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Oh yeah. You totally internet got him there! Prob slashing his wrists right now.
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This mornings dream.

Submitted by OathMeal at 2013-06-04 10:04:55 EDT
Rating: 0.5 on 7 ratings (24 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

All I remember is seeing all of this from above, as if I were flying in a helicopter over the event. A fast, silent helicopter with some kind of optical zooming ability that let me really get a good look at what was going on.

It was a music festival of sorts. You know, like Bonnaroo or something. Lots of tents, lots of twenty-somethings having a swell time and lots of cameras rolling in an effort to capture some slice of it for posterity.

Everything seemed ok until a report came into my helicopter that someone, somewhere had been distributing magic mushroom edibles that were...shall we say...tainted, and not in a good way.

These particular edibles were making people morph almost immediately into frothing, homicidal maniacs. There wasn't a way to pinpoint the source of the party favor contaminant, but the effects of its distribution among the 20,000 or so festival goers was becoming VERY obvious.

In one corner or the festival, a man had managed to completely paint the ground around him with the blood of an unwitting hippy who just happened to be the nearest living thing to him. Not long after this was observed, a fight broke out in another corner, involving some two dozen youngsters.

They were not fighting for any thing in particular, rather it was more that they delighted in the violence itself. The sheer activity of disemboweling a stranger with a tent stake seemed like SUCH a good idea.

...to all of them.

All in all, it looked like a few hundred people had managed to group together and turn against the remainder of the festival population. As I was watching all of this from above, I couldn't help but think of one word: zombie. These people had been transformed into bloodthirsty zombies not necessarily out for brains, but still binging on bloodlust and out to murder.

This had to be stopped, obviously.

The surrounding police jurisdictions quickly took action. Barricades were set up, surrounding EVERYONE at the festival. Not just the 'afflicted'...no. No one could be trusted and as such everyone was a suspect.

What I found odd was that these police forces were using technology I had never seen before. They were positioned behind very large screens, sort of like mesh screens the size of a living room wall. Except these screens let bullets OUT, and nothing else back in.

So they were sort of like 'one way only' barricades. Electronic ones that sparked when an incoming projectile was rejected, however allowed the gunmen on the other side to blast away unhindered.

They also had railguns. PROPER rail guns. And not your standard, single-slug ones either. These were rail SHOT guns. That's right...rail guns that blasted a tight shot group of a dozen or so rounds.

I remember seeing one 'afflicted' concert goer have his midsection cooked into a lattice of glowing flesh as he was standing. He managed to take a few more steps before falling to the ground and bleeding out.

My in-dream perspective panned across this morose and confusing battlefield wherein nothing made sense. It was terrifying chaos and blood was flowing with a ferocity I believe had only been seen before at the Battle of Antietam in the American Civil War. There were growing lakes of it.

The bodies flailed in frenetic agony as life escaped them and all I could think was, "you just had to have those mushrooms, didn't you?".

And then, of course (isn't this how all of these sorts of things end?), I woke up.

I then got to the business of making my morning coffee and typing this out.

I do hope you guys stay safe at your next festival. :)


Review This Item




Submitted by grÜeMaster emeritus and uberlord supreme at 2015-01-11 14:05:14 EST (#)
Rating: -2

stfu pussy

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-10-05 20:11:18 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Oathmeal is a total douchebag! It's a fact!

Submitted by VelvetElvis at 2013-06-06 04:35:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Eight days until Bonnaroo!

Submitted by redskieslookfake at 2013-06-05 15:59:20 EDT (#)

Whoever is pretending to be Oathmeal's mother has a real mental illness.

Submitted by JonnyX at 2013-06-05 14:41:23 EDT (#)

i would use a staple gun

Submitted by RoadSong at 2013-06-05 09:35:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

It was the pizza you ate before bed wasn't it?

When attending events where there are large groups of people, I always consider escape options. I point out the exits and places to take cover to my companions. Earthquakes you know, and there was that one-no two times the Brahma bull came over the .. oh never mind.:)

Excellent dream. What does it mean?

Submitted by Greg Youranis at 2013-06-04 18:58:31 EDT (#)

wow cool, drugs.

Submitted by OathMeal at 2013-06-04 18:04:02 EDT (#)

The Rail Shotrifle. This is now invented.

And this thing obviously isn't very portable. We're talking about a howitzer-style deployment here.

