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Shlongy's Ubersite Quiz for the "Old Schoolerz"

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-03-26 18:47:56 EDT
Rating: 1.22 on 92 ratings (103 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Ahem. Most of you long time Uberites, and even a few of you short-timers, spend upwards of 20 hours a day in this forum…writing, cutting on others, flirting, masturbating, etc., to the detriment of any real semblance of a social life, I must sadly note. You all know a lot about each other and most of you have never met! Let’s see just how MUCH you know about each other. Whomever scores the highest will win a fabulous prize - I swear to God - Ready?

Let’s play….WHO AM I?

Question 1:
I constantly beg for random internet women, who I will never meet, to send me pictures of their tits or vagina, ad nauseum. I review at least 400 times a day and still have a job, as far as you know. Yes, that IS amazing. I am:
1) Bart
2) What The Hell
3) What the Fuck
4) What the Hell is Wrong With Him

The “curtains don’t match the carpet, if you catch my drift” and I‘ll even show you…I'm proud of my clitoris and want to share it with each and every one of you. I am:
1) Hidden
2) Your mom
3) CookieLass
4) The Stanley Steamer Guy

I can’t get over the fact that I got raped and love to argue about it. This room sure beats paying that fucking shrink. And I did NOT have the "Big O" when it happened. I am
1) Lojope
2) 12% of all college freshmen women
3) Hidden
4) We do not name rape victims to protect their family and friends

I’ve been called many things, “child rapist” and “stalker” being the kindest. I am in dire need of an ass kicking. I am:
1) Kobe Bryant
2) Cookie Monster
3) I Have a Kristen Fetish
4) and I have about 25 alters

I look like that guy from Beauty and the Beast, only not as “handsome“ and that Perlman dude wouldn‘t be caught dead in a pink shirt. I used to be funny but I can't explain what happened either. I am:
1) Loki
2) Rizzo
3) Ratso
4) Who gives a fuck

I haven’t gotten laid in more than a year, because I spend too much time on the internet and not enough time TRYING to meet actual members of the opposite sex. Who am I:
1) This list will be long
2) Why bother
3) See 1
4) 1 year? Try “in his/her lifetime”

A lot of losers in this room - Shlongy included - seem to want to fuck me and I don‘t have a clue as to why. Must be the Tina Fey glasses and the fact that I want it pretty badly: I give great Uber and am damn proud of it.I am:
1) Shlongy
2) Cabaret Girl
3) Kristy Swan
4) TigerLilly

I kick ass on a daily basis and can take on everyone in the room- at once if necessary - and I will still be standing. You don’t believe me? Ask my brother. That’s all the proof you need. Then, I’m gonna go out and find some cock to suck. Just try me. Anyone else in here wear Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle underpants? I am:
1) Hidden
2) Toxic Narcotic
3) Donitsu
4) All of the above

My acne problem overshadows my other problems, which are many. Fortunately, mom and dad are always there to bail me out of any predicament that my big fucking mouth puts me in. And, they give me money all the time, too! I hate my life. I am:
1) A loser
2) All those assholes on Laguna Beach on MTV
3) Professor fuckface
4) Professor fucktard

I’m obviously retarded. I am:
1) Habeeb
2) magnus
3) That kid from the show about a retard and a hot chick
4) MaximusPadus

I have yet to give out my first +2 and it’s obvious that I am friendless and bitter. But I don’t give a fuck. Ever hear that song “I’m a loser” by The Beatles? It plays in my head all the time. Will YOU be my friend? I am:
2) Mr. President
3) Mr. Hankey
4) Mr. Rogers entire fucking Neighborhood

No one knows what the fuck I’m talking about when I do those great science fiction posts: I am:
1) Obviously a geek
2) But I don’t care because I’ll probably invent something and be rich
3) Then, I’ll get a hot chick.
4) _______________ (Fill in the blank- I don’t read the sci-fi stories)

I dream of one day, being as big as Seinfeld. Sadly, I’ll have to settle for being not even quite as successful as Kenny Bania. But I’ll overcharge the shit out of unsuspecting New Yorkers so it’s all good. I am.
1) Carrot Top
2) Will Zone
3) An idiot
4) Wanted in 4 states for forced sodomy on a minor. Animal.

