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... <g t be a real human and admit thst violence is just a lack of civility by idiots.
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Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2012-06-07 11:33:56 EDT
Rating: 1.6 on 24 ratings (33 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

The other day I saw a guy walking around town with his shirt off screaming "KEEP ON ROCKIN IN THE FREE WORLD" at the top of his lungs. Not just to the world in general, instead he would get within a few inches of a passerby's face and yell it directly at them.



This went on for six hours straight. Most people listened, one guy barfed, and then this other guy responded by headbutting the shirtless dude.

"That's from a Neil Young song, and Neil Young is Canadian, and Canadian music is for faggots"

"Fuckin A, dude. Canadian ANYTHING is for faggots, in fact, if you like Canadians you're pretty much the biggest faggot I know"

The headbutter nodded in agreement, I lit up a cigarette.

"Tell me about it. Now what?"

I thought for a second. "Well I think our best option at this point is to throw a pretty cool David Bowie party"

"What's a David Bowie party?"



With that, I kicked him in the neck and told him to fuck off. The funny part is, I don't know what the fuck a David Bowie party is, either.

At this point, I went to the store and bought a silver track suit and painted my face so I looked kind of like Davie Bowie, the I bought a boom box and strated cranking David Bowie tunes and drinking a lot of beer. Soon enough babes from all over town were dancing all around me, and we had a pretty gnarly parade going. More and more babes joined in until our parade was a mile long. Everyone was dancing to David Bowie tunes and getting real drunk.

Suddenly, David Bowie teleported from outer space right to the front of the parade. He grabbed a baton and everyone really partied hard while he performed 'Let's Dance'.

He gave the crowd a moment to dull its wild applause before addressing them.

"Boshman, Dudettes, this is a most wonderful David Bowie party, the likes of which the galaxy has never seen!"

More wild applause greeted this.

"I saw your David Bowie party from outer space and had to join in the fun. However, I also came to earth on urgent business! I am looking for Major Tom. Last I heard he was running around town with his shirt off screaming Neil Young lyrics in an attempt lure Neil to this location so we could record a most radical compilation of space tunes to ever exist"

The crowd looked at me and got real scared about what was going to happen next, Bowie just looked confused, one chick shit her pants.

I gave the signal and all of a sudden Thunderlips jumped off the moon and gave David Bowie the most powerful leg drop ever recorded. Then he got up and shotgunned a beer. I just lit up a cigarette and nodded in agreement.

"That was pretty rad, Thunderlips." I turned my attention to the crowd: "And so our David Bowie party ends! He was going to combine his talents with a Canadian and for that there is no forgiveness!"

The sound of heads nodding in agreement and about 20 people shitting their pants at once was the crowd's response.

"Don't worry, there are more parties to be had, just not with these faggots!"

With that I set the whole town on fire, hopped on my moped and rode into the sunset. I heard that Michael Mcdonald was recording a new album a few miles west of the David Bowie party site, and figured that would be as good a place as any to start my own landscaping business.

Review This Item




Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2012-06-23 15:39:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Planet earth is blue and there's nothing I can do.

Submitted by corn nugget at 2012-06-21 20:31:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by simple.catalyst at 2012-06-12 22:41:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by Director at 2012-06-12 11:22:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You are the winningest part of win.

Submitted by orphelia at 2012-06-12 02:07:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by Sphagnum at 2012-06-09 23:00:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2012-06-08 10:49:05 EDT (#)

TGIF indeed

Sorry Doodles and others who did not enjoy this funky adventure! I will try harder for you my friends!


Submitted by Doodles at 2012-06-08 10:33:09 EDT (#)

Honestly? I read this and thought it was written by that deal with it dig faggot. You're better than this.

Submitted by f at 2012-06-08 10:30:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2012-06-08 10:00:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by RoadSong at 2012-06-07 23:26:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"With that I set the whole town on fire, hopped on my moped and rode into the sunset."

Submitted by Flack at 2012-06-07 22:49:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm so happy BOSH is back!

