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Dear Match.com Dudes

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-28 13:43:01 EST
Rating: 0.78 on 16 ratings (75 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

It is with zero regret that I decided to close my Match.com account yesterday.

Wait, what? Oh, so you mean you're surprised I'm not smitten?

Shocked that all of the shirtless pictures of you posing with your Samsung Galaxy S3 and pile of dirty laundry in the reflection didn't catch my attention?

Saddened by the fact that the beanies, backwards baseball caps, or fedouches you wore in every single picture couldn't hide your clearly receding hairline (or its parallel to your receding self-confidence)?

Baffled that your woeful profile descriptions (littered with spelling and grammatical errors) attempting to convince me just how witty, ironic, or profound you are; or worse, admitting that you "have no idea what to write in these sorts of things..." didn't woo me the way you thought it would?

Well, sadly, it didn't.

Perhaps most comical were the myriad pictures of dudes rock climbing**, like that's supposed to set them apart as someone "adventurous" or "outdoorsy" or "daring" or something. Seriously, 90% of the guys on there post rock climbing pictures.

**To clarify, I have no problem with guys who go rock climbing per se. What I have a problem with is guys who think that posting pictures of themselves rock climbing or kayaking or any other "manly"/"outdoorsy" activity substantiates their manhood somehow, which equates to 98% of the 90% of dudes on Match.

Instead of seeing pictures of it, I'd rather HEAR about it on a date, which would be a lot more likely to happen if I didn't see 20 pictures of you posing, arms akimbo (or worse, outstretched), on top of the summit at Mt. Rogers. Not only is it pathetic, it highlights a fundamental difference in how we choose to spend our off time.

Sorry, I'm not sorry that my idea of a vacation is drinking a pina colada made with 180 proof rum out of a fucking coconut and getting a tan (sunburn?) on a tropical beach somewhere. Tackling Mt. Hood or placing 3rd in that triathlon/mud-run/spartan race feeds YOUR ego, not mine.

For fuck's sake. Are ANY of you original? Do all of you weigh the cost-benefit of sending an email catered to each girl you're interested in and decide that one blanket, catch-all email will do and just copy-paste-send to every girl on your radar? I caught one of you sending me the same exact email twice, about a month or so apart, "hoping that keeping it short and sweet would lead to a response". Oh, I responded. And then you got blocked.

Albert Einstein once famously said that "[the definition of insanity is] doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". So instead of driving myself insane by logging in, checking out maybe one or two profiles, and feeling a sickening combination of dread, embarrassment, and general disappointment in humanity every.single.time, I decided to remove myself from the equation.

To not log in, only to be deeply disappointed in all of you (and myself, frankly, for expecting to feel differently), ever again.

And once again, I feel victorious, liberated, at peace. And all is right in the world.

**********

dreadful.jpg
dreadful.jpg


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Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-02-13 08:11:15 EST (#)

I don't know what the hell that is, but if I'm living it, it must be fan-fucking-tastic.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-02-12 21:38:17 EST (#)

I'm glad you're living a Proverbs 5:19 life, Shlongy.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-02-12 19:31:36 EST (#)

Actually, they're worth the deed to the bar.

I said that I settle for a free shot.

There's a difference.

You're supposed to leave your dignity at the door upon entering the state of Louisiana. It's in their constitution.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-02-12 19:00:41 EST (#)

The only sets of boobs I saw in NOLA were covered in pasties or on Instagram. I'm sure your wife's fake bombs are only worth a free shot. And I'm sure the guy who offered the $4k didn't actually have it, hence my decision not to flash. Well, that, and my dignity. Remember...never have I ever even so much as sexted. I'm a prude in public.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-02-12 18:25:50 EST (#)

If you turned down $4000 just to see your marginal tits, you, sir, are an idiot. I demand that Mrs. Shlongy flashes her bombs for as little as a free shot.

