login / register
Trump resignation countdown: 114 days.
Welcome to Ubersite!

I've written a few examples of unique and original replies to women on dating websites (For you to copy)

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2013-01-28 16:38:25 EST
Rating: 1.27 on 11 ratings (26 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

RE: You.

I'm tall, outgoing, and smart. Like, really smart. Not the good kind of smart though. It's a combination of the rain man and Ted Kaczynski. I'll analyze your every move and be super manipulative socially and emotionally, but I'll be sweet and awesome on facebook. If you're shallow enough to think that online interaction is as important as real interaction, and you're willing to remain face down and not make eye contact during mandatory nightly sex, then I'm clearly the right guy for you. It just doesn't get any better than this.


Re: I'm awesome!

Listen, I'm not really into the whole internet dating concept. Let's meet for dinner and maybe a few drinks in YOUR LOCAL AREA. I don't really fit into any of the major categories or the tiny social niches that usually describe people very well, but they all seem to like me and I blend in pretty well wherever I am. I don't use people's names when I'm talking to them, so hipsters in local coffee shops think I'm a demi-god because I've been doing it since before they were hipsters. I go to the gym a few times per week, so all the guys who's dreams died along with their high school football career assume I'm one of them. I try to lead an interesting life, and I'm looking for more of a longtime friend to join me than anything. I promise not to kill you with a hammer, see you soon.

Re: FUCK YOU, GARY BARLOW

JUST BECAUSE YOU AREN'T RUINING MY COUNTRY DOESN'T MEAN I KNOW YOU AREN'T RUINING SOMEONE ELSE'S COUNTRY. PASSING JUDGEMENT ON PEOPLE'S FALSE HOPES AND DREAMS. CREATING AN ARTIFICIAL FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME FOR SOMEONE WHO'S MILDLY TALENTED BUT ULTIMATELY SETTING THEM UP FOR FAILURE. YOU ONLY EXIST TO CREATE CAST MEMBERS FOR SHOWS FEATURING FAILED PSEUDO-CELEBRITIES SIX YEARS FROM NOW. FUCKING TALENT SHOWS? THIS IS THE GODDAMN NEW MILLENNIUM AND YOU'RE PRESENTING US WITH THE SAME SHIT FROM THE 50'S? EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS ARTIFICIAL AND DEAD.

RE: Let's be honest about this

I'm going to get you pregnant, then leave you during your eighth month for someone younger with hair a more bleached color of blonde. You'll find someone pathetic and weak to latch onto because you'll be his only hope to not die alone. He won't perform and you'll have vengeful hate sex with strangers while he's at work as you ignore our child.

He'll come home early one day and find you blowing the guy living off disability checks who lives up the road and doesn't shower much. He'll get mad and consider kicking you out, so you'll start having sex with him more often but won't stop sleeping around. You'll get pregnant and tell him it's his. He'll love you again, just long enough for you to have the baby.

Once it's two you'll divorce him, take half of everything he owns, and collect alimony and child support from both kids. You'll live pretty well for a few years until he kills himself in a murder/suicide. His body will be found in a shitty motel room on the outskirts of town. The room will smell like shit. There will be a few empty bottles of Jack Daniels. He'll have a revolver in his hand. His face, back, and chest will be covered in semen. The body of a tranny prostitute slumped over the bed, cigarette still in hand. It's a good thing the blanket is fire retardant, or place would have burned down and ruined all the evidence. His life insurance was still in your name.

You collect a massive payment from the insurance company, and take the rest as an annuity. You're set for life. You put the kids up for adoption and never think of them again. You move to a beachfront property out in California to drink and discover yourself as a lesbian. You wake up one day and realize that you've taken more fists than George Foreman, and the only real constant in your life has been your extra large rabbit vibrator. You'll miss me but I'll have died in a "weather balloon" accident while saving the planet from aliens, covered up for decades until it's declassified and I'm made an interplanetary hero by the space alliance. I'll be the only great thing to ever happen to you.

