login / register
That's right kids! He's a fucking incel.
Welcome to Ubersite!

Merry Xmas Fuckers!

Submitted by DaBeast at 2014-12-25 06:37:00 EST
Rating: 2.0 on 3 ratings (7 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Fractured Xmas Carols brought to you by Bob:

Deck your balls with boughs of holly
Then you won't be very jolly
Diaper rash will be a problem
Worse than oral sex with goblins


There's no way in a manger
It's just too damned small
If you get your ass in
Out your head falls
And if you go real fast
You get splinters in your balls

And the finale!

'Twas the night before Doomsday
and all through the house
Every creature was stoned
including the mouse
Dad was drinking beer
and Mom was smoking grass
and I'd just settled down
with a hot piece of ass
When on the lawn
I heard such a clatter
I sprang from my piece
to see what was the matter
There on the lawn
lay a great big dick
and I knew in an instant
that it had to be Saint Prick
He came down the chimney
like a bat out of hell
I could tell by the crash
the fat fucker had fell
He stuffed all the stockings
with pretzels and beer
and a great big dildo
for my brother, the queer
He rose up the chimney
with a thunderous fart
That motherfucker blew
my chimney apart!
I could hear him retort
As he rode out of sight
"Piss on you all and have one hell
of a night!"


Review This Item




Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2014-12-30 11:09:49 EST (#)

Ha. I don't write for Uber anymore. I learned my lesson.

Submitted by DaBeast at 2014-12-30 10:04:42 EST (#)

True enough, Thorns, and the previous incarnation was much better (brava, you shameless post whore) but you keep popping in and out and your outs grow longer each time and your rhythm is appalling and the music died years ago. Write something new so that I don't have to riff off the old stuff. Consider this smack upside the back of your head entirely complimentary. The cement burns cost extra.

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2014-12-29 10:10:58 EST (#)

Submitted by Bestmate2 at 2014-12-27 17:05:05 EST (#)
Rating: 2

You rascal, you!

Submitted by skrapmetal at 2014-12-27 14:36:22 EST (#)

HappyMerryJoyous ChristmasKwanzaaChannukahPongalMiladUnNabe*

*I left out Festivus because it was just** made up***

**a few years ago

***by the writers of an American TV show****

****and no good has ever***** come of American TV.


Submitted by RoadSong at 2014-12-27 00:22:21 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Twas the night before Doomsday is an instant classic!

Submitted by Darth_Famine at 2014-12-25 13:04:21 EST (#)
Rating: 2

clearly we need more booze at this christmas party, you can still type

Bart: I'll take up smoking and give that up.

Homer: Good for you, son. Giving up smoking is one of the hardest
things you'll ever have to do. Have a dollar.

Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(annoyed grunt)ocious