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Assburgers. Yeah, it's exactly what it sounds like.

Submitted by grÜeMaster emeritus and uberlord supreme at 2015-05-28 16:33:03 EDT
Rating: 2.0 on 1 rating (1 review) (V)

Over the weekend MXLW and I lured some retarded boys over for assplay in the back yard. Lots of fun as my hourly boyfriends took turns shooting loads into MXLW's ginormous ass as I blew them.

Unbeknownst to me until I was being anally penetrated with my George Foreman grill, it so happened that I was out of Santorum-flavored lube. I know: an Uberfag without lube...it's like a Silvr without meth-rotted teeth or CaptainThorns without gravy.
I had to improvise. So, instead of trying to cum up with a substitute, I just cut a slit in MXLW's left flapjack and caught the bacon drippings in several fifty-gallon barrels.

Afterwards I made Smoked Bear Strips for all and ate them out of the boy's asses. Assburgers for asperger's. De-lish!

2 lbs fresh Bear
A lot of chili powder
A lot of garlic powder
A fair bit of cum
A huge block of ass
Black pepper
A box of cheap red wine
Extra Virgin olive oil (heavy on the VIRGIN)
A bunch of Hickory chips.
A few sprigs of rosemary.
A meat tenderizer (use a hammer, then a fork)


Bear was 17 years old, so that's some tough pussy! You've got to tenderize the meat like it pissed you off. You cannot slam the living (dead) shit out of it too much. It's a goddamn cat, for fuck's sake. Wail on that sumbitch!!! Then stab the motherfucker like there's no tomorrow!!
Which, in Bear's case, is true!

-Season with half the spice and all of the cum.
-Place in litter box and cover with the entire box of cheap red wine.
-Cover and place in the refrigerator for 2-3 days (tenderizing and marinating in cheap red wine will break down the connective tissue and cut the litter taste).
-Cry like a bitch on uber while you wait
-Place the old marinade in the water pan of the smoker. Jack off in the pan, mix to taste.
-Cut Bear into 1/4"-wide strips
-Drizzle VIRGIN olive oil and remaining spices onto Bear strips. Coat uniformly.
-Place on the smoker trays, place trays in smoker.
-Heat smoker and add Hickory chips/rosemary sprigs regularly until smoker interior temp has been 180F for at least 20 minutes. Do not allow temp to exceed 200F!
-Remove from smoker, enjoy that shit!


Submitted by grÜeMaster emeritus and uberlord supreme at 2015-05-28 16:32:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

plus fucking two!

I can understand how they wouldn't let in those wild jungle apes, but what
about those really smart ones who live among us who rollerskate and smoke

-- Homer Simpson, on Heaven
The Telltale Head