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Why dont blind men skydive?...Because it scares the shit out of the dog.
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Sage's 2013 Camwhore Submission

Submitted by Sage at 2013-11-26 17:06:50 EST
Rating: 1.53 on 19 ratings (38 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

I found out a couple days ago some dude I'm acquainted with (I wouldn't say "friends") is and has been on Uber for God knows how long. He lives here in Richmond, too. I have no fucking clue what his UN is and I can't help but feel violated because I literally just found out he's on here and had no idea.


Anyway, enjoy my latest selfie. And to my fellow 'Mericans, Happy Thanksgiving!!


sage is a fancy creep magnet
sage is a fancy creep magnet

Review This Item




Submitted by JonnyX at 2016-03-01 15:47:20 EST (#)
Rating: 2

jizz in my pants...

Submitted by Anglophile at 2014-12-02 19:54:01 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by JonnyX at 2014-12-02 16:16:11 MST (#)
Rating: 2

now THIS is much better

Submitted by JonnyX at 2014-12-02 18:16:11 EST (#)
Rating: 2

now THIS is much better

Submitted by cheesedick at 2014-02-07 05:24:34 EST (#)
Rating: -2

-2 die

Submitted by Average_Dan at 2014-01-23 15:53:48 EST (#)
Rating: 2

+2 fine British teeth.

Submitted by SgtHartman at 2014-01-23 14:24:53 EST (#)

Well don't you look swell!

Submitted by Snark at 2013-12-31 14:28:49 EST (#)
Rating: 1

I see you still have teeth.

Submitted by Yazned at 2013-12-16 19:39:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Gotta love the selfie!

Submitted by F.J.Bell at 2013-12-06 13:52:34 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I would.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-12-06 10:12:04 EST (#)

Yes I have been in an accident where the airbag deployed but I was simultaneously being hit in the head with something (presumably my friend's head, possibly the top of the car - no clue) so I passed out and was subsequently concussed. It weren't pretty.

You actually might have heard about it, come to think of it. The accident was in the newspaper I'm pretty sure. Two LU students driving on 460W on the way to Roanoke late one Saturday night on the way to a hockey game; the driver (my BFF at the time) lost control of the car and hit a brick marquee at New Hope Baptist Church in Bedford. Car flipped, driver was seriously injured (fractured skull, broken collarbone, broken ribs, collapsed lung, broken pelvis) and had to be air-lifted to Roanoke; passenger (me) just sustained a concussion which caused circulatory shock, and some torn tendons in my lower back. Took place 11/10/01.

No clue how I stayed in the car - my seatbelt malfunctioned and came undone, the sunroof was open, and the frame of the car was so bent on the drivers' side that it popped the passenger side door open, and the car flipped. How I walked away relatively unharmed is a miracle.

She should've hit that fucking possum. I still have vendettas.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2013-12-05 15:40:51 EST (#)

{finger wag}

Technically, it's illegal to go even 1 mph over the posted speed limit. Reckless driving is 15 mph over whatever the speed limit is, not just 80 mph. By the way, why are all the pretty ones so insane? 78 mph is dangerous enough; doing it while taking multiple selfies is exponentially more so. Don't try to tell us that you're paying attention to the road. You're staring into the camera; camera lens =/= road.

Have you ever been in an accident and had the airbag deploy? It's like getting hit in the face with a shovel. Please don't hit your pretty face with a shovel, Sage. If you take another selfie while driving down the road, I will come to Richmond, find you, take your keys out of the ignition and throw them as far as I can into the deepest, darkest woods I can find. That is all.

{end finger wag}

Consider yourself fingered... err, wagged... err, whatever. You're welcome. Much love, as always, dear.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-12-04 21:47:12 EST (#)

"Whole libraries of books are lost forever."
"While we build monolithic data centers in the desert,"
"monuments to selfies."

We'll still exist in 10,000 years and they will be basically us but smarter. Evolution doesn't work that fast, apparently. So, hooRAAAAY hard drives.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-12-04 13:57:24 EST (#)

Gotcha. It won't let me click on it though. :(

Question for you though. If humans no longer exist, what species are cryptoarchaeologists?

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-12-04 13:34:25 EST (#)

Third panel. "Monuments to selfies."

Your pic, now posted, will be stored in some database somewhere until humans no longer exist, and maybe a while after that, just because it appeared on the internet. Think of it: 10,000 years from now, cryptoarchaeologists will be poring through the digital debris that we made our record of our civilization. As they try to find a reason for it's demise, they will pause for a moment to wonder what a "fancy creep magnet" was.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-12-04 11:41:14 EST (#)

Skrap - am I missing something? Not certain why that page was linked.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-12-04 11:39:54 EST (#)

Also Apollo, it took at least 10 tries. I was driving, so yeah, 'twas slightly more difficult as I had to pay attention to the road, and all.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-12-04 11:39:09 EST (#)

Hadooken - who? I need a name so I can Google. I don't feel like I look like any "celebrity".