Almost everything I post is funnier than hell. My sense of humor would help me get laid…except in person, I can hardly stammer out a coherent sentence when confronted with some Grade A beaver. I am:
1) GodLovesALittleLovin
2) NerfHerder
3) comicbookguy
4) All of the above

I get fucked more than a bunny at Easter. But since my friends are sick of hearing me talk about it, I brag about it in Uberland. And people eat it up…I guess to live vicariously through me. Do you blame them? I don’t. I am:
1) Non existent
3) Hidden - I failed to mention it’s GUYS that I’m fucking
4) 1point21gigawatts

How you doin’? I am the fatman who put the fat in Santa. And I also put away a dozen or so pizzas a week while under house arrest. If you believe my stories, you sure are gullible. But I may get rich by spinning these yarns. Hollywood beckons. So fuck-a you-a, goombas. I am:
1) MickGinny
2) S. Claus
3) S. Hlongy
4) Fat Tony

I am a queen bitch , seemingly on the rag 24/7 and in most of my reviews , I look down on the poster like the piece of shit that they are. The perfect shaping of my eyebrows is matched only in artistry by the amazing cut of the pubic hair around my rose-smelling box. I get away with my bitch act because, quite frankly, I’m pretty hot. My stylist actually pays ME to do my waxing. I am:
1) Shlongy’s next conquest and personal favorite
2) Queen Ashlee
3) Queen featuring Freddie Mercury
4) Loren

I will marry the next guy that is nice to me because I am too horny to see straight. I have given only one rating below a +2 in the last three months- probably to Shlongy- and I’m up for just about anything as long as you have a job, a paycheck and an erection. I give Shlongy a Woodrow from time to time but he‘s pretty easy. And old. I'll even chow the beave. I am:
1) Hidden
2) Munkeypants
3) Monkeyspank
4) Getting desperate

I used to write good stuff- remember my J-Date series? - but now I post stuff that should be printed off and put at the bottom of the fucking cat box. I suck, but I could post a zip code and get a 1.97, foiled from a perfect score only by that Shlongy asshole. Consequently, I don't give a shit. I am:
1) JMG114
2) LSD25
3) IMG
4) Angelica Juarez

I’m a sick motherfucker. I’ve done so much blow I shit white. Liquid. That’s all you need to know cocksuckers. I am:
1) BillsSBChamps
2) Shitfuck
3) Fuck you
4) Shlongy - (Yes, I have the sniffles)

Take the number of answers you got correct and multiply that number by your age.. Then, divide it by that same number. Add 27. Or don't. Do I care? No.

Let’s see how you did.

47-100 You are here WAYYYY too much and need to get a life. You’re a winner AND a loser…Get it?
27-46 You still need to get a life, but you’re also a fucking dumbass
17-26 This is probably the right score to get. But what do I know. I finished with college 25 years ago.
7-16 Are you fucking kidding?
0-7 Someone better call you an ambulance…I think you’re dead.

First prize, if you’re a broad is:
A weekend with Shlongy

Second prize: TWO weekends with Shlongy

First prize, Mens division: Nothing, probably.

Good luck! But most importantly, have fun with it.


Review This Item




Submitted by Shlongy at 2018-06-05 10:45:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Not "Politically Correct", above.

Submitted by nitty34 at 2018-06-04 16:43:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Still the best uber quiz ever.

Reading this is like listening to 'Glory Days' while driving past the house you grew up in.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2017-01-13 02:29:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

*wanders away whistling

Submitted by Shlongy at 2017-01-11 22:46:20 EST (#)
Rating: 2

PS: Fag, below.

Submitted by blackbear at 2017-01-11 16:50:27 EST (#)
Rating: -2

what the fuck is this stupid bullshit

Submitted by Shlongy at 2017-01-06 10:19:31 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Genius, below.

