Bitches don't even know about my additional pylons.Submitted by OathMeal at 2013-07-31 17:20:44 EDT
Rating: 0.75 on 8 ratings (12 reviews) (V)
One of the hardest parts about being a badass is that I'm always the one who other guys feel obligated to size themselves up against.
Fuck you I'll end a sentence with a preposition if I want to.
There, I did it again. Choo gonna do?
Anyway, there's a guy doing that new, 'stand up paddleboarding' thing on the lake outside my window. I say it's new when surely folks have been pushing themselves around on a little surfboard-shaped implement atop the water for centuries.
By new I mean it's a fad. It's the next cool thing to bring up if you shop at Prana and find yourself in a discussion among your equally counterculture, Americano-sipping friends about inventive ways to fuck the mainstream and connect with Maya.
"Yea, I'm SUPPING now. You know, Stand-Up Paddleboarding. It's great for the middle and lower back, oh and the shoulders, core, legs arms and neck. Forearms too."
STFU, doosh. I get more of a workout picking up my own toenail clippings.
While we're on the subject of delicious snacks, I would like to share with you a discovery I made recently. It involves twizzlers, creamy peanut butter and a turkey baster.
I think you know where this is going.
First you have to dilute the peanut butter with either milk or water to achieve a proper consistency. Think 'runny diarrhea' just without the chunks.
Next, load your turkey baster with this newly crafted solution. Then, pop off both ends of a Twizzler, and inject said fluid into it. Set it to the side oriented horizontally.
Do this a dozen or so times and put the rack of lovelies into the freezer overnight.
The result is absolutely delicious. You'll thank me later.
Shifting gears a little...I broke down and purchased an iPad mini just for shits. I have only ever owned one other Apple device in my life (a hot pink Nano I found during a layover at the Atlanta airport) and I did quite appreciate the quality of it.
I also kinda liked the color.
It was easy to locate.
The iPad mini allows me to stream my beastiality pix straight down from the cloud in FANTASTIC resolution, all while using apps like Audiobus, Garage Band and iPolysix (multi-phonic synthesizer) to craft excellent music for accompaniment during my epic street performances.
Nothing says extreme satisfaction like farm fun and tweaking sample modulations all evening. Such a great break from the norm.
I'm *even* able to use my iPad to demo software products to my customers, showing features like HTML 5 support, built in 256-bit AES encryption and cross-platform functionality. Now shut your FAT little mouth, issue me the P.O. and let's both get on with our days, as I'm sure you don't like wasting time just like *I* don't.
There's a twisting span of dusty singletrack trail out there that isn't going to ride ITSELF, you know. We're burning daylight here and daddy needs a new titanium crankset.
I almost forgot.
I signed up for an AMEX card through Costco. I've kind of overspent on a few things there...running up the tab a bit.
They *gave* me a $10,000 credit line.
Isn't it stupid not to USE it?
You guys be nice.
taggof is just a colloquial term used to describe a lauxesomoh.jpg