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lWhen I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

Submitted by Merlina at 2012-09-09 19:31:05 EDT
Rating: 0.47 on 22 ratings (55 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

OR

Things that piss me off.

Read on.

Or not...

1. Bastardisation of the English language..People who say ‘I could of..’ or ‘I would of’.. ITS NOT ‘OF’. It actually is - I could HAVE or I would HAVE... which was shortened to I could’ve or would’ve... NOT would OF. So, so, so annoying. Please listen in English lessons at school

2. Fake crap. I went shopping with my 18 year old niece a while ago and she was wearing false eyelashes that were literally touching her eyebrows. Maybe fair enough for a night out but shopping on a Saturday afternoon? She also had dyed her perfect Filipino dark brown AMAZING hair bright red (vaguely understand playing with colour but DAMN her hair was what most girls die for). She had hair extensions. Fake nails. Fake tan. The lot. What is the hurry? Nails grow... as does hair believe it or not.. What the hell is this fake thing?

3. A new one which I believe (I could be wrong) came over from the States... ‘I ARKSED him’. You did what now? You obviously mean you asked. But no. It’s here and people are ‘arksing’ people a question. What. The. Fuck.

4. People who are consistently late for a meeting/appointment. The perfect example is The Bloke who is just generally always late for everything. Now these people often seem to think its a cute ‘quirk' about themselves... ‘Oh I’m always late *laugh*.’ To me it means that they must think that their time is more important than mine. Funny...no. Rude...yes. I can turn up on time...you try too. Jeasus.

5. Jeremy (VILE) Kyle. He shouldn’t be on UK tv and I cannot believe he managed to get on US tv. He is absolute scum who uses the pathetic to make himself look good. He is the biggest arsehole on the planet. Please, please turn him OFF.

6. Tonights closing ceremony of the Paralympics. It was like a Coldplay concert. Now, I used to like them...they had a few good tunes before they disappeared up their own arseholes (bit like U2). But they played their whole back catalogue all night. Where was other British talent? No offence to Rhiana or Jay Z (to be fair amazing tonight) but where was the British talent like Professor Green or Adele..?

life is consistantly annoying... people who stop at the top of public staircases to have a lookaround when you are behind them, pushing/shoving to be ahead at queue at airports (even though unprepared and have to hunt for boarding pass), gr grr grrrrrrrr.

Why

Why

Why




Am I a wierdo?




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Reviews


Submitted by hairycoo at 2012-09-17 09:35:26 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

here's some more negativity coming your way. you love it :)

Submitted by Sphagnum at 2012-09-15 20:28:38 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Yep, an ugly, boring weirdo with a fetid cunt.

Submitted by Ducky at 2012-09-13 00:01:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

When I'm feeling down, I like to go into restaurants and bring up falun gong. It makes everyone go really quiet. I'm going to get myself deported.

Submitted by Ducky at 2012-09-12 23:57:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Arksed is on par with ermagherd. Both are tragic.

Here in communist country, the English language is beaten to a pulp on a daily basis, which is almost as irritating as having to skirt around people as they shit in the street.

Submitted by HurtByTheSun at 2012-09-12 12:58:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

talent like Professor Green or Adele

=================

Um... What?

Submitted by boomslang at 2012-09-12 10:13:28 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

ffs, I guffawed. Merlina, you're phoning it in.

Submitted by Rocky Hollywood at 2012-09-11 08:47:09 EDT (#)

btw if you wanna be less weird, shave.

Submitted by grÜeMaster emeritus and uberlord supreme at 2012-09-10 22:30:51 EDT (#)

REDSKIES IS A FAG EVERYONE! HE HATES THE VAGINA! EXCEPT FOR HURTY!

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2012-09-10 21:29:33 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

REDSKIES IS ENGLISH, EVERYONE! AND HE HATES AMERICA! AND AMERICANS! EXCEPT ME!

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-09-10 19:37:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

LOL, below.

Submitted by no1hasdis at 2012-09-10 18:08:13 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I would of read all this, but I was enjoying the closing ceremonies of the paralympics, and realized I had an appointment for the tanning salon, I could of made it on time but got engrossed in a conversation about the merits of Jeremy Kyle and am now running late so I just arksed shlongy what to rate and didn't bother.

Submitted by Yes at 2012-09-10 16:40:04 EDT (#)

ass- slang
arse- slang

Does a man splooge or spaf upon his fair lady's chest?

I believe, "Who gives a shit/e?" is the only correct answer to these and other similarly retarded questions of our time.

Submitted by Rocky Hollywood at 2012-09-10 15:25:27 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

thanks merline, it was very entertaining, I enjoyed reading it thoroughly

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2012-09-10 14:58:22 EDT (#)

I think I'm going to go with the invented on British soil argument.