Submitted by nitty34 at 2017-01-06 08:27:35 EST (#)
Rating: 2

This will never not be funny.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2014-09-08 18:48:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by Hadooken at 2014-09-08 14:14:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Shlongy at 2014-09-07 21:24:50 EDT (#)

...Because I think I originally posted it in 2004.

Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar at 2014-09-06 22:52:53 EDT (#)

Why were all of these written in the present tense?

Submitted by OathMeal at 2014-08-27 21:32:03 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by Shlongy at 2014-08-27 16:32:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This was an excellent post. +3.

Submitted by JonnyX at 2014-08-27 13:22:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

super jagoff

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-10-11 00:37:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Did I used to want to bang you, below?

Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues at 2013-10-09 18:30:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Wow, after all this time I still know most of these answers.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-10-08 16:36:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Incredibly lonely internet coward/tough guy, below.

Submitted by OathMeal at 2013-10-08 08:43:38 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Get a life you fucking twat.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-10-08 07:32:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

2 Fags, below.

Submitted by Donitsu2002 at 2013-10-07 23:42:49 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Still a piece of shit.

Submitted by kai070169 at 2013-10-07 23:10:58 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

WTF Im not reading that you fucking tool. Dipshit.

Submitted by rob_berg at 2013-10-07 16:54:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-03-26 18:48:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

My +2 counts.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-10-06 00:08:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Let's go A's.

Submitted by Itch at 2013-10-05 21:04:09 EDT (#)

I often wonder how many uber men DIDN'T have photos of cookies bloated scottish kebab on their computer one point or another.

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2012-07-18 11:49:20 EDT (#)

Point, set, match. Well played Fallen.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-07-18 11:43:14 EDT (#)

because you log in once a week

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2012-07-18 11:38:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

How did I manage to miss THIS gem four months ago?!?

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-07-17 18:41:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Photos, please....

Submitted by Professional_Peon at 2012-07-17 18:22:13 EDT (#)

Submitted by JonnyX at 2012-07-16 15:51:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

obligatory AARP +2
I laughed till I pee'd a lil

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-07-17 18:07:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Shlongy loves Uber broads. For the most part...

Submitted by JonnyX at 2012-07-16 15:51:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

obligatory AARP +2

Submitted by PrincessToadstool at 2012-07-03 20:39:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

1. What The Hell
2. Cookie
3. Lojope
4. I Have A Kristen Fetish
5. Rizzo
6. 1 year? Try "in his/her lifetime"
7. TigerLily. Only one there with glasses and a penchant for posting her soapy tits.
8. Toxic or Donitsu. Brothers. Pretty sure they both wear TMNT undies though.
9. PFF
10. Habeeb... but he is loved all the same
11. IHAKF fits the friendless and bitter, but i recall a +2 here and there like 6 years back.
12. (fill in the blank)
13. Will Zone
14. All of the above
15. 1point21gigawatts AND hidden
16. Fat Tony
17. Loren
18. Hidden (har har)
19. JMG114
20. shitfuck

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2012-06-02 20:05:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

1. What The Hell
2. CookieLass
3. Lojope
5. Rizzo
6. :(
7. TigerLilly. And it's because she has one leg.
8. Donitsu
9. Professor Fuckface
10. Habeeb
12. Anyone from England
13. Will Zone
14. comicbookguy
15. Hidden
16. Fat Tony
17. Loren
18. Munkeypants
19. JMG114
20. Shitfuck

It's raining here today, hopefully men. *crosses fingers*

Submitted by Chinaski at 2012-06-02 19:00:25 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by fartsmeller at 2012-05-23 23:50:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

ahh fuck the lojope rape thing best week on uber ever.

Submitted by fartsmeller at 2012-05-23 22:57:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Not enough rabbit in this post.

Old school enough for you mr.laben?

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-05-17 08:20:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Shlongy still loves broads.

Submitted by cexshun at 2012-05-16 17:43:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 1


Submitted by Sage at 2012-05-04 17:02:17 EDT (#)

I didn't know any of the answers to any of the above. Is there a prize for last place? We should totes be FB friends.

Submitted by orphelia at 2012-04-18 11:59:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This is pretty great actually.