Submitted by i_see_dumb_people at 2012-06-07 21:14:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

david bowie's not bosh.

Submitted by Johnny99 at 2012-06-07 21:10:28 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

i know you'll get some positive reinforcement from the 9 "old schoolerz" who still frequent this dump... but your shtick is played bro. Adapt or die.

<light up a cigarette and nod in agreement, please>

Submitted by Quartermain at 2012-06-07 17:33:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by grÜeMaster emeritus and uberlord supreme at 2012-06-07 17:20:26 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

still fucking retarded, i see

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2012-06-07 17:19:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fuck Canada.

Except for Arcade Fire and Neil Young. They're pretty cool. But the rest of Canada sucks.

Submitted by SPECIALk at 2012-06-07 16:20:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2012-06-07 14:04:35 EDT (#)

no offense to canadians

specialk - we cool

Okay, let's hug it out Boshman...that's the Canadian way

Submitted by Poots at 2012-06-07 16:10:20 EDT (#)

Why? I think about fictional dudes in the shower all the time. Jake the snake Roberts, the dread pirate Roberts, Julia Roberts....Bruce Leeroy

Besides, you meant to say absurded out.

Submitted by Floyd Wooderson at 2012-06-07 15:56:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-06-07 15:32:27 EDT (#)

all i got was you thinking of me in the shower and then i got weirded out

Submitted by Poots at 2012-06-07 14:53:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This reminded me of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iR2L98gobTQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player

The it reminded of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aY5a3Un3y8g&feature=youtube_gdata_player

And then I totally shit my pants.

And then it reminded me of http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=off&gl=us&site=webhp&tbm=isch&source=hp&q=han+solo+i+know&oq=han+solo+i+know&aq=0&aqi=g3g-S2&aql=&gs_l=mobile-gws-hp.1.0.0l3j0i24l2.1992.10830.0.12239.

Then I saw Fallen and thought about the absurdity of how earlier this morning while taking a shower I thought about how absurd it was to say as real as the shoes on your feet cause they would be just as real in your closet although I guess you wouldn't be wearing them but still just as real.

Then I remembered a baby bird I once nursed back to health that, while biking together one morning, had a memory triggered by a snake I ran over. The memory of the bird was of it as a baby bird seeing its mother being eaten by a copperhead which was all a big misunderstanding that was due to a triggering of the snakes memory of a bad run in with a bald eagle whose daughter the snake knocked up. Stll pretty traumatic for the baby bird. The memory made the once sweet baby bird peck my Becker causing me to crash killing the bird while it was stuck to my penis. Yeah, high school was fun!

That just reminded me....

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-06-07 14:10:43 EDT (#)


Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2012-06-07 14:08:11 EDT (#)

All Bowie tunes referenced in the comments are pretty bosh.. but I just watched Labrinth last night and when I saw Bowie, 'Let's Dance' immediately popped into my head and hasn't stopped tormenting me since, so I figured creating an outlet for it would help.

I was wrong.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2012-06-07 14:04:35 EDT (#)

no offense to canadians

specialk - we cool

Submitted by SPECIALk at 2012-06-07 14:02:24 EDT (#)

Canadian ANYTHING is for faggots, in fact, if you like Canadians you're pretty much the biggest faggot I know"


Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2012-06-07 13:01:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

<lights up a cigarette and nods in agreement>

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2012-06-07 12:56:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Ziggy Stardust. He'd have played Ziggy Stardust.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-06-07 12:50:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

My only problem with this is that David would have been playing "Suffragette City" if he transported down to lead a parade.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-06-07 12:13:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I want to hate you for putting "let's Dance" in my head
but I cant the post is just too damned awesome

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2012-06-07 12:06:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I shit my pants too.

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2012-06-07 12:06:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I shit my pants too.

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH at 2012-06-07 12:05:14 EDT (#)

true story

All right. His story checks out.

-- Homer Simpson, checking in the encyclopedia
under "Bush, George"
Two Bad Neighbors