt he spent enough time sulking and took Mario out for breakfast.

The Mushroom Kingdom diner was half filled with customers and the brothers were seated towards the rear so they could speak privately. A cute mushroom waitress delivered their orders and poured them fresh coffee.

Luigi: Thanks a bunch.
(to Mario who is nursing his coffee)
Want a Koopa sausage?

Mario: Naw, I don't eat turtle.

Luigi: Are you Jewish?

Mario: I ain't Jewish man, I just don't dig on terrapin.

Luigi: Why not?

Mario: They're filthy animals. I don't eat filthy animals.

Luigi: Sausages taste good. turtle chops taste good.

Mario: A sewer rat may taste like pumpkin
pie. I'll never know 'cause even if
it did, I wouldn't eat the filthy
motherfucker. Koopas sleep and root in
shit. That's a filthy animal. I don't
wanna eat nothin' that ain't got
enough sense to disregard its own
feces.

Luigi: How about dogs? Dogs eat their own feces.

Mario: I don't eat dog either.

Luigi: Yes, but do you consider a dog to be a filthy animal?

Mario: I wouldn't go so far as to call a
dog filthy, but they're definitely
dirty. But a dog's got personality.
And personality goes a long way.

Luigi: So by that rationale, if a Koopa had a
better personality, he's cease to be
a filthy animal?

Mario: We'd have to be talkin' 'bout one
motherfuckin' charmin' turtle. It'd
have to be the Cary Grant of turtle.

The two men laugh.

Luigi: Good for you. Lighten up a little.
You been sittin' there all quiet.

Mario: I just been sittin' here thinkin'.

Luigi: (mouthful of food)
About what?

Mario: About the last rescue. How many times has it been? Five? Seven? I’m starting to think the Princess gets herself captured on purpose.

Luigi: On purpose? What for?

Mario: You know how chicks love the “bad boy” maybe she’s got something going on.

Luigi: What are you saying here?

Mario: I think she’s fucking him.

Luigi: That’s just crazy..

Mario: Is it? All those times getting kidnapped? Just this last time when I saved her, she had an overnight bag. Who takes the time to pack before getting kidnapped?

Luigi: That’s fucked up, what are you gonna do?

Mario: Quit the life, most definitely.

Luigi takes a bite of food. Mario takes a sip of coffee. From somewhere in the diner a patron call the Waitress.

Patron: Garcon! Coffee!

We see the patron to be a blonde male in a green tunic and hat, with him is a woman in a pink dress.

Luigi: So if you're quitting the life,
what'll you do?

Mario: That's what I've been sitting here
contemplating. First, I'm gonna
deliver this case to Yoshi. Then,
basically, I'm gonna walk the earth.

Luigi: What do you mean, walk the earth?

Mario: You know, like Caine in "KUNG FU."
Just walk from town to town, meet
people, get in adventures.

Luigi: So you decided to be a bum?

Mario: I'll just be Mario, no more, no less.

Luigi: No Mario, you're gonna be like those
pieces of shit out there who beg for
change. They walk around like a bunch
of fuckin' zombies, they sleep in
big green pipes going into the ground
they eat what I throw away,
and dogs piss on 'em. They got
a word for 'em, they're called bums.
And without a job, residence, or
legal tender, that's what you're
gonna be – a fuckin' bum!

The brothers sit there silently staring at one another, when the woman in the pink dress, jumps up on her table and draws back an arrow in her bow. The man in green stands up, holding an enormous lit bomb over his head and says.

Link: Everybody be cool, this is a robbery!

Zelda: Any of you fuckin' pricks move and
I'll execute every one of you
motherfuckers! Got that?!

To Be continued.



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Reviews


Submitted by Poots at 2011-03-12 15:07:51 EST (#)
Rating: 2

She must have. Self explanatory question, puss butt.

Submitted by HurtByTheSun at 2011-03-12 12:17:48 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Zelda: Any of you fuckin' pricks move and
I'll execute every one of you
motherfuckers! Got that?!

======

Did your mother stop you from staying up late enough to actually watch Pulp Fiction?

Submitted by shadow at 2011-03-12 10:55:52 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Golden.

Submitted by icarus1987 at 2011-03-11 11:11:32 EST (#)
Rating: 2

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2011-03-08 12:39:26 EST (#)
Rating: 2

ezekiel 25:17....

Submitted by Poots at 2011-03-08 08:11:46 EST (#)
Rating: 2

http://www.ubersite.com/m/127187#3040712


ROFL!


I keep doing that.

it's early.

Submitted by orphelia at 2011-03-08 07:55:19 EST (#)
Rating: 2

read this earlier i didn't think you'd keep your streak
was good though, it should have!

Submitted by ridiculous at 2011-03-08 02:28:09 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Mario: Is it? All those times getting kidnapped? Just this last time when I saved her, she had an overnight bag. Who takes the time to pack before getting kidnapped?


HA HA MUTHAFUCKI' HA!

Submitted by asmasta808 at 2011-03-08 02:16:07 EST (#)
Rating: -2

you actually took that seriouslly??? maximum faggotism

Submitted by kitchens_closed at 2011-03-07 21:27:03 EST (#)
Rating: 2

lol

Submitted by willartstorg at 2011-03-07 17:39:46 EST (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by SgtHartman at 2011-03-07 15:18:08 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Good job, Toadstool.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2011-03-07 14:11:39 EST (#)
Rating: 2

"The brothers sit there silently staring at one another, when the woman in the pink dress, jumps up on her table and draws back an arrow in her bow. The man in green stands up, holding an enormous lit bomb over his head and says.

Link: Everybody be cool, this is a robbery!

Zelda: Any of you fuckin' pricks move and
I'll execute every one of you
motherfuckers! Got that?!"

Submitted by Poots at 2011-03-07 12:54:20 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2011-03-07 12:43:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Well, this wasn't very good even when I get the references. Try again?


(I'm afraid to -2 to you because I already hurt F.J.'s feelings and he retaliated, which did indeed, fuck up my morning mojo. So now, I'm asceered.)

Submitted by rob_berg at 2011-03-07 12:38:46 EST (#)
Rating: 2


Yes.

Submitted by Oven at 2011-03-07 12:38:07 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2011-03-07 11:53:34 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Fucking green pipe bums!

Submitted by F.J.Bell at 2011-03-07 11:45:43 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Besides from the fact that I find it pathetic to see a grown man writing SuperMario/Tarantino cross-over fan-fiction, this was awesome.

:o)

Submitted by Poots at 2011-03-07 11:42:14 EST (#)
Rating: 2

wow. this is pretty good man. good job and thank you.

Submitted by Poots at 2011-03-07 11:38:51 EST (#)
Rating: 2

NICE!

Submitted by cheerios at 2011-03-07 11:37:16 EST (#)
Rating: 2

very nice.


Smithers:
Next. There's a problem with the reactor -- what do you do?

Homer: There's a problem with the reactor?? We're all going to die!!

I Married Marge