Hot as BallsSubmitted by pen_name at 2016-02-14 09:07:13 EST
Rating: 1.0 on 3 ratings (5 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
So, it's like, -10 outside right now. I got a dog that comes in with icicles hanging from her lady parts. Kids are walking down the street with enough layers that they look like Randy from a Christmas story, and there's assholes on my facebook throwing boiling water into the air to watch it freeze because they saw it on a youtube video and fuck it if they aren't taking advantage.
Meanwhile my house is so poorly insulated that you got to put on a coat to take a piss. The furnace is running constantly, and while I'm not some nut who gives a shit about energy savings and the environment, it still worries me because I had the motor crap out a couple months ago and I sure as shit would care about paying for one of those fucking things.
Anyway, here's the thing that really pisses me off.
My bedroom is like a lava pit. Only room in the damn house that's insulated, and so well insulated, I have to run a fucking fan in it. Negative fucking ten and I got a fan wafting luke-warm air down my legs and through the gaps in my boxers to my sweaty sack. I spent an hour staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep, thinking of ways to tell the other people in the house that they should get space heaters and take pity on me; but they won't do that because they got Chinese three nights in a fucking row and aw, sorry, no fucking money! They say, "You get a space heater if you want to and leave the door open." Well fuck me if I want to have some private time in my goddamn room. I get the heater and I'm the only asshole in the house with his door open. Whenever they'd see the door closed they'd think "he must be jerking off in there" and they'd be goddamned right, because who would put up with a sweat box unless they were fucking or beating off, and oops, no girlfriend, so that only leaves one option!
Fucking assholes bundled up out there in their cozy 69 degree havens while I'm sitting here waiting for the sleeping pills to kick in. It's fucking horseshit. I'm thinking about opening my window to try to balance the heat but then I'm getting drafts on one side while burning up on the other and who fucking needs to be the only guy in history to get frostbite on one nut.
I'm going to bed. The pills are kicking in. Fuck winter.