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Well it almost happened again yesterday. Sort of a rant; leave your -2die or whatever.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-03-13 19:48:30 EDT
Rating: 1.41 on 17 ratings (32 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

I am beginning to lose hope for urban America. Seriously, actually, RLY. I no longer think that the alleged coolness of having the clubs, cafes, and arty shoppes or whatever all within walking distance of where I park my vehicle is worth the predatory environment that exists in the social zone after midninght and in the surrounding neighborhoods all the time. All the fucking time.

I have to go to people's houses in the course of my work sometimes, and sometimes I have to take a lot of expensive gear like thermal imaging cameras and laser 3D mapping scanners. When I go to people's houses with all that gear, I keep it in the locked box in the bed of the truck so it's not visible or readily accessible, because it's expensive. It's also all outfitted with Snagg chips and individual serial numbers, but theives don't care about that until later. When I have to carry gear, I drive a big grey GMC 4WD pickup with a box in the bed and a huge stainless steel pushbar on the front with off-road lights installed. I am a fat white guy with a ponytail, and I live in Florida. These details will be relevant later.

Yesterday, after I was finished looking at a water-damaged house in an older and run-down neighborhood in North Tampa, I was loading all the gear back into the truck. I had almost finished and was leaning into the passenger side of the truck putting some paperwork into the center console when I hear someone approaching me. A kid says, "Gimme y' wallet. And all y' cash." I looked around and there's this black kid maybe 17yo, with his hand in the pocket of his hoodie. Shit.

Picture the truck. Picture me. OK? What would make this kid think that a fat white guy with a ponytail driving a big grey pickup truck with a stainless steel pushbar with lights on it and a truck box in the bed sitting in a driveway in an older and run-down neighborhood in Florida is not going to have a gun? Nothing, exactly. Congratulations; you, dear reader, are smarter than the kid. As ever, in the center console of my truck was a large and imposing .45 cal handgun. I have been the victim of an attempted robbery before, and that one went badly in the overall. While I was certainly scared of what might happen this time, I was not intimidated. I picked up the gun and swung around to point it at the kid. Didn't get the chance - as soon as he saw the thing coming that way he bolted like he was escaping death. Best possible outcome right there.

I don't know if he had a gun of his own or was just posing. I do know he was stupid or at least foolish. I do know that I am wary and vigilant when I go to people's houses in any neighborhood for just this sort of reason, but this type of thing has only ever happened to me in urban areas.

What is it about some people that makes them think that risking death while robbing someone justifies the reward they get if they don't die and get somne cash and credit cards? Why do they seem to congregate in urban areas? I'm not talking about economic issues. I'm so tired of hearing about how they can't find a job so they have to steal. Fuck that. It's just easier to spend one minute robbing someone for $200 than it is to work for 20 hours at the Quick-Mart to get the same $200 before the government gets their bite. Quick-Mart is hiring, so don't give me that shit. Is it drugs? Maybe. But that's not an excuse; it's just the reason they use. Nobody made crackheads start smoking crack. I don't feel sorry for them at all. Fuck them for their weakness, in fact. Is it for social status among their peers? Robbing gives them status, and they think that's good? They're the reason the urban crime stereotype exists so they're not allowed to compain about it, and when one of them gets killed while trying to rob someone it may be a tragedy to their family and to the person that kills them but nobody else cares. To society it's just a natural result of their behavior.

It's because of experiences like this that I tend to avoid urban areas when I can and especially at night. Sometimes it's necessary to head downtown at night in order to see the concert or visit the friend or cheer the home team or whatever. Is it borderline paranoia or simple preparedness that I never go alone at night and always have some sort of supplemental protection? Preparedness is what it is. If this sort of thing had never happened to me I might call it borderline paranoia, but honestly it'd really be learning from the experiences of others. How many of you have or know someone who has been a victim of a crime? Did you change how you do things because of it?

I dunno. It seems that urban areas tend to concentrate cultures, both positive and negative. For now, I'm glad that museums open early and robbers tend to sleep in.



