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The Tale of LappyTop

Submitted by RoadSong at 2014-11-27 15:37:23 EST
Rating: 1.75 on 4 ratings (10 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Let me tell you the tale of LappyTop and how I came to have her and how this changed many things.

I was not born with a mouse in my hand. I reached adulthood having never used a computer. It came to my attention that in the near future there was to be a sale at the local WallyWorld starting at 4AM. There were computers on sale, way cheap. Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving.

I do not ever recall needing anything at the store bad enough that I got up at 1AM and drove 30 miles of bad road to purchase it. That changed. I took a chair and a blanket like my wise son advised. I got there at 2AM and there were already several cars and a few people standing there in line. There was a nice lady standing just ahead of me and she was saying that she came here every year for this sale and that we needed to stay aware of the movements of others because when the doors opened some people would not remain courteous.

There would possibly be a stampede with people trodding upon anyone slow or unwary.
Pushing and shoving were to be expected.

We chatted for an hour or so, I could hear more people arriving and making a line behind me. I asked if many people were in line behind, she was facing backwards so that we could better converse. She smiled and said maybe I should get up out of my chair and see for myself. This is when I got the OH-NO's. There were people lined up behind me all the way to Starbucks a block away. 500 maybe 1000 people behind me! I was 5th in line. Baby I almost swallowed my gum.

Remain calm.
Tune in to the thought waves of those in close proximity.
Cortex X Cortex Hook up User level Blue
Armed with their thoughts I became alarmed. If the information that I had was correct, there were exactly 16 of the desires of my heart available inside that store after 6 were already purchased by employees. There were many standing behind me who also were there to get what I sought, my FIRST computer.

I whipped out my cellie and called inside. "Where are they located-EXACTLY where? Ah I see." Cashiers desk. Stacked neatly. Electronics Dept. "I am in line outside thank you for your help". Doors soon to be unlocked I form my plan.

Be swift
Be sure

Take my own path. {always}


Manager with key in lock. Surging humanity, shoving OH NO YOU DON'T! The crowd looks like a horse race as they all swerve towards electronics. Direct route, they follow the obvious aisle.

From the door squirrel forges straight into menswear and dives a hard right sprinting past women's lingerie. Dashing past the big girl panties hootie she can see electronics! She circles like the translucent scavenger she is and pounces on one of the last computers available!

Holding the coveted box close to my heart. I was turning to leave with my prize, and a male voice asked "Where did you find that computer?". Turning my head for an instant to indicate where they were, they were gone. All of them. A person behind shoved the male voice, he was a big boy tackled unaware. He was propelled forward hitting me. Airborne was I, when I hit the floor the big boy was plopped on top of me looking dazed and there was no air left in my lungs. He and I sorted ourselves out and untangled our limbs. He was a courteous soul and proffered many apologies as he helped me off the floor. My brothers my sisters, when I got up I still had my LappyTop box!

My family had been giving me journals and books with empty pages, they were always telling me "You have to write these adventures down!" Pfft! I was too busy having adventures to bother with writing about them! When I got my very first computer I started keyboarding like a chimp on crack, the stories started flowing from my fingertips, and that led me to you dear ÜBERSITE.

Another time I will tell you how my life was changed when LappyTop came to me.

The Alienware in this sparkling GIF is certainly not the puter I got at WallyWorld that cold November day. I wore it and a few others out before I had Alienware made for me. It came with a brass plate on the bottom with my name inscribed on it. Oh HELL yes, lights and action!

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all.

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Review This Item




Submitted by grÜeMaster emeritus and uberlord supreme at 2014-11-29 16:08:43 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Doodles at 2014-11-29 10:45:47 EST (#)

Glass stove tops are a pain. For the record, you're to clean them before AND after each use. For about 30 minutes. They're not worth it unless you have "help" to do the cooking and cleaning for you.

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2014-11-28 17:23:25 EST (#)

Well, it was a nightmare of jostling rude humanity, but we got in, convinced the salesdude he was going to get a commission today if he worked hard enough to make the deal, and, since he did, made the deal. We'd decided on either this made-right-here-in-the-good-ol-US-of-A Electrolux (nod to old school Uber) http://www.electroluxappliances.com/Kitchen-Appliances/Ranges/Dual-Fuel-Range/EI30DS55LB.aspx or the Fridgidaire version that's made by Electrolux in Mexico. Got a good enough price/warranty package on the Electrolux, so 4-6 weeks from now when it shows up and we install it, Appliance Advice with your host Skrapmetal will be reviewing it. MLW has indicated that she will be making Pork Tenderloin Sammiches as the first thing cooked on the new range.

Aga ranges are superneato. If I hit the Lotto I'd probably still not buy one. $9k for a 700lb chunk of English cast iron that I'd have to remodel my kitchen just to get to fit the cabinetry? Hafta pass on that much conspicuous consumption.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2014-11-28 11:01:35 EST (#)

Open season on shoppers in lines? Better stock up on skegs...

Submitted by RoadSong at 2014-11-28 10:59:56 EST (#)

Glass cook tops have always made me nervous. Duel fuel? Who knew! I love the Aga stoves. I wish to see a photo of your new stove installed!

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2014-11-28 09:42:08 EST (#)

After better than 20 years avoiding doing so, I am today going shopping on Black Friday. We will be replacing the hated glasstop electric range* that was included in the "upgrade" appliance package when we built the Cool New Florida House with a nice new Dual Fuel range. Most of the appliance stores have OMG LOW LOW PRICES FRIDAY AND SATURDAY ONLY HURRY IN TODAY RIGHT NOW BUY BUY BUY SPEND SPEND SPEND YOU ARE A TOTAL PIMPLY-FACED MORONIC GAYWAD SPAZTARD IF YOU DON'T GET TO THE GODDAMNED STORE AND BUY BUY BUY THE GODDAMNED STUFF YOU THINK YOU NEED RIGHT THE HELL NOW sales going on, so we might as well take advantage. Ugh, I hate crowds.

*If you're ever buying a range, do not get one with a glass cooking surface. They suck out loud. Slow to heat, slow to cool down, far too easy to scratch, far too difficult to keep clean, can't maintain a decent simmer to save their element-on-or-off-only sheet metal asses. If you have a gas supply, get a NG or LP cooktop. If not, just go with exposed elements. They look like crap but at least they work properly. Thus endeth this installment of Appliance Advice with your host, Skrapmetal.

Submitted by DaBeast at 2014-11-28 03:23:58 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Black Friday sales should also be Open Season. I'd stand in line to shoot shoppers any day of the week.

Submitted by tenofspades at 2014-11-27 20:45:30 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by RoadSong at 2014-11-27 19:08:29 EST (#)

Sage sighting! Hello Gal. I have never gone to another Black Friday since.

Submitted by Sage at 2014-11-27 17:09:36 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Points, because Roadie.

I hate Black Friday, and hate even more that it has begun infringing on Thanksgiving meal time with family.

I do love a good sale, though.

I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick,
twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff. And I want in.

-- Homer Simpson
Homer the Great