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I'm Not Buying It...

Submitted by FALLEN at 2011-06-29 12:17:45 EDT
Rating: 1.52 on 31 ratings (31 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

I have pretty much given up trying to figure out people. Having been in contact with people forever due to my job, it’s almost impossible to not look at some one and wonder WTF.

Allow me to backtrack a moment here.

I get on average 6-10 random phone calls a week to my office from “Jennifer, my local Google advertising agent.” She’s a recorded voice by the way and has important information for me about my business. I also get a live person from Survey USA that has an important message for me (another important message ??) and I’m to hold the line and be connected.
Connected to whom?
I never know because I always hang up.
And I can’t forget the plethora of extremely Indian (dot not feather) callers with oddly enough very mid-western names, who will ask for people that work here by name.
By name I mean the abominated mispronunciations of even the simplest of names.

“May I please speak to Mr.Bro-one, please?”

Do you mean Mr. Brown?
And so on and so on.
Besides the calls like mentioned, I see countless fax offers come in trying to get someone to book travel. I saw the movie Hostel, there is no way in hell I’m going off on a trip to some unknown resort, booked through a company I have never heard of.
But someone must be

From what I’ve learned in sales, you don’t continue doing something unless it produces results. That leads me to believe that out there right now, someone is entering their credit card info on a site hosted in Shanghai, to buy Viagra for a dollar a pill.
A site they heard about from a random text message on their phone at 3:30am that gave nothing but an http followed by a string of numbers and letters that when entered brings you to the sketchiest looking web page in the universe.

Dude! You’re seriously sending your personal info there? You’re actually going to eat whatever pill comes out of that bottle shipped in a Cambodian newspaper? Assuming anything ever shows up at your door that is.

Everyone remembers the early day of the web when one wrong click would cause a tsunami of unending pop-up ads (mostly porn). Close one and four more took its place. I actually once had to unplug and disconnect my modem to stop the avalanche of adverts.
When pop-up bombs stopped happening I had hoped that people got smarts and stopped responding to such stuff. Maybe it’s just that the blockers are that much better these days.

I get that a company has got to do what it has to do to get its product in front of a potential customer. My question and my cause for giving up on people is.. does this stuff really work? In this age of instant access to information and the ability to shop the world via the internet, are there really people that stupid to fall for this ambush marketing?

Hold on a second…got an e-mail.

Holy crap! I DO want a bigger penis, what are the odds?

I gotta go.



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Submitted by orphelia at 2011-06-30 17:39:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

sexualchocolate sighting. either social services have finally taken the baby away or he left it on a bus then.

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2011-06-30 15:09:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Sometimes you don't have to buy it to have it repeated.

We previously had a receptionist who once let a telemarketer speak with her, even though she had every intention of telling him she wasn't interested.
Long story short, he asked her if we used office products to which she answered "yes." That was all it took for us to receive a box of their crap merchandise, along with a bill. When we tried to fight that bill, they pulled out a recording which they'd altered so that her answer of yes was in reference to an order for crap merchandise, instead of the nonsense question they asked.

We got photo...scratch that...tele-shopped!

Now we train all receptionists to just flat out hang up on them once they begin a sales pitch.

Also, who would buy prescription drugs from China? The Phillipines are where it's at!

Submitted by mosaic at 2011-06-30 13:48:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2011-06-30 10:33:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I read somewhere recently, that spam email generates a response of about 1 in 12,000,000.

But the problem is, you can send 12,000,000 emails in one click!

___________________

I don't doubt the numbers here, but 'sending 12,000,000 emails in one click' isn't as simple as you're implying.

Deploying a server capable of routing messages to 12,000,000 unique mail servers is no easy task. You need either a fucking serious server farm or *drum roll please* ...

A botnet!!

Because most of these shady fucks can't afford 10 Oracle SPARC servers, they just proliferate self-installing software programs that use the victim's machine as a small server, without them even knowing about it.

'Problem' solved.

Submitted by Habeeb Thomas PhD at 2011-06-30 11:05:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

So true, all of it soo truuee

Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 at 2011-06-30 10:33:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I read somewhere recently, that spam email generates a response of about 1 in 12,000,000.

But the problem is, you can send 12,000,000 emails in one click!


Still, the ratio gives me a little hope for the human race.

Submitted by Psygns_of_the_Tymes at 2011-06-30 09:41:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

My mum would be a prime example of one of the people who clicks ok on everything.

"Your computer is infected with a virus, click ok to remedy this now"

I put her on a guest account on her laptop and she can only connect to the internet with the child filters on.

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2011-06-30 09:02:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Spam like that costs very little, and if 1 in 10,000 people fall for it, there is a return on the investment.

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2011-06-30 08:29:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

FALLEN

Submitted by BranDo at 2011-06-30 07:47:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2011-06-29 19:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Global warming is real, but it isn't due to the actions of humans. It's happened many times over the centuries.
--------------------
That is only partially true.

Nice post Fallatio!