I had posted this earlier today for a few minutes I took it back down after I got a call and then a visit from the local constabulary. Seems that the kid told someone I threatened him without reason (maybe to explain some poo in his drawers? I dunno), and that someone called someone else, and that person got my license plate number. So, I got to show them the .45 (still loaded and unfired) and the expensive gear in the truck box, and my CCWP, and explain what really happened. The local constabulary talked to the North Tampa constabulary while they were at my house and they compared notes, and after all of that I've still got my freedom and my .45 so I guess they're OK with me. The kid, it seems, is apparently not unknown to the North Tampa constabulary.


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Submitted by Anglophile at 2013-03-19 19:18:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2013-03-19 18:55:36 EDT (#)

Sissy, when you finally do get to see the shrink, mention how you're fascinated by homosexual fantasies of people you look up to. I think it could help your doctor get to the root of your problems.

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2013-03-19 16:31:40 EDT (#)

Can we start a collection please so that we can get Sissy some really world class psychiatric help? I mean someone with an Austrian accent and everything.

Submitted by EyeInTheSky at 2013-03-18 04:27:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2013-03-18 03:42:25 EDT (#)

Sissy, are you proud of your deeply unfunny comments? Is that why you keep reposting them? How profoundly tragic.

Submitted by Bestmate at 2013-03-16 18:29:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Interesting angle. Surprised the kid was black though.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-03-16 08:50:53 EDT (#)

DanRan - There's a case ongoing in Florida that involves a 'neighborhood watch' guy killing sn unarmed teenager. Immediately after the shooting the cops just took the shooter at his word and chalked it up to a teenage punk being a teenage punk and becoming a dead teenage punk. later some other details came out indicating that perhaps it wasn't so simple. That's probably what Jeanneee was referring to.

Your insistance that I'm part of the problem because I own guns so somebody might steal them is ridicuous. People steal cars and kill people with them so are you part of the problem too because you own a car? What about if they steal your stereo or your TV and fence it to buy drugs and then die of an overdose - is that your fault because you had stuff for them to steal? No. Your argument fails in that you assign no responsibility to the person who actually does the illegal act of stealing in the first place. If no one robbed, my guns would be for target shooting and hunting only. But people do steal as you experienced at your neighbor's place, and as you kindly related, they even murder when there are no legal guns. Question: If guns were legal where you are, such that you had one and you knew it was more likely that the guys in your neighbor's apartment might have them too, would you have been more or less likely to opt to confront them when faced with the decision to do that or to call the po-po from the safety of your own home? I'll wager you would have called, and no beatdown would have been administered upon you.

I'm not sure what you think American culture (yeah, yeah) is like, but it's not as full-on violent as you seem to think. I'm over 50yo and until lately have lived in urban or suburban areas for all of it. In that time I've experience the two attempted armed robberies I've described, one car burglary (cops caught the guy in the act) and I was successfully mugged once at knifepoint when I was too young and inexperienced to do anything other than give up the $40 cash I had on me. It's not as though people try to rob me every day or even every decade. Generally robbers that aren't really wacked on drugs just want the money and they know that their prime targets are probably not armed and will offer little resistance, so they don't just shoot first and rob later. Bartolomeo B. Bartitude got robbed like that some time ago, as I recall. Maybe I'll get shot to death by some punk kid, it's true. Unlikely, but possible. Thing is, if I had chosen your mentality that probably would have already happened during that first attempted robbery quite a while back, so I'm clearly better off with the way I choose.

Most people in America don't own guns. There are a lot of guns in America, some say more than there are people, because those of us that that do own them most often own more than one. Those of us who concealed carry are not afraid of our own shadows - we are better prepared to deal with threats to our persons and loved ones. I live where guns are legal so even criminals can get them. If I lived where you are I'd be more proficient with my knives for the same purpose because guns are illegal so only criminals can get them. That really is all there is to it. The laws here are written such that the use of a firearm during the commission of a crime adds to the severity of the charge and the subsequent punishment, so if a criminal opts into using a gun rather than a knife or a hand-in-hoodie-pocket and is caught, it's more years in gaol for the trouble. Most robbing-type criminals opt out of having a gun for that reason. Note: Drug gangs are a clear exception to this rule. Almost universally armed, they are.

