PerkmanSubmitted by skrapmetal at 2014-04-08 06:53:24 EDT
Rating: 1.8 on 5 ratings (6 reviews) (V)
Announcer: And the Tony Award for Best Musical goes to... PERKMAN for his emotional rollercoaster, "I can't go back... I've changed"! Come on up here, Perkman!
Perkman: I'd like to thank my friends, God, and all the little people for making this possible, but I don't really have any friends, God actually told me He hates me, and as to the little people, well, to me everyone on this planet is one of the little people and none of you bothered to do shit for me, ever. When I wanted people to carry me and make things work out for me and pave the way for me you all failed, leaving me to try to get by on my own like some sort of self-reliant individual. When I was irresponsible and juvenile when I was supposed to be a functional adult you didn't cover for me or make it all better; you just pointed out my incompetence and told me I should try harder. Well, fuck you. I earned this award myself for writing such an awesome, awesome screenplay. Seriously, has there been a truer or more heartfelt chorus number since Blazing Saddles' "The French Mistake"? Clearly there has not. Anyhoo, gimme the trophy. I'm off to follow up this well-deserved accolade with "I can't go back... I've changed II: Electric Boogaloo". See you next year, peons.
Announcer: Perkman, ladies and gentlemen!