Also, with all the cans that are out there in full force at any random time in NOLA, I don't believe that you were offered $4, much less $4k.

xo
Shlongy

Submitted by Sage at 2013-02-12 16:17:21 EST (#)

Some comments on my Mardi Gras experience:

- What has been seen cannot be unseen.
- One of the crazier/more jaw dropping things I saw was a pregnant chick wearing nothing but pasties and bikini bottoms. That was in broad daylight on Bourbon.
- I got offered $4,000 to flash someone, which I declined.
- I didn't flash anyone. The price of beads is more like $3 for a set of 3, not my dignity.
- Krewe Bacchus parade was awesome, I caught the grapes.
- I got a voodoo doll. Her name is Angelica.
- My Mardi Gras name is Lauren Sage. It was going to be just Sage, but the girl who went with me told me I look more like a Lauren, so we just joined up the names. My friend's Mardi Gras name was Tara.
- Tara drank too much, too early and couldn't go out on Saturday night. So, Lauren Sage walked around the city by herself for a bit.
- Being grabbed by numerous creepy, drunken, would-be paramours made me ultimately decide to just stick to a bar (Ernst Cafe) for the evening and then grab some late-night jambalaya at Vic's.
- Lauren Sage *almost* got into a physical altercation with some 22 year old bitch at Ernst Cafe on Saturday night.
- Neither Lauren Sage nor Sage hooked up or even so much as made out with a random.
- Lauren Sage got pretty shitfaced both nights for free. Sat night I ate jambalaya at Vic's; Sun night I got eggs benedict back at my hotel (the people I met were on the same floor). It was awesome. Thanks random dudes buying me drinks.
- My Ralph Lauren shoes got pretty trashed on Bourbon St. Sunday night.
- I didn't make it to Pat O'Brien's, which was highly disappointing. Next year.
- Cafe Du Monde is everything it's cracked up to be and then some.

God, I miss NOLA.

Happy Mardi Gras, everyone!

Submitted by Darth_Famine at 2013-02-12 11:51:30 EST (#)

What about Cowboy hats?

Now I feel left out


*fakes crying in order to appear deep and all that other shite*


funny read tho

Submitted by Poots at 2013-02-09 06:39:08 EST (#)


Submitted by JonnyX at 2013-02-05 13:48:43 EST (#)
Rating: 2

funny.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-02-05 09:24:08 EST (#)

I am staying downtown in the French Quarter, and won't be driving in NOLA proper at all until Monday when I pick up my rental car from the airport. But even then I won't really be driving downtown; I'll be headed to NE Louisiana for work.

To answer your question I've never been to NOLA and certainly not during Mardi Gras.

I'll try to remember to hit up Pat OB's for their hurricanes, thanks for the recommendation. I'm sure you won't be the only "belligerently drunk giant" at Mardi Gras. You already know what I look like, so if YOU see ME, don't be a stranger. I will answer to Sage during Mardi Gras, and I love apples and carrots.

Submitted by grÜeMaster emeritus and uberlord supreme at 2013-02-05 02:23:14 EST (#)

doodles will be at lafittes drinking cosmos and watching the dick contest








fag below

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2013-02-05 01:29:40 EST (#)

Doodles stop calling me a slut.

Submitted by Doodles at 2013-02-04 23:51:10 EST (#)

I've do e enough pervase, disgusting, Unsavory, and probably illegal things on this god forsaken wasteland of a website to never want it to actually be associated with my face/name. Also the sluts who shall be accompanying me wouldn't want to meet random Internet people.

Also they wouldn't lie that I called them sluts. These things happen.

I digress. Have you been to NOLA? Over mardi gras? Unless you're staying downtown/ French Quarter, the only viable parking is at Harrahs. Is $30 for all day parking, OR it can be validated by 30 minutes of gambling. Sign up for total rewards, play the penny slots, profit. Food prices will be heavily inflated, f you're eating downtown to so at a nicer reasturant, or in the Riverwalk. Even McDonalds will charge you $3 for a basic cheeseburger. Obviously go to Pat O'Brians. All other hurricanes are ehit. Avoid grenades and fishbowls, they're for suckers.

If you want to find me, I will probably be at harrahs, pat O's, big daddy's love acts, or Jackson square arguing with fundamentalist Christians.