Related: my sister tells me that my neice was grabbed on her college campus and told to surrnder the booty, just last week. She compound fractured the guy's hand with a beat stick and he was arrested later while seeking treatment. So, hooray self defense.

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2013-03-15 21:36:18 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I didn't wade into the house I confronted the doolin dalton gang as they were leaving with their odds and ends bric-a-brac stash of silverware and war medals.

Going there without calling the police was a poor and rash decision, but I was concerned for the nice elderly couple who lived there, adrenalin kicked in and before I knew it I was bounding down the six flights of stairs of my complex wanting to make sure they weren't receiving the kicking I was about to get. I really LIKED that old lady and couldn't stand the thought of her being terrorised while I peered out the window waiting for the police to show. Still; I've had a good 20 years to reflect on how ill-conceived my quickly put together dumbarse plan was, but mostly I just reflect on how lucky I was instead.

Turns out the nice elderly couple weren't home, which is good because these chaps were bad eggs. The fellow who called lou ferrigno off (which undoubtedly saved my life) murdered someone about eighteen months later.

Now these types of events are not a normal every day part of life over here in Australia. I found Jeanneee's comments interesting, it seems to me you're all walking around over there afraid of your own shadows, and I also like how unconcerned you appear to be about your fellow law-abiding citizens if jermichael DOES smash into your 'truck' and steal your preparedness. You are part of the problem but you refuse to admit it because you really like your guns - lord knows you bang on about them enough. The next time some youngster holds you up quick-draw-mcgraw - and you wheel around with your 'hobby' in hand, there's a good chance he'll plug your fat arse with a handgun *he* stole from someone else's car/home/cold dead corpse.

And your last point, is quite frankly bullshit.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2013-03-15 15:43:58 EDT (#)

You're in Florida, which means you could have blown the kid's head off and the local constabulary would have given you a medal.

I am now living in a rural-ish section of metro Atlanta after living inside the city limits of Atlanta for several years. The police presence here is extremely intense, like nothing I've ever seen anywhere else. I can't walk a half mile to the post office without seeing at least 2 or 3 county cop cars (mostly brand new Dodge Chargers and Chevy Tahoes, because the Sheriff's Dept is flashy like that. We've even got a Camaro, which I am guessing was confiscated in the course of a meth bust). At first the omnipresent cops bothered me a little, but I got over it pretty quick. Now I never waste a minute worrying about the safety of my family, my person, or my property. Never. Whereas when I lived in Atlanta, the only time I ever saw a cop is when one happened to be laying a speed trap on the side of the interstate, or when I was passing an accident scene.

So I guess what I'm saying is that maybe cops have something to do with it.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-03-15 15:23:44 EDT (#)

DanRan -

I'm OK with whatever cheerios wants to say about whatever he wants to say it about. Everyone, even him and you, are allowed opinions. Any effects own obesity have on me will be dealt with by the health insurance and life insurance I carry, and by the contents of my own coffers so they should have no effects on society. That is part of being prepared - preparing to not be a burden on others. In all likelihood I'll grab my chest in 20 years or so after finishing a fine steak and schooner of beer, long before my brain goes soft. You need only to visit an old-age home to see why that's a win compared to the alternative you're facing. For the present, however, I am in good health and, as you would no doubt be if you carried around an additional 35 kilos with you everywhere you went for five years or so, reasonably physically strong.

Not sure why you would wade into a house that's being burglarized, except that it does sit rather well with your apparent need to tell other people what they should be doing. I am glad you didn't get beaten to death for your good will, but I hope that you can see that not sticking your nose in the door in the first place would have saved you any beating at all. Why didn't you just call the police from the safety of your place? Isn't that what they exist for?

