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That heavy, choking feeling.

Submitted by OathMeal at 2013-10-02 20:46:56 EDT
Rating: 1.5 on 5 ratings (14 reviews) (V)

Don't get too excited...I'll not be wowing you with my extraordinary horror writing skills.


This post does, however, have to do with the sensation of choking. Or perhaps drowning. Now that I think about it, the sensation of being held under water and having to fight for each breath is more along the lines of what I want to convey.

You see, after a somewhat short but very intense few months, the woman I was dating decided to dump me.

Before I continue, let's get this all out of the way:

"Maybe she doesn't like roid ragers, Oathy. Ever think of that?"

Yes, I did think about it. She was quite a fan of my physique so fuck you.

"If you put your cock in footwear for fun, I'd dump you, too."

Very funny. Moving on...

At this point in my life, I don't particularly like getting too close to someone I'm dating unless there's a *fairly* good chance things could work out at least mid-term.


Ugh. Shut the fuck up already. Jesus. I'm trying to be srs here.

Anyway, she dumped me. Straight up, text-message-to-my face dumped me. Yes, text message.

Before I continue, I just want to emphasize a point for anyone who is at all unclear about the tact that should be expressed when someone goes about ending a relationship. Rule fucking one (in *my* book at least) is to grow a fucking pair and at the VERY least call the person and explain yourself. There is a host of reasons why this should be done; the chief of them is because it's basic respect.

Sending your boyfriend or girlfriend a break-up text message is about as cruel as posting an image of their junk all over the internet, for everyone to laugh at.

Oh wait...

It's just fucking wrong. I can understand doing something like that if you've been on a few dates and it's just not the right fit, but come on. After 'I love you's had been exchanged?

The reason I'm spending so much time on this (and not on lifting, which is what I really should be doing) is because this tiny, 2-kilobyte dating faux pas is what is to account for this heavy, choking - and yes, drowning - feeling I have to carry around with me until such time as I can man the fuck up and get over this spineless cunt of a woman.

From past experience, that should be in the range of 2 weeks to a month.

What really chafes my taint about this is that it could have all be so easily avoided. You know, with a simple gesture of respect involving a conversation. But no. This tramp had to remove her yoga pants, squat down dead-center above my torso and pinch off a massive shit right on my heart, before wiping her ass with one of my work out towels and sauntering off with the swagger of a thousand drunk Mongols.

You know, fuck her. Fuck her right in her fucking ass.

(Which is something she wasn't into, by the way. A damn shame, that.)

This is all pretty recent, which is why you're being subjected to such a thorned rant. I want the world to know that cowards like this are still crawling the Earth, abusing common courtesy wherever their frothy, grasping tentacles can stretch.

As much as I'd like to say I'm over it, I'm not. I loved that girl. She was fucking awesome. She even let me play my favorite Cannibal Corpse songs in the car. It's sad she's gone.

If there's anything I've learned here, it's that being polite and considerate of other people's feelings never fucknig goes out of style. Whether you're 20 or 120, take a goddamned minute and think about what you do with other people's emotional states.

That's it.

I feel better.

Jest all you want. I had to type this.

Oathy, out.

she was also an alcoholic who gave terrible blow jobs_there I said it.jpeg
she was also an alcoholic who gave terrible blow jobs_there I said it.jpeg


Submitted by OathMeal at 2013-10-04 13:14:07 EDT (#)

You know what, JX, you've given me a great idea.

Thanks, and standby.

Submitted by JonnyX at 2013-10-04 12:43:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Perhaps I mis-stated what I meant...I didn't mean Actual details per se...I was thinking that you would take something from what happened, and make a story out of it.

I mean, you CAN write, and you have been known to satisfy your imperatives and deliver a hearty Fuck You...I thought perhaps this would be a good place for that. Seeing as we're all starved for entertainment around here.

But whatever, man.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-10-04 09:11:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm sorry, Oathy :( I would be devastated if the guy I'm seeing broke up with me via text. It would truly, truly suck.

Maybe some hugs and kisses from a Sage will help you feel better!


Submitted by Fucking foul at 2013-10-03 21:12:19 EDT (#)

Assdweller is my favorite insult. I wish I made it up but I didn't.

I dumped a guy by text message once. He stood me up at a friend's wedding, in front of 95 people, including most of my closest friends, claiming a hangover (6 PM wedding). If I remember correctly, I wrote a post on Ubersite the next day titled "Why do the guys I date always end up being huge douchebags?" or something like that. (No offense Oathy.) (Not that we actually dated. Anyway.) That guy and I weren't in love or anything though, he was just a rebound. My friend probably shouldn't have even let me invite him.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2013-10-03 21:04:46 EDT (#)

Don't feel sorry for me, assdweller.

Submitted by OathMeal at 2013-10-03 15:24:01 EDT (#)

JX if there were any more details to be shared about this whole thing, you'd be last on the list of those I'd care to share them with. But because you asked nicely:

It's not that I didn't sense things were amiss - hardly. I knew we weren't doing too terribly well. What *was* unexpected was the way she decided to break things off. A goddamned text.

This is a woman who invited me to meet her parents and let me cum on her face. You know, real inner-circle shit. Then the text, after an admitted rough patch which I just assumed would just pass.

You know, because when two people love each other, a few days of difficulties can NORMALLY be surmounted. But...not in her case.


Submitted by JonnyX at 2013-10-03 12:11:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

well, there's obviously more story here that you're not sharing with us...so...how bout some more details?

You seriously didn't see this coming at all? Surely, you can tell a more entertaining tale, than just some generic whinging about faithless females.

My son, have you learned NOTHING in the years that you have been here?

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-10-03 07:52:31 EDT (#)

Dating sucks, but it's better than all the other ways into a LTR.

Also: The pic for this post should have been a nude of her (you know the one - yeah, that one) with a sock Photoshopped over her face.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2013-10-03 02:07:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Buck up, Ginger Smurf.
There are always more women.

Submitted by Doodles at 2013-10-03 00:42:19 EDT (#)

I don't know which of you two I feel more sorry for.

Probably Jeanneee.


Submitted by Director at 2013-10-03 00:27:08 EDT (#)

I totally forgot you porked Jeanneee.

Submitted by OathMeal at 2013-10-02 21:02:28 EDT (#)

Jeanneee below.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2013-10-02 20:57:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Auto +2 Jeanneee name drop

Submitted by grÜeMaster emeritus and uberlord supreme at 2013-10-02 20:56:54 EDT (#)

what does oathmeal love most about the penis?

small dicks for $400

Bart: What'd you do? Screw up like the Beatles and say you were bigger
than Jesus?

Homer: All the time. It was the title of our second album.

Homer's Barbershop Quartet