And I have no idea who said I'd died but my guess is they said it was;
a. In childbirth
b. From fatness
c. Beaten to death by bullying partner for have male fb friends.
d. All of the above.

Submitted by SoxSexSax at 2012-04-17 11:53:26 EDT (#)

I transcend your list.

Habeeb was the biggest twat ever. Kinda miss arguing with him. :)

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-04-17 11:44:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

All my old girlfriends are coming back into the fold, I see...I could use some new rack shots: Thought you should know...

Submitted by coley at 2012-04-17 02:18:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2



Submitted by experima at 2012-04-14 19:40:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2012-03-26 19:18:52 PDT (#)
Rating: 2

I remember all of this... it's like you shit out a decade of wasted time and bullshit in one post.

I think I want to kill myself now.

Submitted by Sphagnum at 2012-04-11 03:19:36 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Needs more Sphagnum

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-04-06 10:59:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Looked like a great game, joedaddy. Three fights, guts to come back (for a change), and great stickwork by Clowe, who is a beast in my opinion. They are alive...but probably not for long.

Submitted by Man O' War at 2012-04-06 01:55:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

How did you not mention AJ, ETS or Shitfuck?

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-04-04 19:15:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm fairly certain that I did include you and your mammoth globes in at least one of my old Uber quizzes, Peon...

Submitted by Professional_Peon at 2012-04-04 02:17:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Why is my left tit not one of the answers since you KNOW its the awesome one.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-04-02 15:03:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Funny "reviews", below. PS. And, I have a boner.

Submitted by TigerLilly at 2012-04-02 12:47:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Yay Uber is back!!!

Submitted by no1hasdis at 2012-04-02 12:12:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Didn't realize uber was back up. Read this post first, it was phenomenal. I think I'll log out now before I read some of the other shit posted and ruin the experience.

Submitted by MANICMOTHER at 2012-04-01 10:00:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Chao at 2012-03-31 16:38:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

surprised you can grab that nose with one hand

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-03-31 08:02:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Well, then you lasted longer than I did when I brought this one back.

Submitted by nitty34 at 2012-03-31 07:43:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I think I got the 1st 3 right before I lost interest and scrolled down to the shitbox picture.

Submitted by Lib at 2012-03-29 19:11:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by JMG114 at 2012-03-29 14:11:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"There's no way that there are THAT many unstable people in the dating pool."

Good point. They're all way too busy on this site.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-03-29 10:03:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Want Shlongy to try and get them out?

Submitted by AllyJeans at 2012-03-29 07:51:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

These jokes are so inside they are pushing into the cervix.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-03-28 22:11:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Nope: Just my balls.

Submitted by Chroniclysm at 2012-03-28 21:43:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

No comment.

Submitted by comicbookguy at 2012-03-28 21:42:36 EDT (#)

do you shave your legs

Submitted by grÜeMaster emeritus and uberlord supreme at 2012-03-28 21:33:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

orgasmatron is a still a total fag, i see

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-03-28 18:07:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Shlongy at 2010-11-23 00:20:27 UTC (#)
Rating: 0

You can find him hanging around a coffee shop or internet cafe, regaling the dorks with poetry.

He'll be the one wearing the beret and a goatee.


Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2012-03-28 17:34:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Dark temptress of the sea below.

Submitted by Merlina at 2012-03-28 15:11:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Missed you Orgasmatron.. life was weird without the poetry.

Uber or no uber...could NOT resort to F-book.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2012-03-28 08:50:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

pretty funny but i forgot to actually take the quiz.

+2 dropkicks and +2 shit houses

Submitted by chitowngirl at 2012-03-28 00:25:44 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Thanks for making me read dick.

Submitted by Orgasmatron at 2012-03-27 22:20:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

That can't possibly be you in the photo, since everyone knows it takes anywhere between 4-7 pairs of hands to properly plug up your gigantic beak. That or two dicks, or "the average Shlongy Saturday night."

Missed you, Woody Harrelson.

Submitted by Gayvid_Gerrold at 2012-03-27 22:17:39 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-03-27 21:43:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I stop by your website every day for 5 minutes...and don't believe for one second that any of the "dates" are real. There's no way that there are THAT many unstable people in the dating pool. But that's OK.