Of course you won't have a clue who I am, but I'll give you a hint: I'll be the belligerently drunk giant.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-02-04 21:35:23 EST (#)

If I didn't know any better, Shlongy, I'd say you gave a damn.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-02-04 20:07:15 EST (#)

Protection from what? After he drinks 14 "Hurricanes", you'll need protection from his drunk ass.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-02-04 16:58:09 EST (#)

Protection purposes: couldn't hurt to have a 6'2" Marine by my side.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-02-04 16:47:02 EST (#)

Which "he", Shlongy? I'm only looking to hang out with tomorrow's date in NOLA for protection purposes. He's going there for different reasons, I'm sure (subtext: to get wasted and fuck bitches). I have no intention of cock-blocking.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-02-04 15:06:43 EST (#)

Well, when he dumps your ass in NOLA, or vice versa, and this is inevitable, at least you'll be in walking distance to several dozen bars and the cab ride to the airport is less than $40.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-02-04 12:24:42 EST (#)

Doodles, email me. lily13.at.live.com

Submitted by Sage at 2013-02-04 12:18:37 EST (#)

Both my clothing and dignity will remain on and intact for the duration of my stay in NOLA. I don't give a fuck about acquiring beads; I'm there to get slightly more than slightly drunk.

Submitted by Doodles at 2013-02-04 12:13:53 EST (#)

True story: ill be in New Orleans over Mardi Gras.

While I've no interest in actually meeting anyone from here, if I happen to see you, ill offer a nice pair of beads for your horse tits and throw the photo up here

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-02-04 10:53:45 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Make sure that you wash your mane...

Submitted by Sage at 2013-02-04 09:11:36 EST (#)

Submitted by beeltea at 2013-02-02 08:42:52 EST (#)
Rating: 0

why are you going to dating websites? clearly you can find somebody on your own. try socializing a little bit.
**********

I didn't feel much like socializing after my last breakup, or at least when I did feel like socializing, it manifested itself in me getting so drunk that socializing wasn't really possible. So, I decided to go on Match to "get back out there".

I guess if nothing else, it helped me find my mojo. I have a date tomorrow night with a seemingly nice guy I met on Saturday night. Coincidentally, he's going to Mardi Gras, so we'll probably hang out then, as well. AND, he lives like a block away from where I'm about to move. THAT, my friends, is what happens when you stop looking.

Submitted by beeltea at 2013-02-02 08:42:52 EST (#)
Rating: 0

why are you going to dating websites? clearly you can find somebody on your own. try socializing a little bit.

BTW, want to check out some carabiners later? i'm into to rock climbing you know; as well as other worthwhile pursuits; like getting drunk.

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe at 2013-02-02 04:45:04 EST (#)
Rating: 0

I can't really imagine myself using an Internet dating site, but if I did I would like to think that I wasn't being ridiculed by retards who are on there for the same reason I am.

This reeks of you thinking you're too good for Internet dating when in actual fact it just shows that you're not good enough to meet someone in the real world.

Submitted by Quartermain at 2013-02-02 00:51:05 EST (#)
Rating: 2

This was a good read. I've had middling success with online dating myself. I've had good luck with OKCupid and I met my current girlfriend off of there, so you might could give that a try, see what you catch.

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2013-02-01 15:41:50 EST (#)

You think too highly of yourself.

Submitted by apollo88 at 2013-02-01 10:33:59 EST (#)

It's because you are ugly. Simples.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2013-01-31 15:31:32 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Flack, I do know how it turned out and you definitely deserved better. If all men were like you, the world would be a far better place. I have spoken.

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2013-01-31 13:44:27 EST (#)

Why would you never make first contact?

BECAUSE YOU ARE A ROBOT.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-01-31 11:50:56 EST (#)

Jesus, stop talking about your fucking "ex"; He sounds like a douche and since he's an ex, he probably was/IS a douche.

Or, he's awesome and you're a douche.

You decide. I already have.

Also, if I ever buy an Ed Hardy anything, you have permission to shoot me in the face.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-31 10:35:46 EST (#)

Yes, couldn't remember the other brand of shirt I hate (Affliction). The healthy mind purges bad memories. Any dude that wears tank tops of any sort in public is a douche of epic proportions.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2013-01-31 10:23:01 EST (#)

Affliction tees as well
also
wife beater tanktops
tribal tats
and over use of the word "bro"

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-31 10:14:25 EST (#)

Which my ex wore as well. Which is part of the reason we were fundamentally incompatible.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-31 10:14:03 EST (#)

I see your popped collar, and raise you an Ed Hardy shirt.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2013-01-31 09:40:42 EST (#)

The ONLY guys that should waer backwards caps are 8 years old and named Timmy.

nothing screams douche as loud as a backwards cap, except perhaps a popped collar.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-31 09:01:57 EST (#)

Holy reading into over-generalizing, Batman.

