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A.D.D - Useless Information From A Credible Source

Submitted by Replen at 2011-04-16 12:09:28 EDT
Rating: 1.58 on 24 ratings (24 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Some of the lies my brother told me as a child and some of the advice he gave me as a teenager.

We were in the back of the car in the 80s and 'Papa Don't Preach' by Madonna was playing with bad reception on the radio. I asked him what the words were and he told me "puppy dog bridge". I sang that for the rest of journey and only discovered much later why everyone was laughing.

He told me that a girls private part was called a 'wim wam' and boys was a 'winkle'. I took some heavy ridicule for days after passing this information on at school to more grown up kids. In fact it was level with the ridicule I got after he convinced me that the sticky stuff on the back of envelopes was horse sperm.

On another car journey I asked him what the reflective panels on the car in front were for and he told me to shut up. I asked the same question on the return journey that night and he told me that when they lit up it meant there was a dog being sick in the car in front. After a few reflections from our headlights I told my mother that I hoped the dog in front was okay. She leant back and gave my brother a brutal slap.


On my first day of secondary school he told me to start a fight with the biggest kid I could find. So I did. I went up to this massive black kid who could have passed for 18 and clocked him right in the face with a cheap shot. He composed himself and then proceeded to absolutely beat the shit out of me for minutes before the teachers broke it up. I never had another fight and no-one ever fucked with me for the remaining 5 years of school. The black kid did break my leg playing football later that year though.

My brother told me to buy a ticket to Reading Festival 2000 with my birthday money. I went and it was awesome, one the best weekends of my life still to this day. However there will now always be photographic evidence of me in a limp bizkit t-shirt and a backwards facing baseball cap throwing a nu-metal pose. Printouts of this typically surface EVERY year around my birthday and are left in public places (like the lifts at work).

When I was preparing to go the college (the English kind) my brother told me not to be picky with girls. He told me it may not be the popular choice at the time and I would take some shit, but it would be better in the long run if I concentrated on banging a load of easy ugly/fat chicks rather than hold out and kid myself with the pretty ones. My nickname was 'Sledge' (as in, pulled by dogs) for 5 fucking years. However a decade later and a beer with my college mates whilst pondering our formative years proved that time respects quantity over quality.




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Submitted by FartSmeller at 2012-05-29 09:08:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

its rare to actually laugh at a post. I laughed at this.

Sledge...

Submitted by cheerios at 2011-05-30 18:52:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by HurtByTheSun at 2011-05-30 04:43:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

On another car journey I asked him what the reflective panels on the car in front were for and he told me to shut up. I asked the same question on the return journey that night and he told me that when they lit up it meant there was a dog being sick in the car in front. After a few reflections from our headlights I told my mother that I hoped the dog in front was okay. She leant back and gave my brother a brutal slap.

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Epic.

What is a 'nu-metal' pose?

Submitted by Unabonger at 2011-05-29 23:32:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

My older brother used to make me pet the dog for an odd amount of time. "Unabonger, pet Ricki for 12 minutes."

Submitted by JonnyX at 2011-05-29 16:24:03 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2011-04-21 08:58:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Sage at 2011-04-18 15:59:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I think "Papa Don't Preach" should be the theme song for "16 & Pregnant" on MTV. What a train wreck of a show. Little boys and girls should keep their wim wams and winkles to themselves, or at the very least wrap it up!

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2011-04-18 13:06:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2011-04-18 12:58:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by haikumikoo at 2011-04-18 12:46:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

My brother told me to buy a ticket to Reading Festival 2000 with my birthday money. I went and it was awesome, one the best weekends of my life still to this day. However there will now always be photographic evidence of me in a limp bizkit t-shirt and a backwards facing baseball cap throwing a nu-metal pose. Printouts of this typically surface EVERY year around my birthday and are left in public places (like the lifts at work).
===

Ha ha ha...

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2011-04-18 09:56:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by F.J.Bell at 2011-04-18 07:30:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Awe

Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2011-04-18 04:31:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Nice read sledge

Submitted by BranDo at 2011-04-16 19:17:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You sound like the younger brother I never had

Submitted by X54 at 2011-04-16 18:24:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Best yet!

Makes me wish I'd had a younger brother growing up. My younger sisters never believed anything I said.

Submitted by Flack at 2011-04-16 16:15:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Best so far.

Submitted by rob_berg at 2011-04-16 16:09:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


EnjoyADDble.

Submitted by Wildman at 2011-04-16 15:48:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


"Ali Boma Ye"


Submitted by Lib at 2011-04-16 13:59:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Shlongy at 2011-04-16 13:48:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I seem to recall you giving Shlongy an awful lot of -2's.

Are you still a fucking idiot?

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2011-04-16 13:27:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Given a choice, always be the older sibling.

Submitted by asmasta808 at 2011-04-16 13:23:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

enjoy your STD's and cheeseburger whores, mate

Submitted by willartstorg at 2011-04-16 13:06:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Dick below

Submitted by sarongthong at 2011-04-16 12:53:33 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Gay.


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