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LMAO That's guy's pretty sad, isn't he? Must be tough being so gay.
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iBERfest, youBERfest, we all BERfest for grÜeBERfest

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2014-10-06 12:40:55 EDT
Rating: -0.34 on 5 ratings (6 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Well it looks like Roadsong's started up grÜeBERfest this year and I suppose I might as well write something. It's a contest, after all, and if I'm the only one who posts I'm almost guaranteed to win. So, lemme just bust out the old laptop and see what drops into my mind.

Lessee… vampires? What am I, a 14yo girl? No. Zombies? Done to death. Heh. Werewolves? Nah, every time I try that it ends up reading like AWiL fanfic. Ugh. How about a one character introspective? Maybe spin some yarn about somebody being alone in a room left to discover and react to their own insanity. That might be… okay, it might be every horror movie made in the 2000s with a few less characters to begin with. No. That about covers the possibilities of gruestories as far as I can tell. Maybe I can draw something on the computer? Right. Who am I kidding? MS Paint laughs at me. Fine. I'll draw it with pencil and then scan it.

Where's that drawing pad? Ah. Pencil… pencil… pen… there it is. Okay, what to draw? Vampire? No I just went through all that and I know I can write better than I can draw. OW! Goddamn paper cut. Paper cut right on my wrist! Sumbitch that stings, and don't you know it's just where I rest my arm when I draw, too. OW! DAMMIT AGAIN! Stop putting your arm on the paper, dumbass, and you won't get another papercut like that. Fuck, that one's actually bleeding a little. Great, now there's a little smear on the paper. It IS grÜeBERfest after all. Heh. Why do paper cuts hurt so godawful much?

Dang thing won't stop leaking. What the bloody fuck? Heh. It's really getting all over this paper, though. Every time I put my arm down it leaves a little mark. Are they getting bigger? No. Yes. No. Weird. I can make a pattern with the dots, kinda cool. It's starting to look like a line or maybe a grid. I can rub the dots with my finger and OW! I can NOT believe that shit fucking paper cut me AGAIN! That's what I get for being a moron around what is apparently a dangerous weapon. Dot, dot, dot, smear. Hey, it works. A bunch of dots and marks, then a smear and it tints the paper just a little. Do it again on top of the last one and it gets a little darker. Cool.

This is the best I've ever drawn a hand. Maybe I can do a few more. Not bad, not bad at all, actually. And faces… I should.. I should see if I can do faces. Dot, smear, dot, smear, dots mear, dotsm ear, dah… Hooboy. Clothes, they need clothes. Can't have 'em sitting there all nekkidy. There's light in the room, so there has to be shadows. Physics says… it says something about shadows. Can't remember. Dot, smear, dodahts dem here…

Alm… Almost done. I don't understand why you can see their faces when the light is behind them, but that's the way it's drawn. The way I drew it. Maybe the viewer is supposed to be the light that illuminates the people in the drawing? Real deep, Portnoy. Heh. Maybe these little dots don't want to draw a sillouhette. That's a funny word, sil-oo-het. Just a few more. Better just put the paper on the floor for the finishing touches.

There. It's all drawn and done. Best hands and faces I ever drew. Guess I better sign it in case I get fa… famous.

Oh, THAT'S where the light is coming from.


Review This Item




Submitted by RoadSong at 2015-09-12 14:49:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Bart: So, like sometimes you can do stuff that you think is pretty bad?

Homer: You're not talking about killing anyone, are you?

The Telltale Head

Submitted by RoadSong at 2015-09-12 00:08:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

this is stranger each time i look

way to go


Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2014-10-09 09:56:53 EDT (#)

"this was shit and the author should be sent a sternly worded letter."

I concur ;)

Submitted by RoadSong at 2014-10-06 17:48:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"....Jesus offers the Disciples a cup of wine and a loaf of bread, saying that they are his blood and his flesh. He said "are", not "represent". Ritual cannibalism..."

Always seemed strange to me..

Submitted by JonnyX at 2014-10-06 15:09:01 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

I've seen better (-1)

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2014-10-06 12:40:49 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

The picture is the scene in the Bible in which Jesus offers the Disciples a cup of wine and a loaf of bread, saying that they are his blood and his flesh. He said "are", not "represent". Ritual cannibalism in church is grÜe-vy.

Also: this was shit and the author should be sent a sternly worded letter.

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids! Eat

-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror VII