If someone breaks into my truck and steals my stuff, even the .45, and I'm not there when it happens, then I am not in danger. I have an alarm on the truck and I have insurance to cover the losses. Same for my house - if I and/or MLW are not there it's just burglary and we'll go to the video after the fact and see who it was that did it. If I'm there when they break in, then it's not burglary but robbery, and that's when an imminent threat of injury or death must be addressed in some fashion. I prefer to address it by not being injured or killed.

You are correct in that I was lucky the guy that shot at me the first time an armed robbery was attempted on me, missed. There's no reason to assume that the luck will hold, though, and there's no reason not to be prepared should it happen again. In fact I was, it did, and the outcome was much better this latest time.

In your case, you didn't go out and learn Shao Lin Kung Fu after getting your ass handed to you for jumping in where you should not have gone, but I'll bet next time your neighbor's house is being jacked you'll just call Five-0 safely from your place since you now fully know you can't intimidate or fight a group of burglars with your V-shaped torso. But what if it's your house next time and you are home when they kick the door in? Will your luck hold? Are you OK with the burglars beating on the other people who you care about who live with you, as long as they promise to only take your stuff and not actually kill you because you have stuff insurance for the stuff and health insurance to pay for your hospital stay and therapy? Maybe you are, but I'd hope you're not.

Last point I think I need to make - Some people might differ, but I don't consider firearms either manly or the opposite of manly. The guns I have are either equipment that is part of my safety preparedness as much as my cell 'phone or the gay orange vest I wear when I'm measuring a roadway, or they are gear I use in enjoying some of my hobbies in the same way that others might have a bicycle or a sailboard or rock climbing ropes or rollerblades. OK, not rollerblades - rollerblades are the opposite of manly. But you get the idea.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-03-15 14:28:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Tl;dr. But I think this is about guns. Auto +2 2nd Ammendment supporters. And since I heart Skrap, points!!

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2013-03-15 12:20:39 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

In other news, I saw that virgin Thorpe this afternoon as I was leaving the supermarket (well; technically 'yesterday' afternoon because it's late and I'm using my stupid 'smart'phone to admonish skrapmental as I lie on my friend Big Steve's couch drunk after our totally brilliant over 35's football match 4-5 loss to some cunts who weren't actually over 35.....but who had nice butts). He didn't notice me on account of his being hunkered over his workplace computer - probably researching charles atlas weight gainers, or sea monkeys or x-ray glasses.

Anyway thorpe if you're reading this - nice beard, except for it must be GLUED ON. I too have a beard but it's sexy and real, let's fuck sometime.

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2013-03-15 12:09:33 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

So the next time cheerios is banging on about the impact obesity and its plethora of associated diseases has on the american taxpayer and cries "FUCK people and their weaknesses" - you'll be okay with that?

When I was like....i dunno.....about 20 years ago I confronted a group of people who had just broken into a house.   I could hear the place being smashed up as they bull-in-a-china-shopped it from the unit I lived in next door and went to investigate.

"Oi" I said, "What the FUCK do you people think you're doing?"

They pointed out that it was none of my fucking business what they were doing and set upon me, knocked me to the ground and starting giving me a right kicking. 

I managed to get up on my hands and knees at some point and a large muscular fellow - the biggest in the group of 5, jumped on me and put me in a choke hold.

"Swwweet" I thought, "A free bum-jacking" but instead of sodomising me (which I hope he still regrets) he just continued to pin me down and increased the pressure he was applying to my windpipe.

I fought against him for a brief time until I was spent.

"hmm" I thought, "Not the 'spent' I was hoping for...."

Struggling against him was futile - he was bigger and stronger than I and I was exhausted.

I disTINCTly remember thinking "so this is it.  This is how I die - strangled by some bogans who broke into the old peoples' house next door.  I relaxed and waited for it to come, calm and resigned.

"That's enough" one of the other beagal boys announced.

The large fellow kept squeezing - calling me a cunt or some such thing.

"I mean it, that's ENOUGH" the other fellow repeated, "Let him go."