I did go on a few dates (with three different guys) and found two of the three to be, as you said, extremely attractive, but alas, it didn't work out.

I NEVER email/otherwise contact guys first. NEVER.

I never said I didn't like guys who rock climb; as a matter of fact, I said I didn't have a problem with guys who rock climb.

I love it when guys wear backwards caps; my hot as hell ex boyfriend wore them all the time. What I don't like is if guys wear hats in EVERY SINGLE PICTURE to HIDE the fact that they're balding. Sidebar: I don't care if guys are balding either, I'd rather them just own it.

Walk a mile in my shoes, and see the dudes who are on Match in Richmond, and you'll know what I'm talking about. Plenty of dudes in Arlington/DC area were up to par, but I could never do a long distance relationship.

Submitted by Flack at 2013-01-30 20:48:06 EST (#)
Rating: 2

In all earnestness, I can empathize with you. I have one of these profiles and I've met many wonderful women and had many great dates. More good dates than bad. Some led to subsequent dates, some didn't. Some led to sex, some didn't. If a girl wasn't into me, I shrugged it off and moved on. If I wasn't into her, I'd let her know (politely) and moved on.

What I didn't do was judge an entire gender on the site by the actions of a few. I.E. Pictures of girls with some guy they claim to be their "best fried." Fucking Red Flag! Pictures of girls with nothing but drinks in their hands. Pictures of girls dressing slutty while doing slutty things. If I wanted to fuck a slut, I'd go to downtown Detroit and fuck a slut.

I guess what I'm saying is there are two sides to every coin and, even if you had a shitty time on Match.com, it doesn't negate the fact that there are probably plenty of guys on the same website that you would probably find extremely attractive if you just gave them a shot.

I know about the copypasta thing. I'll admit, I've been guilty of it too. But I never sent the same copypasta to the same girl. However, look at it this way, when YOU introduce yourself to a guy, you basically paraphrase the same shit you sent to the last guy, right? So why get so hung up about copypasta. Hey, at least the guy thought you attractive enough from a couple pics and a cute diatribe to see if you'd give him the time of day, y'know.

If you don;t like rock climbers, then don't date rock climbers. If you don't like dudes with backwards caps, don;t date dudes with backwards caps. But when you single out an entire GENDER as it applies to online dating just because a couple of those guys do something you find distasteful, that's kinda horseshit, and you know it.

I'm +2ing this because I honestly thought it was a good read and online dating can get extremely frustrating so I can completely empathize.

AND you shouldn't pay for that profile anyways. Go to OKCupid.com. Its free and it works!

Submitted by Flack at 2013-01-30 20:34:09 EST (#)

Submitted by Jeanneee at 2013-01-28 22:12:18 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Dudes don't go on Match for a relationship. It's the online equivalent of trolling a bar at closing time. I promise you Match guys could give a shit about originality, and the only part of your personality they're interested in is your desperation/battered self-esteem. So yeah it's probably for the best that you deleted your profile.


----------------------------------------------

Disagree. The last girlfriend I had I met on an online dating forum. We dated for a couple months, had a friggin blast together, and ended it on incredibly amicable and civil terms. Easily had to be the most healthy relationship I have ever had.

And YOU KNOW how the one before that turned out, don't you....

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-29 20:24:58 EST (#)

Genuine lol @ below.

Submitted by Quint at 2013-01-29 15:21:09 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Maybe they are trying to impress you with "outdoorsy" stuff because horses tend to like it outdoors.

Submitted by no1hasdis at 2013-01-29 15:15:33 EST (#)

Submitted by OathMeal at 2013-01-28 17:12:19 EST (#)
Rating: -1


Being angry at every single heterosexual male on a dating website because of the hat choices and hobbies of a few makes you a colossal cunt the likes of which I wouldn't even consider for a date, much less a passing glance in public.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'm pretty sure she won't be crying into her pina colada based on the lack of dating consideration from a guy who likes to post pictures of impromptu sock puppet shows performed with his miniscule dick.

Submitted by no1hasdis at 2013-01-29 15:09:26 EST (#)
Rating: 1

I have no idea what to write in these sort of things...