*waits for this to be denied so he can take away some american inventions*


The germans will be having that moon landing back. And the atom bomb.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-09-10 14:57:03 EDT (#)

Don't get all huffy beacause the facts are on my side.
Besides, I never claimed to exist. I cant speak for the rest of them.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2012-09-10 14:49:41 EDT (#)

Well excuse me, but as America is all basically 'rented' and modelled after pre-existing stuff, doesn't that mean that you don't exist?

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-09-10 14:48:23 EDT (#)

"In 1932, Forrest Mars, son of American candy maker Frank C. Mars, rented a factory in Slough and with a staff of twelve people, began manufacturing a chocolate bar consisting of nougat and caramel covered in milk chocolate, modelled after his father's Milky Way bar, which was already popular in the U.S.[1] Today the basic recipe is unaltered but the size of the bar and the proportions of the main components have changed over the years. With minor variations, this version is sold worldwide, except for the U.S., and is packaged in a black wrapper with red lettering."
********************
American
Rented factory
modeled after (chocolate bar) already (pre-existing) popular in America

hmmm, whadaya know?

* nonchalant whistling*

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2012-09-10 14:45:11 EDT (#)

for it not to be called 'candy'. And for it to be made of real sugar.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-09-10 14:43:39 EDT (#)

not fun enough?
what more do you want from your candy?

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2012-09-10 14:39:08 EDT (#)

fun size mars bars. Now there's a cruel lie.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2012-09-10 14:37:20 EDT (#)

And that is where you are Wrong. The only good thing Slough has ever produced.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-09-10 14:31:51 EDT (#)

I don't think you invented them. You do still sell them, so there is that.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2012-09-10 14:27:28 EDT (#)

and we invented Mars Bars. What's your point?

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-09-10 14:24:43 EDT (#)

ahh yes, wait, what?
we did go to Mars you know.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2012-09-10 14:22:58 EDT (#)

American failure.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-09-10 14:21:20 EDT (#)

fine, fine...in for a dime in for a dollar.

now what are we talking about again?

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2012-09-10 14:19:02 EDT (#)

don't be like that

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-09-10 14:17:23 EDT (#)

how about Amerimaby?

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2012-09-10 14:14:37 EDT (#)

oh Fallen, be an American not an Americant

Submitted by FALLEN at 2012-09-10 14:13:16 EDT (#)

don't be a hater, Red.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2012-09-10 14:08:05 EDT (#)

Sage, America is wrong. Again.

Submitted by Sage at 2012-09-10 13:56:57 EDT (#)

Submitted by orphelia at 2012-09-10 12:39:45 EDT (#)

I think the word is arsehole.

And I am guessing Merlina means 'axe' or 'aks' but was unsure of the spelling.

****

Not in the US it isn't.

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2012-09-10 13:08:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by Shlongy at 2012-09-10 13:08:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

When I'm feeling down, I like to receive a hummer.

Submitted by orphelia at 2012-09-10 12:40:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

hi merlina!

Submitted by orphelia at 2012-09-10 12:39:45 EDT (#)

Submitted by Sage at 2012-09-10 11:16:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Am I the only one who thinks it's odd that you complained about "arsking" questions, yet say "arsehole" on the reg? By the way, I have no problem with you *saying* "arsehole", but the word is indeed "asshole".

And as others have said, that's not an American thing..."axe"/"aks" is, but not "arsk". Not sure where you're hearing that bollocks.
__

I think the word is arsehole.

And I am guessing Merlina means 'axe' or 'aks' but was unsure of the spelling.


Submitted by SPECIALk at 2012-09-10 11:32:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

things that piss me off..

1. being cold...i hate being cold

2. people who are constantly on their phones

3. people who are incapable of being quiet

4. young girls dressing like skanks

i'm always late for everything *hangs head in shame*

Submitted by Sage at 2012-09-10 11:16:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Am I the only one who thinks it's odd that you complained about "arsking" questions, yet say "arsehole" on the reg? By the way, I have no problem with you *saying* "arsehole", but the word is indeed "asshole".

And as others have said, that's not an American thing..."axe"/"aks" is, but not "arsk". Not sure where you're hearing that bollocks.

Fake crap...reminds me of that DJ Kool song...

"To all the ladies up in this joint...if you got real hair, real fingernails...if you got a job, if you goin' to school, and y'all need nobody to help you handle your business, make some noise!!"

*sage makes some noise*

He said nothing about a fake tan, mind. I'm not trying to get skin cancer so I definitely do a faux glow.

