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TRUMPSTENCH: CAN YOU SMELL IT?
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Bitches don't even know about my additional pylons.

Submitted by OathMeal at 2013-07-31 17:20:44 EDT
Rating: 0.75 on 8 ratings (12 reviews) (V)

One of the hardest parts about being a badass is that I'm always the one who other guys feel obligated to size themselves up against.

Fuck you I'll end a sentence with a preposition if I want to.

There, I did it again. Choo gonna do?

Anyway, there's a guy doing that new, 'stand up paddleboarding' thing on the lake outside my window. I say it's new when surely folks have been pushing themselves around on a little surfboard-shaped implement atop the water for centuries.

By new I mean it's a fad. It's the next cool thing to bring up if you shop at Prana and find yourself in a discussion among your equally counterculture, Americano-sipping friends about inventive ways to fuck the mainstream and connect with Maya.

"Yea, I'm SUPPING now. You know, Stand-Up Paddleboarding. It's great for the middle and lower back, oh and the shoulders, core, legs arms and neck. Forearms too."

STFU, doosh. I get more of a workout picking up my own toenail clippings.

While we're on the subject of delicious snacks, I would like to share with you a discovery I made recently. It involves twizzlers, creamy peanut butter and a turkey baster.

I think you know where this is going.

First you have to dilute the peanut butter with either milk or water to achieve a proper consistency. Think 'runny diarrhea' just without the chunks.

Next, load your turkey baster with this newly crafted solution. Then, pop off both ends of a Twizzler, and inject said fluid into it. Set it to the side oriented horizontally.

Do this a dozen or so times and put the rack of lovelies into the freezer overnight.

The result is absolutely delicious. You'll thank me later.

Shifting gears a little...I broke down and purchased an iPad mini just for shits. I have only ever owned one other Apple device in my life (a hot pink Nano I found during a layover at the Atlanta airport) and I did quite appreciate the quality of it.

I also kinda liked the color.

No homo.

It was easy to locate.




...What?

The iPad mini allows me to stream my beastiality pix straight down from the cloud in FANTASTIC resolution, all while using apps like Audiobus, Garage Band and iPolysix (multi-phonic synthesizer) to craft excellent music for accompaniment during my epic street performances.

Nothing says extreme satisfaction like farm fun and tweaking sample modulations all evening. Such a great break from the norm.

I'm *even* able to use my iPad to demo software products to my customers, showing features like HTML 5 support, built in 256-bit AES encryption and cross-platform functionality. Now shut your FAT little mouth, issue me the P.O. and let's both get on with our days, as I'm sure you don't like wasting time just like *I* don't.

There's a twisting span of dusty singletrack trail out there that isn't going to ride ITSELF, you know. We're burning daylight here and daddy needs a new titanium crankset.


Fuck.

I almost forgot.

I signed up for an AMEX card through Costco. I've kind of overspent on a few things there...running up the tab a bit.

They *gave* me a $10,000 credit line.

Isn't it stupid not to USE it?








...







You guys be nice.









taggof is just a colloquial term used to describe a lauxesomoh.jpg
taggof is just a colloquial term used to describe a lauxesomoh.jpg


Reviews


Submitted by JonnyX at 2013-08-06 15:25:37 EDT (#)

IT'S CRUMPLING TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2013-08-04 21:08:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

While many people believe that it's against the rules of grammar to end a sentence with a preposition, those many people are quite wrong. In fact, it is perfectly acceptable to end your sentences with prepositions any time you want to*. The entire idea was cooked up by grammar snobs in the Victorian Era who wanted the English language to conform to the grammatical structure of Latin. Through two centuries of arrogant but ignorant schoolmarms and then famously solidified by none other than Sir Churchill himself, the notion that it's some kind of rule has remained frustratingly resilient.

Because the meter and inflection of English have changed so much in the last two centuries, there are times when ending a sentence with a preposition actually keeps the flow of a piece intact, whereas wording it otherwise appears to contrive the message or disrupt (or interrupt) the read-through. There are still occasions, however, where moving the preposition from the end of the sentence is more complimentary to the overall meter. Either way, it's still the user's choice**.

Thanks for coming in today. Refreshments and adult beverages are in the back. Be sure to pick up a copy of this seminar on CD from the table in the back there. Donations are appreciated but not required.

* - unless you're a ginger. Do it the Victorian way, you soulless bastard.
** - (see also: *)

Submitted by OathMeal at 2013-08-02 12:19:39 EDT (#)

Hottie below.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-08-02 10:12:09 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

NPPDA = N-phenyl-phenylenediamine.

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB at 2013-08-02 08:15:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Your participle is dangling.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2013-08-01 16:58:23 EDT (#)

Most people probably think of the candy manufactured by a Hershey subsidiary, but in Oathy's situation, I'll take definition #3 on Urban Dictionary for $500, Alex:





GAHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (thanks) :)

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2013-08-01 05:35:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

While we're on the subject of delicious snacks, I would like to share with you a discovery I made recently. It involves twizzlers, creamy peanut butter and a turkey baster.

I think you know where this is going.

-----------------

Heh. Heheheheh.

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2013-07-31 23:13:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by RoadSong at 2013-07-31 21:24:56 CDT (#)
Rating: 1

"It involves twizzlers, creamy peanut butter and a turkey baster."

WTF is a "Twizzler"?
--------------------------------

Most people probably think of the candy manufactured by a Hershey subsidiary, but in Oathy's situation, I'll take definition #3 on Urban Dictionary for $500, Alex:

"When two men of roughly the same length wrap their penises around each others like a Twizzler. Can be used as a method for double penetration."

e.g. - 'When bored, me and my roommate pull down our pants and create the Twizzler for laughs.'

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Twizzler

Submitted by RoadSong at 2013-07-31 22:24:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I's a post!



"It involves twizzlers, creamy peanut butter and a turkey baster."
WTF is a "Twizzler"?


Submitted by Yozz at 2013-07-31 20:38:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

If you'd cut your toenails more than once a decade, perhaps it wouldn't be so strenuous.

I'm assuming, of course, you are, in fact, the "badass" you say you are.

Submitted by OathMeal at 2013-07-31 18:24:27 EDT (#)

Oathy <3 Shlongy 4ever :D

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-07-31 17:51:36 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

STFU. I can't think of one person who gives a shit.


Flanders! My socks feel dirty! Gimme some water to wash 'em!

-- Homer Simpson
Boy-Scoutz n the Hood