Submitted by X54 at 2011-06-29 23:13:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2011-06-29 16:12:07 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I've heard that some got sucked in by the nigerian scams, but have known no one personally to whom it happened.

~~~

My boss, a Taiwanese, told me he knew of someone who got scammed by the Nigerians. They convinced the guy, also Taiwanese, he had to come in person to execute the agreement, then arrested him when he landed at the Nigerian airport. Charged him with intent to commit fraud or some shit. Basically held him for ransom. That was back before the internet. We used to get letters from them, then. Typed on airmail paper so thin it was amazing it survived the typewriter, with no margins or paragraph breaks. A solid block of text describing the millions and millions of dollars that had been set aside by the government for some sort of public works project, long forgotten, all that was needed was a foreign bank account number to receive the money. WTFINRAT. And weird, foreign stamps. They were a novelty back then!

Submitted by willartstorg at 2011-06-29 19:12:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Global warming is real, but it isn't due to the actions of humans. It's happened many times over the centuries.

I've heard that some got sucked in by the nigerian scams, but have known no one personally to whom it happened.

Submitted by loki at 2011-06-29 19:07:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

As my relatives discovered the internet they would immediately start forwarding those e-mails where Bill Gates would pay you to forward messages for some fucking reason.

They still fall for the craziest shit they read online but yet global warming is a commie, socialist, fascist, nazi plot.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2011-06-29 17:52:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"(dot not feather)"


way to go

Submitted by Sage at 2011-06-29 16:00:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Also, Hostel was shit.

Submitted by Sage at 2011-06-29 15:56:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This is precisely why I'm in corporate accounting - virtually no dealings with the general public.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2011-06-29 14:51:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

mmmmmmmpeanuts

I would hope not skrap, but like i said, in sales or scams if it dosent produce results you try something else. the fact that these things exist imply that someone is falling for it.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2011-06-29 14:48:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I have wondered if any variations of the Nigerian Money Order scam have ever worked on anyone anywhere. Couldn't possibly, right?

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2011-06-29 14:44:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

But would you take them for FREE???

All you have to do is send your name, SSN and bank account info to the North Korean consulate, for sure. Then he'll be certain to send your free boner pills and $1.1M worth of packing peanuts.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2011-06-29 13:36:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

rob's not here to defend himself and I dont white knight guys.

that would be gay




LIKE YER MOMMMMMMM!
ZING!!!

Submitted by YourNameHere at 2011-06-29 13:32:00 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

will you fags be having a bergparty?

Submitted by lostinwonderland at 2011-06-29 13:22:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fallen, I would love to have a venting session with you
Lol
I think the same things all the time.
The one I say out loud most often is.... how did some of these people make it this far in life... into adulthood.

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2011-06-29 13:14:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

It's all good. I lost my spark a long time ago as well. I don't mind bitching and rants; see my last one about the queers from Whale Wars.

I remember when I had energy, the will, and the wherewithal to make a decent post or at least try; never mind the fact that I didn't have the talent, asshole.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2011-06-29 13:13:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

not you johnny
below that

Submitted by FALLEN at 2011-06-29 13:12:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

proving my theroy of idiocy below

Submitted by JonnyX at 2011-06-29 13:12:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

bigger e=peeners can be found right here on Uber, ask robberg or Shlongy

Submitted by YourNameHere at 2011-06-29 13:10:56 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2011-06-29 13:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I haven't wrote a decent story in a long time






lol

Submitted by FALLEN at 2011-06-29 13:09:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I know sico, most of my posts a me bitching about stuff. I always did a rant now and again, but I dont think I got anymore fiction in me.
I haven't wrote a decent story in a long time, it's like theres no spark anymore. I cant do pictures because of my goofy work computer and the only poetry I had in me I spent on one when it mattered.

ubers dead man, someones got to post something. and somethings better than nuthing isnt it?
I have the time but not the material.

I was being funny about the cambodian news paper.



it was maylasian
wait..

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2011-06-29 12:59:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Do you just whine on uber now? Is that your shtick? Also, how do you know they're wrapped in Cambodian newspaper unless you've ordered them?


Most importantly, who cares to discuss these matters besides you? I'm sure there is at least one person more whinier than you but I've yet to find anyone who cares to share their whining with Ubersite.



Fallen ordered dick pills off the internet, pass it down!

Submitted by FALLEN at 2011-06-29 12:43:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I do
fallen > electric roses

you made my day :-)

Submitted by orphelia at 2011-06-29 12:40:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

hope you know i delayed a very important harvest at my farm to drop this +2 by


Submitted by Procon at 2011-06-29 12:26:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Because there are a fuckload of stupid goddamned fucking fucked up idiotic fuckwit motherfuckers out there.

Think Beavis and Butthead. Think Sicosemen. Think people that send in their money to cocksuckers like Oral Roberts or Jimmy Failwell.

Lots of em.

Everytime I talk to someone in technical support I ask them where they're at. They *never* want to tell me. *EVER.* Sometimes I just say, "so whereabouts are you in India?" They *hate* that.


Homer: I suppose you want to probe me. Well, you might as well get
it over with.

Kang: Stop! We have reached the limits of what rectal probing can
teach us.

Treehouse of Horror VII