I <3 Merlina.

Submitted by DaBeast at 2012-09-10 09:35:37 EDT (#)
Rating: -1


That #3 one - yeah, ARKSED didn't come from us, you can't pin that on America. We perpetuated AXED (like: 'Go on, man, AXE him a question." or "I done AXED you not to call me that, now you best shut the hell up."), not ARKSED. That one is all on the Aussies.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2012-09-10 08:46:46 EDT (#)

you win a new shiny uniform to wear while you catch kids.

Submitted by grÜeMaster emeritus and uberlord supreme at 2012-09-10 08:34:56 EDT (#)

lol i win!

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2012-09-10 07:55:59 EDT (#)

What repartee! It's clear that you charmed the head security guard with your charm and gobbling ability.

Submitted by grÜeMaster emeritus and uberlord supreme at 2012-09-10 06:12:47 EDT (#)

fag below

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2012-09-10 05:51:17 EDT (#)

Oh whysie, why don't you get a proper job which doesn't involve you chasing children? You already have the finest selection of children's shoes any paedophile could wish for. I suppose it's not the same since your sister reported you to the authorities.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2012-09-10 05:50:13 EDT (#)

shopping centre night watchman below.

Submitted by grÜeMaster emeritus and uberlord supreme at 2012-09-10 05:04:31 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

christ what a boring cunt

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2012-09-10 01:46:56 EDT (#)

drums fingers..........


are your niece's boobs fake?

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2012-09-10 01:46:24 EDT (#)

hear hear. You know what shits me? I'll tell you.

Children getting terminal illnesses.

Going to Iraq under the pretense of WMD's.

Banks getting bailed out.

Kids starving to death,
kids being recruited into militias,
fundamentalist whackjobs coercing 14 year-olds to blow themselves up,

Cleveland not picking up robert griffin III in the draft.

But thanks for bringing us up to speed on your first-world pet hates Irish, that's great 'eh.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2012-09-09 22:03:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Is your niece a dirty thieving gyppo? My little sister wears waist length clip-in pony weave too and it makes her look like a stripper. Of course, I can't tell her that.

People say "aks" instead of "ask" here too but it's almost exclusively black people. I guess maybe that's a Southern thing, because I think up North white people do it too. But yeah. It's annoying.

From what I understand about Jeremy Kyle, he's like the UK Jerry Springer. Never underestimate people's appetite for trash on TV.

Submitted by Merlina at 2012-09-09 21:11:29 EDT (#)

Submitted by Director at 2012-09-09 20:29:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Is your sister still available?
~~~~
Jeremy Kyle - you don't want to know

ha.. my sis? think she is at the moment.. you still have her number?

Submitted by Anglophile at 2012-09-09 20:49:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Director at 2012-09-09 20:29:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Never heard "arsked" here in the States. Though there are certain regions where people do pronounce shit like that. "George WARSHINGTON was our first President," etc. Usually they're from fucking Minnesota or some fuckhole like that.

Everyone is a weirdo.

Who the fuck is Jeremy Kyle?

Uneducated American black people often say, "Let me axe you somfin." Everytime my ex-wife heard it she would pull her (natural red) hair out and bellow "I WILL KILL ALL YOU ALL." Redheads are fucking scary. You should congratulate your niece or whoever for dying that ginger shit.

Is your sister still available?

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2012-09-09 20:00:00 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I'm sure there are many things that make you a weirdo other than your rant here. :)

Something that irks the ever-loving shit out of me is people in grocery stores stopping their carts in the middle of the damned aisle to have chat with someone or talk on the phone.

A woman once had her cart actually turned sideways in the aisle talking on the phone. She even had the gall to hold up her hand to signal me to wait. When I pushed her cart out of the way myself, she called me an impatient asshole. I, being the calm, reasoned individual that I am (especially when I'm cussed for no reason), took her phone from her hand/ear, tossed it in her cart full of groceries and told her calmly that I'd rather be an impatient asshole than an inconsiderate, self-important twat.

Submitted by Merlina at 2012-09-09 19:41:31 EDT (#)

yaay Saacy. been a while.

yeah, also BIG grammar nerd

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2012-09-09 19:38:28 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You are a weirdo, that's why I love ya.

"Aks" has been a colloquial pronunciation that I remember hearing here (Philadelphia area) for 30 years. Not sure why it seems to have a resurgence in the past couple of years.

The "of" thing kills me. Also, grown ups who can't grasp that "plural" does not mean "add an apostrophe." I'm a grammar nerd.


I may just quit my job at the plant to become a full-time stock market
guy.

-- Homer Simpson
Burns Verkaufen Der Kraftwerke