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-29 14:40:37 EST (#)

Roadie & Orphelia's advice has been the best yet. Thanks, ladies. :)

Submitted by RoadSong at 2013-01-29 14:28:42 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Don't wait for some man to come along. GO out into the world and do what pleases YOU. Self confidence is powerful and attractive...

If there is a person you meet that intrigues you, give them that dazzling smile!

It is a curious fact that beautiful women often have a rocky path to romance.

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2013-01-29 09:19:14 EST (#)

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-28 16:23:47 CST (#)

I should've added a category in my post above: Dudes who post pictures of themselves with their musical instruments.
----------------------

HEY!

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2013-01-28 22:12:18 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Dudes don't go on Match for a relationship. It's the online equivalent of trolling a bar at closing time. I promise you Match guys could give a shit about originality, and the only part of your personality they're interested in is your desperation/battered self-esteem. So yeah it's probably for the best that you deleted your profile.

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2013-01-28 21:41:47 EST (#)

Submitted by OathMeal at 2013-01-28 21:15:09 EST (#)
Rating: -1

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2013-01-28 17:19:08 EST (#)

Submitted by OathMeal at 2013-01-28 17:12:19 EST (#)
Rating: -1

Let's see here:

A - Your expectations are far too high.
B - This post laments poor grammar yet is rife with it. Hilarious.
C - Quoting Einstein actually makes you an idiot. Fact.
D - Your expectations are way, WAY far too high.

(E through T omitted for sake of brevity)

Being angry at every single heterosexual male on a dating website because of the hat choices and hobbies of a few makes you a colossal cunt the likes of which I wouldn't even consider for a date, much less a passing glance in public.
------------------------------------------------------------
Says the guy who was outsmarted by an electric "massage" device.

________________________

True, but the point there was that I did *not* snap and break the nice china.

Why can't you see the positive in things?
________________________

BECAUSE I'M BATMAN!

Submitted by Kracka at 2013-01-28 21:40:13 EST (#)

I like turtles.

Submitted by Director at 2013-01-28 21:16:22 EST (#)

Well, I'd deposit semen into an orifice or two of yours, if I were drunk enough. I suppose you could call that love.

Submitted by OathMeal at 2013-01-28 21:15:09 EST (#)
Rating: -1

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2013-01-28 17:19:08 EST (#)

Submitted by OathMeal at 2013-01-28 17:12:19 EST (#)
Rating: -1

Let's see here:

A - Your expectations are far too high.
B - This post laments poor grammar yet is rife with it. Hilarious.
C - Quoting Einstein actually makes you an idiot. Fact.
D - Your expectations are way, WAY far too high.

(E through T omitted for sake of brevity)

Being angry at every single heterosexual male on a dating website because of the hat choices and hobbies of a few makes you a colossal cunt the likes of which I wouldn't even consider for a date, much less a passing glance in public.
------------------------------------------------------------
Says the guy who was outsmarted by an electric "massage" device.

________________________

True, but the point there was that I did *not* snap and break the nice china.

Why can't you see the positive in things?

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-28 21:10:38 EST (#)

I love you, director. Lets stop pretending.

Submitted by Director at 2013-01-28 20:25:57 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Well, duh. You're looking in all the wrong places. I mean, you're not going to find your Mr. Ed at every street bar you walk into.

Dummy!

Horsefacelove.com.

That's where it's at, baby.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-28 17:23:47 EST (#)

I should've added a category in my post above: Dudes who post pictures of themselves with their musical instruments.

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2013-01-28 17:19:08 EST (#)

Submitted by OathMeal at 2013-01-28 17:12:19 EST (#)
Rating: -1

Let's see here:

A - Your expectations are far too high.
B - This post laments poor grammar yet is rife with it. Hilarious.
C - Quoting Einstein actually makes you an idiot. Fact.
D - Your expectations are way, WAY far too high.

(E through T omitted for sake of brevity)

Being angry at every single heterosexual male on a dating website because of the hat choices and hobbies of a few makes you a colossal cunt the likes of which I wouldn't even consider for a date, much less a passing glance in public.
------------------------------------------------------------
Says the guy who was outsmarted by an electric "massage" device.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-01-28 17:16:37 EST (#)

Sparkology.com

You're welcome.

Submitted by OathMeal at 2013-01-28 17:12:19 EST (#)
Rating: -1

Let's see here:

A - Your expectations are far too high.
B - This post laments poor grammar yet is rife with it. Hilarious.
C - Quoting Einstein actually makes you an idiot. Fact.
D - Your expectations are way, WAY far too high.

