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Happy Birthday SgtHartman

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-06-13 09:34:06 EDT
Rating: -1.2 on 6 ratings (32 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

I even made you a cak.........sonofabitch.

Cake-half-eaten2.jpg
Cake-half-eaten2.jpg


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Submitted by grÜeMaster emeritus and uberlord supreme at 2012-06-18 09:22:59 EDT (#)

Smoked Pussy Strips

Ingredients:
2 lbs fresh Bear
A lot of chili powder
A lot of garlic powder
A fair bit of cum
A smaller bit of ass
Same amount of black pepper
A box of cheap red wine
Extra Virgin olive oil (heavy on the VIRGIN)
A bunch of Hickory chips.
A few sprigs of rosemary.
A meat tenderizer (use a hammer, then a fork)
----------
Bear was 17 years old, so that's some tough pussy! You've got to tenderize the meat like it pissed you off. You cannot slam the living (dead) shit out of it too much. It's a goddamn cat, for fuck's sake. Wail on that sumbitch!!! Then stab the motherfucker like there's no tomorrow!!
Which, in Bear's case, there isn't!
WOOHOO -2DIE MOTHERFUCKER!!

-Season with half the spice and all of the cum.
-Place in litter box and cover with the entire box of cheap red wine.
-Cover and place in the refrigerator for 2-3 days (tenderizing and marinating in cheap red wine will break down the connective tissue and enhance the litter taste).
-Cry like a little bitch while you wait
-Place the old marinade in the water pan of the smoker with water. Jack off in the pan, mix to taste.
-Cut Bear into 1/4"-wide strips
-Drizzle VIRGIN olive oil and remaining spices onto Bear strips. Coat uniformly.
-Place on the smoker trays, place trays in smoker.
-Heat smoker and add Hickory chips/rosemary sprigs regularly until smoker interior temp has been 180F for at least 20 minutes. Do not allow temp to exceed 200F!
-Remove from smoker, enjoy that shit!
-DON'T FORGET TO POST!

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2012-06-16 13:19:02 EDT (#)

!!SHTICK ALERT!!

Garlic Shiraz Flank Steak (serves 2-4 w/ leftovers depending on sides and salads)

You'll need:
1.5-2 lb Flank Steak, trimmed of excess fat
1 750ml bottle drinkable Shiraz (it's a wine, some of you will need to know)
1 head (10 cloves) good garlic, minced
1/2 Vidalia onion, minced
1/4 cup light olive oil
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
white pepper (sub less black pepper) to taste
salt to taste

To Prepare:
-Place Flank Steak in glass or stainless steel pan
-Test wine to make sure it's decent and pour remaining contents of bottle over steak to cover
-Heat 1/4 cup light olive oil in saute pan on stove, add onion, salt, pepper
-When onion start to become translucent, add 1/2 of the garlic
-When garlic browns, remove garlic onion mix from heat and strain
-Place strained garlic and onion in wine marinade
-Move Steak around in marinade to distribute garlic and onion, cover and place in refrigerator for 4-6 hours
-Return light olive oil to saute pan, reheat
-Place remaining garlic in oil, remove when it begins to brown
-Pour garlic and oil into glass container, add 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil, mix, place in refrigerator to cool
-Remove garlic oil from refrigerator, allow to come to room temp
-Remove Steak from refrigerator, allow to come to room temp before uncovering
-Grill Steak on hot grill both sides to create grill marks, them move to lower heat to finish
-Baste Steak with garlic oil frequently, minding flareups
-Remove Steak from grill, place on cutting board and slice ~1/4" slice at a diagonal in both directions across the grain of the meat

Flank Steak is a well-grained cut. Marinating in an acidic medium like red wine softens the connective tissue and and slicing the meat across the grain will help to reduce the length of the connective fibers that remain, ensuring a palatable texture for every diner.

Goes well with Ciabatta bread and fresh green beans, a garden salad with a light oil/red wine vinegar dressing, and Shiraz or a sturdy lager beer.

Enjoy!

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2012-06-13 20:08:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm on a +2 binge.
I approve this circle-jerk. Happy birthday, Sgt.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-06-13 12:58:55 EDT (#)

jerkception

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2012-06-13 12:54:41 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Circle jerk within a circle jerk? Is this that movie where the guy dreams he's in a dream, dreaming he's inside of dream where he dreams about dreaming? What level are we in? Was I conquered?

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-06-13 12:41:40 EDT (#)

You know me Pheely, I give little care to spelling. Never have.
content over packaging.
besides it gives Tractormaster something to work with.

