Shlongy's Ubersite Quiz for the "Old Schoolerz"Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-03-26 18:47:56 EDT
Rating: 1.22 on 90 ratings (101 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
Ahem. Most of you long time Uberites, and even a few of you short-timers, spend upwards of 20 hours a day in this forum…writing, cutting on others, flirting, masturbating, etc., to the detriment of any real semblance of a social life, I must sadly note. You all know a lot about each other and most of you have never met! Let’s see just how MUCH you know about each other. Whomever scores the highest will win a fabulous prize - I swear to God - Ready?
Let’s play….WHO AM I?
I constantly beg for random internet women, who I will never meet, to send me pictures of their tits or vagina, ad nauseum. I review at least 400 times a day and still have a job, as far as you know. Yes, that IS amazing. I am:
2) What The Hell
3) What the Fuck
4) What the Hell is Wrong With Him
The “curtains don’t match the carpet, if you catch my drift” and I‘ll even show you…I'm proud of my clitoris and want to share it with each and every one of you. I am:
2) Your mom
4) The Stanley Steamer Guy
I can’t get over the fact that I got raped and love to argue about it. This room sure beats paying that fucking shrink. And I did NOT have the "Big O" when it happened. I am
2) 12% of all college freshmen women
4) We do not name rape victims to protect their family and friends
I’ve been called many things, “child rapist” and “stalker” being the kindest. I am in dire need of an ass kicking. I am:
1) Kobe Bryant
2) Cookie Monster
3) I Have a Kristen Fetish
4) and I have about 25 alters
I look like that guy from Beauty and the Beast, only not as “handsome“ and that Perlman dude wouldn‘t be caught dead in a pink shirt. I used to be funny but I can't explain what happened either. I am:
4) Who gives a fuck
I haven’t gotten laid in more than a year, because I spend too much time on the internet and not enough time TRYING to meet actual members of the opposite sex. Who am I:
1) This list will be long
2) Why bother
3) See 1
4) 1 year? Try “in his/her lifetime”
A lot of losers in this room - Shlongy included - seem to want to fuck me and I don‘t have a clue as to why. Must be the Tina Fey glasses and the fact that I want it pretty badly: I give great Uber and am damn proud of it.I am:
2) Cabaret Girl
3) Kristy Swan
I kick ass on a daily basis and can take on everyone in the room- at once if necessary - and I will still be standing. You don’t believe me? Ask my brother. That’s all the proof you need. Then, I’m gonna go out and find some cock to suck. Just try me. Anyone else in here wear Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle underpants? I am:
2) Toxic Narcotic
4) All of the above
My acne problem overshadows my other problems, which are many. Fortunately, mom and dad are always there to bail me out of any predicament that my big fucking mouth puts me in. And, they give me money all the time, too! I hate my life. I am:
1) A loser
2) All those assholes on Laguna Beach on MTV
3) Professor fuckface
4) Professor fucktard
I’m obviously retarded. I am:
3) That kid from the show about a retard and a hot chick
I have yet to give out my first +2 and it’s obvious that I am friendless and bitter. But I don’t give a fuck. Ever hear that song “I’m a loser” by The Beatles? It plays in my head all the time. Will YOU be my friend? I am:
2) Mr. President
3) Mr. Hankey
4) Mr. Rogers entire fucking Neighborhood
No one knows what the fuck I’m talking about when I do those great science fiction posts: I am:
1) Obviously a geek
2) But I don’t care because I’ll probably invent something and be rich
3) Then, I’ll get a hot chick.
4) _______________ (Fill in the blank- I don’t read the sci-fi stories)
I dream of one day, being as big as Seinfeld. Sadly, I’ll have to settle for being not even quite as successful as Kenny Bania. But I’ll overcharge the shit out of unsuspecting New Yorkers so it’s all good. I am.
1) Carrot Top
2) Will Zone
3) An idiot
4) Wanted in 4 states for forced sodomy on a minor. Animal.
Almost everything I post is funnier than hell. My sense of humor would help me get laid…except in person, I can hardly stammer out a coherent sentence when confronted with some Grade A beaver. I am:
4) All of the above
I get fucked more than a bunny at Easter. But since my friends are sick of hearing me talk about it, I brag about it in Uberland. And people eat it up…I guess to live vicariously through me. Do you blame them? I don’t. I am:
1) Non existent
2) Bart BUHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH yeah…right
3) Hidden - I failed to mention it’s GUYS that I’m fucking
How you doin’? I am the fatman who put the fat in Santa. And I also put away a dozen or so pizzas a week while under house arrest. If you believe my stories, you sure are gullible. But I may get rich by spinning these yarns. Hollywood beckons. So fuck-a you-a, goombas. I am:
2) S. Claus
3) S. Hlongy
4) Fat Tony
I am a queen bitch , seemingly on the rag 24/7 and in most of my reviews , I look down on the poster like the piece of shit that they are. The perfect shaping of my eyebrows is matched only in artistry by the amazing cut of the pubic hair around my rose-smelling box. I get away with my bitch act because, quite frankly, I’m pretty hot. My stylist actually pays ME to do my waxing. I am:
1) Shlongy’s next conquest and personal favorite
2) Queen Ashlee
3) Queen featuring Freddie Mercury
I will marry the next guy that is nice to me because I am too horny to see straight. I have given only one rating below a +2 in the last three months- probably to Shlongy- and I’m up for just about anything as long as you have a job, a paycheck and an erection. I give Shlongy a Woodrow from time to time but he‘s pretty easy. And old. I'll even chow the beave. I am:
4) Getting desperate
I used to write good stuff- remember my J-Date series? - but now I post stuff that should be printed off and put at the bottom of the fucking cat box. I suck, but I could post a zip code and get a 1.97, foiled from a perfect score only by that Shlongy asshole. Consequently, I don't give a shit. I am:
4) Angelica Juarez
I’m a sick motherfucker. I’ve done so much blow I shit white. Liquid. That’s all you need to know cocksuckers. I am:
3) Fuck you
4) Shlongy - (Yes, I have the sniffles)
Take the number of answers you got correct and multiply that number by your age.. Then, divide it by that same number. Add 27. Or don't. Do I care? No.
Let’s see how you did.
47-100 You are here WAYYYY too much and need to get a life. You’re a winner AND a loser…Get it?
27-46 You still need to get a life, but you’re also a fucking dumbass
17-26 This is probably the right score to get. But what do I know. I finished with college 25 years ago.
7-16 Are you fucking kidding?
0-7 Someone better call you an ambulance…I think you’re dead.
First prize, if you’re a broad is:
A weekend with Shlongy
Second prize: TWO weekends with Shlongy
First prize, Mens division: Nothing, probably.
Good luck! But most importantly, have fun with it.