(E through T omitted for sake of brevity)

Being angry at every single heterosexual male on a dating website because of the hat choices and hobbies of a few makes you a colossal cunt the likes of which I wouldn't even consider for a date, much less a passing glance in public.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-28 17:06:31 EST (#)

I see what you did there, Skrap.

PS...I already have my Masters, so taking more classes at a couple hundred bucks per credit hour is too expensive compared with online dating, not to mention too narrow a dating pool (age-wise). The dude I want to date will ideally already have his Masters or a PhD. You're one of the lucky ones, Skrap.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-01-28 16:59:10 EST (#)

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-28 16:36:00 EST (#)

Yeah, weird how all those guys rock climbing met girls who liked to rock climb and didn't need to go on Match, huh? Oh wait...
-----
My point exactly, though my sarcasm was apparently too subtle. Those dudes don't want a relationship; they want a slampiece. Surely you can see that.
-----
Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-28 16:38:51 EST (#)

Oh and PS, I meet plenty of dudes who like to drink while I'm out drinking, but those aren't exactly quality dudes.
-----
I can only imagine that they think the same thing about the women they meet while out drinking.

Look, Sage, I'm not judging your relationship success level here. I'm saying that if you want to catch fish of different stripes, maybe you could consider changing the pond you're whistling* in. 50% of today's relationships begin online, they say, but that means the other 50% still don't. Perhaps college night classes or museums would work out better for your long-term committed relationship desires than bars and Match.com seem to be doing. I met MLW in college 22 years ago. It was well after 1975, if doing the math is not worth your time. It works. Whatever way you decide to make it work out, I do wish you the best of luck.

*blast from the past right there

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-28 16:56:21 EST (#)

Submitted by FALLEN at 2013-01-28 16:52:30 EST (#)

what is all the rum hate going on in here?

simple equation for life kids

Rum + (everything)= better

**********

This.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2013-01-28 16:52:30 EST (#)

what is all the rum hate going on in here?

simple equation for life kids

Rum + (everything)= better

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2013-01-28 16:46:20 EST (#)

You know that thing where a man puts his penis inside you until he makes a mess, but you don't know his name and never need to see him again? That.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-28 16:46:07 EST (#)

PS: Day drinking is my favorite variety of drinking. See "...drinking a pina colada made with 180 proof rum out of a fucking coconut..." sentiment above.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-28 16:44:24 EST (#)

What is this "casual sex" you speak of?

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2013-01-28 16:42:43 EST (#)

You're just drinking in the wrong places. Try day drinking and talking to guys in suits. Have casual sex in closets.

Sound advice if there ever was any.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-28 16:38:51 EST (#)

Oh and PS, I meet plenty of dudes who like to drink while I'm out drinking, but those aren't exactly quality dudes.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-28 16:37:09 EST (#)

Seriously Skrap, this isn't 1975. If it was that easy, no one would be single except hermits and those who want to be single.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-28 16:36:00 EST (#)

Yeah, weird how all those guys rock climbing met girls who liked to rock climb and didn't need to go on Match, huh? Oh wait...

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-01-28 16:30:04 EST (#)
Rating: 1

It's weird how you are more likely to meet people who like doing the kind of things you like to do while you're out doing the kind of things you like to do, innit?

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-28 15:46:45 EST (#)

I really should unhide my profile (it's not deactivated until March, perish the thought) and post this in place of whatever drivel I had there, and leave it up for an hour or two just to see what happens. Ha!

Submitted by grÜeMaster emeritus and uberlord supreme at 2013-01-28 15:35:22 EST (#)

somewhere out there is a loser just for you!

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-28 15:29:53 EST (#)

Online dating really is disgraceful and exasperating.

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2013-01-28 15:20:26 EST (#)
Rating: 2

My friend bitches about the same things, but he's a guy. It's funny how that works.

You're looking for a needle in mountains of H.I.V.-positive needles.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-01-28 15:05:22 EST (#)

Shlongy is right here...what more could you want?

Submitted by orphelia at 2013-01-28 14:29:10 EST (#)

Stop looking and you will find love.
Minus rock climbing pics and hidden hair lines.


Um, it's like, uh ... did anyone see the movie `Tron'?

-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror VI