Submitted by orphelia at 2012-06-13 12:38:04 EDT (#)

of all the words you had to spell incorrectly it had to be 'intelectual'

I recently bought a lovely cardigans with fresian cows on it and also more recently one with bunnies AND strawberries.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-06-13 12:33:54 EDT (#)

true, well not really. it's quite the reverse but we can go with incompetent, its easier.

do I need to go back and read the whole wiki page on the plant to find some obscure droll connection to me? or were you simply calling me a weed?
its so unlike you to simply name call, generaly you spin a dry web of "wit" using words lifted from a farmers almanac to to give an intelectual air to your comments.

Submitted by Dervel at 2012-06-13 12:24:36 EDT (#)

Nonsense. It's quality knitwear all the way at Dervel Towers.

Fallen, you really are utterly incompetent.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-06-13 12:24:09 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

You're gonna need a bigger cake...

Submitted by RoadSong at 2012-06-13 12:17:13 EDT (#)

mmm cak

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-06-13 12:12:45 EDT (#)

how would me being a lamb's quarter make any sense?

but skrap that is an amazing thought
I have underestimated Pheelys wit it would seem. i am just made of fail.

Submitted by orphelia at 2012-06-13 12:12:00 EDT (#)

Only I suspect your jumpers are worst!

Submitted by orphelia at 2012-06-13 12:09:39 EDT (#)

Dervel you are obsessed with that weed. I reckon you drop it into conversation every time we speak.
You remind me of the smug guy on dictionary corner on Countdown.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2012-06-13 12:05:21 EDT (#)

Banana... peel... Fallalot... mehlarious, right?

Submitted by Dervel at 2012-06-13 12:00:16 EDT (#)

No idea, you started off as a cucumber?
Unless it's not you and is actually a badly drawn Chenopodium Album? That'd make sense.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-06-13 11:41:08 EDT (#)

why was I a bannananna again?

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-06-13 11:36:47 EDT (#)

I couldn't have made that cake, I hate marble cake
but I think I do have that exact spatula

Submitted by orphelia at 2012-06-13 11:35:13 EDT (#)


Submitted by Dervel at 2012-06-13 11:20:16 EDT (#)

Fallen and his cutting wit...

Hopefully Elmer Spud will turn up and bitch about being called a potato again. :)

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-06-13 10:51:48 EDT (#)

lol @ capt potato

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-06-13 10:50:52 EDT (#)

Derv my boy, I've missed you so.
look Farmall, see that clear thing next to the spatula? that a knive made of plastic.

now..don't be afeared plastic is just one of them modern things the rest of us use, like telephones and indoor loos. It's NOT magic
just a plastic knife.

Submitted by orphelia at 2012-06-13 10:48:50 EDT (#)

Submitted by Dervel at 2012-06-13 10:42:54 EDT (#)
Rating: -2


Terrible.

And who the fuck cuts cake with a spatula?
___

I think the implication is that Capt Potato will use and kitchen untensil at hand to eat the cake.
Not that FALLEN took that photo.
But had he at least there would be *some* effort in this post.

Submitted by Dervel at 2012-06-13 10:42:54 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Terrible.

And who the fuck cuts cake with a spatula?

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-06-13 10:17:52 EDT (#)

you see the hate Sarge?
the things I go through just trying to make lightning strike again.

Submitted by S.I. Co. at 2012-06-13 10:10:32 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I'm sorry to say that when uber had its heyday it wasn't because of a circle jerk. Fallen, you and your brigade of jackals complimenting each other drove uber into a pageantry of uninformed, disillusioned puppets, and an untimely collapse.

Bart, BAN FALLEN!

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2012-06-13 10:08:24 EDT (#)

Oh you ancient dog you...

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-06-13 09:51:44 EDT (#)

you got me, I'm such an attention whore.

Submitted by orphelia at 2012-06-13 09:48:59 EDT (#)

As far as I am aware he doesn't even Uber anymore.
Even I can't +2 this, you should be ashamed!!!

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2012-06-13 09:43:46 EDT (#)

mmmmmmmmmmmmm cake

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-06-13 09:40:44 EDT (#)

circle jerkery is all we have.
i'm sorry to be the one to tell you...but you had to know Doodles, I'm sorry

Submitted by Doodles at 2012-06-13 09:39:02 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I can't, in good conscious, support the circle jerkery.


Homer: Your mother and I have been thinking about giving the puppies
away.

Bart and Lisa:
Noooooo!

Homer: Mainly your mother.

Two Dozen and One Greyhounds