So, your place, or an alley/dirty bathroom stall/back of your car/at the table in your parent's house during thanksgiving dinner?

The real trick is to send people pictures of your penis. Works every time..jpg
The real trick is to send people pictures of your penis. Works every time..jpg


Review This Item

Rating:

Comment:




Reviews


Submitted by blackbear at 2017-09-11 12:35:54 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

glorious

Submitted by oldschool at 2013-02-10 16:11:29 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Director at 2013-02-03 12:05:48 EST (#)

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe at 2013-02-02 04:36:53 EST (#)
Rating: -2

So it's considered funny to be mean to women?

I don't get it.
=====================================================================

Riiiight, because women are *never* mean to men, ever. They're made of sugar and spice after all.

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe at 2013-02-02 04:36:53 EST (#)
Rating: -2

So it's considered funny to be mean to women?

I don't get it.

Submitted by Quartermain at 2013-02-02 00:54:46 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Funny.

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2013-01-31 13:38:22 EST (#)

I get that, but I also assumed that new uber had an auto deletion rule.

The post I reviewed was complete shit, and the review I left was both longer and better than the post itself, which was what lead me to my conclusion. It was actually long enough to be a post.

That's what I'm going to have to do from now on. Any long review that I liked will just be made into a post and left as a link.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2013-01-31 12:09:10 EST (#)

no newber lets a poster delete posts and or reviews

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2013-01-31 12:02:36 EST (#)

Wait?

New uber actually deletes posts when they don't score well enough?

My awesome reviews on total shit are gone?

Fuck.

Submitted by ridiculous at 2013-01-31 05:34:37 EST (#)
Rating: 2

It's so wrong it's brilliant. Very enjoyable.

Submitted by grÜeMaster emeritus and uberlord supreme at 2013-01-29 18:19:01 EST (#)
Rating: -2

stfu fag

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2013-01-29 16:30:11 EST (#)

The best part about this is that it's secondary. Commentary timelines prove it.

Submitted by no1hasdis at 2013-01-29 15:21:35 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by RoadSong at 2013-01-29 14:36:53 EST (#)
Rating: 2

This is depressing...and bad to the bone!

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2013-01-29 09:24:51 EST (#)


Selma: It's time to give away my love like so much cheap wine.

Homer: Take it to the hoop, Selma!

-- Homer Simpson
Principal Charming

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2013-01-28 22:16:42 EST (#)
Rating: 2

barilliant

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-01-28 20:26:04 EST (#)

But you're a fucking cow.

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2013-01-28 17:36:25 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2013-01-28 17:15:53 EST (#)

Remember in Gremlins where the old guy kept going on about feeding them after midnight? Ignore the warnings if you want.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-28 17:12:19 EST (#)

What happens if I make eye contact? The rest I can prob get down with. In option A, above, of course.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-01-28 17:09:03 EST (#)

There's a recipe joke in here somewhere in the convo below.

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2013-01-28 17:02:44 EST (#)

Everybody loves me.

It's because despite my charming, witty, and hilarious exterior I'm actually creepy, negative, and awkward.

So, shall we sex?

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-28 16:56:58 EST (#)

OM Gosh, and guess fucking what? I actually really DO like steak. Holy fucking crap.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2013-01-28 16:50:32 EST (#)

See how easy that was?
Find a guy doing something you like they said.
You like Uber and boom...a guy from Uber

Sage meet ilikesteak
ilikesteak, meet Sage.

easy peasy

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2013-01-28 16:43:56 EST (#)

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-28 16:40:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Thanks, Steak. I DON'T, however, promise not to kill you with a hammer.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I like my odds. Let's do this.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-01-28 16:40:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Thanks, Steak. I DON'T, however, promise not to kill you with a hammer.

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2013-01-28 16:38:51 EST (#)

As it turns out, comments have a 4000 character limit. Who knew?


Homer: You like parties, huh? Well, I just remembered they're having
a big one down at the waterfront this weekend.

Marge: You didn't remember that. You just saw it on TV.

My Sister, My Sitter