Submitted by JMG114 at 2012-03-27 21:40:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You're still the asshole I remember. This pleases me.

I run a site of bad date stories at www.abadcaseofthedates.com. I suspect you have many such tales, most of which involve chapped lips and a sore ass.

Submitted by Bubs at 2012-03-27 20:00:09 EDT (#)

#17 ftw

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-03-27 19:38:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for the Uberboard shoutout....

Submitted by Merlina at 2012-03-27 16:24:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Wow..there are some names from the past..

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2012-03-27 15:23:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Ubersite is back, yay!

Submitted by jade_digitalmedia at 2012-03-27 13:11:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-03-27 12:28:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This post may have been originally produced before you joined Ubersite so I understand your frustration about not being able to get anything "right". Although, I figured you'd kind of be used to that feeling by now.

Golf game stinks...Not playin cards as much, which blows...no one in the house has died lately although both the cat and the dog have been running up their expense accounts at the vet.

Mostly eating, drinking, spanking my monkey, and getting fat these days, between vacations. And ON vacations. Got two consecutive weeks of golf tournaments coming up in April, where I get to wine and dine clients in our skyboxes. That's about it.

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2012-03-27 12:20:34 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I'm really just bitter that I don't know any of the answers. I'm so uber-uncool. That and the irony of making a post about uber after telling us how much time WE spend here. I'm really just trying to pick on you and crush your soul!

What's been up?

Gambling, golf, wife/dog passed away?

Played a round with the new Rocketballz driver last week and was quite impressed. I might have to pony up and get one for good.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-03-27 11:45:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for actually making a real post.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-03-27 10:39:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Whomever it is that Uberboarded the answers to the quiz...you did great: 18 of 20. Missed 14 and 15, although 15 could possibly have two correct answers.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-03-27 10:27:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

LOL, below.

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2012-03-27 10:04:51 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Submitted by apollo88 at 2012-03-27 09:03:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Something about hole.

Submitted by bozznc at 2012-03-27 08:10:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Reading posts from the folks you're describing helped mold me into the miserable asshole I am today. Meeeeeemoriess.........

Submitted by ridiculous at 2012-03-27 02:52:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Not bad, Herb...

Not bad at all...

I'll admit a lot of these I didn't know but the ones I did I enjoyed.

Submitted by Crystle at 2012-03-27 00:53:00 EDT (#)


Submitted by Rixes at 2012-03-27 00:26:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Thought I'd purged all those idiots from my memory. Thanks for the reminders.

Submitted by Bigmike at 2012-03-27 00:00:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Jesus, I know most if not all of these answers. Hows it hanging Shlongmeister?

Submitted by Doodles at 2012-03-26 23:55:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Shlongy breaking out his a-game

Submitted by X54 at 2012-03-26 23:11:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

It's almost like I was there!

Submitted by Vermin at 2012-03-26 22:59:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by AJ at 2012-03-26 22:50:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

#8 made me laugh my ass off.

Why the hell did you write something longer than 43 words? This has got to be a first.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2012-03-26 22:18:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I remember all of this... it's like you shit out a decade of wasted time and bullshit in one post.

I think I want to kill myself now.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-03-26 21:39:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

The peeps in this quiz are REAL "Old Skool"...But there are some legends in there...and some legendary idiots, too.

Submitted by pen_name at 2012-03-26 21:30:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by Unabonger at 2012-03-26 21:10:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I never make lists...

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2012-03-26 21:21:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I've been posting for 7 years apparently (and lurked for some time before that), and most of this stuff is older than my first post!

Submitted by Unabonger at 2012-03-26 21:10:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I never make lists...

Submitted by RoadSong at 2012-03-26 19:54:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2012-03-26 19:33:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

My +2 counts too. Well earned.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2012-03-26 19:00:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-03-26 18:48:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

My +2 counts.

Oh, Lisa, you and your stories. `Bart is a vampire.' `Beer kills
brain cells.' Now, let's go back to that ... building ... thingee
... where our beds and TV ... is.

-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror IV