Lou Ferrigno muttered something about what a lucky cunt I was and let go.

After they had legged it I rose to my feet, dusted off my hands and knees and thought "Well fuck me THAT was lucky - except for the no buttsecks bit."

And that's what you were yosemite sam - lucky, the first time you were mugged - and *this* time, because young jermichael or DEsean could've just put a cap in your fat arse and then robbed you, instead of introducing himself. When I nearly didn't get arse raped I didn't go out and learn jiu-jitsu (lol, 'jiu') because it would have been pointless, just like your big manly firearm.

This 'preparedness' you're referring to, is about as randomly assured as someone not punching a hole in your window and stealing your '45' from your centre console.

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2013-03-15 02:47:48 EDT (#)

Skrapmetal- I feel for you, and I am pro gun.

But blame your city, the mayor, and the politics.

When you have the kids with no education, or crappy horrible schools with the worst teachers, then you have a government that rewards people that are already downtrodden, abused, and racially cut out of all sectors except those that require an actual skill (medicine, engineer) which they educate them to the point that they will never be able to get into those specific fields, and you wonder how this happens? throw in a culture created in the last 40 years, plus entertainment and media that prays on them for money. a culture. as well as a "let's make poor whites feel that they are better than at least one group, so that they don't feel that they are getting screwed because they are better than those blacks.." mentality...

This is just the what happens down the road, as they say.. the first thing that goes wrong in a sweater is one little string, which erodes away until there isn't a sweater... we'll this is what you get fat boy.

Maybe you should mentor some black kids, and teach them not to do this. Because when they had families and a working culture, and a community, jealous poor whites (the same that hate the mexicans) burned it down... think "Rose Wood" or "Tulsa Oklahoma"... I feel bad for you.. but this is the product of those that are considered senior citizens right now.... they passed on the bullshit, now you're dealing with it.. so deal with it...

I am pro gun though, and I would never lose my gun, I don't trust anyone, especially the government.. look at what it did to the "Black Community" with law's that protected and advocated "feminism" to black american woman, who were never oppressed by there men...(when? they just got rights 10 years before...) but alas... deal with it.. you're apathy and that apathy of your parents, and those in power in your county created this... this is what they call collateral damage..

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-03-14 20:21:50 EDT (#)

Well DanRan, my being fat affects you not at all save in that it bothers you, which is a choice you make. I am a little creeped out that you spend time thinking about my body, but since you're on the other side of the planet I'm not going to concern myself with it.

There is no pro-gun lobbying going on here, although it's obvious that you consider any mention of them in a non-negative light as being pro-gun. It is just my relating a series of events. I'm sure you would have handed over your wallet and cash for the chance to feel morally superior. Your observation that the kid may have had a gun and killed me resonates. I mentioned being a victim of an attempted robbery before, and it turns out that in that instance the robber did have a gun. He shot at me, and missed. It went very badly, but I am here now because I had a gun then. He would have shot at you again, and you would be dead and robbed, much as you described my being. I carry now, and I respect your individual decision not to even as I disagree with your country's decision to deprive you of that individual decision.

Have a good workout, DanRan. 50 years from now when your brain is swiss cheese and you're pooping yourself perhaps you'll be comforted by the jiggly remnants of the physique you seem to remember having, sometimes, before you sundown.

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2013-03-14 19:27:16 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Also; even though I like the cock, I think there's no secret I do not like your pro-gun lobbying. In fact here's another way that whole scenario could have easily played out steven seagal: You wheel around with the handgun afforded to you by legislation older than experima, the young disadvantaged marginalised african-american actually has a gun in his pocket and thinks "holy crap" and shoots you dead.

And then robs you.

Okay well I've had my fill of pointing out irony and establishing counter-arguments with rednecks for the day, I'm off to exercise because just like poor people being crackheads, all gays like v-shaped abs.

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2013-03-14 19:25:28 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

You know who else you've got something in common with?

crackheads. Please see the example I've provided below:

"I'm fat..."