Steak - no, I added him as a friend on LinkedIn and he told me he was surprised to see me on a website other than Ubersite. I had no previous idea that he was on here and found out he's only ever lurked. Still kinda creepy, because I've known him for years and he's apparently lurked without telling me about it.

Poots - it's not your fault your sister is a whore. It could be argued that my sister has whore-ish tendencies, too. She's not a whore in the traditional sense of the word (i.e., she doesn't "sell" her vagina for money to random Johns), but she is kind of a gold digger and fucks the dudes she's "digging" on at whatever moment in "exchange" for food, shelter, and material items. So, in a very loose sense, she's a whore. In any event, I adore eye makeup/makeup in general, it's fun to play with.

Anglophile - haha. Poots is as Poots does.

Hi JonnyX!

Apollo - shut up, we all know you love me. It's just a matter of time before you confess it publicly like others have done.

And I've saved the best for last, obviously: Oathy, you studly heart melter, you! *blushes* xoxoxoxo

Submitted by apollo88 at 2013-12-02 16:46:54 EST (#)

How many attempts did it take to get an angle that made your face look 65% normal?

And how is it being a creep someone reading the same public website as you? Unless it's Bubba. The creepiness is implied in that case.

Submitted by JonnyX at 2013-12-02 13:00:40 EST (#)
Rating: 2

obligatory horse comment.

Submitted by Anglophile at 2013-12-02 12:37:26 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Total idiot, below.

Submitted by Poots at 2013-11-30 19:33:11 EST (#)
Rating: 1

You wear too much eye make-up. My sister wears too much eye make-up. People think she's a make-up salesperson. Cause she is. She sells it at Walgreen. She makes very little money dong it. She made the deans list her year in college. For what? Some lousy debt that she'll never pay off. My sister will probably land herself in the slammer some day. One the side, to make extra money, she sells her vagina for money. It goes to coke. My sister is a whore. People usually don't make that assumption about her.

Submitted by OathMeal at 2013-11-30 17:27:37 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Fucking. Hot. <3

Submitted by ilikesteak at 2013-11-29 18:41:05 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Mayhaps you previously called his work (and thus worth as a human) to be the hottest of garbage?

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2013-11-28 03:56:07 EST (#)

I'd give you a whirl...

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-11-27 16:29:45 EST (#)

I'm considering adding this to my Spankterbate file.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2013-11-27 10:54:23 EST (#)

Submitted by Hadooken at 2013-11-27 10:07:54 EST (#)
Rating: 2

You look like a local news anchor out here but with blonde hair.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-11-27 09:08:39 EST (#)

I had a weird dream last night that Mickey Rooney died and someone on Uber did an RIP post with Mickey Rourke.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-11-27 08:57:12 EST (#)

Submitted by Jeanneee at 2013-11-26 20:54:55 EST (#)
Rating: 2

You look nice. Now I feel guilty for going to work today in running clothes, hair in a ponytail and no makeup. :/


I'm not much better right now; I had no power last night due to weather so I didn't shower, I'm not wearing any makeup, and got dressed in the dark. Thanks for the compliment, though :)

Thanks to you, too, Roadie...I assure you that if I *was* hurtling, I was probably only going about 78mph. It's illegal to go over 80mph in VA (it's considered reckless driving).

Submitted by RoadSong at 2013-11-27 01:28:33 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2013-11-26 18:46:03 PST (#)
Rating: 1

"Paying attention while hurtling down the road at 88 MPH is so passé."

- Sage

I did not notice the trees whipping by! Sage, did you take a selfie while hurtling??

Submitted by Tom Sorrell at 2013-11-26 21:46:03 EST (#)
Rating: 1

"Paying attention while hurtling down the road at 88 MPH is so passé."

- Sage

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2013-11-26 20:54:55 EST (#)
Rating: 2

You look nice. Now I feel guilty for going to work today in running clothes, hair in a ponytail and no makeup. :/

Submitted by RoadSong at 2013-11-26 19:47:26 EST (#)
Rating: 2

It's a post! You are as pretty as ever, post again soon.

Submitted by Doodles at 2013-11-26 18:26:48 EST (#)

I teem ember Shandy once took a camwhore of himself jizzing on his kid's Hungry Hungry Hippo game.

This reminds me of that.

Don't ask.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-11-26 17:36:56 EST (#)

I was in R-Mond like 3 years ago for a one-night stopover on the way to somewhere else....Now, I just fly over it. You'll have to collect down here.

In paradise.

Submitted by Sage at 2013-11-26 17:32:45 EST (#)

Hahaha!! No, but I'm pretty sure you still owe me golf lessons. Get thee to RVA so I can collect!

Submitted by Shlongy at 2013-11-26 17:27:32 EST (#)
Rating: 2

It was Shlongy, wasn't it?

Submitted by Sage at 2013-11-26 17:08:08 EST (#)

I had a dream the other night that I had crooked teeth. It was horrible. :(

It's your child versus mine! The winner will be showered with praise,
the loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore.

-- Homer Simpson
Lisa on Ice