It's not really going to be super effective against enemy combatants per se, but more for their tanks and heavy machinery.

...you know, because people going to Bonnaroo all ride around in Abrams'.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2013-06-04 17:02:50 EDT (#)

Actually, OathMeal, if your Gatling gun fired all barrels simultaneously, I WOULD technically call that a shotgun, because it is actually one mechanism. That depends on if the barrels are rifled or not, of course.

I have to say that a shotrifle is an equally badass idea. Bet it would kick like a bitch, though.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-06-04 16:39:45 EDT (#)


Double the mass, double the energy.
Double the velocity, quadruple the energy.

But, as every motor sports enthusiast knows, Power is proportional to (speed)^3, so doubling the speed (the magnitude of the velocity vector) requires you to octuple the power requirement. And that in turn requires you hexadecatuple the Money input.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2013-06-04 15:52:12 EDT (#)

sorry, forgot the video link

Submitted by FALLEN at 2013-06-04 15:50:57 EDT (#)

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2013-06-04 15:34:53 EDT (#)

That's not a shotgun, either, Oath. That's a Gatling gun.
It's still awesome, yes. That I cannot deny.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2013-06-04 15:32:47 EDT (#)

That's not technically a shotgun, FALLEN. Regardless, we already have prototypes of something similar to what you describe. It's from a company called Metal Storm, which you can tell solely from its name is soul-meltingly awesome. While not technically a rail gun (yet), it sort of performs the same purpose as you describe.

Depleted uranium is unnecessary for a rail gun. We use DU rounds because of their mass, which increases their kinetic energy without our increasing the velocity at which they are delivered. In a rail gun, extreme velocity is the generator of kinetic energy, so your projectile can be lighter and less dense and still generate the same impact energy. I'm sure that skrap could do the math, but a .177 caliber steel BB fired from a rail gun could theoretically deliver the same kinetic energy as a 30mm DU round fired from an A-10's GAU-8.

To answer my original question, in order for it to be a true shotgun, the pellets would have to be released simultaneously. I'd think that a small, maybe wax-like casing that melted in flight would work well, or maybe, borrowing from you and your DU rounds, a ferrous casing that disintegrated in flight, releasing non-ferrous shot. That would take care of any residual magnetism. I'm not trying to kill the Rail Shotgun, sir; I'm trying to make it possible!

Submitted by OathMeal at 2013-06-04 15:16:51 EDT (#)

I imagine a hexagonal construction of rail chambers shaped similarly to a Gatling Gun, except these don't spin. Each chamber has a servo motor adjusting its angle with all the other chambers, sort of how a camera iris adjusts the focal point.

The 'focal point' of this railgun would of course be the target, and the gun would intelligently calculate the required pitch of each chamber depending on how far away the target was.

I have illustrated this here:


Submitted by Sage at 2013-06-04 15:16:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I read this while listening to Madonna's "Open Your Heart".

Take THAT, Perkman. BOO-YAH.

Auto +2 Oathy, my e-lover. <3 xoxo

Submitted by FALLEN at 2013-06-04 14:11:14 EDT (#)

I imagine an array of mini rails that could repeatedly fire in a short burst. Accuracy doesn't matter, it's a shot gun, short range spray of depleted uranium pellets, wrapped in a metal jacket that allows them to be shot from the rail.


Submitted by Yozz at 2013-06-04 13:22:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Sounds like you were watching any one of my family reunions.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-06-04 13:19:42 EDT (#)

Submitted by OathMeal at 2013-06-04 12:38:29 EDT (#)

Nerd below.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2013-06-04 12:23:33 EDT (#)

Submitted by FALLEN at 2013-06-04 10:56:48 EDT (#)

A rail-shotgun sounds epic


How would one go about launching the shot? Would it be launched in some sort of shell that disintegrates or detaches in mid-trajectory? Also, I wonder if residual magnetism would cause the shot to stay clumped together and how that would affect downrange kinetic energy (something I'd think you'd want to limit in a shotgun).

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-06-04 11:59:05 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Don't eat yellow snow.

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2013-06-04 11:30:11 EDT (#)

Don't eat the brown acid.

Submitted by FALLEN at 2013-06-04 10:56:48 EDT (#)

A rail-shotgun sounds epic

Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time.
Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night.

-- Homer Simpson
Bart the Fink