"fuck them for their weakness"

Submitted by Pharmacist at 2013-03-14 18:56:39 EDT (#)

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-03-14 14:37:12 EDT (#)

"[...] both of which were supposed to be spot-on TV renditions of true canadian life. "

Now now let's not get carried away, I never said I was canadian.
The plot thickens.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-03-14 18:12:13 EDT (#)

Well then having a ponytail is something I have in common with your sister, DanRan, just as liking the cock is something you have in common with her. See? We CAN all get along.

Submitted by Danger_Ranger at 2013-03-14 17:08:19 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Yeah my sister's got a ponytail.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-03-14 14:37:12 EDT (#)

Submitted by Pharmacist at 2013-03-13 22:54:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2
I live in Canada and I have never in my life seen a gun, or a crackhead for that matter. Silly american.
You live in Canada and you have never seen a gun. That's weird because they did a lot of hunting on the Red Green Show and it seemed like everybody had a pistol in the Trailer Park Boys, both of which were supposed to be spot-on TV renditions of true canadian life. Now, your not having seen a crackhead I can believe since, just as in non-urban America, meth is the drug of choice in Canada. And weed, of course, but nobody robs people while on weed.

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2013-03-14 10:29:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

If Barack Obama had a son, would he look like the cat who tried to hold you up?

Submitted by TonyDanza at 2013-03-14 09:43:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

"I am a fat white guy with a ponytail, and I live in Florida."


Well, except for the Florida part.

And the ponytail.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2013-03-14 09:03:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Urban violence actualy has been helpful to me a few times when it comes to jury duty.

On two seperate and unrelated times both of my parents were robbed, both times by brown people. My father was robbed at gunpoint when he was a taxi driver.

So when I get called for jury selection and ultimatly it's a trial involving
A. a robbery
B. a negro

I get dismissed quickly.

Just like last time when the judge asked "Mr. FALLEN, so based on passed history are you saying that you would find it difficult to be impartial?"

and I responded to the judge, the DA, the defense lawyers and the defendant all huddled around me...
"Yes your honor, with all due respect for the defendants innocence, while those other black guys may have gotten away,I can promise you that this one will not."

"thank you, you may go."

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2013-03-14 01:23:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm glad you didn't shoot or get shot.

I have been a victim of crime, and I smartened up because of it, became less trusting and more careful and bought a taser, but stopped carrying it after a while. A good friend was robbed with a gun to his head in West Philly while at Drexel, it made him angry and more prejudiced than he already was. At 6'5, people don't cross him often. Neither of us carry, though. I held a gun once, and I didn't like it.

Submitted by Gigantic Cocky McPenis at 2013-03-13 23:37:08 EDT (#)

A fat American? Nooooooooooooo....

Submitted by Pharmacist at 2013-03-13 22:54:25 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

>I am beginning to lose hope for urban America
>urban America

I live in Canada and I have never in my life seen a gun, or a crackhead for that matter. Silly american.

Still, your situation is an everlasting brinkmanship so I do understand the need for a firearm. It's all very silly to us though.

Submitted by Average John at 2013-03-13 22:18:47 EDT (#)

Dude, I'm concerned that you're going to be found behind your truck, pants around your knees, with the .45 hanging out your asshole, courtesy of that kid and several of his gang members.

Hire some muscle. Stat.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-03-13 22:11:12 EDT (#)

Sadly and honestly and unfortunately I can guarantee that there's nothing Uber's rating system can offer that's worth that, Shlongy. I am very, very glad this incident didn't end up that way.

Submitted by Average John at 2013-03-13 22:02:35 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

How long until there's a 'R.I.P skrapmetal' post.... anyone?

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-03-13 20:43:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I would have upped this to a +3 if you had capped his ass.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-03-13 19:49:57 EDT (#)

Also: get off my damn lawn.

Marge, please, old people don't need companionship. They need to be
isolated and studied, so it can be determined what nutrients they have
that might be extracted for our personal use.

-- Homer Simpson
Lady Bouvier's Lover